Chapter 21
“Daddy! We want to go to the park.” Keyami woke me up from my nap.
I hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the couch, but I was so tired when I made it home.
I performed at two local events last night and didn’t finish until three in the morning.
As soon as I stepped inside, I kicked off my shoes and passed out on the couch.
“Daddy’s tired, Mimi. Let me sleep for a few more hours, and then I’ll take you to the park, okay?” My arm was covering my face, so I couldn’t see her reaction. I would bet money she was pouting.
“Why are you always so sleepy? You work all the time, and we don’t get to see you that much.”
My heart was crushed. I spent the last few weeks fighting about my schedule, and I thought I was making headway by keeping a large chunk of my shows local. The idea of my children thinking I wasn’t there for them ate me up inside.
Sitting up on the couch, I pulled her into my lap. She held her doll as she looked up at me. My children never had to tell me they loved me because I could see it in the way they looked at me. You would think I was some kind of hero.
“I’m sorry, Mimi. Daddy has been working a lot because I’m trying to take care of you and your siblings. I don’t like being away from you, but right now, I have to be gone a lot more than I want to be.”
“I know, daddy. I’m really proud of you, but I wish you could stay home with us. We never get to play with you anymore.”
Keyami broke my heart with every word she spoke, but I tried not to let it show.
“I’ll tell you what. I’m gonna book a vacation for all of us to go together. We can all spend time as a family and maybe find a beach where we can put our feet in the sand. How does that sound?”
“Does Noodle and Auntie Lyric get to come?” she inquired. They treated Symphonee as if she were another sibling.
“Of course. Uncle Logic will be there, too. Everyone is gonna be there.
“Yes! I can’t wait! When are we leaving?”
“Let me check my schedule, and I’ll see when we can go. Give me a couple of days, and I’ll let you know. I love you, baby girl,” I affirmed, kissing her on the top of her head.
“I love you, too, Daddy! I’m gonna go tell Nugget and Teeny we’re going on vacation!” She kissed my cheek before racing off to find her siblings.
I listened to the sound of her feet stomping up the stairs as I lay upright on the couch. Within a minute, I felt myself dozing off, even though I tried to stay awake. My body jerked when I felt someone straddle me. The smell of her vanilla-and-salted-caramel bodywash captivated my senses.
“Had a long night, huh?” Cocoa giggled, placing kisses all over my face. My hands wrapped around her waist, then I reached down and grabbed a handful of her thick ass.
“Mmm, Bonjou, Cheri.” (Good morning, baby.) I leaned forward, smashing my lips against hers. Everything about her was soft and warm, turning me on without even trying.
“Good morning, superstar. What time did you get in last night? I saw Logic posting videos around one, and I fell asleep.”
“I got in around three and crashed on the couch. I half expected you to wake me up and force me to come to bed.” My eyes ran over her body.
I never understood how someone could become obsessed with another human, but I got it now.
Every inch of her was as perfect as the next.
Her pretty eyes sparkled as she stared at me with love and adoration.
“I love you. Do you know that?”
“I’m relearning.”
“Well, you better learn and well. I know we still have a lot of work to do, but this is what I want. You’re the only woman in this world I want to share all of my wins and losses with. We were cheated out of love the first time around, but I’m coming back for what’s mine.”
“I still don’t understand why you and Noodle don’t come live at my house. There is plenty of room, and I would be able to spend more time with y’all.”
Lyric sighed as she moved around her kitchen. She lived in a nice condo, but it was nothing in comparison to my house.
“I love you, Brother, and I miss you more than words, but you’re tripping.”
“What am I tripping about? I think it would be a good idea. Noodle would be around the kids more. You’ll have more support there, too,” I tried to reason. Being away for so many years not only made me paranoid, but it also gave me attachment issues. I wanted everyone I loved close to me.
“Keynauri, I’m a grown woman. As much as I love your house, I love my personal space and freedom as well. Not to mention the fact that you and Ari are back together. She and the twins are living with you full-time now, which means there are even more people in the house. Thanks, but no thanks.”
