Chapter 27Liem
27
Liem
I didn’t consider myself an anxious being.
Bouts of worry and concern found me at times, and on rare occasions, they even overwhelmed me. Like when Dad would fall to the ground or into a mood. When Vinh’s eyes would go distant as he absentmindedly rubbed at his burn scars and then snapped out of it, muttering mantras to himself under his breath.
But those situations, while intense, were not wholly unexpected.
So, when I woke before dawn in the same position that I’d fallen asleep in—with Cody’s bare skin and steady heartbeat beneath me—the anxiety that had infiltrated my mind was quite an unwelcome surprise.
It was almost like Cody’s fears had trickled into me through our extended contact, but when they reformed in my psyche, they were no longer shaped like his.
I had never been more attracted to someone’s entire being than I was to Cody Desmond’s.
His doubts were as beautiful to me as his body because even though they came from his beautiful mind, they stemmed from his heart.
And what a gorgeous heart it was, even as he shielded it from the world.
I wanted to protect it, too, and I knew if we woke up together like that—in my bed after such an intimacy as sharing space and breath—things would escalate.
Boundaries might be unwittingly crossed before he was ready.
In short, my two options were to get out of town or roll on top of Cody and, well…
Perhaps make the best decision of my life.
But that tiny, newfound anxiety had made itself known, and I did not ignore my feelings. I trusted them implicitly, even as they hurt.
Which brought me to now, many hours later, sitting on a dimly lit, abandoned stretch of beach and on a video call with a visibly distressed and horny Cody.
“Now tell me about your day,” he’d just about growled, and even with the sound muffled by the phone’s speakers, my body went on high alert.
But I kept my head, counting breaths as I pulled out a wireless earbud and popped it into my ear, reducing the background noise dramatically before I answered him.
“It was lovely, Dezi,” I managed to say with utmost calm. “I woke up comfortable and warm, enjoyed the sunrise, and taught some classes at the Locc. Thank you for asking. And yours?”
His beautiful hazel eyes narrowed on the screen, trying to puzzle me out. “It was good.”
I cocked an eyebrow at the screen. “Do you think you could give me more?”
“I absolutely could give you more,” he responded without hesitation, his voice husky, and his gaze intense.
I sucked in a sharp breath but then let it out slowly, smiling as I internally held on for dear life. “I look forward to it,” I said simply. “Tell me something good about your day.”
Cody shifted, the video briefly showing more of the bedroom at the houseboat until he adjusted it. “I went shopping with Cher. We got deck furniture.”
I didn’t fill the silence, hoping he’d expound. After only a few seconds, his expression turned somber as he did just that, asking, “She told you about hospice?”
“She did,” I said quietly, sadness for Bree filling me.
Cody wore his pain openly, the despair for his best friend—his family—so obvious before he shook himself from it, his eyes clearing slowly. “I also saw my dad. We worked out together, and I think…,” he trailed off, breaking eye contact and shifting uncertainly again. He turned and leaned against the wall at his back. “I think I’m, uh—” He licked his lips, then pitched his voice lower. “I think I’m getting better, LL. Or I will be. Soon. Maybe.”
If that didn’t just break my heart.
“I have plans now,” he continued. “Ideas. Fucking… prospects, at least.” He looked at me seriously, but the edge of uncertainty remained palpable in the way he kept shifting and jostling the phone.
His gaze held mine, though.
I didn’t immediately respond. I thought it over, letting my feelings and instincts guide me again.
“Dezi,” I started. “Are you comfortable?”
He frowned at me, his nose wrinkling adorably. “Not really.”
“Can I help you become so?”
The question lingered as he licked his lips, and I did the same, remembering the taste of them, but then he nodded.
I performed a quick scan of the beach, confirming I was still alone. The sun had already set, and I was sitting comfortably on an oversized, thick beach blanket sparsely lit by some lanterns that ran the length of the beach access bridge several yards behind me.
“Okay, Dezi,” I began, then adjusted the phone so he could see me from my chest up. “I seem to recall you saying you prefer instructions?” I phrased it as a question and waited for his nod of confirmation before continuing, “Good. Breathe with me.”
It only took him a few long inhales and exhales to sync his breath completely with mine, and once he had, I spoke again. “Now. Drop your shoulders just a little more.”
He complied on our next exhale, and we stayed like that, breathing together for several more repetitions.
When his gaze became glassy, I knew it was time.
“Cody?”
“Hmm?”
“Tell me something good about yourself.”
