CHAPTER TWELVE
Pulling away from her captor, Lexi shook her head in defiance. Scoffing at his statement, she scrunched her face in disgust. She was a monster? Just like him? No. Absolutely not. He had it all wrong.
Are you sure about that? her critical voice taunted.
Straightening her posture, she wrapped the blanket tighter against her shivering body and narrowed her angry eyes. Whatever he thought he knew about her was a complete lie. They didn’t share this evil bond. She was nothing like him.
“I’m not a monster,” she stated, her voice heavy with disdain.
Sensing that his love was building an emotional barrier, Kade softened his features. Reaching out to brush an unruly lock from her face, he hummed softly. It was hard to watch her deny her true self so vehemently. Didn’t she realize he was there to set her free?
“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Sweetheart. You are what you are, please just accept yourself. There’s no difference between you and someone that kills lions for the thrill. You just happen to hunt different game,” he offered.
“I don’t enjoy killing!” she spat in defense.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Pausing a moment to give her time to reflect, he took a bite of his protein bar.
Watching a sea of conflicting emotions was over her face, his heart squeezed.
It would be difficult for her to come to terms with her true nature, but it was good that they were finally having this conversation.
She was incredibly lucky to have him help her through this process.
“Well, perhaps not the first time. Everyone knew that it was self-defense, Lexi. Scott...that disgusting motherfucker...he was going to rape and murder you, you had no choice. That first kill was all survival, there’s no denying that.
But what about the second time? Or the third?
Fourth...fifth? Those kills weren’t in self-defense.
You tracked them... you hunted them ...and once they took your bait, you slaughtered them because you wanted to,” he said before moving his fingers under her chin and forcing her to meet his simmering gaze.
“Shhh, it’s ok, my love... I understand.
I know what it’s like when you taste blood for the first time. It’s a craving that never goes away.”
Licking her lips nervously, she tried to deny his heavy words.
She didn’t get any sick thrill out of killing, and she certainly never craved it.
Every single life she had ever taken was out of necessity.
They were horrible men that deserved to die.
She was doing the world a favor by eliminating them. That was her only motivation.
“Now, I know what you’re thinking,” he continued, scooting himself closer.
“Right now, you’re trying to justify your actions, trying to ignore that part of yourself that came alive once you sliced your knife into their flesh.
I know you’re excusing what you’ve done because the men you killed were abusers and rapists.
They were scourges that were going to victimize more women if you didn’t step in, right?
I know that narrative helps you sleep at night.
..but I also know that there’s more to it, my love, I’ve seen your face during and after a kill.
I know you enjoyed every single moment.”
Gasping lightly, she blinked her red rimmed eyes.
She was dumbfounded and knocked off guard over his confession.
It had been years since she had given into her temptation and carved another notch into her bedpost. Everything changed the moment she met Leo Estrada.
He showed her that there were good men still left in the world.
He taught her how to love and how to trust. Through him, her bloodlust had been contained.
Even in the very small chance that what he was saying was true, none of it mattered now.
She was a changed woman, that part of her no longer existed.
Then why are you looking forward to slitting Kade’s throat, then?
Huh? Miss “I’m a changed woman?” Admit it.
You loved killing those pricks. Remember the fun we had?
You can pretend that you haven’t missed the rush, that you haven’t wondered what it would feel like to give into temptation just one more time.
A leopard doesn’t change their spots, ya know.
Why are you being so hardheaded? Kade is our match.
He understands us. Look at him! He’s everything we have always wanted.
You know that Leo can’t give us what we want. Kade can.
Silently growling at herself, Lexi closed her eyes and silenced the crazed voice in her head.
No. Kade wasn’t her savior. He was a psychopath that she needed to kill.
She couldn’t let herself be manipulated.
Not by Kade and certainly not by the bitch in her head.
As soon as he was dead, she would be back in Leo’s arms, right where she belonged.
Living her happy, normal existence once again.
