Chapter 34
Nash
I could see the indecision in her eyes as she was offered a safe place to stay.
I could see she needed me to make that decision for her.
Everything she has done has been for her sister.
If I thought she was in the right headspace to finally start making decisions based on her needs rather than the needs of others, I might have done something other than walk out of the house and leave her with those commandos.
Part of my walking out is because she’s become too damn important to me. When I looked at her and the first thing I felt was choose me, I knew I had to get out of there as quickly as possible.
Feeling like I’m owed something, or I deserve a part of her, is dangerous. It’s fucking selfish and so far out of my comfort zone, that I’ve spent hours trying to let go of any thoughts of her.
I’m finding it impossible, but that may be because I followed Cerberus to this fucking hotel. They’re watching me watch the front door, as if I pose some sort of fucking threat to the two women inside.
I couldn’t leave her. My heart pounded, fear threatening to take over with each rotation of my tires, when I tried to drive away last night.
I may not want her inside of me, but that doesn’t clean my system of her.
There’s no such thing as a fucking clean break where this woman is concerned.
It should terrify me, and I’m sure at some point, it might, but today is not the day.
I tell myself I just need to make sure that she’s going to be okay, that Alani isn’t going to blame her or hate her for what’s been out of Ayla’s control. I tell myself that I’ve put in too much time to walk away right before the problems are solved.
It doesn’t make sense. This isn’t a job. I’m not getting paid to protect that woman, but mentally treating it like any other mission right now calms that part inside of me that’s growing increasingly anxious at not seeing her leave the hotel as the sun starts to rise.
I know she’s safe, but there’s more than just the threat of Cortez to protect her from.
Her sister spit vile things at her. I understand how adrenaline works.
Some people are wired to lash out when they’re scared rather than cry.
It’s possible that Alani is the type to manage things that way, but I couldn’t help trying to protect Ayla from incurring her sister’s anger.
The woman has been through enough. It wasn’t my place to step in, but I don’t think there’s a force that exists on the earth that could’ve stopped it.
I’m not exactly happy watching one of the Cerberus assholes saunter up to my fucking truck, but at least he looks just as equally annoyed to be doing it.
I roll down my window as he steps up to it, keeping my eyes on the front of the hotel.
“Do you have a fucking plan?”
“Do I need a fucking plan?” I ask, turning my gaze at him for a second.
BISHOP is sewn onto a patch on the upper left part of his leather vest.
“I figured you and your buddy over there had something in the works.”
“Buddy?”
I follow the point of his finger, shaking my head when I see Donavan’s sneering face glaring at the front door of the hotel.
“He’s not my buddy.”
“You two just happen to work for the same guy,” Bishop says in a way that tells me he’d never believe a word I ever said, so I don’t bother explaining that we’re more like fucking subcontractors. Angel isn’t our fucking boss.
“Is it too much to ask that you guys just fucking leave?”
I scoff at his question.
“I know what it’s like,” he says, his eyes staring up at the third floor, as if he’s watching for someone in particular.
I remain silent. I’m not this guy’s fucking friend.
“Spending time with someone in a shitty situation can make a man think all sorts of crazy shit. I did it once. Spent half a day in the sandpits, thinking I was going to die.”
I sigh in irritation but it doesn’t stop this man from talking.
“Thought I was so fucking in love with the woman I experienced that with. Got one night with her. Best night of my fucking life.”
“And let me guess. She played the ‘friends’ card the next day and even though you’ve been shut down, you still can’t help but hope that she’s going to end up yours one day?”
I roll my head on the seat and look over at him, wanting to chuckle at the way his jaw works, telling me I got it right.
“She’s got a man,” he says. “Fucking laugh it up now. My point—”
“Don’t give a fuck about your point,” I say, not bothering to offer a goodbye before hitting the button in the door to roll up the window.
I wait until the biker gets back to his post right inside the hotel door before stepping out of my truck and making my way in Donavan’s direction.
I saw something I was hoping I’d misread in his eyes last night when he was looking at Alani, but apparently, my sixth sense was working just fine. Whatever it means needs to be shut down really fucking quick.
Donavan gives me a look that tells me he isn’t exactly up for visitors right now, and I know I won’t get shit out of him.
Approaching him is exactly like that Bishop fucker approaching me.
It made no difference the effort he put in, trying to explain why it’s better to just leave Ayla alone.
I’ll only be wasting my breath on Donavan.
I change course, heading into the lobby of the hotel.
I feel Bishop’s eyes on my back as I step up to the coffee urns like I own the place. Let one of these motherfuckers tell me to get lost.
In fact, I pray they do. I have some seriously pent-up anger I’d like to take out on one of their faces.
Just to spite all the leather-wearing assholes floating in and out of the lobby, I fill my coffee cup and take a seat on one of the couches. I hate the way Bishop grins when I can’t manage to keep the wince of pain off my face completely as I settle in.
For all my bravado, I know it’s very unlikely I’d win in a fight against any of these massive fuckers.
I sip my coffee, my eyes on the elevator, wondering if they’re going to sneak her out through one of the fire exits rather than having her walk right past me.