36. I Do
I Do
My hands tremble around the light blue napkin wrapped tightly around the dandelion bouquet, excitement making me bounce on the balls of my feet. Any second now.
Gideon sighs from behind me. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Tap me on my shoulder so I turn around, then you remove my veil—” Which is just another napkin, white this time though, of course. "And tell me your vows and then go, I, Gideon Bell, vow to blah blah blah Audrey Fisher.”
“Vows like what?”
“Vows like promises you want to make to me as my husband.”
Gideon's fingers are soft as they tap my shoulder blade, his cheeks oddly flushed as I turn around, staring up at him. He doesn’t move for a while, just…
looks at me. I usually wouldn’t interrupt, but it’s our big day and everyone is watching.
I give a coy giggle to the crowd, which consists of Krissy and all of my stuffed animals Gideon was nice enough to pack out here.
When I lean forward, he stops breathing.
“Take off my veil now and say your vows.”
His movements are jerky at first as he reaches up, snatching the napkin off the top of my head, almost knocking loose the dandelion taped to the front of his T-shirt.
“I, Gideon Bell, vow to take care of Audrey Fisher for the rest of her life and…” He hesitates for the first time I think ever, looking a little unsure, so I give him an encouraging smile.
That does the trick, his jaw clenching and unclenching before speaking again.
“And kill anyone who tries to hurt her.”
I rear back a little. “Oh.”
“Was that not good?”
I offer him an even bigger smile. “It was perfect! Okay, my turn! I, Audrey Fisher, vow to make Gideon Bell smile every day and always be his best friend in the whole entire world forever and always, no matter what!”
His lips quirk a bit at that. “What do we do now?”
“Say I do!”
My cheeks heat as he reaches his hands out, palms up, waiting for me to place mine in his. Gideon's hands are warm and flutterflies start tickling my tummy. Suddenly it’s hard to look at him, so I stare at our hands instead as he replies with a quiet, I do.
My I do is even quieter than his, barely above a whisper.
I’m about to turn toward the crowd and declare us married when he leans in, pressing his lips to my forehead in a quick kiss. I swear I let out a little squeak before wiping it off. “Gross!”
He rolls his eyes and walks me down the aisle toward our friends.
Audrey, Present Day, 1994
My head is pounding in tune with my pulse.
My thoughts are as sluggish as my limbs.
When I creak my eyes open, it's too bright and harsh artificial lighting. A ragged hiss leaves my throat as I try to lift my left arm to rub at my eyes; it doesn’t budge, the pain making me cringe.
I groan as a warm hand finds my face, soothing away some of the chill from the room.
It comes to me slowly, how cold I am, but the chill seems to do well for jostling my brain awake.
My aching, tender neck flaring to life as if to fill in the missing details.
I lurch upward, my head spinning wildly, only to be met with another painful, harsh tug on my left arm.
I cry out as that warm hand finds me again, Gideon's hand. “Easy, puppet,” he consoles me.
It does nothing to stifle the whimper that works its way from my throat. “Oh god, Gideon, what did you do?”
I try to sit up again, my eyes finally obeying my command to open, although that only makes the bright room blurry as they fill with water.
“I took care of you, just like I always have,” he answers as if it’s the simplest thing in the world.
The form of the embalming room of Bell Funeral Home comes into focus, the cold metal table underneath me making bile rise in my gut. I lurch to the side, my mouth filling with saliva, signaling my incoming vomit when my arm lets out an agonizing tug. This time Gideon’s hiss mixes with mine.
I collapse back onto the table, panting as he tries to settle me, but I’m already looking down.
A scream bubbles up my throat as I see what he’s done.
It seems to bounce around the sterile room as I stare in horror at my arm, the thread that’s connecting it to his.
“Gideon, what the fuck?” I sob. “What did you do?! Stop it, take—oh god, take it out now.”
“Shhh, I-I just needed to calm down. I needed to know you wouldn’t leave when you woke up.”
I force my eyes away from our attached arms, the skin red and angry. “You’re fucking insane. It hurts.”
“I’m sorry, Audrey. I didn’t, I… didn’t want it to hurt. I can give you something to numb the area. It—"
“Where is Jessica?”
He ignores me and keeps rambling, and I’ve never seen Gideon this… panicked. “It was the only thing I could think of to make sure you couldn’t run. I-I just need you so bad, Audrey. I’ve always needed you so badly. You don’t understand what happened to me last time. I wasn’t… I wasn’t in control.”
