Chapter 29 #3
He held my face in both his hands. “You fought him every day in Seattle, and you’re still fighting him now, like a goddamn firecracker in the face of his bullshit. You’re so fucking fearless.”
“I’m not fighting him,” I said on a shaky breath, unable to meet Boston’s eyes. “We’re married. He’s here in this house. He got everything he wanted. He’s won.”
“Look at me,” Boston demanded.
I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to face him given everything he’d just told me. He’d seen the worst of me. The parts of my past I’d worked so hard to bury and never show to anyone.
“Dempsey, look at me,” he said again, gentler this time.
Reluctantly, I lifted my gaze.
“He hasn’t won. Because you still haven’t given in to him.
” He cupped my jaw. “He doesn’t get to parade you around his world like a piece of cattle he sold to the highest bidder.
Because of your decision to be with the Aston brothers, he doesn’t get to control you like he wants to.
He doesn’t get to walk you out at parties like a fucking circus act, because you won’t let him.
He can’t get you back under his control so he can drag you back to hell with him and force you to punch out heirs for me because you keep fighting him every day. ”
My surprise at his mention of my father’s demand for a baby must have shown on my face. Boston knew. And after this conversation, I knew he’d never force me into that when I didn’t want it.
He stroked my cheek again, and I leaned into the touch. “He doesn’t get to show you off on the arm of the killer he forced you to marry either.”
My face crumpled and I shook my head, tears flowing harder. “That’s not who you are.”
“It’s exactly who I am.”
I shook my head, my frustration growing, tears trickling from my eyes.
“A mindless killer wouldn’t have gotten out of the car when he saw my father beating me.
He wouldn’t have turned every lead cold when I ran.
And he wouldn’t have come here to protect me after my father found me.
A killer wouldn’t have cared about any of that, Boston. ”
He dropped his forehead to mine. “You’ve got to stop trying to find the good in me. I did all of those things for myself, because I’m a selfish asshole who couldn’t stay the hell away from you.”
I swallowed, trying to stem the tears slowly falling down my cheeks. Because there was a question that had been playing on my mind. One I had to ask even if I didn’t want to.
“When you came here… when you first came to the manor…” I said weakly, bracing for his response.
He pulled back, his expression shuttering right in front of my eyes.
“I came here knowing I’d finally get the chance to talk to you, to see for myself that you were okay.
” He shook his head slowly, his eyes going distant again.
“When you opened the door and I saw you standing there alive, it was the best moment of my life.” He sighed so wearily I wanted to hold him and take it all away.
“Then it was followed by the worst moment of my life. I knew instantly from the way the Aston brothers rallied around you that you were theirs. I’d lost you. ”
He stilled, his words filled with so much longing, my heart broke.
“I was too late and you’d moved on without ever knowing what you meant to me.”
My expression crumpled, the tears flowing harder. “If I’d known you…”
“It wouldn’t have mattered. You never would have chosen who I was in Seattle. I was another version of your father, and I still am.” Boston’s voice was quieter and more pained. “But the problem for me was that even despite the Astons, I was still completely gone for you.”
Silence hung between us, both of us a little broken by what we’d shared and what had passed between us tonight.
Boston let out the most heartbreaking breath. “I couldn’t leave you here with your father and hope that the Astons wouldn’t fuck it up again and let him get to you. But when I spoke to you that day in the CCU parking lot, I realized you hated me.”
I opened my mouth to explain. To protest. But he shook his head.
“I knew in that moment that the way I felt about you wasn’t even remotely the way you felt about me, and it never would be. Because not only were you in love with three other guys, but you believed every word of the reputation my father had orchestrated for me, and who could love that?”
“Boston, stop…” I tried to reach for him again, but he wouldn’t let me touch him.
His expression pinched tight with emotion.
“If I had been the good guy you think I am, I would have stayed out of sight after that. I would have stayed in the shadows. But I’m a selfish son of a bitch, Dempsey.
When I realized how you reacted to me being here, how much it riled you when I followed you like I had back in Seattle…
I couldn’t stop it. Having your attention in any kind of way was better than not at all, because I was addicted to you, Dempsey. I still am.”
I swiped at my cheeks, breathing deeply to stem the flow of tears sliding down my face.
