Chapter 52
Sabine
When Astor enters the bedroom,I’m lying in bed, crying, gripping the pillow so tightly that my knuckles are white.
Although the lights are off and the room is dark, I bury my head in the pillow because I don’t want him to see me cry.
“Go away.”
The mattress shifts with his weight, followed by a waft of fresh, earthy air.
Gently, he pulls my shoulder, rolling me onto my side. “Shit, Sabine. Please don’t cry. Please stop.”
“I can’t.”
“Dammit, please stop.” His voice is quivering now.
He rolls me onto my back. I carry the pillow with me, covering my face.
“Sabine.” He takes the pillow from my hands.
I blink up at him, swiping the tears from my cheeks.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you, or make you cry tonight. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please stop crying.”
“Don’t tell me what to do—just let me cry.”
“Then I’ll sit with you until you stop.”
He lies down on the bed, facing me. For a long time, we stare at each other, saying nothing.
“I’m so confused, and I don’t want to get hurt,” I whisper.
“I don’t want to be the cause of any of your pain, Sabine,” he whispers back. “I am not in love with Valerie, and it breaks my heart that you think that ... I admit, I don’t know how to navigate this—you and me, and everything that’s happening around us right now—and I’m afraid I’ll fail miserably. But I do know that you are all I think about, minute by minute, hour by hour. That every moment we’re not together, I’m thinking about when I can touch you again. Can I touch you, Sabine?”
I sweep my hand over the covers, resting it between us. He loops his pinky finger around mine, then exhales softly as if my touch alone is a relief for his pain.
“While I was outside checking the fence, I was thinking about us. About how the feelings you stir inside me remind me of my childhood when I didn’t have a care in the world. Free and floating and hopeful ... You told me I make you feel alive. Sabine, you make me feel like I’m flying.”
Tears fill my eyes.
He inches closer to me.
“You deserve peace. You deserve to be kissed every day, to be reminded how beautiful you are, and how smart, and funny, and strong you are. You deserve the world, and a man who can give it to you.”
He kisses my knuckles.
“I want to be that man. I am so sorry I’ve let you down. I can’t promise it won’t ever happen again, but I can promise that I’ll try. Because you, beautiful Sabine, are worth it. You’re worth all of it.” He leans forward and kisses the tears from my cheeks. “I don’t want to know what it’s like to lose you.”
“Then don’t.” I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him onto me.
There’s something different in this kiss. The others were fueled by fire, by unrestrained wanting and needing. They served as escape valves, opening just enough to release years of pent-up steam and sexual tension. But this one ... this one is soft and passionate. Emotional.
Slowly and gently, he undresses me while running kisses down my neck, my chest. Naked, I rise to my knees and remove his clothing. He lies submissive as I do, watching me with such adoration in his eyes that my heart stutters.
This is real. I feel it in the depths of my soul. Whatever is happening between us is real. We are real.
He lays me down and lowers on top of me, settling between my legs. He’s hard and ready but doesn’t penetrate me. Instead, he takes his time kissing me deeply, unrelenting, as if wanting to savor every second of the moment.
I run my hands down his strong, tanned back, sinking deeper and deeper into what has become my dreamland, my new favorite place.
Under him.
His hand slides between us, between my legs. I arch into his touch, my breath becoming shallow. I’m throbbing so hard, I can feel my heartbeat in it.
Needing him now like I need my next breath, I pull up my knees and open as wide as I can for him.
He removes his hand and cups my face. “You are so beautiful.”
The thick head of his erection presses against my lips. My body shuddering, I want to scream for him to slide inside me.
Do it, already, I can’t take it anymore!
But still, he takes his time, barely dipping in, slowly popping in and out, wetting the tip. He groans, almost sending me over the edge already.
“Open. Open wider for me, baby.”
Desperate, I splay open my legs until my hips feel like they could unhinge.
“Good girl.” Finally, he slides into me, closing his eyes in complete surrender. “I need you,” he says, his words breathless. “Come here, come here. Closer, I need you closer ...”
A tear runs down his cheek.
My body trembles as I’m wrapped in his arms and lifted so that every inch of our bodies is touching. He squeezes me like it’s the last time he’s ever going to see me.
On long, leisurely kisses, he begins to slide in and out, the slow pace driving me wild. We mold together, our arms wrapped around each other, our bodies and souls melding together, moving as one.
I can already feel my climax starting to build when he stops, fully inside me. He gazes down at me with such tenderness, such warmth, that butterflies erupt in my stomach. He presses deeper into me, deeper and deeper.
I moan as he burrows himself inside me. We are as connected as two humans can possibly be.
Staring into his eyes, I feel a rush of heat spread over my heart, and I can no longer control the unexpected emotions bubbling inside me.
“Astor ... “ Tears slide down my cheeks.
“This,” he whispers, hugging me tighter against him. “This, Sabine. This. I want this, with you. All the time. Forever.”
“I love you.” My heart and soul speak, uncaring of the consequences.
For a moment, he stills, his eyes widening. Tears spill over the rims. Then he crushes his lips onto mine, our teeth clashing as we kiss. He begins moving again, faster, faster, as if unable to handle what is happening inside him and I am the release.
Me.
Not her. Me.
The headboard bangs against the wall, the bed squeaks, the mattress moves.
I close my eyes, feeling like I’m floating.
You make me feel like I’m flying ...
“You’re mine, Sabine. Say my name. Mine,” he whispers huskily. “Say my name. Mine—you’re mine; say it.” He’s desperate, unhinged, shaking through shuddering breaths. “Please be mine. Please be mine, please, Sabine, please, please, please?—”
I cry out, digging my nails into his back as I climax.
“Astor, I’m yours. I’m yours. Oh God, I’m yours, I’m yours ...”