Chapter 9 Khloe
Khloe
I walked upstairs the moment Kairo left. He said he’d be gone no longer than an hour or two, and maybe that was true but lately, I never really knew what to expect.
I needed a minute to myself. So I did what I always did when I was trying to decompress.
I took my time in the bathroom. I pulled off my lashes, wiped off my makeup, and stood in the shower until the water turned lukewarm.
I got out and moisturized my entire body before putting on my thick robe. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the man Stack’s contact from when Niv sent it over.
I stared at his name for a while, and my thoughts started spiraling.
Do I just text him and say… what?
“Hey, Niv told me about you and I figured I’d reach out since I’m thinking about using you for this hall pass my husband suggested.”
Like… What kind of deranged shit is that?
I shook my head. It’s a perfect example of why I didn’t do shit like that. I should’ve just bought another damn toy and kept it pushing. The toys didn’t have me expecting a conversation and a personality check.
I flopped back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. “This is so stupid,” I said to myself.
I called Niv, and she answered like she was out of breath “Hello?”
“You outside?” I asked.
“Yeah, just went for a jog with Zejah and Huxley. What’s up?”
“I think I’m having a mental breakdown.”
“Because of Stacks?”
“Because of life,” I sighed. “But yes, also him. I’ve been staring at his name for ten minutes and I don’t know what the hell to say without sounding crazy. Like, hey… I’m Khloe, I heard your dick comes highly recommended and I’m thinking about trying it?”
Niv yelled laughing. “Girl, what?! Not you putting it like that.”
I rolled my eyes even though she couldn’t see me. “I’m serious, Niv. What do you even say to a sneaky link? We don’t know each other. This shit is weird. I feel like I’m shopping for dick.”
“Well, are you trying to get to know him, or are you just trying to fuck?”
I paused.
“Exactly,” she said. “Because if it’s just sex, then keep it short and cute. But if you’re looking for something to scratch the itch AND stimulate your brain, then no ma’m. Hell, better yet, don’t even do the shit.”
That threw me off. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you’re setting yourself up for nothing good. You’re still married, Khloe. Hall pass or not. You go in, get what you want, and get out. You don’t ask favorite colors and childhood traumas.”
I sat up straighter on the bed. “I’m not trying to mentally fall for someone, Niv. I’m not even wired like that. But I’m also not trying to fuck someone whose brain cells are nonexistent. I just want to ask simple things—like who are you? What do you do? Are you emotionally unstable? Like… basics.”
Niv laughed so hard I had to pull the phone from my ear. “Oh yeah, I can definitely tell you never really dated before. Better yet, you have never lived. Girl, you’re doing too damn much.”
I groaned dramatically. “See? This is too much. I can’t even have a heaux phase in peace.”
“That’s because you’re not built for the heaux phase!” she said between laughs. “You want a structured heaux phase with good convo, mutual respect, and follow-up texts. That’s not how this works.”
“Okay, so what now? Just ignore the whole thing?”
Niv exhaled.. “Yes, please. Forget I even sent you Stacks’ number. You and that man are from two different planets.”
I laughed softly. “You’re right. It’s just too much mentally… and I already got a full plate.”
“Exactly. Recenter your focus,” she said in her I’m-being-your-wise-homegirl voice. “And next time we get together, we’ll go back to the drawing board. I’ll come up with something lighter… like a blow up doll for you to fuck or some shit.”
I laughed. “Alright, girl. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Love you.”
“Love you more.”
I hung up, tossed my phone to the side, and stared at the ceiling again.
This is what you always do, my inner voice whispered. You get close to doing something for yourself and then let somebody else’s logic or expectations talk you out of it.
Every time I found the nerve to put me first, I let someone else’s fear, opinion, or wisdom pull me back in line to convince me that it was the “right” thing to do.
That it was “smart” or “safe.” I did that shit with my career, I did it in motherhood, and I damn sure did it in my marriage by prioritizing Kairo’s peace over my own.
I turned on my side. I wasn’t mad at Coffee or Niv.
They were doing what good friends do, trying to protect me.
But I was tired of always needing protection.
Tired of sitting on the sidelines of my own life, tired of being the fixer, the peacekeeper, the one who made sure everybody else was okay even when I wasn’t.
I wanted to feel something. I wanted to feel alive.
So I whispered to myself, Just do it. Text him before you talk yourself out of it again.
I didn’t give myself time to overthink.
I pulled up the thread Niv had sent me, clicked his contact to text, and then typed:
Hey, this is Khloe. Is this Stacks?
