8. Atlas
I survey the ballroom,watching for Eric’s tall figure. I want to see him one more time before the night is over.
As the minutes pass, it becomes obvious that he isn’t returning. I check my phone but there are no new messages from him, only a churning in my gut.
My dad finally enters the masquerade, and even though we’re separated by a crowd of people, I can feel the rage coming off of him in waves.
There’s just one thing I can think of that would leave him this angry. He found out about me and Eric.
My phone vibrates and Eric’s number flashes across the screen. My heart beats fast as I duck from the room into a quiet alcove.
I don’t bother with a greeting. “He knows, doesn’t he?”
“Yes.”
I sink into one of the two yellow armchairs in the alcove as the full weight of what I’ve done finally hits me. I’ve destroyed their friendship and broken my own heart. “What did he say?”
He ignores the question. “Change of plans. I’m leaving for New York tonight.”
“Wait, there’s still so much I need to say,” I plead. “Let me meet up with you.”
“Don’t make this a painful goodbye. We had a great time tonight. Leave it at that.” His tone is so cold and distant, like he’s already a thousand miles away from me.
“It can’t end like this. We’ve both wanted this for so long and you said I was the best night of your life.” I kick off my shoes and curl up in the chair, hoping if I make myself small enough the heartache won’t feel as big.
He’s silent, the only sound is his breathing.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “You’re not going to change your mind, are you?”
“You should live a happy life. You deserve it, Atlas.” With those words, the line goes dead.
It’s really over. No more flirting with Eric as Miss Karma. No more moonlight kisses or amazing orgasms or naked cuddling.
Tears blur my vision, and I let them fall down my face. I never imagined tonight would end this way or that I could ache this badly.
I could go to the airport. I could go to Eric and tell him how I feel anyway. At least then I would get to say the words. He would know that I love him, even if he doesn’t want to fight for what we could have.
As soon as I think of seeing Eric at the airport, my mom’s words echo in my ears. Make your father happy. You’re his joy.
No matter what I do I’m bound to lose. Either I have to be unhappy or I have to disappoint my mom.
“Did he hurt you?” My father’s tone is laced with a hard edge I’ve only heard him use with people he despises.
I shake my head and swipe at my face, trying to clear the evidence of tears.
Dad takes a seat in the other chair. He drums his fingers on the armrest. “I’m not used to being disappointed by you.”
The words are like daggers in my already raw heart. “I’m not used to having my heart broken so maybe you could be disappointed in me another time.”
He swears under his breath. “This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.”
“Don’t say that.” As much as I’m aching right now, I wouldn’t change tonight for anything. I’ll always have the memories of how it felt to be with Eric.
I think about the way he wrapped his arms around me when I first arrived in the hotel room, hugging me so tightly. The image starts the tears again and I bite my lip to muffle the sound of my sobbing.
“You’re young.” My dad reaches to put a hand on my shaking shoulder. “I know it feels like the end of the world right now. But there will be other guys. Guys better suited to you.”
I shake my head and take a deep breath. “There will never be anybody else. Remember the story you always told me growing up? How you saw mom one time and knew?”
“Shit, Atlas. I didn’t mean for you to take that to heart. It doesn’t even happen for most people,” he scoffs. His blue gaze contains a mixture of concern and frustration.
“But it did for me.” I found the most amazing and perfect-for-me man. Except we can’t even be together because everyone else’s happiness is more important than mine.
“I want to be happy,” I whisper the words. More than I want my dad to be happy or even my mom, I want my own happiness.
“One day, you will be again,” Dad promises. “The pain will fade in time.”
I choose me.The thought that I can choose my happiness makes me feel light and free, like I’m no longer carrying the burden of being the perfect daughter.
“I’m choosing to be happy. I’m going to do what makes me happy.” I turn to him. “Please don’t retaliate against him for that. Don’t make him suffer just because he makes me happy.”
My dad stares at me in shock. It’s the only time I’ve ever seen him speechless.
Taking advantage of the moment, I lean forward and kiss his cheek. “I have a prince to find.”
* * *
Eric
Sitting in the airport,I glance at the clock on my phone and will myself not to call Atlas again. I’m doing this for her. I’m walking away from the woman I love so she can have a good life. A better life than anything I could offer her.
I replay the memories from tonight in my mind. I keep looking for something I could do differently. Some way I could have saved myself this heartache.
But there’s no other option than the pain because I’m in love with Atlas. Every beat of my heart is because of her now.
“You look like a man who made a dumb ass decision.”
I glance from my phone to the sixty-something man with a green newsboy cap. He has a twinkle to his blue eyes and one of those faces that looks like he’s perpetually smirking.
He takes a seat beside me, poking my foot with his cane. “What did you do to lose her?”
“I didn’t lose her. I walked away.” Even saying the words leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Walking away from Atlas was the toughest thing I’ve ever done.
“Ah, so you didn’t just make a dumb ass decision. You’re actually a dumb ass.”
I snort. “I suppose you’re going to tell me how to fix it.”
He uses his cane to point to the coffee machine ten feet in front of us. “For a cup of coffee, I’ll tell you the secrets of the universe.”
One cup of coffee and a long story later, my new friend stares at me. “And you really think leaving her is the right decision?” He makes a “tsk” sound like he’s a teacher watching a student choose the wrong answer on a test.
“It’s the one that’s best for her.” That belief is the only thing that’s keeping me in this chair right now and not headed back to find Atlas.
“Are you sure about that?”
I think of the heartbreak in her voice when we were on the phone. We’ve both wanted this for so long. You said I was the best night of your life.
Over the loudspeaker, I hear the announcement that my plane is now boarding. New York and a future without Atlas are waiting for me. All I have to do is get up and walk toward it.
My seatmate finishes the last sip of his coffee, crushing the paper cup. “You’ve run into battle every time, soldier. What’s stopping you from going to the frontlines for love?”
With a start, I realize he’s right. No matter what happens, I’m going to fight for Atlas. I’ll always fight for her. Until my dying breath.