Chapter 13 Feelings
Cade
Too agitated to cook something substantial, Cade brooded as he slapped together ham and cheese sandwiches, rehashing the uncomfortable conversation and trying to put a name to the dull ache in his chest.
When Tristan had said he liked him, the gears in his brain jammed with surprise, and he felt a zing of pleasure and warmth.
But before he could process the emotions, the words 'It's nothing' had felt like a bucket of cold water, stinging with an intensity he hadn't expected.
Because it wasn't nothing to him, not anymore.
And okay, fine, it had … hurt.
Logically, he shouldn't care if Tristan liked him or not, shouldn't be invested in the other man's feelings beyond sympathy for his status as a victim.
But the truth was, despite trying to stay professional and unaffected, Tristan had somehow wormed his way into his heart, triggering protective instincts and soft emotions he hadn't believed he was capable of.
Somewhere along the line, irritation over personal questions had morphed into fondness for Tristan's curiosity, and snarky comments and competitiveness had turned enjoyable rather than annoying.
Sometime in the last few days, he had become enamored with Tristan's love of nature, and their conversations about baseball were something he looked forward to.
And all along, there had been respect and admiration for Tristan's courage, his tenacity, his fiery determination to do what was necessary for his sister.
Sighing and blowing out a long breath, Cade finally admitted the truth: he liked Tristan.
And it was utterly terrifying.
He had always guarded his heart as vigilantly as the innocents he swore to protect, but these intense, unfamiliar feelings threatened to crash through the dam he had erected, and he was faltering, on the brink of cracking under the pressure.
He reminded himself that these feelings didn't matter, anyway.
Even if Tristan liked him too, this thing between them could never work.
The simple, boring life the other man said he wanted was light years from Cade's world that brimmed with blood and vengeance and all the horrors humans inflicted on each other.
He knew any day could be his last, that on any given job, he was just one mistake away from dead.
Tristan wouldn't want to stay in this world, and Cade couldn't escape it.
That truth settled like battery acid in his gut as the man who occupied his thoughts walked into the kitchen. Cade shoved his gloomy thoughts aside and said evenly, "Hope ham sandwiches are okay."
"Yeah, that's fine. Thanks."
He set the sandwiches and two Cokes on the table, and after a quiet 'thank you' from Tristan, a hush fell over the cabin, broken only by the soft sounds of chewing.
The strained mood made Cade anxious, and he was searching for a way to dispel the tension when the buzzing of his phone interrupted the silence.
"Annabeth, what's up? You're on speaker."
"Hey, sweet cheeks. Hi Tristan."
Feeling his face flush, Cade glanced up to see the other man's eyebrows arch and a small smile play on his lips.
"Annabeth …" he warned.
She chuckled softly but then turned serious. "I found out something I want to brief you on."
Tristan peeked up at him, eyes shining with hope. "Did you find my sister?"
"No, I'm sorry. This isn't good news."
The light in those golden eyes vanished, and Cade hated the wary, fearful expression that replaced it.
"A man filed a police report this morning claiming that late last night, he was snatched off the street by an armed, masked man who pushed him into a dark SUV and questioned him about a laptop.
He didn't know what they were talking about, and a second man, the driver, said something about getting the wrong guy.
They demanded to see his ID, and when he showed them, they kicked him to the curb and took off.
It was too dark to get a plate number. You can probably guess that the man matches Tristan's physical description. "
"They're still looking for me," Tristan concluded, his face paling.
"Yes. It's not unexpected, but it does suggest that whatever is on this laptop is incriminating enough to have them scared."
"And you still haven't found anything on it?"
"No, but I'm getting close."
They all absorbed that information before Annabeth added, "Hamm assigned Tag and Young to watch the warehouse tonight. Maybe they'll see something. Oh, and by the way, King, Tag is not happy."
"What else is new?"
"He was bitching about 'fucking King' and his 'fucking case' and how he'll be bored off his ass for who knows how long. Also, apparently, you're an asshole."
Rolling his eyes, Cade asked, "Hamm put him on surveillance. Why am I an asshole? "
"I think that part was just a general sentiment."
Scoffing, he snarked, "Feeling's mutual."
Eyes dancing with humor, Tristan asked, "Who's Tag?"
"A giant prick I work with," Cade bit out as irritation bubbled over. "Anything else, Annabeth?"
"Nah, that's it for now."
