Chapter 8
“Damn, you don’t look like a nigga whose album just hit number four on the charts,” Logic teased as he entered the kitchen. My chef was making breakfast as I sipped on my morning tea.
“What’s up?” I greeted him even though I wanted to tell him to get the fuck out of my face. I wasn’t a morning person, and I hated being around people who were too bubbly in the morning.
“You good? My phone has been blowing up all night. The world is in a frenzy since you did your surprise drop and reveal.”
“Oh yeah?” The news was great, but I would be lying if I said I wanted to celebrate right now. My mood had been fucked up since last night. What was supposed to be a magical moment turned into something I couldn’t even describe.
“Hello! Nigga, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“What do you want me to say, LJ? You’re sitting here acting as if you weren’t there for the shit show that took place last night.
I’m not in the mood to celebrate right now.
Shit, I’m still tryna wrap my head around what happened.
” I was fuming. My emotions were all over the place, and I couldn’t pinpoint where to even start to unpack my feelings.
“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry, bro. I was so caught up in the excitement that I almost forgot about the shit that happened. I’m gonna assume that the ride home wasn’t any better.”
“She hates me. I understood her being upset because I fucked up, but she looked at me as if I meant nothing to her. I mean, I guess I deserve it, but it didn’t make me feel any better.”
“Can you honestly blame her, though?” I glanced over at him so he could elaborate.
“What do you mean? You know something I don’t?
” Naiari was a sore spot for me, so I made a point of not bringing her name up until now.
Most of the people around me were new, so I was able to escape any questions concerning her, but it was different with Logic.
I never asked whether the two of them had been in contact over the years, but I assumed not, based on how Nova reacted last night.
“I love you, bro, but you broke that girl's heart. Don’t get me wrong; you were dealing with some tough shit, but she didn’t deserve to be left in the dust. Ari loved you, and she would have stood by your side through whatever.
Instead, you broke up with her and completely shut her out.
We were all devastated the day you were arrested, but Ari was damn near inconsolable.
She could barely sleep, because you were her only concern.
She worried about how you were holding up and if you were sleeping at night.
She cried and prayed for you constantly, and it got to a point where Nova and her momma had to force her to eat.
“When we talked, you never mentioned that you planned to end things with her, but they didn’t believe me. I don’t think you were wrong for trying to set her free, but I do believe you could have handled things . . . better,” Logic explained. I sighed, recalling what I was facing during that time.
The courts were going back and forth about whether or not I should be charged with voluntary manslaughter, first-degree, or second-degree murder.
The prosecution tried to paint me as some monster who planned to murder my mother’s man, and they used her testimony as the final nail in my coffin.
My mind was in a frenzy, trying to figure out where I had gone wrong.
On one end, I didn’t regret trying to protect my family, but I wished I had taken the time to think things through.
The day Lyric called me screaming, I instantly sprang into action without any thought of what the possible outcome could be.
When I stepped into the house and saw my mother on the ground, seemingly lifeless, all rationality went out of the window.
I called out for Lyric, but she never answered.
I searched the house for her, and when I reached her room, I found her on the bedroom floor, with Tone standing over her.
She had been beaten, and when I stepped into the room, his pants were down.
All I saw was rage as I rushed him. I never paid attention when his head hit the edge of the bed.
All I saw was red as I unleashed all the pent-up anger I held inside.
When I realized he was unconscious, it was too late, and he was gone.
Everything happened so quickly that I barely had time to react before they were carting me off to jail.
There were so many things I regretted about that night, and I wished I could have gone back and changed what happened, but life didn’t work that way. Naiari had every reason to be upset with me, but I still wished she would have at least given me the chance to explain why I made the choices I made.
I never should have cut her off, but I let my frustrations get the best of me. For the last seven years, I tried my best to put my thoughts about her on the back burner, so I could get through my bid.
After I fired my first attorney, I found one who was willing to fight for me.
He filed an appeal, including a motion to submit evidence that the DA refused to include in the original trial.
I had a clean record up until the night I killed Tone, and I had no record of violence at all.
Even some of the neighbors testified about Tone’s abusive behavior and the constant fighting between my mother and Tone, including the multiple police visits to the house for disturbance.
After reviewing all of the new information, along with my good behavior in prison, they released me with time served and no probation.
The judge let me know that he was sticking his neck out for me because he believed it was an honest lapse in judgement.
When I came home, I hit the ground running and never looked back. I thought about Naiari, but I figured she was better off without me. I guess I hadn’t considered how things would look to her.
“Man, I don’t know what to do. Last night, she called me a fraud.
She said she didn’t want my apologies after I abandoned her and started a new life.” If only she understood how complicated life had been for me.
“Well, you can’t blame her. We may know the truth, but she doesn’t.
All she knows is that you were in prison, you broke up with her, and now you’re a famous rapper.
She has no idea what type of sacrifices you had to make in order to be where you are right now.
” My jaw flexed thinking about the choices I made all those years ago.
At first, I thought it was the best decision for all of us, but seeing Cocoa last night reminded me how much my decisions truly cost me.
“This shit is crazy. I never thought I would see her again, and to know that she hates me is a punch to the gut if I’m honest. The moment I laid eyes on her, all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms. To have her so close to me and not be able to comfort her burned me up.
” There were so many things I chose to bury years ago, because they were too painful for me to face while I served my sentence.
Now it felt like everything was coming back to me all at once, and it overwhelmed me.
“You need to sit down and tell her the truth. She has the right to know the whole truth. Lay it all on the table so that she can decide with all of the facts.”
“Here you go, sir.” My chef, Natalia, set my plate in front of me.
“Would you like me to fix a plate for you as well, Mr. Brooks?” she asked Logic, who eagerly took a seat next to me.
“Yes, please. I need bigger portions than his ass, though. I’m not on a diet.”
I chuckled, taking a moment to pray over my food. I never understood the point of blessing your food as a youngin, but after all the hell I’d endured, I learned to pray for and over any and everything in my life.
“Can I get a glass of OJ, too? This nigga over here sippin’ tea like somebody’s frail ass granny.” Logic huffed.
“Bro, fuck you. Don’t worry about what I have going on. I’m trying to take care of my body and stay fit and healthy. You’re gonna fuck around and be walking around with man boobs and a beer belly if you don’t take better care of yourself,” I explained. That was another thing I picked up in prison.
There wasn’t much to do in there to occupy your time, so I worked out multiple times a day.
The food they served us had no nutritional value, so I tried to make the most of what I had.
Once I got out, I went on a raw diet for a month to completely reset my system.
I wasn’t obsessive about my health, but I made it a priority.
My team already had a tour planned for me, so I needed to make sure my body and vocals were prepared.
“You sound crazy. I might not eat the best, but I’ll be damned if I let myself get that damn big. Damn, this French toast is bussin.” Logic stuffed more food in his face as if it were his last meal.
“When are you gonna reach out to her again?” I dropped my fork on my plate when he asked that question.
“I’m not sure if I should. Based on the way she reacted, she doesn’t want anything to do with me.
Yeah, I could explain everything that happened, but then what?
We can’t get the last seven years back. Plus, she has a man, so it’s not like we can pick up where things left off.
” When she mentioned having a man, it made me sick to my stomach.
I had no right to feel that way, but it was the truth.
“Naw, you’re tripping. You don’t even sound like my brother. Since when did you start giving up so easily? I don’t even know who you are, talking crazy like this.”
“I don’t know. I guess I need to take some time to think about it.” It was too early to have a drink, but the thought crossed my mind.
“Fatima said that she’s been trying to get in touch with you all morning. Where is your phone?” Logic inquired.