My face was balled up in a frown, and I wasn’t sure how to feel. On one hand, I understood where she was coming from, but it didn’t change the fact that I wanted my family together.
“Basically, you’re telling me you want to be free to sneak around and be a hot girl without me knowing.
” While she was a good mother to Symphonee, she was a party girl.
She stayed in the clubs, partying with her friends.
She claimed that she was hosting most of those events, but the few times I went on her stories, all I saw was her shaking her ass and taking shots with her hoe ass friends.
It was one of the reasons I wanted her with me. I was worried about the choices she was making. Yes, she was young and should be able to have her fun, but I wanted to make sure she wasn’t doing anything reckless that could cost her later on in life.
“Exactly. I’m grown, and I don’t need you monitoring me.
At the end of the day, I like taking care of myself.
Besides, I want to be able to bring a nigga home without them getting the third degree.
You have daughters of your own, so you need to focus your attention on them.
I’m too old for you to try and raise me now,” she vented.
“You’ll always be my little baby, L-Boogie.
It doesn’t matter how old you get, I’m gonna have eyes on you to make sure you’re safe.
If you don’t want to move in, I’ll accept it for now.
As long as you know I’m here for you no matter what.
You never have to worry about anything as long as I’m breathing, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide things because you think I don’t understand. ”
I watched her gulp and turn her head away from me.
As I told her before, I noticed things, but I may not necessarily speak about what I see.
There were a couple of things I peeped since being home, but I decided not to pressure her about them.
At the end of the day, she was grown. My only concern was her safety and happiness.
“I appreciate you, brother, and I know I can count on you for whatever. All I’m asking is for you to allow me to grow and make my own mistakes. I don’t need you to try to fix me. There isn’t shit wrong with me. I’m young, and I want to enjoy it while I can.”
I nodded in understanding. I couldn’t promise I would never overstep my boundaries, but I would try my best.
“Momma’s been blowing up my phone like crazy since you’ve been home,” Lyric informed me.
I scoffed at the mention of my birth giver.
I hadn’t laid eyes on the bitch since she sat on the stand and testified against me.
I never felt so angry and disgusted at the same time.
She begged the judge to give her only son the maximum sentence as justice for the love she lost. That was the day I became a motherless child.
An orphan. Right in the courthouse, I buried my mother in my mind and never turned back.
“I don’t know why she would be looking for me. We don’t have shit to talk about.” I grumbled.
“It’s what I tried to tell her. She kept throwing around the fact that she was our mother as if it somehow rectified all of the damage her actions caused.
There were so many days when I cried and wished I never called you that day.
All you were trying to do was protect us, something she never bothered to do.
” Lyric wiped the tears from her face as my jaw flexed.
The courts wanted me to express remorse for my actions, but the truth was, I didn’t regret killing him. If I had any regrets at all, it would have been trying to protect our sorry-ass mother. She didn’t deserve it.
“You know I can’t stand to see you cry. I’m still fucked up about what happened back then, but it wasn’t your fault.
If I could have gone back in time, I would have gotten us out of there sooner and left her ass in the dust. Naiari begged me not to go over there, but all I saw was red.
I was tired of Momma bringing those sorry-ass niggas around to fuck with us.
” I reflected on how much one split decision stripped me of everything I ever loved and needed.
My kids loved me as if we never missed any time, but it wasn’t my reality.
Sometimes I stood in their rooms and watched them sleep.
It broke my heart to reconcile with all the milestones I had missed and would never be able to experience.
“Everyone is always telling me, she’s the only mother I have, but no one ever holds her accountable.
When I went to stay with Trina, she never bothered to come get me.
She lost Tone and decided she no longer wanted to be a mother.
Then, when she found out about Symphonee, she had the nerve to go off on Trina for not keeping a close enough eye on me as if she, herself, wasn’t out there running the streets freely, without a care in the world.
“She only calls my phone when she needs money. For some reason, she has it in her mind that we owe her for the shitty parenting she did. I’ve given her a few dollars here and there, but I refused to let her use me as a crutch.”