Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
Dazar
I didn’t recognize the man in the yard with Dizzy as I returned home from the university. He looked to be a nobleman, given the blond hair and jewel-toned eyes, and it appeared Dizzy was teaching him swordplay. Had she finally found a job? If so, I was happy for her. I knew how much it galled her that I’d had to help pay last month’s taxes.
Dizzy and I nodded to each other in passing as I went into the house to change. After I passed them, I overheard:
“Is that a Phorasti?” came the man’s voice.
“Yes,” Dizzy replied. “My brother.”
“Your brother is a?—”
The door shut firmly behind me and I sighed. That was not an unusual reaction, and one reason I didn’t like wearing my official Phorasti robes: too much attention and curiosity.
Then I sighed for a completely different reason: Dizzy had called me her brother.
And I was…
…sort of.
Her father had adopted me after the Dath-Riven War.
The trouble was, I didn’t see her as a sister. She was the love of my life, but despite all my powers, I’d never had the courage to tell her. I didn’t want to ruin the pleasant relationship we had. We lived together, even if it was in separate rooms. I saw her every day. We laughed and joked together. It was a good life.
But if I told her how I felt, and that wasn’t what she wanted, everything would become awkward. I’d probably have to move out, which was the last thing I wanted.
I didn’t know what to do.
For all that everyone gawked at my Phorasti powers, and the status that came with them, I was a coward when it came to the woman I loved.
Shoulders slumped, I went to my room and took off my Phorasti robes. As much as I hated them, they opened a lot of doors for me. Being the only Phorasti of any significant rank within the city of Pearlia, I was called upon a lot .
My trip this morning had not been planned. A runner had come from the university. One of the professors had fallen from a ladder in the library and needed healing. It had taken me some time to perform the delicate mending of bone and restitching of sinew and muscle. I was utterly exhausted, but also two gold royals richer.
Not that money mattered to me. I already had a small fortune and nothing to spend it on. Dizzy wouldn’t let me help her with the finances for the cottage and grounds and I had few other needs so… I repaid her in small ways, using my powers to encourage the garden in the back, and giving gifts on her birthday and Festival Days — she wouldn’t take gifts any other time, too much pride — but that was it.
I sat heavily on my bed in the darkness of my room. Though for me, it wasn’t dark at all. Everything around me radiated an aura. This was the gift of the Phorasti, or more specifically a Kromasti, though few outside the White Tower would make that distinction. Every living thing had an aura and most of the furniture was made from once living materials and still held a trace of their aura.
The wood in the wardrobe, the desk, and the bed frame gave off a green hue. Even the cloth mattress and the feathers which stuffed it gave off faint hues of green and gold. The chunks of ash in the hearth, dark to any other, were simmering orange to my Phorasti senses.
I thought about laying down, but hearing the scuffing and sparring out in the yard next to my room did not seem conducive to rest, so I dressed in some rough clothes and went to encourage the garden.
I left the house and crossed the yard quickly, getting out of Dizzy’s way, but paused once I was in the garden.
Even without looking I could feel Dizzy’s aura. Mostly she was red, the color of passion and strength, it billowed off her like no one else, a heady cloud. I’d gotten used to it, but it had overwhelmed me often as a boy when I’d first been coming into my powers. Her aura also possessed heavy strokes of yellow for her courage and vitality. Lesser, but still noticeable, were traces of violet and purple for her wisdom and presence, and blue for her integrity and wit. It wasn’t uncommon for people to give off many colors, but the sheer force of Dizzy’s aura made me, well… dizzy. Everyone thought my nickname for her came from her dizzying combat ability and how fast she moved, and… it was. But for me it had a whole other meaning.
The aura of the noble with her was quite colorful and complex, but nowhere near as strong as Dizzy’s. He possessed a base of strong blue, violet, and purple with undertones of gold, a hint of orange, and thin streamers of yellow and green. A very eclectic man indeed.