When they disconnected the call, Tristan's smile slowly faded, replaced by a defeated, anxious look.
"They're going to keep looking for me, aren't they?"
Cade wanted to say something to erase that expression from the other man's face.
"I know it's scary, but you're safe here."
"I may be safe, but Nat isn't."
"We'll find her. Don't give up."
"I'm not giving up, but every day this drags on is another day she suffers," Tristan said, his voice cracking at the end.
Heart squeezing, Cade offered in a softer voice, "I get it. But try to have faith. We will find her, Tris."
Tristan pinned him with a fierce gaze for a few heavy heartbeats, then stood and positioned himself in front of a window, gazing silently into the yard, introspective and sullen.
After taking their dishes to the sink, Cade sat stiffly at the table, fighting the urge to tap his fingers on the wood.
Tristan's complete stillness prickled at him, and he was about to stand, to move his body in some way to lessen his agitation, when Tristan turned and asked in an impassive tone, "Do you want to play backgammon? "
Cade agreed, thankful for the distraction and the shifting mood that lessened his unease. Competition also seemed to rekindle Tristan's energy, and by the time he lost the first game, he was back to his normal, inquisitive self.
"Why does Tag call you 'King'?"
Cade's jaw clenched as he thought about one of his least favorite people on the planet — a remarkable achievement, really, considering the human garbage he regularly encountered.
"Because he knows I hate it, and he gets off by provoking people," he bit out with thinly veiled hostility.
"Isn't it just a shortened version of your name?"
"Not when he says it."
Those big, amber eyes fixed on him, bright and pleading, and he somehow knew that whatever Tristan asked next, he wouldn't hold back.
Saying no to this man was becoming a challenge.
"So why then?"
Hesitating slightly, Cade admitted, "Because I usually work alone while the others work with partners, and I don't hang out with them outside of work. Tag says I think I'm better than them."
Tristan studied him again with that thoughtful look. "It's not true, is it?"
"No."
"Why do you work alone?"
Moving his pieces gave Cade a chance to find his words.
He usually hated talking about himself, but Tristan was dangerously different, always getting too close and breaking down his barriers.
For the first time in his life, someone had slipped past his defenses, and instead of fleeing, he found himself wanting to let them in.
"I guess I'm used to doing things on my own. I don't like to rely on anyone."
Tilting his head, Tristan gazed at him, while Cade shifted nervously in his seat.
"Is that just for work or your personal life too?"
Before Cade could respond, Tristan rushed to add, "I know you're going to say I ask too many questions, but I can't help it. I'm a reporter. Questions are how I find the puzzle pieces and put them together to make a story." He added a self-deprecating smile and a shrug that Cade found adorable.
"And you're trying to do that to me?"
"I'm curious about you."
"I told you, I'm not very interesting."
"I disagree."
"Are you gonna play or talk my ears off?"
Scowling, Tristan made his move, then picked up his dice and persisted.
"So, what's the deal? Your personal life too?"
Cade sighed with resignation. "I guess."
"So what, did someone let you down and now you don't trust people?"
"Something like that," he evaded as he shifted his pieces.
"So who? A partner?"
"I don't have one."
"That's good considering what we did earlier. But I meant in the past."
"Never had one."
Tristan's eyebrows shot up. "You've never been in a relationship? Never loved someone?"
The words cut deeper than Cade expected them to.
"No. Can you move now and stop talking about my love life?"
Huffing, Tristan took his turn, and it was blissfully quiet for a while until he eventually asked, "What about your family? You don't rely on them either?"
"Don't have that either."
Tristan froze and flicked his eyes to Cade's. "Like, you're estranged from them? Because of your job?"
"No. I don't have any."
"Like at all?"
"No."
He had tried to sound detached and unbothered, but Tristan must have read between the lines, recognizing his isolation and maybe even his loneliness, because his mouth turned down, and he quietly responded, "I'm sorry."
The compassion etched on the other man's face was so unexpected and unfamiliar that it flustered Cade to the point of discomfort.
"What happened to them?"
Too overwhelmed by all he had already disclosed, he insisted, "It doesn't matter."
"That sounds like a lie you've always told yourself."
Internally blanching at that truth bomb, he avoided his opponent's eyes and prompted, "It's your move."
Eyes squinting, Tristan studied him, maybe assessing how much to push the issue.
"Sometimes it helps to share things with other people, you know."