Chapter 22
Helena had been asleep for maybe an hour when she felt lips on her shoulder.
I’m dreaming, she thought, just dreaming.
It was a good dream though… the lips seemed real, warm, insistent, pressing a trail of slow kisses from her shoulder to her neck. And to go with the lips, a hand on her hip and a woman’s body pressed against her back, naked skin on naked skin.
One of those dreams… good. I like those dreams.
“Helena.” A whisper, barely audible.
“Mmm.” Helena had earned her sleep, earned her dreams, after the end to the Sunday that her and Caitlin had just had. She didn’t want to surface.
“Helena.” Another soft, gentle kiss. “Wake up.”
“What time is it?” She didn’t open her eyes. Not a dream then… far, far better.
“I don’t know. Late. Early. Doesn’t matter.” Another kiss on her neck. “There’s something I need.”
“Water’s on the nightstand,” Helena mumbled, rolling over.
Caitlin laughed in the dark. “Not water.”
Helena stirred, the fog of sleep starting to lift. The room was dark, truly dark now with the curtains drawn, only the faintest light leaking around the curtain edges. She could feel Caitlin behind her but could barely see her.
“What do you need, Gatinha?” Helena murmured, still half asleep, her Portuguese accent stronger as a consequence.
“I need to show you that I can be everything you need. Just once. Right now.”
Helena’s eyes opened. Not fully awake but no longer asleep, her body understood what Caitlin was asking before her mind caught up to it.
“You want to…”
“You don’t need to do anything,” Caitlin interrupted, taking Helena’s wrist in her hand. “But I need to show you that I can take control, just for a few minutes. For you, and for me.”
Helena’s sleep brain started to understand…
Caitlin knew that occasionally Helena needed to switch, but also she’d just said she needed this for her.
With Zoe she couldn’t have switched, that was clear from everything that Caitlin had told her about that relationship, so Helena understood: this was her proving to herself that the dynamic with Helena was so much healthier than it had been with Zoe, that Helena recognised all of who Caitlin was.
Beyond all of that, though, one thought echoed inside her head…
yes, I want this, I want, just for a few minutes, to give myself entirely to this magnificent force of nature and let her take care of me, to have those brief minutes where I don’t need to think or control, where my Gatinha can be the one in charge.
Helena smiled in the dark. “You want me to be your purring little kitten,” she whispered.
“Exactly.” She could hear the grin in Caitlin’s voice. “Will you purr for me?”
“You need this?”
“I do. I think you do too.”
The answer was easy. “Yes.”
Caitlin moved fast.
Before Helena had had time to fully understand what was happening Caitlin had rolled her onto her back and was straddling her, a darker silhouette above her in the darkened room.
Helena felt Caitlin’s hands find her wrists and move them up to the headboard, and then had the feel of two of the silk ties that Helena had left tied to each corner of the bed when they’d slept being wound around each wrist, firm, tight but not too tight.
“Is that ok?” Caitlin asked.
“Yes.”
The knots tightened. Helena tested them and they were firm, secure, she couldn’t have done better.
Caitlin must have been paying attention.
Her arms were stretched above her, wrists bound to opposite corners of the headboard.
Caitlin did the same with her ankles, and the position opened her body up completely, exposed and vulnerable in the near absolute darkness.
She couldn’t see anything, not really. Not Caitlin above her, not her own body, not the room save for the faint outline of the curtains. There was only touch and sound, and the weight of Caitlin lying down next to her.
“Can you see me?” Caitlin whispered.
“No. Nothing.”
“Good. I don’t want you to see. I want you to feel.”
A hand went to her stomach, light and barely there.
Fingertips followed the line from her navel upwards, between her breasts to her neck.
Helena felt herself gasp at how delicately Caitlin was touching her…
so much more gentle than any time that Caitlin had touched her before.
The darkness helped, every nerve in Helena’s body compensating for the lack of sight by becoming exquisitely sensitive.
“You feel so beautiful in the dark,” Caitlin whispered.
“I can’t see you, but I can certainly feel you.
I’m so happy to be feeling you. Your heartbeat under my fingers.
The way your skin changes when I touch you here…
” Her hand moved to Helena’s breast, cupping it, her thumb finding the nipple.
Helena gasped. “…and here.” The other breast, and the same treatment.
“You respond so fast. As if your body’s been waiting for this. Have you been waiting for me?”
“Yes,” Helena managed to gasp. “For too long.”
Caitlin leaned down and Helena felt her lips on her collarbone, then lower, a trail of kisses that followed the path her fingers had taken.
The darkness made every sensation more vivid…
Helena couldn’t anticipate where the next touch would be, she couldn’t brace for it, she could only accept it.
It was surrender… temporary, exquisite surrender.
The darkness was real and Caitlin was a presence within it, felt but not seen, her touch arriving from nowhere.
“I’m going to take my time,” Caitlin said. “There’s no rush. It’s the middle of the night and neither of us is going anywhere.”
She was true to her word. For what felt like a very long time she explored Helena’s body with her hands and her mouth, working from her neck down, doing some exquisitely, insanely pleasurable things to her that she hadn’t even known were things.
