14. Just A Mother #2
A desperate, clawing, ugly panic working up from the pits of my stomach. The same one I felt when the cops showed up, after I realized my dad really meant it when he said we would leave.
Her hazel eyes are wide and teary as I slam her down onto a pulpit marker, her ass hitting the marble book carved there, some bullshit bible passage etched into the stone.
She gasps as I slam my head onto her chest, a strangled, ugly, ragged sound leaving my throat as I work my face deeper into her, shoving and burrowing. Hiding, as stupid as that sounds.
“Gideon, what’s happening? Why wouldn’t you come out of the woods last night? I know you were there.” She sniffles and I can feel silent sobs wracking her chest.
I don’t answer. I can’t.
My eyes flick open as she cries, landing on the tall headstone beside us, wondering if it would be easier if I can stop this.
I could do it.
If it meant I didn’t lose her. If she never had to lose me. It’s going to break her heart. I’m going to break our promises. All of them. The thought of disappointing her is foul. She shouldn’t have to feel that way, not about me.
I’ll fix that now or maybe tonight.
It would be so quick.
It wouldn’t hurt her. I’d make sure of it. I’d never hurt Audrey.
Timid hands knot in my hair, forcing my head up to face her. Her pretty face screwed up as she cries. Her voice sad and desperate. “Gideon, I don’t want you to stop being my friend.”
She knows.
Of course she does.
She knows I’d never not see her, not for anything. Not unless something was very wrong.
“God, just fucking say something!” she yells, so loud the funeral party can probably hear us, but I don’t care. “Fucking tell me so we can fix it. Please! You’re my best friend. I can’t be away from you. I can’t be all alone, Gideon.”
Her salty tears drip onto my face, onto my lips. I don’t try to hide it as I dip out my tongue to taste them.
To taste her.
My Audrey.
“I’d rather die, Gideon Lewis Bell! I’d rather you kill me than be separated from you.”
A shaky breath leaves me as my hand snakes up the back of her neck, knotting in her hair just the same way her fingers are knotted in mine. “Do you mean that, Audrey?”
She opens her mouth to respond, the words on her lips as the sound of rushed, crunching boots find us.
“Gideon.”
My dad’s voice is harsh, gravelly with his grief. Genuine grief. Grief I can’t feel for the woman being lowered into the burial vault down the path. Only for the one in front of me.
I lift from where I was still clinging to Audrey’s chest as she wiggles against me, her warm flesh aggravating already frayed nerves. The thought of not feeling this… feeling her… I can’t be without her.
I won’t.
Who will check on her if I’m not around? Who will put her to bed or make sure she doesn’t lie in the sun for too long?
She stills as another pair of boots finds us, frantically trying to wiggle away now, to get down.
It’s not hard to draw conclusions about who she sees there.
I tighten my hold on her hair, making her gasp as I raise to my full height, caging her into my chest and keeping her pinned there in my arms, my grip punishing.
“Gideon…” she whispers. I’m between her legs, so when she tries to close them to hide the way she’s splayed out, exposed on the pulpit, it doesn’t work.
I ignore her, raising my shaking hand to point at my father and hers just behind him. “Stay the fuck out of this.”
I can see it the moment her dad stops being her dad and turns into Sheriff Fisher.
The way he takes stock of the way I’m holding her, takes stock of me.
The monster who’s been taking care of his daughter for all these years while he was busy avoiding his family, drowning himself in work.
His hand drifts to the inside of his suit jacket, where he tucks his service weapon. “Put her down, Gideon.”
Something perverse, something horrible must cross my face as the safety of his gun flicks off. My own father flinches at the sound, not taking my attention off them as I tilt my head and place a soft kiss on the top of Audrey’s head.
She lets out a shaky puff of air that warms my chest, her hands smoothing over my back. “Let me down, Gideon. We’ll talk later.”
I don’t move, the buzzing drowning out whatever comes from my father next. My hand leaves its knotted place on the back of her head, reaching around to cup her jaw, testing my grip.
The world is still, so still… so right as I make up my mind. I practiced on the clients a few times. It’s not hard to snap someone's neck. Not if you’ve got the right—
“Gideon, you’re scaring me,” Audrey whimpers, and for the first time, I take my eyes off our fathers, looking down at her.
And I can see it there.
The fear.
True fear.
Something bottoms out in my chest as I brush her falling tears from her face, taking her with me as I step back, setting her gently on the ground. She doesn’t move at first, not for a long moment, a moment that stretched on like forever, until she goes to grab my hand.
“Get in the car, Audrey,” her dad barks, halting her.
My fingers twitch mere inches from hers.
“Now!”
She casts him a nervous look, noting his hand on his gun before turning back to me. “At our spot tonight, okay? Promise me,” she whispers.
I nod, watching the only thing that ever mattered to me walk up the hill. Her father casting me a warning glare before he jabs a rough finger into my father's chest, making the wisp of a man stumble. “Keep him away from my daughter.”
My father flinches. “I am so sorry. I’m sorry he’s grieving—"
“That was not fucking grief. You get one warning, Jason. Keep him away, or I will.”
The world pivots as I let myself fall, my back slamming against the headstone as I slide down it into the damp grass. I don’t look away, don’t blink until I lose sight of those sunshine curls in the trees.