His hair is a mess, glasses gone from his face as he leans closer to me, making me flinch. His clothes are smeared with blood, his ocean eyes frantic.
“Did you kill her?” I sob.
He frowns. “Are you scared of me?”
His voice cracks and the reminder of the horrible dream seems to be the final straw on my sanity, my sobs turning guttural, crying so hard it makes my chest ache. My hand is trembling as I reach across us and cup his face, turning it toward me. “Tell me what you did.”
In a second, the raw panic in his eyes blinks out, but somehow it doesn’t make me doubt the validity of it.
I don’t dare scream as he slams us into the table, making its metal groan at the force of it.
“Why do you even fucking care!? I took care of it! I fixed everything for you!” he yells before he cants forward, making me hiss as our sewn arms strain from the position.
If it hurts him, he doesn’t show it as he presses his forehead to mine.
“She was in the way. They all were, okay? Audrey, don’t you fucking get it? ”
And I do. Revulsion and an odd, discomforting warmth blooms deep in my chest underneath the horror as his words sink in. “You killed Bryan.”
I cry out as he adjusts our arms, bringing his hands up to hold me. “Of course.” He laughs. “You didn’t think you could get away with fucking someone else, did you? That I’d just let a thing like that slide? That I could stand walking around knowing another fucking piece of shit had touched you?”
“H-how?”
“It was nothing, really,” he soothes, but the softness in his words disagrees with the tone of his voice. “He came over looking for you. I spiked his drink. It was nothing.”
I’m trembling now, opening and closing my mouth like a suffocating fish.
“Do you have any idea how hard it was watching you cry over him that day?”
“Who else? Oh my god, Jess was telling the truth. Did you kill those women?”
Gideon goes quiet at that. “They meant nothing to me. There’s never been anyone but you.”
“B-but you’re him… r-right? You’re the Marionettist?”
“I’m just yours, Audrey.”
“Gideon, answer me.”
He makes a strangled sound, his fist connecting jarringly with the table. “Are you scared of me? I won’t tell you until I know. Will it change anything?”
His lips land on mine, my stream of tears soaking his face before I can answer. My movements are jerky… and honest when I shake my head. I’m horrified, disgusted... odd, and my body is filled with excited nerves I can’t place, a bone-deep… reverence.
Gideon loves me so much.
More than I could’ve ever hoped for, terrifyingly so.
But there’s something wrong with him.
Gideon needs me.
“Tell me,” I breathe, trying to calm myself once he lets me breathe.
He leans back, taking stock of my expression, noting all of my features, studying me for any sign of deception. My pulse spikes even knowing he won’t find one. At the end of the day, I knew, I think… maybe part of me always knew this was in him. It’s not as if he’d hidden from me, not really.
“I tried so hard to make them perfect, to make them like you… it never worked.”
“So, you got rid of them? All those women, they’re dead because of me,” I cry, trying my best to keep from sobbing. “Who else?”
“My mom. She was always trying to scare you away.” His face twists like he’s in pain before blanking again. “Are you mad at me, Audrey?”
I go still. It makes sense now, horrible, jarring sense. Her frazzled, worried eyes always tracking and peeking in on us. “That-that’s why you left, isn’t it? Holy fuck…”
“I never wanted to go. I never left you, not really. We had to, to keep you safe, to keep the police—"
“Wait, your dad… your dad knew?” Bile swells in my gut again, my whole body trembling at the effort to swallow it down.
He nods, bringing his nose against mine in a little brush, mirroring the kiss I gave him before the wedding. “Are you disappointed in me?”
“Never. I swear it.” I hiccup, cupping his face in my hand, rubbing my thumb over the stubble on his cheek. “There’s just… there’s something wrong with you, Gideon. You need help.”
He nods.
“It's too late, though, isn’t it? For help.”
“Yeah, puppet, way too late.”
I don’t know what it is, maybe the soreness in my bones, the exhaustion, or the weight of it all, but when he carefully maneuvers me into his lap, holding me close, I don’t fight him.
I don’t say stop or push him away. I don’t ask any more questions when he squeezes me tightly to his chest, letting me sob.
Soon enough, despite everything, I fall asleep, praying whatever my nightmares are… they’re better than this.