He held in his next inhale, but I trooped on, my heart racing as I took the first gamble. “Would it help if I gave an example of what will happen when you answer?”
He released the breath harshly, no doubt sensing the edged excitement in my question. “Yes.”
Holding his gaze, I slowly unzipped my jacket.
Cody’s lips parted as he watched, his eyes darting to my face, then to my tattooed hand and back up, never staying focused on either of them for more than a couple of seconds. I reached the end of the zipper and let one side of the jacket slip down my shoulder.
“ Fuck,” he muttered harshly under his breath. Then he leaned closer to the screen.
I took a deep breath, having never stopped the exercise, and smiled faintly.
And then I waited.
I breathed, and I waited.
Cody’s eyes darted down my body again. “I…,” he started and then stopped, a pained look crossing his features. “I— fuck, Liem.” His gaze darted past me as if he could see beyond the frame of the video. “Are you safe there?”
“I am, I assure you.”
He tilted his head, and I smiled at his incredulity before adding, “I promise.”
I barely registered the sound of the crashing waves, entirely tuned in as I was to every expression that crossed his face and broadcasted in his body. He kept his gaze fixed on my bare shoulder as he blew out a breath. The slightest wrinkle formed on his forehead as he thought. When he eventually raised his chin just the slightest bit and moved his gaze to my eyes, I knew he was ready.
I was ready too.
“I care about you. Your safety,” he said simply.
I, in fact, had clearly not been entirely ready, given the way my eyes closed and my skin prickled.
“Good,” I rasped quietly. With my eyes still shut, I lowered my shoulder just enough for the jacket to slip off my arm. “Very good, Dezi. Another.”
“I’m starting school again in May,” he said in a rush.
I smiled but pointedly remained frozen save for my controlled, measured breaths.
Cody huffed, and I opened my eyes to find him looking almost angry, his gaze growing hotter on me by the second. He searched my face for clues, but then recognition crossed his expression.
“I… work hard at school,” he finally whispered, and my heart soared.
And my jacket dropped.
Cody licked his lips hungrily, catching onto the nuance.
“I used to, umm….” He stopped mid-sentence and closed his eyes. “I used to volunteer at the casino daycare on my days off, or after shifts.” He opened his eyes as a sad smile formed on his face. “To play with the kids who were left there all day by their parents.”
I smiled warmly at him. “You’re kind, Cody,” I affirmed as I slowly pulled my tank top over my head, then tossed it aside on the blanket. “And you’re doing so well.”
His eyes drank my bare chest in, and the tip of his tongue peeked out between his lips. I slowly angled the camera down my chest, stopping right before the waistband of my dark jeans.
A choked sound flooded my earpiece, and I tipped the phone back up, raising an eyebrow at Cody again, repeating my question from earlier. “All right, there, Dezi?”
He cursed again and then accidentally turned the tables on me when I got a glimpse of his broad chest.
His narrow waist.
His large hand gripping himself over the fabric of his shorts.
Oh. Not an accident.
I bit my lip hard and squirmed, feeling hot despite the gusts of night air from the Gulf, and pushed my whipping hair out of the way behind my ear.
Once his hazel eyes were back on-screen, I stroked a path down my chest with my hand, imagining it was his instead, making sure he could see it.
Then I stopped at my waistband again and teased a finger over the circular metal button.
“ Show me ,” Cody begged in my ear, and I stroked the cold metal again, almost giving in.
“Tell me first,” I said breathily, squirming as I grew impossibly harder behind my zipper. “Then I’ll show you.”
“I’m getting stronger,” he said desperately. “I’m trying.”
I rose up on my knees, slipping the cold metal button through the opening and letting out a relieved breath at the slight space it afforded me.
“Can you do one more for me?” The question came out as barely more than a rasp.
“I’m going to be good for you.”
The certainty in his voice matched my own in my heart, and I pulled down my zipper, freeing myself.
I clicked the screen and changed the camera to back-facing, then adjusted the angle so he was seeing from my point of view. Then I took myself in hand and squeezed firmly. A soft whimper escaped my lips, followed immediately by another when I looked at the screen and saw Cody’s awestruck expression.
“Oh fuck,” Cody cursed again. “Your hand. Oh fuck, your hand, Ti Bet,” he panted, the tempo of his short breaths matching my own. “And you…,” he trailed off as he stared at the screen intently. “You are so fucking beautiful.”
I whimpered a third time, and his eyes narrowed dangerously. “I need to see how you look when you make that sound, Ti Bet. Show me your face right now.”
