Chapter 8
Eight
I apologize when I’m wrong. What I don’t do is apologize when I’m provoked. You lit the match, you deal with the fire.
— Creole’s secret thoughts
CREOLE
Life had returned to normal.
At least, I’d returned to normally scheduled programming.
My life, however, wasn’t normal.
I didn’t know what normal was for me anymore, but it certainly wasn’t what it used to be.
The anger and pain that I’d held onto for so long was just gone.
There no longer.
And all of that had to do with Audric pretty much pointing out my stupidity.
I knew he had a thing for my hair.
He always had.
In the beginning of Laney and my friendship, I’d thought he hated it.
He didn’t.
In fact, I’d realized rather quickly that he was obsessed with it.
Before the night that changed my life forever, he never missed an opportunity to touch it.
Never once had I walked into a room with him and he hadn’t touched it.
When everything bad in my life had started, there were moments in time that I’d walk into the room where he was at, and he’d lift his hand up to touch it like usual.
Yet, at my flinch, he’d stopped doing even that.
So I knew he was obsessed with my hair.
Now, I knew that I held a grudge against a boy who had walked in on something he misunderstood and had left without putting any more thought into it.
He’d been hurting.
Because, since I was finally being honest with myself, we’d both had a thing for each other.
We just hadn’t ever acted on it.
Him because he was young and dumb, likely.
Me, because I knew that Laney had always felt the way I felt, only more vocally.
Once I knew that she liked him, that was it for me.
I’d never go there because of our friendship.
I scrubbed my face with my hands, then immediately cursed myself.
I looked at the dirt on my hands, then at the flowers I’d just potted, and snorted.
I lived in a moderate three-bedroom, two-bath townhome in Irving.
I’d purchased it late last year after I decided that I needed to stay close to my dad in case he needed me.
He didn’t.
I was just using him as an excuse to stay in the area because I didn’t want to leave.
In reality, I would’ve never been able to, even though I’d wanted to blow the Dallas popsicle stand since I was seventeen and realized my world would never be the same.
I’d thought the answer was getting the hell out of the city.
In reality, the answer was facing my demons.
Which Audric had forced me to do two weeks ago when we’d been sitting on the shores of Maui.
Ever since, I’d been thinking that I needed to start utilizing my healthcare benefits and seeing a psychiatrist about my issues.
That was my plan for today, actually.
I was going to see someone and finally take control of my life.
It was my first step to healing, and maybe, just maybe, being happy.
And if that happiness brought me closer to a certain someone…
My alarm went off, reminding me that I needed to go get cleaned up and leave if I was going to make it in time.
I quickly headed for the back of the house and slipped into the shower after haphazardly putting up my hair.
Fifteen minutes later, I was out the door and heading to the bank of office buildings in the heart of Irving, going to the psychiatrist that my insurance had recommended.
I arrived at the office and took a seat, noting that there was no receptionist to check in with.
The door on the other side of the entrance was closed, but there was a sign there that read ‘With a patient. Be done at twelve thirty.’
Taking that to mean I should sit and wait, I did, absently playing Phase 10 on my phone while I did.
I was through three rounds when the door to the office opened, and a crying woman left with her head down.
The man at the mouth of the door smiled at me gently and gestured with his hand. “Come on in. You must be Creole?”
I nodded and stood, suddenly incredibly nervous. “That’s me. Creole Williams.”
He gestured toward a chair across from one that had a coffee cup sitting at its base and said, “Have a seat.”
I did, noting the box of tissues on the table separating the two chairs.
“What brings you in today?” he asked.
Besides being fucked up and scared of anyone and everyone?
“Where do I start?” I asked, laughing humorlessly.
His eyes sharpened, and he tapped his bottom lip with one blunt finger. “Where do you think you need to start?”
That was a loaded question if I ever heard one.
But how did I start to tell a man I barely knew, who I had no loyalties to, my deepest, darkest secrets?
I couldn’t even tell them to Audric when he’d been the one to bring them up because he found it all.
Well, all that he could find.
He still didn’t know everything.
I hadn’t told him what happened after he’d left.
He’d only known what his computer genius had been able to find.
He didn’t know what I’d gone through before he’d found me.
After.
When I’d had Damon.
What I’d had to do when Damon’s grandfather had found out about Damon.
