Chapter Thirty-Four
CHARLOTTE
His admission made my stomach drop. I hadn’t expected him to say something so shocking. At the same time, he’d shared this truth when he hadn’t been obligated to do so. That was something I wanted to treat carefully. So I forced my voice to remain neutral. “What happened?”
He studied me like he was weighing how much truth I could take. “How much do you want to know?”
The answer slipped out before I could think about it. “All of it.”
Heat crept up my face because I realized what I was asking. For him to unpack all the history for me to judge. For a moment I didn’t think he would, but then he pulled me close and started.
“I dated Tanya maybe three weeks before she told me she was pregnant. I’ll be honest and say I wasn’t sure the baby was mine. We weren’t exclusive. Once Samantha was born, the tests confirmed it, and we got married right after.
“It was rocky from day one. We barely knew each other, and suddenly we were a family. The more we fought at home, the more I buried myself in work. I knew she loved me in her way, but the harder I tried to force a reciprocal feeling, the worse it got.”
“Why get married if you don’t mind me asking? If you didn’t love each other?”
He let out a deep sigh. “Because I’d always done things perfectly in my life.
Sports, grades, girls. Every goal I’d ever set out to conquer came easy.
Harvard MBA, and a career at any number of top companies awaited.
And Tanya, well, she was the first time I’d screwed up.
Got a woman I barely knew pregnant. Given my Catholic family, and I don’t know, this need to make things work or at least be shiny in appearance, I did what I thought was the right thing. I thought I could fix it.”
He paused. “With Samantha, it was love at first sight, and the thought of not seeing her every day was unfathomable. We had our first Christmas card together, and I’ll never forget it.
A beautiful home in a quiet neighborhood, subtly matching outfits with the baby, and smiling for the camera.
I remember seeing the photo and obsessing over how much I wanted to be that guy.
The doting husband and father who couldn’t wait to come home and be with his family.
But it was just a veneer. I was miserable for three years while convincing myself each day to try harder.
And then one night in New York while on a business trip, a woman came on to me at the hotel. She kissed me. And I kissed her back.”
My throat tightened. “So you slept with her?”
He shook his head. “No. But I wanted to. And that was enough to confirm I couldn’t stay in my marriage. I flew home and told Tanya it was over, and it got ugly from there on out.” He let out a long sigh. “I hope me telling you this doesn’t change the way you see me.”
I sat up straighter, stunned. “You think kissing a stranger in a hotel is the same as having a full-fledged affair?”
His expression flickered, contrition softening the sharp lines of his face. “No,” he admitted finally, the word heavy. “No, I suppose it isn’t. But I’m not proud of it. Just like I’m not proud that I couldn’t make it work with my ex.”
“Love and relationships don’t work on sheer willpower.”
“No, they definitely don’t. We wanted very different things.”
“What did your ex want?”
“She wanted me to love her.” His pause was long, measured, as though he was weighing every word. “And when I couldn’t, she set out to punish me for it. Two husbands and two more children later, and she’s still not done being angry.”
“Co-parenting must be difficult.” I had my moments with Steve, for sure, but neither of us had the energy to continuously stay angry with one another.
“Co-parenting is a nightmare, and my relationship with Samantha is brittle at best,” he admitted.
“But I can’t blame Tanya for the last part.
I took the job in London when I should’ve stayed here for my daughter.
I can dress it up as career necessity, but the truth is it was an escape hatch.
I came home once a month, but I wasn’t in the day-to-day routine of my daughter at a critical age when she needed me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be invited in again. ”
His honesty and self-reflection were disarming. “It won’t be the same,” I offered gently. “Even if you’d stayed, the teenage years flip everything upside down.”
“You can tell Austin enjoys coming to your house.”
“That’s because it’s not only my house; it’s our house, and he knows he’s welcome any time.
Divorce and parenting schedules trick kids into believing we only want them on our assigned days.
I’ve worked hard to show him I want him there anytime he chooses.
” I exhaled. “And I’ve perfected the art of taking the high road in front of him, no matter how annoyed I am at his father. ”
Gabriel’s smile was faint, tinged with regret. “I let Tanya push every button I have. What’s your secret?”
I laughed softly, the sound almost foreign after the heaviness of the conversation.
“A younger sister who happily takes the low road when Austin’s not around.
She’s my outlet. And with time, I’ve learned the power of consistency.
Austin sees the house as a safe space. A place where he’s always welcome.
Where he doesn’t have to choose which parent is ‘doing it better.’ You just have to keep showing up.
Even when it’s hard. Even when you think she doesn’t want you there. ”
“Yeah. I really do. I don’t share much with my brothers despite calling them my best friends.”
“Being the oldest comes with the burden of being the mentor, the problem-solver, and the one who’s supposed to have it together. It doesn’t exactly leave much space for being vulnerable.”
He leaned closer, his voice low and rough.
“I have something important to say to you. I didn’t think it was possible to feel this way, but this conversation highlights how it needs to be said.
” His jaw flexed, his eyes searching mine as if he was laying every card on the table. “Charlotte, I’m falling—"
I pressed a finger to his lips before he could finish, my heart hammering, panic rising like a tide I couldn’t hold back. I couldn’t hear those words. Not now. Not when everything still dangled in the balance.
“Please,” I whispered, forcing steadiness I didn’t feel. “Can we wait until we know where everything lands with the promotion?”
The words tasted like ash, but I pushed them out anyway.
Because I knew too well how quickly love could turn into resentment.
I’d lived through a marriage where my success had been treated like a betrayal, and I wasn’t ready to risk hearing Gabriel say he was falling only to have the switch flip the moment the title was mine.
Disappointment flashed in his eyes, but he kissed my wrist. “Of course. But if you think my feelings will change based on a job title, you’d be wrong.”
I hoped he could prove me wrong.