Chapter Thirty
His heart was in danger of being lost to Georgie, Damian admitted to himself.
If anyone would have told him that it was possible to fall in love in five days, he would have called them a fool.
Except, that perfect, solid shield that had once protected his heart and soul, that had only begun to crack within the last month, may now be completely shattered, and he wasn’t certain what to do about it.
He could act quickly and declare himself and marry Georgie when they reached Scotland, except he never acted on a whim.
Never!
He was thoughtful, cautious, and never made a rash decision. To marry a woman after such a short time would be the most reckless thing he could ever do, and one with lifelong consequences.
He glanced at Georgie, his heart warring with his reasonable, cautious and thoughtful mind.
Pretty, stubborn and she was also bothered.
Why?
Damian had noted the shift in her mood during dinner, with the dimming of humor in her brown eyes and the smile of her bow lips shifting from genuine to forced.
Then there was the way she pushed her food around on her plate to make it appear that she had eaten when he knew for a fact that she had only taken two bites of everything placed before her.
He tried to think of a comment that could have offended her, but nothing came to mind.
He did know that it had occurred while he and Chisholm were telling stories from when they were in school, but those had been innocent pranks, well, for the most part, because they certainly hadn’t shared the more scandalous events, such as sneaking out to the brothel when they decided that their virginity had to go.
“I sent word ahead to the captain to make my cabin ready for you,” Chisholm announced as they boarded the steamship. “My wife often travels with me, so it was designed to accommodate her as well.”
Chisholm nodded to a few of the crew and then introduced Damian and Georgie to Captain Fraser before taking them below and to his cabin.
While not overly large, it was comfortable, with the one larger bed, as he feared.
Beneath was room enough to store their valises and satchels.
There was also a washstand and screen for changing privacy and where the chamber pot had been placed.
Opposite the bed were two portholes where they could look out.
“These accommodations are much nicer than the ones I enjoyed on a Trade Wynd ship,” Georgie commented as she placed her reticule and satchel on the bed.
“Yes, well, you do not need to hide behind slabs of marble for fear of being caught either,” Damian reminded her. “Had you booked passage, I am certain you would have been more comfortable.”
“Except, you do not take on passengers.” Her teasing grin stole another small piece of his heart and Damian feared that by the time they reached Scotland she would own the whole of it fully.
And, as she was teasing him, he could hope that her mood had improved.
“I shall leave you now,” Chisholm announced. “I hope you have a pleasant trip and that you find your sister quickly.”
He then closed the door, which left them very alone in this small cabin with a bed for two.
Damian was certain that there were many topics in which they could converse, but none came to mind with that bed looming behind Georgie and it was much too early to try and sleep. “Would you like to take a stroll on the deck?”
“Yes, I would like that very much.”
It was a clear night, warm, and with no clouds in the sky, the stars were visible, and he recognized a few constellations.
It was peaceful on the deck of a ship when it was at sea.
He did not recall it being so when he was a child, but he had been caught up in the adventure of sailing across the Atlantic.
Maybe he should sail more often. They had dozens of ships so there was nothing stopping him from going anywhere.
The other passengers were also on deck. Some strolling and others standing at the railing as they were, but further away.
“There must be one place that that you desire to see as I do Lichtenstein,” he said as they leaned on the railing, looking out and over the water. Georgie had dismissed the question before, but there must be one place she wished to travel.
She turned to him, crossed her arms over her breasts and cocked her head. “Why?”
“Because most everyone wants to go somewhere.”
“Yes, they do, but as my father cannot be away from Accetta Panetteria, nor am I married or have a brother, I will never visit anywhere. As for adventure, this is likely the only one I will ever have because I took it upon myself to hide on a ship to sail to England. Had Grace not foolishly followed a sailor, there is a very good chance that I would have never ventured beyond Italy.”
Clearly, he had said the wrong thing and Damian wasn’t certain how to shift to a more pleasant topic.
