32. Millie
CHAPTER 32
Millie
I decide to go to my own house instead of going with Will back to his. I need the distance. My head is clouded with everything he admitted to me, and I know it wasn’t his plan to. He’s trying to open up, to be more, even though it goes against everything that he wants.
Except I don’t even know how to help him.
It’s not like I can magically make his debts disappear. That’d take a fucking miracle, and I’m shit out of luck on that front.
When I get home, I slouch on the couch and text the group chat I have with Florence, Ava, and Riley. They messaged earlier asking about Mom and Kristie working at the store. They sent too many gifs and emojis and were yelling at me to reply until somehow they found out I was with Will. They proceeded to send more gifs, but the tone changed from them telling me congratulations to something more sexual, and I wish I didn’t have to see it.
I have to break up with Will.
Florence
The fuck you do.
Ava
Yeah, what she said.
Riley
What! Why!
Too much to explain over text.
Ending my fake relationship with Will is what needs to happen.
Don’t worry. It’ll be okay.
I send the final text and turn my phone on do not disturb, so I don’t know if they respond. I throw on my coat and walk over to Will’s.
When I get to the halfway point, I wish I would have driven. It’s incredibly cold outside. At nearly eleven, the sky is pitch black, so it’s also not the safest thing to be doing.
I’m glad when I finally get to the store and find that the light in his apartment is turned on. How am I going to get inside? It’s not like I have the key anymore to head upstairs. Well, I guess I’ll text him and hope that he’s with his phone.
Hi. I’m downstairs. Can you come let me in?
For a minute I’m worried I made a huge mistake, because there are no signs that he read it. He doesn’t keep his read receipts on, but he’s also not typing a response. Fuck, I should walk back home. This was dumb anyway. I’m not one to make rash decisions. I plan. I make lists. This is going off-script and not something that should be done without thinking about the pros and cons.
I start walking back toward my house when the front door flings open.
“Millie, God, what are you doing out here? Where’s your car?” Will practically yells at me, his anger seeping through his tone when he sees me standing outside.
“I walked.”
He laughs but not in a way that makes me believe he finds this funny. No, it’s in the way that says he can’t believe what’s happening. He palms his beard but doesn’t say anything else.
“Never mind, forget that I came by. It was nothing.” I turn my back to him and walk toward my house.
I don’t get far. Will grabs my arm and stops me, turning me toward him.
“Will, you don’t even have a fucking jacket on.” Not only does he not have a jacket on, but he’s wearing shorts and sandals over his socks.
“I ran out the door. I didn’t know what you needed.”
“You—” I sigh and try to shrug him off me, but he tightens his grip. This man is so infuriating.
“Why are you here, Millie?”
What the fuck is going on right now?
“I came to break up with you.” I stand my ground, letting the words settle in as he stands there freezing his ass off.
But you know what, he deserves it. I’ve decided I’m done playing these games. Sure, he told me what happened today, but with the event planned, he doesn’t need to be tethered to me. I don’t want to be the reason things fall apart.
“The fuck you are.” He pulls on my arm, wanting to guide me back to the store. He’s strong, but I manage to pull back. He stumbles forward. “Millie, come inside the damn store. It’s freezing out here.”
“No. ”
“Millie. Seriously. You can’t break up with me. We aren’t together.” He throws his hands in the air, his voice getting louder with each word.
“Exactly.”
“Fuck. Please. Come inside.” Snow falls around his shoulders, and he shivers against the wind.
But I know if I go inside, I won’t leave.
I shake my head.
“Millie.”
Tears sting my eyes, but I know if I give in, it’ll be even harder.
“Will, I can’t?—”
“Millie, I love you.” He steps toward me, and even though I try to take a step back to avoid him, it’s no use. He closes in on me, grasping my shoulders. “I fucking love you so much. You know, have for a while. Kind of hard to avoid loving you.”
I shake my head more and try to drop my gaze, but I find it hard to tear my eyes away from his.
“I—”
“You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same,” Will says, searching my face for an answer.
“I don’t trust how I feel right now,” I mutter. He shakes his head.
“No, not fucking good enough. You know how you feel. Damnit Millie, you know I’m trying here. I’m standing out in the fucking snow for you. And I’m not letting you go. I’ve already let you go too many times. I should have gotten on one knee ten years ago and professed my love, but it ends now.”
