Chapter 19
Angel
Planning for something and having it turn out exactly the way you imagined it aren’t the same thing.
I knew when I took Lauren last night that it would be more than she could handle.
I wanted to break her.
I wanted her pain, her tears.
She gave me exactly what I was looking for, and in turn, she acted exactly like I knew she would.
She allowed it, never told me to stop, despite it being harder to handle than when I had pulled her hair and hurt her after finding her in my shower.
She’s into pain and degradation. I found out the pain doesn’t have to be physical.
I wake up alone this morning, which I always knew I would.
The tangible pain is something she can manage. She can treat those wounds with antiseptic and bandages.
It’s the psychological hurt, the emotions that live deep inside of her, that are impossible to cut out, that are the most distressing.
I thought pushing her to her limits would leave marks on her skin, but I found out differently.
Slow, passionate sex, giving her body what it wanted rather than ripping it from her with violence, was her breaking point.
I should feel happy that she’s gone, and I do in a way, but at the same time, her absence in bed this morning also leaves me feeling a little empty myself.
The vacancy, the void inside of me, isn’t a new thing. Noticing it, not liking the barrenness, is what alarms me the most.
I’ve lived my life this way, yearned for the desolation, the lack of anything.
Now it feels like I’m actually missing something.
There’s a sense of loss.
I fucking hate it.
I don’t waste time getting a shower. I dress and gather my limited belongings before scouring my truck for more AirTags.
I find two hidden, one just under the driver’s seat and the other crammed into the backseat.
I wouldn’t put it past her to have more in the truck, so after driving around town for a while, I drop that truck off at the storage facility I lease space at and grab one of my other vehicles.
I can’t see her again. The ties need to stay severed. I can’t risk the chance of her following me back to my house. It’s not something she’d survive. Intruding at the motel isn’t the same as showing up to her in my home.
I hit the shower not long after entering my house, and her distaste for how we ended our time together becomes evident under the heated spray on my back.
She had to have dug her fingernails there during the slower session because I never gave her the opportunity the first time I took her last night.
I stay under the spray, torturing myself with the pain until it fades away.
It’s a goodbye of sorts I guess, or maybe it’s a good riddance because the woman has taken up too much of my time, too many thoughts in my head lately to be healthy.
I’m honestly shocked not to find her in my home when I walk out of the bathroom, and it takes me checking the security system connected to my computer for alerts to actually believe she isn’t here.
I ignore the disappointment as I check my phone. I have no notifications from her despite adding my number to her phone when I went through her shit as she slept off her drunkenness.
I have no idea why I did it. It’s not like I’d go running to find her if she called me because she was in trouble.
Lauren Vos is the epitome of you get what you ask for.
She purposely puts herself in dangerous situations because it’s fuel to feed the demons lurking inside of her. It’s going to get her killed and we both know it.
Wanting or even expecting her to change doesn’t count for shit.
The only thing that sets my skin on fire is knowing I won’t be the one to teach her that final lesson.
Her behavior is going to get her killed. We both know it.
She’s going to die a horrific death, and she seems to be getting closer to that ending with every day that passes. She seems almost relieved that it’s going to happen. Her pain in living is greater than any death could possibly be.
After grabbing a granola bar from the kitchen and making a mental note to go grocery shopping after being gone for nearly a month, I head to my office.
I had software running the entire time I was gone, but nothing seems to catch my eye. I don’t take jobs under a certain threshold, but even the higher paid jobs don’t look interesting to me.
Images flash on the screen, matches from missing persons reports that coincide with dark web auctions for the same person, and it makes me wonder if Cerberus uses a program like this. I bet they could solve a lot of these cases if they did.
Not for the first time, I consider selling the program, knowing the price I’d charge would be enough to set me up for the rest of my life, but there’s no thrill in having a bunch of money.
I have loads from working and it does nothing to ease that unsettled feeling inside of me that longs for even more.
As a child, I wanted to be wealthy because rich people make the rules. They don’t get beaten for every little thing. They don’t suffer violence at the hands of relatives because of a bad night’s sleep.
As an adult, I know now that abuse doesn’t have a price tag on it. With money comes stress, and those people have to find an outlet for that just as readily as a poor person does. Violence is second nature, and I argue with anyone who disagrees.
News articles fly across the screen of my computer.
Murders are abundant as are missing persons and kidnappings.
The area of Mexico right across the border is notorious for them.
Criminals don’t even hide it any longer.
Anyone speaking out against it becomes a victim themselves, so they’ve learned to shut their mouths.
The citizens never see a damn thing. Some other person getting hurt isn’t worth them suffering the same.
They’ve learned to look out for number one after the decades’ old battles between cartels.
It's been really good business for me because those traffickers don’t even bother to take their new products out of the city.
If you’re abducted in Tamaulipas, Mexico, there’s a very good chance that you’ll stay there until you’re used up and murdered or sold.
Those cases are typically easy to solve because no one even tries to hide what they’re up to.
The locals are much too scared to try and stop it.
It’s the perfect haven for nefarious business.
Those easier cases are also why I chose Mission, Texas for my home base. It often takes less than a day to go find someone and get paid. The overhead on those cases is very low. They make up for the shit like what happened with William Varon.
My skin is itchy with the loss of that money, but even as I look at the various cases available, I can’t muster the motivation to pull the trigger on accepting a new case.
I know it has to do with Lauren being so close. The chances of her already being out of Mission are low, and I have to fight the urge to go look for her, despite knowing that, much like when I left her on the side of the road covered in cum, she won’t be found unless she wants to.
The woman is trained to be a ghost, educated in how to blend in and remain unseen until she’s ready to strike.
I block Henry Murphy after skimming his encrypted email blaming me for his loss of income after his wife was found murdered.
I’m always upfront about how I operate. The satisfaction or money-back guaranteed is usually enough to get them on board, but sometimes I end up a day late and a dollar short.
Greta Murphy was no exception to that. Henry Murphy didn’t pay a cent toward my expenses this last month, and that irks me a little, considering he sold his fucking wife in the first place.
I crack my neck and pop a piece of nicotine gum into my mouth.
I need to wash my mind of Lauren and get back to status quo, working and making money.
I get the feeling as I look over several more jobs available, that it’s going to take a lot longer than I’d like.