25. Will
CHAPTER 25
Will
A day doesn’t go by that I don’t talk to Millie.
We have become inseparable again.
I don’t know what came over me at her parents’ house. I needed her. I needed everyone to see her by my side. Even if it was our closest family and friends, I wanted them to see our hands interlaced.
When the night ended, we went our separate ways because we have a date tonight. Our first real date, and I want to try and find a way to make this all work.
I have to.
If I don’t, I’ll regret it.
What will happen to the shop? I don’t know. It’s something I’m going to have to consider, but I have a meeting with the bank tomorrow to discuss that.
I would love to go a day where I don’t have to be troubled by all the debt the store is in or what awaits me if I go back to the city. At twenty-nine, you’d presume I’d have a lot more figured out.
If I were still with Julia, still engaged, we’d have plans to buy a house together.
But today, I don’t want to dwell on that .
I’m getting ready for the date with Millie. She’s coming over because I planned something special.
I had a little help from Miss Jane for food and drinks. And Grant swung by earlier today to help me with some of the lighting. I’d considered taking her out to a restaurant, but I wanted this night to be special.
And I’m selfish. I don’t want to share her with anyone else. Regardless of where the night goes, I want every moment to be spent with only her. So, the way to reduce the amount of interruptions is to not leave the house.
I’ve finished getting the platter of food to our spot when Millie texts me that she’s on her way.
I make my way downstairs to meet her outside, making sure to stop by my apartment to grab a bouquet of flowers that I was able to take from her parent’s house yesterday. Perks of having a wildflower field.
When I get outside, it’s a bit chilly, but it’s nothing I can’t stand for a few minutes. I wrap my coat tighter as Millie approaches.
“Did you walk here?” I ask.
Like I said, it’s a little chilly. And it’s dark out, which doesn’t add to the falling temperatures.
“Yes, yes. But I’m fine. You told me to wear plenty of layers, remember?”
Millie smiles, and it’s as if the sun has risen and I’m blinded by how pretty it is.
“Are those for me?” she asks.
“What? Oh, yes.” I stumble over my words as I pull the flowers out from behind my back and hand them to her.
She brings them to her nose, closing her eyes as she takes a deep inhale.
“Nothing like fresh flowers,” she says with a smile. “Do you have a vase? Or I can run to?—”
“I have a vase, Mills. Come on,” I say, because of course I do. I’m not going to be in love with someone who sells flowers for a living and not own vases.
Millie goes into the store and I follow, closing the door behind me. I triple check it’s locked and the sign still shows closed before I turn and walk in front of her.
I guide us up the stairs, pausing at my apartment first so we can place her flowers in some water.
Millie takes her outerwear off. “Oh, leave your jacket on,” I say.
“Oh?”
I reach into a high cupboard to grab my tall vase. Millie brings the flowers over, easily finding the scissors where they always are in the kitchen to trim the stems, before plopping them in the water.
“Okay, come on.”
We go back out of the apartment and turn to head to the top of the building. When Millie agreed to the date, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with her. It’s a special place for us, the one spot where we knew we were alone. It isn’t the best in the winter, but I do have two space heaters to help us stay warm in the spring chill.
“The terrace, Will? Brings me back.” Millie chuckles as we climb the stairs.
“I thought it would be a quiet place for us to chat.”
“Is chatting the only thing on the agenda?”
Even though Millie is walking behind me, I know she’s smirking.
“Why don’t you wait and see? I might need the extra warmth.”
She chuckles.
We reach the top of the building and when I open the door, she gasps.
I haven’t been here recently, and even before this trip, I never ventured to this spot. It never felt right to bring Julia somewhere that was special to my relationship with Millie. She saw it once, and that was it. Whenever she’d ask to go there again, I’d make an excuse .
I didn’t want being there with someone else to influence any of my past memories with Millie.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been here,” she comments.
“What? You never snuck up here without me while I was gone?” I ask, guiding us over to a table with two small chairs. It’s not the most comfortable, but I have an air mattress and blankets ready to go when we are done eating.
“Not sure if your grandpa would have wanted me here,” Millie says. “And I wouldn’t have wanted to come here without…”
She trails off, dipping her head in my direction.
“Do you remember the first time we came here?” I ask as we sit. I have a carafe of hot chocolate for us, keeping it nice and cozy tonight. She wouldn’t have wanted anything fancy. I know my girl.
She takes a sip and cuddles the mug closer to her. “Mm, you mean the time you scared the shit out of me?”
“I don’t remember that.” I cover my face with my mug to hide my smile.
“You jumped off a giant damn box, and I thought you were going to fall over the edge.”
“I don’t recall that happening.” I smirk, and she shakes her head. “Anyway, I remember that I was extremely nervous.”
“You were? You never showed it,” Millie says.
“Oh, yeah. I mean, we never hung out much without Jeremy, you know? That was the first time we had time alone.”