And hit send before I could change my mind.
I sat there staring at the text like it was a ticking bomb. Nothing happened at first, and for a split second I told myself good. Maybe he wouldn’t respond. Maybe it would fizzle out, and I could pretend I never sent it.
Then my phone lit up with an incoming call. My heart dropped.
Bitch, answer.
I sat up straight panicking before I finally accepted and brought it to my ear.
“Hello?” I said, way too breathy.
A deep laugh came through the line. “You had to think about answering the phone, huh?”
His voice was smooth and I could feel myself smiling.
“It’s okay. I was gonna text you back, but I’m at the gym right now and knew I wasn’t gonna be consistent with it, so I figured I’d just call.”
“Aww, okay,” I said, trying to sound casual, but inside I appreciated that.
“Well, you can finish your workout and text me later. I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re fine,” he said. “I got my AirPods in. You got me for a minute.”
My heart did this thing where it like paused and warmed all at once. That gesture of not being pushed to the side, but being prioritized, even mid-bench press… did something to me.
I cleared my throat trying to think of what to say next. “Well, I’m not sure what all Niv told you, but…”
“She told me enough,” he said quickly, amused.
I opened my eyes wide. “And what was enough?”
I could hear weights clinking in the background. He was definitely working out.
“She spoke very highly of you before asking for a favor. She said you’re in something really serious… but something about a hall pass was granted.”
I sighed, loud enough for him to hear it. “Ugh. Yeah, about that…”
He laughed like he enjoyed how awkward I sounded. “Go ‘head.”
“I mean, she told me not to go through with it anymore.”
“Why?”
“Because,” I groaned. “She said I was doing too much. That I was overthinking it by trying to talk and get to know you a little, and she told me just to basically scratch the itch and get out.”
“Mmm,” he hummed. “I get that. But you actually make a lot of sense.”
“I do?”
“Yeah. I wanted to do the same. There’s such a thing as soul ties when it comes to sex. That stuff is real. People carry weight. And that energy is transferable. I’m careful about that.”
My body relaxed. It felt good to know that I wasn’t insane for wanting a little more than just a quick nut.
“I knew I wasn’t crazy,” I said, half-laughing.
“Niv’s batshit,” he joked. “So listening to her is always a coin toss. I love her, though. I’m proud of her for everything she’s done. We don’t talk like we used to since I moved, but she knows I’m one phone call away. Always.”
I couldn’t help myself. “If you don’t mind me asking… where do you live now?”
His breathing changed like he was mid-set. “Nah, I don’t mind. I still live in Stonehaven, just further north in the suburbs.”
I didn’t even realize I’d let out a relieved breath until he chuckled. I hated Gun Hill.
“Yeah,” he said, catching it. “I grew up in Gun Hill. But after my son was born, I wanted something different for him. I needed to put distance between him and that life.”
My lips parted in surprise. “You have a son?”
“Yeah. He’s ten. My entire world.”
“Aww.” I smiled. “That’s beautiful. I have a daughter. She’s almost sixteen.”
“Whew,” he said with a low whistle. “You are in the thick of it then.”
“Don’t remind me.” I laughed. “She’s got a mouth on her and more personality than I ever had at that age. But she’s my girl.”
“I feel you. Mine is still in the goofy stage, but I know that attitude is coming.”
We both laughed and it felt so natural that it made me forget why I was nervous in the first place. I curled my legs up underneath me on the bed and stared at the phone.
“So… what do you do for a living?” I asked, then immediately caught myself. “Wait! Sorry, if this is too much. Let me know when I’ve reached my limit on questions.”
He laughed. “There is no limit. You can ask me whatever. I like talking anyway, and this is already fun.”
That made me smile so hard I had to look away from the screen.
“I used to work in finance,” he continued. “Now I’m a full-time day trader.”
I sat up straighter. “Okay, that’s interesting. I really don’t know any day traders.”
“Seriously?” he asked, sounding surprised.
“Dead serious,” I said, laughing. “But I’m a real estate attorney, so it’s probably because I’m not in that world… or because I’m a mom who’s always busy with no social life to meet any.”
He chuckled. “That makes sense. My son’s with me on the weekends, and those two days? Man, a social life is nonexistent. You basically become their concierge, chef, Uber, and entertainment director.”
“Exactly!” I laughed. “See, you get it!”
“Hell yeah I get it. But thank you for letting me know this shit is not gon’ get any better.”
We both burst out laughing again. It felt so good to share parent humor with someone who truly understood.