I tapped the screen, quickly switching the camera back to front-facing, and my own desperation was reflected back at me.
“There you are,” Cody breathed. “Touch yourself, Liem. I need to see.”
I followed his command, giving myself a slow, firm stroke.
This had really gotten away from me, but there was no stopping it now.
“I’m loyal,” Cody stated confidently, and I angled the camera down so he could see my long, even strokes.
He groaned loudly, passionately, and when I moved the camera back to my face, he met my eyes and gritted out one more truth between clenched teeth.
“I. Am. Yours.”
My heart soared and body and soul convulsed, uncontrollable and unrestrained.
I came.
From those words, I came so hard that I fell back onto the blanket and rolled onto my side, but somehow, I kept my phone held in front of me.
And thank heavens I had because the way Cody’s cheeks were deeply flushed and how his lips parted as he fought for breath was not to be missed. The small thumbnail that showed the view from my camera was almost entirely black.
But I couldn’t move to fix it, to bring myself back into the dim light. My legs buzzed, and a sheen of sweat coated my forehead as I kept my gaze fixed on Cody.
“Holy shit,” he breathed. “ Liem .”
I forced a huge inhale of salty air into my lungs, and then a joyous sound spilled from me.
Cody smiled on the screen, a new lightness in his eyes.
We stared at each other for a moment—or I stared at him, anyway, as he could no longer see me. But he must’ve been able to see something, because he spoke up after a strong breeze drew a shiver from me.
“Get cleaned up and dressed and keep me on the line. I’ll just, umm….” He glanced down at himself and smiled ruefully. “I’ll do the same. Then I’ll stay on with you until you’re home.”
My cheeks flushed impossibly hotter at the realization that Cody had found his release too.
With me.
Because of mine.
I am yours.
The words were seared onto my soul as I did as he said and cleaned up. I fixed my pants back into place but left my tank off as I zipped on my sleeveless jacket over my bare chest. I slipped my phone into my pocket without hanging up and dusted off the beach blanket, then folded it neatly.
My heart rate now semi under control, I tucked the blanket under my arm and pulled the phone back out as I walked to the access bridge, smiling at the screen.
“Hi,” Cody said, smiling back at me. He was standing in the kitchen now, that beautiful color still painting his cheeks.
“Hi,” I answered back, the lights scattered along the walkway illuminating my face at consistent intervals.
We said almost nothing else as I made the short trek back to the condo building, and when I stepped inside the lobby and encountered other people for the first time, the bubble of our time together woefully expired.
As if he sensed it, Cody’s smile turned bittersweet and then vanished as I rode the elevator up to Aunt Ari and Uncle Gil’s condo. “When will you be back?” he asked, his surroundings shifting slowly behind him as he paced the boat.
I leaned my weight against the cool metal rail behind me, glad I hadn’t lost signal in the elevator. “I’m not sure yet. I have another class to teach tomorrow with Uncle Gil and then two with Ari on Friday.”
He nodded even as his brows furrowed. “I can come pick you up if she or Vinh can’t bring you back.” He smoothed his hand over his hair and licked his lips. “If you’re ready to come back then, I mean.”
The elevator doors dinged as they opened, and I stepped through them. “That’s kind of you, Dezi.”
His eyes narrowed in a way that hinted that he’d like to argue with that, even after everything that had just happened.
Baby steps.
“I actually might need your services for a class soon,” I added, not giving him a chance to overthink things. “If you’re available.”
“I’m always available to you.”
I wanted to beam at him, but the serious way he’d said it held me back. Instead, I leaned against the wall by the condo door and replied, “As I am for you.” I glanced down the halls and sighed. “I’m back.”
“Take me inside,” he said quietly. “I may not be able to walk you home or keep you with me tonight, but I can do this, at least.”
I looked my fill of him through the screen, the gravity of the morning—and of the night—passing between us. Then I let myself into the condo and walked straight to the guest room. “Made it,” I said with a smile as I closed the door quietly behind me and leaned against it.
“Good,” Cody said, his pacing coming to a halt. He swallowed thickly, his hazel eyes taking on the same intensity I’d glimpsed a few times over the evening. “I’ll see you soon. Sweet dreams.”
“It won’t be as good as last night,” I said wistfully, smiling as I memorized his face. “But I’ll try to make it good.”
His lips rose and his shoulders dropped as he took in a deep, controlled breath, then nodded.
The call ended, the screen went black, and the evening came to a close.