“Jeremy was always in the way…”
I chuckle. “Best friends have a way of doing that. But without him, I wouldn’t have you. You know? And I never thought you’d even give me a chance. I thought for sure you were into Grant.”
Millie chokes on the drink in her mouth, almost spitting it out. “Warn a girl before you make a joke, Will. God, no. Are you kidding me? Why would I have been into Grant?”
I shrug.
“I’ve always been into you. There hasn’t been anyone else. And besides, don’t you remember why I came over here in the first place?”
I purse my lips and take a trip down memory lane. “I remember trying every excuse in the book to get you to come over. Broken faucet, not enough sugar, needing a ride…”
“It was when you wanted to add more greenery,” Millie says, looking around. There are still various potted plants that don’t require much care. I had more when I’d travel back to take care of them, but since I’ve been gone for longer, the responsibility has fallen on Grandpa.
“Should have known the way to your heart was through flowers.”
We talk about our memories as we eat from a small charcuterie board. Again, it’s nothing fancy, but it’s perfect. We are able to snack and chat and honestly, it’s great preparation for the talk I want to have with her tonight.
It’s a good reminder of all the good times we had.
I would have thought being on the roof that we would hear the sounds of the main strip, but that’s the nice thing about a small town. Sure, you hear laughter every once in a while, but you aren’t interrupted every thirty seconds. There’s the wind and us. There was supposed to be music, but I forgot to turn it on, purely because I was distracted by Millie and making sure she appeared comfortable out here. I wanted to make sure tonight was perfect for her, for us. If my life is going to shit, I can at least make sure I have a few small moments of peace.
“You know, the day I ended my engagement, Julia asked me if I still had feelings for you,” I tell Millie as I take a bite of a cracker.
“She did? Why?”
“Mhm. I don’t know. I’ve tried to remember if I talked about you too much, or asked Jeremy about you when she was around. It was never meant to be anything more than a friendly inquiry, but she knew our history. And when she asked…I couldn’t say an ything. I froze. I fucking froze. She looked me in the eye and asked me if I loved you, Millie.”
Millie’s eyes widen as she listens to me. With every word I say, the more still she becomes. We’ve never exchanged the three words, but it’s been implied more times than not. It’s kind of what happens when you’ve known someone for your entire life.
“And?” Millie squeaks out the word as if she’s nervous that if she lets herself speak, the dam will open and she’ll admit she feels the same. Or at least, I hope she feels the same.
She has to, right?
There have been no signs that she doesn’t.
And she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t.
That’s what I’m telling myself as she averts her eyes and focuses on her mug.
“And what, Millie? Ask me the question,” I whisper.
“I—” Millie starts to speak, but shakes her head. “No, not tonight. Will, you can’t even tell me if you’re staying.”
I lick my lips. Ugh. So much for moments of peace.
“It’s complicated, Millie.”
“Is it?” she asks, bringing her eyes to me. “I can’t pretend like everything is okay between us, Will. We are fake dating, for fucks sake.” She throws her hands out in the air.
“It’s not fake, Millie.”
“It sure isn’t real, Will.”
I’m stunned into silence. Not sure what to say to her because she’s right. In order for us to be dating, we’d have to discuss the future, and I’m not ready to talk about any of that. I can barely focus on the lessons I have to do with my students.
Tonight was supposed to be the night I found the courage to bare my heart to her. To tell her I’ve never stopped loving her, even when I was with someone else. No one can replace her in my heart, there’s no one that knows me like she does.
“Will, I…” Millie sighs and takes a deep breath. “I told myself I wouldn’t give you the last piece of me until you were able to give me all of you. It doesn’t mean that we can’t still…” she trails off and laughs to herself.
“Are you wanting to use me for my body, Rose?”
“No, no. Jeez. I mean, yes. But, not in that way. I don’t want to stop everything that we’ve been doing. We can’t talk about us and have these conversations until we are both ready. I don’t want to break our bubble.”
I sigh. “It’s going to have to break eventually, love.” I reach over and grab her hand, giving it a squeeze. “I know my life is a mess right now, and I wish it wasn’t.”
“And we have the event that is happening in less than two months. I can’t let that slip by, Will.” She pulls her hand back. “If I do, that’s it for me. No more event business or even thinking I can do anything outside of flowers. And I want to try to do more. I love working with flowers, don’t get me wrong. But I also found another passion, and it’s right there. It’s within reach, I need to figure a few things out.”
I listen as she talks, knowing this night is going to end differently than I thought.
“And that’s why I can’t ask you the question. Not yet.”
“Okay. Want me to walk you home?” I ask.
“I didn’t mean to ruin our night.”
“You didn’t, Millie. You didn’t,” I say, and when I meet her gaze, her eyes well with tears. It breaks me to see her like this. I rush out of my seat, kneeling in front of her, needing to be closer.
“I’m going to say this, and I need you to hear me. Okay?”
Millie stares at me and waits.
“I need words, love. Tell me you hear me.”
“Bossy,” she giggles through her tears.
“We are endgame.”