Chapter 16
T he Next Afternoon
This morning, the wedding party went to try on our gowns and suits for the wedding. We loaded up the Sprinter, and of course, I just so happened to be seated next to Rasheed.
When he held my hand, I let him.
All morning, we kept stealing glances at each other, and the tension that came from this new territory was loud between us.
When it consumed me, I let it.
After everyone was fitted and the necessary adjustments had been taken care of, we went to grab tacos.
That was Paisley’s idea, because we both loved them.
Rasheed and I sat next to each other, and we shared a sampler that had two of each of their six taco flavors.
My legs were tossed over his as we talked and ate.
When our people made comments about our connection, I let them.
I couldn’t imagine how weird we looked because of how close we’d gotten in such a small amount of time, but I didn’t care. It felt good. It felt safe. It felt real. And most importantly—the feelings felt reciprocated.
We decided to go to the mall and then the beach, where we took pictures, bar hopped, and ate some of the best Mexican hot dogs the world had to offer.
Out of nowhere, thunderstorms ended our day, and we all rushed to the Sprinter.
Since only Grandma and Auntie JJ had the mind to check the weather and bring umbrellas, Daddy, Jason, Rasheed, and Tyler took turns holding the umbrella for the older family members while the younger ones made a run for it.
Normally I wouldn’t have wanted to get my hair wet, but I was in such a good mood I didn’t care. As I ran toward the front door, I giggled, but it turned into a gasp when I almost fell into a puddle.
“Whoa, watch out, sweetheart,” Rasheed said, swooping me off my two left feet.
“You keep saving me,” I mumbled bashfully.
“I always will.” His large hand pushed my slick hair off my face.
“You’ll always be safe with me.” The fact that he pressed his hand over my heart when he said it made tears fill my eyes.
It wasn’t just physically that I needed protection, but emotionally and mentally too.
At the gas station, he kept me from falling off the edge.
Every time I found myself flustered over what I was feeling for him, he knew just what to say to calm my nerves to make the feeling less scary.
Though we chuckled over me almost falling, the longer we stared into each other’s eyes, the more our smiles fell.
It seemed our mouths wanted to be used in a better way.
Rasheed dropped the umbrella as our lips connected for a kiss that sent a literal shock through me.
I’d been kissed well before, but I was so in sync with Rasheed our mouths moved as one.
Quiet moans and sighs escaped me as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss.
I cupped his cheek to hold him in place, not wanting the kiss to end.
I wasn’t sure how long we were out in the rain, holding each other and kissing, but the rain started to let up when we finally pulled away. As the sun started to peek out, it illuminated the beautiful darkness of Rasheed’s eyes.
And as I stared into them, I realized I didn’t just like this man…
I was falling in love with him.
“Nah, birthdays are too special for some bullshit like that,” Rasheed said with a shake of his head.
He, Tyler, and Jason were lounging by the pool with me, Paisley, and Shayla.
The sun had come out and stayed out, so since we didn’t feel like going back to the beach, we came out to the pool instead.
We were talking about a lot of random shit, but somehow, we got on the topic of birthdays.
I admitted I wanted a do-over for my thirty-fifth birthday.
I’d been really excited about it but the bullshit with Houston made me so upset I didn’t do much of anything I wanted to do.
I just took myself shopping and did a staycation at my favorite hotel in Dallas.
“Same with us,” Paisley replied. “We celebrate each other. We never make our own birthday plans in our family.”
“That’s how it should be,” Rasheed said. “It’s a celebration of your life and it should be done by the people who are grateful to have you in theirs.”
“I know, right? I be so annoyed when people expect me to plan a trip or party for my birthday,” Shayla added. “I ain’t paying for you on my day. The fuck?”
We all laughed because that was certainly one thing we didn’t play about.
“What do you want to do for your do-over?” Rasheed asked, eyes on me.
“I don’t know. I’m really just talking shit. I can wait until December and turn up then.”
“Nah, that ain’t good enough, sis,” Jason rejected.
“Agreed,” Tyler chimed in. “We gotta turn up at the six month mark, then again for you in December.”
“I like that idea,” Paisley said. “It has to be after our honeymoon though so we can come.”
“What you wanna do? Where you wanna go?” Rasheed checked, wrapping his arms around me. “Vegas? LA? Out the country? We can have a party on my yacht. Just tell me the vibe you want to go for, and I’ll take care of everything.”
“Excuse me,” I whispered, standing and quickly heading inside.
“Don’t follow her,” I heard my sister say. “She doesn’t like men to see her in her feelings.”
“Fuck that,” Rasheed grumbled, causing me to walk faster in my attempt to avoid him. “Hey…”
His arms wrapped around me, but instead of Rasheed turning me, he pulled my back into his chest. His chin rested on top of my head, and I appreciated the shield he gave me as I composed myself. I blinked rapidly to dry my tears.
“What was that?” he asked quietly, tightening his grip around me. Not to keep me from running, but to ground me and remind me he was there.
“I just… got overwhelmed.”
“Why?”
“I spent so much time trying to mold what I had with my ex into what I needed it to be.” Chuckling, I wiped away a stubborn tear that managed to fall.
“Being around men like you, Jason, and Tyler reminds me that relationships and love are easy when your partner is similar to you. Easy when someone puts forth the effort. I feel like I made myself suffer trying to make him someone he wasn’t instead of waiting for someone who could treat me the way I wanted to be treated. ”
“I don’t think that was a waste, though. I believe we have to be with people who aren’t what we want so we’ll know what we do want. I also believe being with someone who didn’t give you what you needed will make it easier for you to accept and appreciate someone who does.”
Rasheed turned me in his embrace.
“You might be right,” I almost whispered, making him chuckle.
“Might be.” I smiled, but it turned into a grin when he tilted my head by my chin and kissed me. “You good?”
“Yeah, but I think I need a break from people for a little while.”
“Cool. I’ll uh… give you some space and let your sister know you’re okay.”
When he turned and tried to walk away, I grabbed his arm. “I wasn’t talking about you.”
With a smile, he cupped my cheeks and kissed me again before we headed to my room.
We both laughed when Daddy told us to make sure we kept the door open.
Rasheed and I talked more about our values and beliefs, principles, future goals.
We even shared our MyCharts, and I was glad we were open and on the same page.
While I wouldn’t say I planned to have sex with him, if it happened, I didn’t want to have to stop and worry about that kind of stuff.
After we parted ways, Mama and Paisley asked me a million questions about him. I answered them all with a smile. I wasn’t sure what would happen between us after the wedding, but this time with Rasheed was healing a part of my soul that had been aching for a really long time.