Chapter 25
CHAPTER 25
Tisera
“Daz?” I called as I burst through the door of the cottage.
The main room was quiet, unoccupied. The door to his room was closed. I ran over and opened it. He hadn’t locked it. He sat on the side of his bed, head in his hands.
“Daz—” but what could I say? That wasn’t what it looked like? It had been exactly what it looked like, and I had enjoyed it and very much wanted to do it again. So, what then?
Then… as had happened with Leo, words spilled out before I’d fully thought about them. “I love you!”
What?
Fuck! Really?
Did I?
Well, yes, definitely in one sense, but in the way he wanted…?
He looked up, eyes red-rimmed, tears on his cheeks. “How can you say that?” His voice broke, raw and hoarse.
How could I? I wasn’t exactly sure, but I knew one thing, “What you saw, me and Leo, that wasn’t love.” It had been raw and hot and immediate. Gods, it had been great sex, but not really love, I was sure of that.
He sniffed. “How can you love me and still fuck him?”
That… was more complicated.
“I… had wanted to talk to you, about what you’d said yesterday, but then… what happened with Leo… just happened. I still need to talk to you, and make sense of everything I’m feeling, but none of this is working out like I thought it would.”
“None of this? None of… what?” He sighed heavily. “You want to talk. Talk, but I can see your aura. It’s all yellow and orange and sienna right now… LOTS of sienna!”
I didn’t know what that meant. “Is that bad?”
“It means you’re very aroused and blissful and excited. I can see the results of what you were just doing, Dizzy. It’s…” His jaw tightened and twitched. He looked away.
“Oh… sorry.” I didn’t know how to respond to that. “Can you see that I want to be honest with you right now? That it’s the truth when I say that was something I didn’t mean to happen and that I do… love you? Can you see that?”
Gods, I hoped that was the truth. I didn’t know what he could see with his emotion-color-sense-thingy.
He faced me again. His jaw tensed. He seemed angry. He shook his head. “I don’t know how that can be true, but I can see it. Your blue is strengthening. I’ll be keeping an eye on that as you talk, so… talk.”
Blue? Blue was honesty? Interesting.
He shook his head, as if what he saw didn’t make any sense to him. He couldn’t believe it, not yet.
I closed the door and leaned against it with a heavy sigh. How… how did I say this? I tried to recall Veora’s words but couldn’t.
Time to say it my way.
“I… I want to have a different relationship with you Daz. I’m… exploring many facets of myself right now, and apparently there are several men — well, three men including you — interested in me. Leo is one of them. I… I don’t know who I want to be with yet, but I’d like to explore a relationship with all of you. I’m glad you were honest with me and said what you did. It’s taken me a while, but I’ve begun to see you in a different way as well. I’d like to explore that with you, if you’re willing, but you have to know I’ll be exploring it with others at the same time. If… if you really want me to be happy and find a true and perfect love in my life, then hopefully you’ll let this happen and perhaps that love will be with you.”
Daz looked confused. “You want to… be with three men… at the same time?”
I got a little defensive. “It’s not like most men don’t fool around with lots of women before finding the one they’ll settle down with. Why can’t a woman?”
Daz’s expression hardened. “I’m not like that. I’ve never been like that. I’ve always known you were the only one for me.”
Oh. Right.
“Well, I love you, Daz. I love you as I’ve always loved you, and I can see the potential to love you in a different way as well. But it’s going to take some time for me to adjust. I had hoped we’d do that together.”
“While you’re fucking other guys?” Bitterness poured out of his words.
“Ah… well, yes.” I had to be honest. “But you see, that’s the whole point!”
“To fuck other guys?” He was wide-eyed, incredulous.
“No, listen. With Leo and—” Fuck, say it, be honest, “—with Kel, I?—”
“You’re back with Kel?”
“He’s the third man, yes. We talked recently and found out all our anger and resentment came from a massive misunderstanding. We’re going to try being together again, but listen Daz, this is important!”
His jaw twitched, perhaps from keeping it so tightly closed, but he nodded.
“With Kel, all I ever had was a physical relationship, nothing more. There really wasn’t any love.” We’d only just been getting to that point when we’d made our mistakes and shattered our chances.
“And with Leo, well that’s complicated. And what happened today is only going to make it more complicated. But with him as well, it was a mostly physical thing. With Leo and Kel, what I’ll need to explore is less about sex and more about what you’ve always been to me, which is a companion who’s there for me in other ways. That won’t be easy.”
Perhaps I could stroke his ego just a little? “In that domain you’re way ahead of them. You’re my rock, Daz, my constant companion, the one I depend on for… everything!”
I drew in a long breath and tried to let out all the tension I was holding. I went to him and knelt, hands on his knees.
“Daz, I don’t need to explore that with you. I know I can count on you to be a dependable partner. I already love that part of you.” I lowered my voice a little, breathy and inviting. “Daz, what I need to explore with you is sex; lots and lots of amazing sex.” I mocked a sigh. “If you’re not up for that…”
I held his gaze, those caramel brown eyes wary.
“Am I still blue?” I asked.
His voice was just a little choked up in an odd way when he said, “Yes.”
“So, I’m telling the truth, aren’t I?”
“Yes,” he said, again strained and tight.
“That I want to have lots of sex with you. Heaps of hot, steamy, gasping, groping, wet and?—”
He made a gasping, coughing sound, turning a remarkable shade of crimson.
“So… what do you say?”
We silently gazed at each other for a long time as he considered, still red-faced and practically vibrating. I could see how desperately he wanted to be with me. It was practically bursting out of him. Hopefully, I’d quelled his reservations about the others.
And… I did want to be with him.
Looking up at him now, that chiseled, ruddy face, those deep, soft caramel eyes. He was a dear friend, so very close to my heart. Definitely handsome, but was he sexy?
I tried to picture him naked. I hadn’t seen him fully unclothed in a while, so I had to guess at some bits, but I had a good imagination and I pictured him tall, proud, and ready. Oh! Well, it seemed he could be very sexy, in my imagination at least.
He swallowed heavily before saying. “Your sienna is rising again.”
“That’s my arousal, right?” I smiled. My fantasy had gotten me feeling warm and ready to be with this amazing man who’d always been there for me when I’d had no one else.
“Yes,” he said and quickly leaned down to kiss me. It wasn’t a long kiss, and he drew back looking me over again. “Is that… for me?”
“It is,” I said. And I meant it.
He shuddered. “By Evos,” he breathed. He grabbed my arms and pulled me up to him. His next kiss was not so quick.