Mister Curb Appeal (Lucas Property Brothers LA #2)

Chapter 1

Chapter One

JOSHUA

I plaster on my carefully crafted smile; it’s the one especially reserved for pushy mothers who think because they’re rich and powerful — and also spend a lot of money with the Lucas Property Brothers firm — that this gives them the right to thrust their unmarried daughters, and sometimes sons, onto me.

I’m a single hetero male, but we don’t need to sky-write it. I also don’t need dating tips from women who are onto their third or fourth husband. Maybe there’s something in the water lately, because everyone’s been trying to set me up.

I keep my business and private life separate. I concur, there is always that one exception to the rule. Every man has his weakness, after all. That one little piece of kryptonite that makes time itself stand still. I’m only human after all.

For me, that alluring temptress is Alexis Kennedy, Lexi .

I shouldn’t even admit that, because admitting it means I’m interested, and if I’m interested then I should stop being a pussy and make a move. But I can’t.

Lexi is also the PA to Alison Archer at the realtor office across town.

Alison is also my dad’s girlfriend. Tristan Lucas is the mastermind and CEO behind Lucas Property Brothers LA — and they were rival realtors for years.

That is until their mutual hatred for each other was hidden by a secret attraction that all started at their high school reunion. Don’t ask.

Now me, as well as my two brothers, Bradley and Noah, have no relief from witnessing the front row show to Dad’s new lovefest on replay with the woman we all thought he hated.

We live and breathe all things Ali Archer these days, and while I’m glad to see Dad happy, him getting laid more than me isn’t something to be celebrated.

Turns out Ali is pretty cool, and she gives Dad a run for his money, which is fucking hilarious. He needs to be taken down a peg or two sometimes. All the ass-kissing he receives in his day job can be nauseatingly head swelling.

When it comes to cutting a deal, though? Dad and Ali really do fight to the bitter end.

Sweet.

Me making a move on Lexi, however? Not gonna happen.

Firstly, I like my balls exactly where they are. It’s no secret Lexi is practically Ali’s surrogate child, and she’s fiercely protective.

Second, the conflict of interest would be the talk of the town.

While Dad may have paved the way for dating the enemy and managing to keep the gossip about his relationship at bay, we don’t need to all follow in his footsteps.

Not that Lexi is an enemy, but Archer Realty is the second largest real estate business in LA, and it would set tongues wagging if I were to start dating Ali’s assistant.

I smile when I think about my girl. Fuck . Am I really calling her ‘my girl’?

I need to get a grip.

Trust me, I’ve tried to not think of her like that. But when she called me Joshie one day in that sweet as toffee drawl of hers, I wanted to roll that sexy, curvy body over my desk and show her exactly what she does to me. It may or may not have included her calling me Joshie while she came.

Inappropriate? Yes.

Highly entertaining imagining it? Double yes.

Chances on me acting on it? Uh, no.

I realize I’m starting to get a chub while Veronica Milton is still talking, and I’m smiling, which makes her eyes sparkle because now she thinks I like her crazy idea.

“... and she’s studying to be a lawyer. Janie is very clever, passing the bar on the first exam…

She gets her smarts from me, you see. So if you’re ever in the market for an attorney, I know my sweet Janie would love to be all over it and give it her all. ”

I bet she would.

Giving it her all, Janie or her mom, isn’t what I came here to do today.

I came to present Veronica with the papers to sign for the holiday home she’s purchasing in Pacific Palisades.

Secretly, I know it’s a private pad for her to escape from her fourth husband, Jerry, when he’s in town, and use it as a tax write-off.

He’s an oil tycoon with plenty of money, and a penance for younger women, booze and gambling — in that order.

Veronica has a high-end jewelry line that’s popular with third and fourth wives with nothing better to do with their hard-earned cash.

Joan Rivers was a big fan. It can’t be easy putting up with Jerry.

I’ve had the misfortune of meeting him on more than one occasion.

He’s loud, ignorant, and thinks he’s fucking George Clooney.

He’s not. He’s pot-bellied, wears an enormous cowboy hat that would make J.R.

Ewing jealous, and thinks he’s hilarious.

I almost feel sorry for Veronica.

Unfortunately, I get propositions like hers all the time, and that isn’t being big headed.

The gene pool in the Lucas family is a combination of our dad’s good looks, and our mom’s height and Swedish origins.

Still, I’m a gentleman, after all, and she’s a good client.

Who knows when she’ll need another secret love pad?

“That’s awfully nice of you, Mrs. Milton, but I’m already seeing someone.”

I’ve met her daughter a few times at charity events over the years, and she’s a spoiled princess with a stick up her ass.

My family may be rich, but we’re not rude, and we certainly don’t treat other people as if they’re beneath us if they don’t run in the same circles.

Dad has worked from the ground up to establish the family business, which took him decades of hard work, and has never had anything handed to him.

Neither have we, our parents both taught us to work hard for what we want.

His efforts resurrecting Lucas Property Brothers paid off because our company made the Forbes list last year.

It meant being able to expand branches all over Los Angeles — one we all take great pride in.