Boston stared back at me. “I’m not a good person. I’m not good for you and my world will ruin you. It’s why you ran from it. But I’ve been too fucking selfish to stay away from you.”
His words struck my soul and left me numb.
He knew my past and it hadn’t sent him running from me, instead he’d closed in, secretly protecting me for years, even when he’d known that I was likely never going to feel the same way about him.
“The way you looked at me earlier tonight with Trent. The fear in your eyes that I was going to kill him…” His expression turned tortured again. “You were afraid of me.”
“No,” I said firmly. “I wasn’t afraid of you. I was afraid for you.”
His brow pinched, expression wary like he didn’t believe me.
“That day at the beach, the day we went riding… you told me that your reputation and the person you were didn’t align. That you might never be able to escape your old life. You don’t have to be that person here. I don’t want that for you, even in defense of me.”
He stared at me, listening intently.
“I could not have cared less about Trent’s welfare tonight. That guy is a monster, and the world would be better off if he was put down. I wasn’t afraid of you. I didn’t want you to do something that you’d end up regretting. I wasn’t about to let anyone steal another piece of who you really are.”
Boston’s silence made my heart pound against my chest.
“You’re not…” he started, then abruptly stopped. He lifted his head, eyes pained and voice so quiet. “I don’t know how to do this. Before tonight, I’d accepted that I’d never get to have you.”
Without hesitating, I crawled into his lap and straddled him, needing to be closer to him. His arms came around me on instinct, and I relished the feel of it, clinging to him.
“Yes, you do,” I said, imploring him. “You had me tonight with Presley. And you get to have me for as long as you want me. Look at everything you’ve done for me, Boston.” I took his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. “It’s me who doesn’t deserve you.”
“Don’t fucking say that.” His voice was husky with emotion.
“It’s true. You’ve looked out for me for years, even when it would have been easier to turn your back on me and walk away. I’ve done nothing to deserve that kind of loyalty from you.”
His hands trailed up my sides, his touch both sweet and possessive all at the same time. “I’d do anything for you, Dempsey.”
We stared at each other for a moment, the full range of emotion we’d experienced tonight hanging between us.
Then I dipped my head and pressed my mouth to his.
He kissed me back with a fervor that consumed me. His giant hands tightened at my back, pressing my body closer to his until we were melded together. Those same hands disappeared under my shirt, brushing over my skin and making me shiver with need.
“Take it off,” I demanded.
He obeyed, tugging my shirt up and over my head, tossing it to the floor. His mouth found mine again immediately, like he couldn’t breathe without me.
“Now yours,” I murmured against his mouth, desperate to feel his bare skin against mine.
We broke apart, and he gripped the material at the back of his neck, pulling his shirt over his head and discarding it.
I ran my fingers over his pecs and down his abs. “You’re stunning.”
He huffed a disbelieving sound. “You’re beautiful.”
His mouth closed over mine, and he twisted us so I fell back on the bed. I gasped at the delicious weight of his body on top of me. He kissed me with so much need and longing I was overwhelmed with emotions.
“I want to be with you,” I said, my voice more timid than it had ever been.
We’d both sliced ourselves open tonight, reopening wounds that had been long stitched up and watched each other bleed. Maybe sex was the last thing on his mind, but I wanted that closeness with him. To feel him become part of me.
His gaze locked with mine as he held himself over me. “I want you more than I want to fucking live.”
I reached between us, cupping him through his pants, and he groaned, dropping his head to my shoulder.
“You don’t understand how long I’ve dreamed about you. To have you touching me at all is enough to send me over the edge.”
I melted at his words. “I want to touch you everywhere. I want to take you everywhere.”
His mouth dropped to mine, his kiss desperate and urgent. His fingers slid inside my underwear, toying with my clit and making me a panting mess within seconds.
“Boston…” I breathed, my back arching off the bed at the way his fingers toyed with me. “Boston, stop, I’m going to come.”
His lips closed over mine, his tongue invading my mouth. “I want you to soak my fingers.”
I reached between us again, this time sliding my hand inside his pants to stroke him. “Come with me.”
Boston squeezed his eyes shut, his jaw going slack as he focused on the sensation I was offering.
“I want you to fuck me so badly,” I breathed. “I want to know what you feel like inside me.”