As in, drop all charges against his awful son so I could keep mine free of his son’s disgustingness.
“Uhh…” I hesitated.
“Tell me how your day has been so far,” he suggested.
I eyed the psychiatrist.
He was in his early forties, had graying brown hair at his temples, and laugh lines around his face. He looked like he played golf, because he was so damn tan all over, and my dad usually had the same tan lines.
His hands were white, likely from gloves being worn in the sun.
I relaxed slightly, but only just barely.
His question was easy enough, so I told him about my day.
At least, what I felt like sharing anyway.
It was my day off, and I’d spent time in my garden.
There really wasn’t anything he could extrapolate from my words.
He gently led me into other conversations, and before I knew what hit me, he asked, “Are you afraid of men?”
I blinked at him. “What makes you say that?”
“Your body language, how you scooted your chair away from me twice after originally moving it before sitting down. You eye the exit every few minutes, making sure it’s still where you last saw it and free of debris that might hinder an escape,” he mused, starting a gentle tap-tap with his pen.
I forced myself not to stare at that stupid pen.
I hated when people tapped.
Or shuffled.
I had a lot of hearing issues based mainly around the noises that grated on my nerves the most.
The only man I’d ever been around who hadn’t annoyed me with his endless annoying noises was the one I’d pushed away.
“I am not comfortable around men, no,” I admitted, hating the vulnerability in my voice, especially around a man I didn’t know.
Just because he had M.D. after his name didn’t mean that he was anyone special. Even doctors could harm if they wanted to. Eight years of schooling meant nothing if they were inherently a bad person.
“Would you like me to open the door? Would that help?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered immediately.
He didn’t get up to open the door, and my eyes narrowed.
He looked at his watch.
“The last ten minutes I want you to tell me what happened to make you afraid of men,” he urged.
“That’s a long story, and it’ll take more than ten minutes,” I pointed out.
“I have lunch after this, so no rush,” he offered.
I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling my purse press against my stomach.
The gun that I had concealed in my purse was at easy reach.
I could kill this man before he’d even gotten out of his chair.
I’d practiced withdrawing my gun from my purse so many times, and firing my weapon, that I had full confidence in my abilities.
“I was raped by the captain of the football team in high school,” I said through gritted teeth, calming slightly with the purse and my gun so close.
A shriek from the hallway had us both turning to glance in the direction.
A calming voice, one that I knew very well, could be heard.
Then there was a commotion in the office beyond the psychiatrist’s door.
The doctor got up and walked toward the office, a frown marring his face.
I waited for him to open the door and walk out before I followed, making sure to scoot far away from the doctor as I took in the scene.
“I’m sorry,” Audric blurted. “But I saw your car in the lot, and…”
He looked helplessly at me, and I softened.
I walked toward Lottie, who was the one behind all the screaming, and pulled her into my arms.
“Hey, pretty girl,” I cooed. “What’s wrong?”
Lottie didn’t stop screaming, but she did give Audric the breath he needed to take to calm down.
“Ahh, we still have ten minutes,” the doctor said.
“It’s fine, I’ll still pay you for the full time.” I smiled.
“Okay.” The doctor nodded. “I’ll make the appointment before you leave.”
“No, no. That’s okay, thank you. I’ll call and make one,” I lied.
I wouldn’t be calling to make one.
This guy gave me the creeps, and I realized my mistake.
I should’ve found a woman who could listen to my issues.
I’d instantly be more comfortable and could handle myself better, while also feeling more in control.
The doctor opened his mouth to say more, likely to call me on my bullshit, but I left before he could.
The moment we were outside, I said, “What brought you into the parking lot to even see my car?”
Not that I cared.
I was happy to help anytime he needed it.
And maybe should’ve been offering my help from the start.
I was such a bad person.
“Doctor’s next door.” He looked green. “She has yet another ear infection.”
I looked at the poor girl. “Did you get some Tylenol and ibuprofen into her?”
“Yeah, and was picking her script up when I happened to look over and saw you here. I need to tell him.”
My brows rose. “Now?”
“Her doctor wants medical history of the father.” He looked sick. “She’s showing signs of hereditary issues that he thinks might shine some light on a few other things we’ve noticed, too.”
“What other things?”
“She has sight issues that he thinks she needs to go see a doctor for. She’s showing signs of also having hearing issues that might or might not be related to her ear infections.”