If you’re an imbecile to servers just because you can, for example, that’s an instant red flag for me.

Janie made a waitress cry, and I could’ve dumped the tray of caviar the waitress was holding over Janie’s head if given the chance.

I cringe at the memory. It was my dear, sweet Lexi that put her arm around the waitress’s sagging shoulders and led her away; probably so she could die of embarrassment in private without the interested eyes of LA’s elite on her.

That’s just like Lexi, though; always thinking of others before herself.

Veronica lays a perfectly manicured hand on my forearm and gives it a firm squeeze. “Call me, Veronica, please,” she purrs. “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone, my apologies. Who is she? Anyone we know?”

I hate having to extend the truth, but on this occasion it’s necessary.

I’m not seeing anyone right now, but she doesn’t need to know that.

If it were Brad having this conversation, he would’ve told her Janie is a spoiled, stuck-up bitch who needs to learn some manners.

He really doesn’t care about his reputation.

But not all heroes wear capes, so I keep a smile plastered on my face.

“Well, it’s new, and she’s very private, as am I, so I’d rather not go into details if it’s all the same with you.” We’re here to sign contracts, not discuss my love life. “So without further ado, I just need a couple of signatures?—”

“Such a gentleman.” Her hand is still notably lingering on my forearm. Uh, what the fuck? “You should come out to the Palisades sometime. It really is charming this time of year.”

Is Mrs. Milton hitting on me? Even when I just told her I had a girlfriend? For fuck’s sake.

I clear my throat. “I don’t get over to the Westside very much these days, I’m too busy. But the house is spectacular. I’m sure you’ll be very happy there. It really is idyllic.”

Fucking idyllic. Who even am I?

It cost five million dollars for a four-bedroom, four-bathroom, 1948 build, fully renovated home with views of the canyon. Not bad for a fourth ‘holiday home.’

“I love getting all of that city grit out of my hair,” she goes on as I slide the pen into her hand, hoping to guide her back to what we’re here to do. “It’ll be like a home away from home. Somewhere to call my own.”

I think she’s forgotten she’s married and has several other homes away from home . I may not like Jerry, but this woman is something else.

“Indeed.” I hold my breath as her hand hovers, my eyes unable to look away.

“But if you’re ever in the vicinity, I’ll be there most weekends.” She beams.

For the love of God, please fucking sign the fucking contracts.

“I will be sure to do that, Veronica.” I give her a dazzling smile, taking megawatt to a whole new level.

To see her hand moving across the paper is a sweet relief. She finally signs, and I feel my shoulders sag a touch as the pen dances across the dotted line, her scrawl an elaborate show of dips and loops.

When she’s finished, she cracks her knuckles like she’s done a hard day's work. Finding this place has been hell. We’ve looked at over thirty properties but she was never satisfied with any of them.

After a while, you get the feeling that some clients may just be wasting your time, but Veronica has bought and sold with me for years.

I knew we’d find something eventually. She’s just hard work.

On cue, Mason — my dad’s PA, and the voice of all wisdom for the Property Brothers — knocks on the door.

“Congratulations, Mrs. Milton.” He joists with the large gift basket in his arms, brimming at the seams with high-end goodies.

Could he be any more flamboyant? He lives for this kind of stuff.

“I put this together myself. I know how much you enjoy Pinot Grigio.”

Veronica’s face lights up and she finally releases her hand from my arm. “Oh, Mason, you shouldn’t have!”

He dangles the keys in the air as he hands her the massive basket. “Party at your place!”

That’s all we fucking need. An invite I can’t get out of.

“I’ll leave you with Mason,” I say, standing and straightening out my suit, brushing off some imaginary lint. “Congratulations, Veronica. It’s a really beautiful property.”

She can’t resist one last hug, stretching her arms around my frame. “Thank you again, Joshua. It took a while, but we got there in the end, didn’t we?”

It took a while because she found fault with every single house I showed her, drawing the transaction out for months.

Still, I can’t complain. The commission wasn’t anything to sniff about.

And most importantly, my client is happy.

She may be grabby, and want me for a son-in-law, or her next husband, but I treat all my clients with the same respect.

Even if I want to staple things to their heads.

“We did, and you have impeccable taste.” I release myself from her grip, happy I can soon escape her clutches. “Enjoy the champagne. Just make sure Mason doesn’t have too many. He’s a sloppy drunk.”

She laughs like I’m a comedian.

I ignore Mason’s ‘you’re welcome’ smirk as I leave and head back to my office.

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I walk. Relief that this is over, until the next property hunt, washes through me. If I was ever inclined to day drink, today would be the day.

As soon as I sit down, I see a sticky note stuck to my computer.

Mason.

He insists on using damn sticky notes for everything instead of the calendar he so carefully prepared and emails me, Dad, and my brothers daily.

I squint, sliding the reading glasses from out of my top jacket pocket. I slip them on and then I grin even wider as I pull the sticky-note off my screen.

Lover boy,

Call Lexi ASAP. She’s got a new deal for you. Is that code for something? Xoxo

This day may be looking up after all.