Not knowing what time it was, not being able to see much at all, just touch and sounds, it all lent what Caitlin was doing a dreamlike quality, as if this wasn’t quite real…
as if maybe Helena was actually dreaming.
“Every sound you make,” Caitlin whispered, “I’m remembering. I want to know exactly what my kitten sounds like when she purrs.”
Helena let out a shaky laugh that turned into a moan as Caitlin’s fingers traced down her stomach and lower, brushing between her legs, close but not quite where Helena needed her.
“Please, Caitlin,” Helena said. Not Gatinha, that didn’t feel right when she was the one bound and surrendered, simply Caitlin.
“Please what?”
“Touch me properly.”
“I am touching you properly. I couldn’t be touching you more properly.
Just not where you want.” Caitlin’s fingers moved to Helena’s inner thigh, stroking upward with agonising slowness.
“What you mean is that you want me to touch you improperly. Isn’t that it?
You want me to stop touching you properly? ”
“Oh, God Caitlin. Yes… yes, I need that…”
“Say it.” Caitlin’s lips were next to Helena’s ear, her fingers tracing ever-so-gentle circles on her inner thighs, making Helena strain against her restraints. This is amazing… she just gets better and better.
“I need you to stop touching me properly and touch me improperly… I need your fingers inside me. I need your mouth. I need…” Helena pulled at the restraints, her wrists straining. “I need to orgasm, Caitlin.”
“You will. When I decide.”
When I decide… how long had Caitlin imagined doing this?
How many of her nights with Zoe had she thought about how sometimes she could switch with Helena?
This wasn’t something that Helena did often at all, Juliana had been firmly the exception rather than the rule recently, but with someone like Caitlin…
she could do this any time to her, precisely because Helena knew that she was sensible enough to choose her moments sparingly.
Caitlin’s hand finally moved to where Helena needed it and she gasped at the touch, her hips lifting off the bed to chase the contact. Caitlin’s fingers were slow, deliberate, finding their rhythm and sticking with it.
“There,” Helena breathed. “Stay exactly there.”
Caitlin kept her touch exactly as Helena needed it, building her up steadily, and then she moved and Helena felt Caitlin’s mouth join her fingers and she was lost…
tied up in the dark, unable to see, unable to move her hands or feet, completely at Caitlin’s mercy while Caitlin’s tongue and fingers worked together to devastating effect.
The first orgasm came fast… too fast despite the slow build, crashing through Helena before she could really enjoy the anticipation before the peak, crying out and wrists straining against her restraints.
Caitlin didn’t stop, she didn’t even slow down, she just changed her technique and kept going, and Helena felt the second orgasm building before the first had fully subsided.
“Again,” Caitlin whispered. “Give me another one. Purr for me.”
Purr for me. That pushed her over the edge again.
The second was slower, deeper, rolling through Helena in long waves that left her shaking.
Caitlin held her hips and kept her grounded, her mouth relentless, and when the second orgasm peaked Helena moaned again and again, her whole body consumed, loving being held and pleasured and cared for in the dark by someone who wanted nothing except to give her this.
“One more,” Caitlin said, lifting her mouth for just long enough to speak. “Can you give me one more?”
“I don’t know if I…”
“You can. I know you can.” Caitlin’s voice was gentle but she sounded sure. “My strong, beautiful Dona. One more. For your Gatinha.”
I’m her Dona and she’s my Gatinha… the thought seemed to short-circuit something in Helena’s head, the role reversal combined with the darkness leaving her unmoored and, as Caitlin’s fingers curled inside her, her whole body jolted. Too fast, it can’t be that fast, surely, but yet…
“Oh God,” Helena heard herself say. “Caitlin… I’m… oh… oh Caitlin… oh… oh fuck Caitlin… fuck fuck fuck… oooohhhhh…”
Helena’s whole body convulsed, her wrists and ankles straining, her back arched, and she heard herself make sounds that she was pretty sure she’d never made before, sounds that came from somewhere primal and deep inside.
It went on and on, Caitlin’s fingers keeping the pressure steady, riding it with her, until Helena was spent and trembling, wondering if she’d ever stop.
Caitlin untied her and pulled her tight, holding Helena against her chest, wrapping her arms around her, imitating that way that Helena looked after her.
“Minha Dona,” Caitlin whispered. “My incredible Dona. You’re safe. My beautiful Helena. I belong to you completely. I’m yours.”
Helena burrowed into her. The release was incredible, the wonderful feeling that she got when she surrendered of having truly let go, all the more powerful because Caitlin had seen that she needed it before Helena had even realised.
She wanted to say something, anything, but the words wouldn’t come. She was already sinking back into sleep, the darkness no longer the absence of light but a joyous, all-encompassing presence, and Caitlin’s arms around her the safest place in the world.
“Gatinha,” Helena whispered eventually. “My magnificent Gatinha… just when I think I have you tamed, you show me your wild side.”
Caitlin kissed her. “Would you have it any other way, Minha Dona?”
“No. Never.”