“What—”
And I have no time to ask him what he’s doing or talking about because he throws me over his shoulders before I get the chance.
Yep, this man, who is wearing summer clothes, throws me over his shoulders. And I’m in a large, puffy coat. I’m surprised I don’t slip out of his grip as he turns and walks to the door .
“Will, let me fucking go,” I yell.
“I’ll drop you by accident if you don’t stop moving. This damn coat is slippery, Millie.” Will’s voice is stern. He doesn’t let me go, instead he tightens his grip on me. We aren’t far from the door, so we reach it fairly quickly, but he doesn’t put me down.
He kicks off his shoes, I’m assuming because they are soaked from the snow outside, and he heads to the back of the store.
“You didn’t lock the door!” I screech.
“I’m forcing you to talk, and you’re thinking about the fucking store right now?! It’s fine. It’s not like anyone shops here anyway.” He has the audacity to laugh at himself, like he told a joke.
He takes the stairs to his apartment, his door already open. He did say he ran out after me, so he likely flung the door open and didn’t close it when he left. He uses his foot to kick it closed.
Will storms toward his bed and throws me off his shoulder. I land on the mattress.
“Don’t fucking move.”
“You’re not the boss of me,” I yell.
“God, you’re so infuriating.”
“You’ve known me for this long, and you’re only now figuring that out?” I don’t listen to him. I stand from the bed. I’m prepared for him to fight me over it, but he doesn’t. He takes a step back and runs his hand through his hair, slicking back the small pieces that always fall in front of his face.
“I’m trying to give you an out here,” I say, unzipping my jacket and throwing it on the floor. The longer I had it on, the more suffocating it became. I’m a ball of anger. Being trapped in that fucking coat for any longer only enhanced the feeling of being stuck.
“I don’t need an out, Millie,” he deadpans.
“You could go back to the city.”
“I don’t want to go back to the fucking city.” He’s yelling now.
“What do you want, Will? You haven’t been able to give me a straight answer about anything. And it feels like you’re hiding everything from me. I don’t even know what you feel half the time, you mask everything like you always fucking have. I don’t need your protection, you know.”
We are both seething with anger; our chests rise and fall at a rapid pace.
“You’re the one that didn’t want me, remember?” Will asks.
“I never said that,” I choke out.
“Right, you didn’t want me to tell you I love you. But guess what Millie, I fucking love you.” Will paces in front of me. “I’m dealing with all this debt, and you know, that’s rarely where my mind is. I’m tormented constantly by thoughts of you.”
Will storms close to me. I stand as still as possible, mostly shocked, because I don’t know what he’s going to do.
He grips my face with enough pressure that it would be difficult to look away.
“You.” He searches my face for a beat until I’m looking directly back at him. “You have haunted my dreams for too long. I close my eyes and I picture you. Your hair tangled between my hands, your pretty fucking lips begging for mine to press against them. I’ve wanted you for longer than a few hours for so damn long, don’t you see that?”
I shove at his chest. He goes flying backwards, releasing my face.
“How can I when you were fucking engaged and in a relationship? You left me, Will.”
“I didn’t leave you, Millie. We—God, we were so young. You can’t put our past on me.”
I sit on the bed and drop my head to my hands, resting it there, my gaze on the floor. He’s right. It’s always been a push and pull game between us, but we never talked about anything. We didn’t want to burst the small bubble we had. No one knew about us, knew that we snuck to the roof to spend the small amount of time we had with one another .
“I—I’m not trying to. I know I fucked up too, okay? There were plenty of times I could have told you what you meant to me.” My voice is still raised, even though I don’t mean it to be.
Will’s head hangs, but his eyes peer at me. His gaze is dark beneath his lashes as he says, “Tell me. Now.”
“I—” I shake my head and stand, unable to stop myself from fidgeting. I walk to the kitchen, grab a glass from the cabinet, and proceed to fill it with water. Will watches me from the bedroom, his gaze still lit with fire.
I walk toward the bed and bite my lip, then shake my head again, more for myself than him.
“Say it,” Will commands.
My eyes find his, and I do as he asks. “I love you.”