I sighed and knelt next to a patch of cabbage, feeling the greenness of its energy. I expanded my aura to connect with this small plant. If Dizzy’s aura was strong enough to dazzle me, the aura of a full Phorasti like me would be overwhelming even to someone who wasn’t sensitive to such things. It was one of the reasons why the first lesson any Phorasti was taught was how to restrain their aura until and unless needed. Even normal people, despite not being able to see our colors, would still feel and be affected by a strong aura, becoming dazed and addled. So, I had to keep my aura contained, most of the time.
I touched the cabbage’s aura and felt for any disease or impurities, even if only traces, and weeded them out before moving on to the next. Shorine’s garden had never been so lush and bountiful as it was since I’d returned to Pearlia last year. I loved the simplicity of working with these plants. They were nowhere near as complex as people.
People could be harsh and violent and… with the sparring not that far away behind me, my mind pulled me back to memories of the war…
I could see it vividly, my senses alive with the stench and sounds of that final — horrible — battle for Vestrea City. The Pearlian forces defended, under siege. The Eromorn army swarmed like ants — in the thousands — around the walls. The city had been under siege for months, our forces dwindling, out of food, and desperate.
I’d been called to help lift the siege.
My jaw tightened, as it had that day… when I’d done what had been commanded of me. I’d never used my powers to harm anyone before that day, nor since. I’d killed enough men that day for a dozen lifetimes. It had been far too easy, pulling their colors to me, sapping their life energies. Between one heartbeat and the next, more than three thousand men had drawn their last breath and fallen still.
I returned to myself as the memory faded, eyes clenched shut, tears leaking from them as I shuddered violently. I hoped Dizzy was distracted with her instruction and didn’t see me shaking. She didn’t know what I’d done.
What I’d done… to save her.
For she’d been one of the many Pearlian soldiers trapped in the city. That had been the only reason I’d even considered doing what I’d done. To free her. And she could never know. If she did, she’d turn from me in disgust, as any rational person would. I could never forgive myself for what I’d done, so how could she?
“Daz?”
The soft voice — not Dizzy’s — startled me, even though I’d sensed someone coming. I didn’t have to look to know it was Avela. Not only did I know her voice well, but I felt her colors. She was mostly orange and yellow with layers of lime and green, and various threads of red, sienna, blue, violet, even black. Black wasn’t common for most people. Avela, however had dark secrets from her past, which had left their mark upon her spirit.
Dizzy and I knew some of her story, that she’d worked for a brothel for a time before catching the waning sickness and being tossed out into the street. That had been where Shorine had found her. The elderly shepherdess had brought Avela here and had nursed her back to health. We didn’t need to know details, but it was clear she’d had a harsh life before she’d come to live with us.
“Are you well?” she asked with concern.
“I am,” I said, forcing my voice to be strong. “It’s been a tiring day, though.”
“Take a break then. Come, have some cool water from the well. Sit with me in the shade and rest.”
That sounded wonderful. I quickly shifted my colors and dried the few tears I’d shed. I stood and followed her down the path to the shaded trees on the other side of the juniper grove. There we sat and she drew some water from a bucket into small cups for us.
It was easy to talk to Avela. I had no attachments to her. I could be myself. Though, I did feel her reds and siennas swell. She liked me, was attracted to me. I was flattered, but I tried not to encourage such things. My heart belonged to Dizzy.
When she put her hand on my leg, I removed it gently.
She sighed and her reds and siennas faded. “You… should tell her how you feel,” she said softly.
I nodded. Avela was perceptive, I wasn’t surprised she knew how I felt about Dizzy. I just wish Dizzy knew.
“I know. I just don’t know how.”
“Just… say it.” She rose from the bench we’d been sitting on and knelt before me taking my hand. Her voice grew soft and solemn. “I love you,” she said… and she meant it. That she — Avela — loved me . Then she released my hand and rose quickly a pleasant smile on her face, the seriousness gone and her true feelings hidden. “Like that.”