Finding pleasure in life, rather than death.
Uh huh. Right. You know that’s not what you want, the voice in her head teased. Give in and let me out to play again. Please? It’s been so long!
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!! she screamed internally, fighting the urge to beat her fist against her skull.
Noticing an abrupt change in his love’s body language, Kade moved to cup his open palm against the side of her face. Leaning in closer, he caught her darting gaze. He knew exactly what was going on in that pretty little head of hers. She didn’t have to hide it from him.
“Hey,” his deep voice said. “You should listen to her. ”
Taken aback by her abductor’s odd comment, Lexi tried to wiggle away from his warm touch. She must not have heard him correctly. No one knew about the voice screaming inside her mind.
“What are you talking about?” she asked, giving him a quizzical look. “Listen to who?”
Quirking his head to the side, he reluctantly dropped his hand and let out a sigh. Didn’t she understand that she didn’t need to pretend with him? He wasn’t her enemy, he only wanted to help her realize her full potential.
“You know who, Lexi...that little voice in your head? The one screaming at you to let her out?” he urged. “You don’t have to pretend with me. Just listen to her. P lease .”
“I... I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she denied, her voice raising ever so slightly in anger.
Fucking hell! Would you just quit, already? You’re such a damn drama queen! He knows you. He knows US. Give in to him...give into me. We could be so happy if you would ju—
Abruptly dismissing the voice of her alter-ego, Lexi shook her head. Now was not the time for her to have a breakdown. If she didn’t stay in control, she would never escape. That was her goal, she reminded herself. Everything else was merely a distraction.
“You saw me?” she asked, pretending that the last few minutes of conversation had never happened. “But, how? I was always so careful.”
Annoyed by the way she had changed the topic so nonchalantly; he angrily tossed his protein bar to the nightstand next to the bed.
Settling his broad back against the row of wrinkled pillows, he took in a cleansing breath.
Fine, he thought. She could have it her way this time, but the conversation was far from over.
In order to truly move forward with his plans, he knew that her dark little friend would have to emerge at some point.
“Yes, you were careful, my love. Very careful. You did everything right. Well, almost everything. But to be fair, you wouldn’t have seen me that night even if you had tried,” he said, giving her a reassuring grin.
“Oh, yeah? And which night was that, huh?” she asked, wondering how many incidents he had witnessed.
“It was the night of your last kill...a little over two years ago, now, right? Fuck, time flies, doesn’t it?
Anyways, I went to the club that night to just look, really.
Seeing if I could find another little brunette to scratch that nagging itch that never goes away.
And I did, didn't I? It didn’t take me long to find you.
How could I not be drawn to you? You looked like such a perfect slut in that little black dress that barely covered your ass.
With those bright red lips and your hair in those messy waves that drive me wild.
The hair you get after you’ve just been fucked.
Hmm…like how your hair looks right now,” he purred, lifting his hand to tug the curl gracing her shoulder.
“You were exactly what I was looking for.”
Drifting her eyes to his fingers as he played with her tangled locks, Lexi recalled the night in question.
She remembered that kill vividly. Partly because it was her last and partly because it had left her so unsatisfied.
Eight long weeks’ worth of hard work to ensnare her mark into her deadly web, only to have the prick die far too quickly and painlessly.
Knowing that he had witnessed that kill made the bitter taste still left in her mouth all the worse.
“So,” he began again, clearing his throat, “I knew you were my girl as I watched you sip your fruity drink in the corner. Your little head bopping along to that God awful techno music. You know, I could tell there was something different about you right away, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
It intrigued me enough that I started to approach you.
..but then I saw Roman slink his way behind you. ..fucking Erik Roman of all people!”
“Wait,” she interrupted. “You knew Roman? How?”
“We worked together,” he said simply.
In an instant, all the blood drained from Lexi’s face. The implication of his statement terrified her to the core. She knew it was a gamble going after Roman but thought she had gotten away with it. Guess she had lost that bet, after all.