“I do want adventures, Damian, and when I was younger, I used to dream about going to India, or Paris, or America, but as I grew older, I realized that I would never get to see any of the places I read about in books because I am a female.”
Georgie turned on her heel and marched away from the railing of the ship and down the narrow stairs. No doubt she was going to their cabin.
Did he follow her, or wait until she calmed?
He hadn’t meant to upset her and he truly thought the subject matter innocent, yet Georgie was clearly angered in a way that he had not seen her before.
This was one of those moments where he would have benefited from having a sister.
Unfortunately, Caroline had not lived with them long enough for him to judge how he should respond even though she did yell at Sterling, and most of the time he deserved her wrath.
Damian had only asked where Georgie would like to visit.
He also did not want what may be their last night spent together to be arguing, especially after they had enjoyed such a pleasant day, therefore, he would go speak with her. And, if he was unable to calm her, or understand, he would need a pillow and blanket so that he could sleep on the deck.
*
Georgie marched down the corridor and then entered the cabin where she would spend the night and practically slammed the door. Angry with herself and all men. But it wasn’t Damian’s fault. He didn’t make the rules and he had been nothing but kind to her.
Oh, if only he also desired her, and maybe that was the source of her frustration—the rules that did not allow her to seduce anyone.
No, it wasn’t just that. It may be the source of her mood, but she’d been irritated with the rules since she realized that she would need to sneak on a ship, even if a passenger ship had been leaving at the same time as the Trade Wynd ship because a woman should not travel on her own. She may have even been denied passage.
In fact, there was very little she could do outside of her home or village without a man or chaperone to protect her. The rules were unfair and she wanted to break them.
The door creaked slowly open behind her.
She should have known that Damian would follow. He likely had no idea why she was angered, nor could she explain it to him.
At least, she hoped it was Damian and not a stranger.
Slowly she turned to note the concern in his blue eyes as he closed the door.
“Were you aware that I am the only woman on this ship?”
“I was not.”
“Do you know why that is?”
“No,” he answered slowly.
“Because women cannot travel without a chaperone or a man and thus those on this ship must not have a female in need of protecting when they are away from their home.”
Damian opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, then closed it, for which she was grateful because Georgie did not want to hear the same excuse that had been given to her since she was a child.
“It is also unfair!” She planted her hands on her hips.
“If you announced that you decided to book passage on a ship to Calais so that you could travel through France and then Switzerland to get to Liechtenstein so that you could walk from one end of the country to the other, not one single person would attempt to deter you. They would wish you luck. They would look forward to hearing about the venture when you return. Some men may even offer to accompany you, but for the adventure and friendship and not because you needed to be protected. Whereas if I would make that same announcement, there would be all kinds of voices discouraging me because I am a woman.”
“Women are more susceptible to danger,” Damian acknowledged, except his tone was quiet with hints of sympathy. “I wish it was not that way, but it is and there are those who would take advantage of a woman alone.”
“Because a man may attempt to seduce me. He may claim to love me.” She sighed as she repeated the tired warning.
“And, if that were to occur, it is the woman who made the poor decision and the one to blame. Never the man. She is ruined and he carries on without the slightest blemish to his character.”
“There are some who would not even attempt to gain your consent.”
“I know that as well.” That was a nightmare that she could not even begin to imagine. “However, it does not change the fact that it is unfair that I cannot go anywhere I wish without the fear that a man may try to harm me thus I need another man to protect me from that happening.”
“Do not blame or judge all men because of the unscrupulous,” he argued.
“Why not? Women are judged without question. An example. If a man were to take a lover, it is likely that few would comment, or he may even receive a pat on the back from his male friends. However, if a miss did so, she would be ruined for her indiscretion. A man could attend a ball the next evening. A miss would be forced to hide in her parents’ home.
She certainly could no longer hope for marriage because she was no longer a virgin.
Yet, a man is still free to have as many lovers as he wants before and after the vows have been made. ”
The more she considered the hypocrisy of Society the angrier she became.
“It is not fair that I cannot enjoy the same freedom as you do and all because I am a female and you are not.”