“Easy for you, but?—”
“No Daz,” she said, the seriousness returning. “That wasn’t easy at all.” She turned away, heading for the small caretaker’s house next to the barn. Her aura shifted to muddled browns and the aching black of sorrow and confused sadness.
I sighed. I hadn’t been thinking. Of course it hadn’t been easy for her to say she loved me when she knew I didn’t love her in return.
I’d messed up.
I hadn’t considered her feelings. Here I was, with so much power, but I still had no clue how to talk to people. That was one of the reasons I didn’t want to tell Dizzy any of this. What if I said the wrong thing?
What if I drove her away?
The other reason was, even assuming I said everything right… if Dizzy didn’t feel the same way, then I’d feel as dejected and devastated as Avela had been just now.
I sighed again. Today was not going well at all.
The voices and sounds of occasional combat in the yard had stopped. I couldn’t see the yard from this bench, so I rose and made my way along beside the garden, down the path back to the cottage.
The yard was empty.
I paused before I opened the door to the cottage, feeling Dizzy approaching from the other side, her aura like a soothing balm around me as it encompassed me.
The door opened and there she was… wrapped in a towel and nothing more.
“Oh! Daz! I was going to have a bath.”
Yes, that was obvious.
“Care to join me?”
Not going to happen.
I stammered.
“At least come warm the water for me.” She grabbed my hand and drew me along behind her as I tried not to look at… her.
She must have noticed. “Oh, come on Daz. It’s not like we didn’t bathe together as kids. You’ve seen me naked enough times.”
True, but naked as a kid and naked as an adult were two very different things. Lots of kids ran around naked, not so many adults did.
I had to work very hard — especially with how tired I was — to calm my reds and siennas so I didn’t get an unsightly bulge in my pants.
Once we were through the door of the bathing area, she heaved me toward the bath and I did as she’d asked. I drew forth orange, warming the waters, my hand in the bath to test it.
I ignored how Dizzy sat on the edge of the tub, her slender ankles and the heavy round muscles of her calves in the water.
“Ooooh, yes, that’s great, thanks.” She stood, removing her towel, putting it on the rim, and stepped down into the waters. I looked down at the water, not up at her, but I still caught her reflection. A perfect woman, strong and powerful, lithe and graceful.
This time I couldn’t stop my arousal from surging, my cock swelling, but painfully restrained.
“You look like you could use a soak.” I could hear the concern in her voice. And I could use a soak, but not with her, not like this. She’d see how I felt for her clearly enough.
Wouldn’t that just be the most awkward way to tell her? “Hey Dizzy, yeah, I love you and get rock hard when I think of you. Wanna fuck in the bath?”
I turned and left, not another word. I could hardly even breathe until I’d closed the door of the bathing area behind me. I heard Dizzy’s bewildered, “Daz?”
I fell to my knees, addled and disoriented. I shouldn’t have imagined that scenario of possibly joining her. Now I couldn’t get it out of my head and my body responded viscerally to those vivid thoughts.
I stood awkwardly and staggered back to the house, shutting myself in my room. Once alone, I freed my cock and stroked it hard. I pictured us in the bath together, her straddling me, taking me hard, demanding her pleasure and receiving it. Her hands rose up into her hair as she came, crying out. My hands caressed her high breasts, adding to her bliss. Then…
I grunted as my release came.
I emptied myself onto the cold ash of the hearth, leaning on the small mantle. And when I was done, I brought forth flames to scour the area clean.
I gulped air, confused and aroused and… alone.
Falling onto my bed, I berated myself for my continued cowardice.
I could be with the woman I loved, if I just told her how I felt. But… if she didn’t feel the same, I’d feel far worse than I did now.
So, I traded an imagined pain for a very real one, and tried not to dream of what life would be like if Dizzy and I were truly together. For that was the most exquisite pain of all.