16. Mason
SIXTEEN
Mason
Waking up next to Xander on the Fourth of July was about the best feeling in the entire world.
Knowing we were heading to Brady Rowe’s house for a barbecue was the direct opposite.
Both emotions warred for dominance because despite Xander’s arms around me, I couldn’t stop thinking that this was the first time I couldn’t avoid seeing Tennant Rowe.
Not being a player or significant other, meant I could steer clear of every other team get together if there was any chance of the youngest Rowe brother attending.
Dating Xander changed all of that because last night my sexy man told me about how proud he was that finally he’d be true to himself at a team event walking in with his boyfriend holding his hand.
I’d cycled through a few plans that ranged from faking flu right through to faking a need to have to work on the Fourth.
But goddammit, when he kissed me so gently, with pleasure shining in his eyes, how could I even suggest that I stay at home?
Maybe today I could confront the ghosts that plagued me.
If only I’d not brushed everything under the carpet.
If only I hadn’t been drinking? Hell, if only I hadn’t dressed like I did or not made it clear I didn’t want Aarni’s advances.
Stop it.
“You okay there?”
“Huh?” I glanced up from where I was making a fruit loop island in milk and blinked at Xander’s teasing expression.
He poured another coffee and pushed it my way. “More of the black stuff will wake you up.”
“I’m not tired, I’m just… work is on my mind, is all.” I winced internally at the lie and caught the moment that Xander saw right through me.
“Is it what I said about holding your hand at the barbecue? Are you worried there will be photos, maybe Dunny mooning in the background?” That last part was him teasing to get me to smile, but I was on edge about the barbecue, not the holding hands.
“No it’s not that.” Guilt consumed me, alongside the dread of seeing any of the Rowe boys, and I banged my forehead on the counter. Twice.
“Mase? Mase, you’re worrying me.” I buried my face in my arms, and he moved to lay a reassuring arm over my shoulder.
I lifted my head and sighed. “There is nothing I want more than to walk into that barbecue holding your hand and kissing you right there in front of the entire team. I want to kiss you in the grocery store and at the gas station. I don’t give a shit how it looks or who has their ass out in the background. ”
“Babe—”
“No. It’s stupid. It’s all stupid.” I pulled at my T-shirt, my chest tight. “I can’t even breathe.”
He stood and tugged me away from the counter and headed outside, only stopping when we were by his sparkling pool and in the shade of the awning, then he pulled me close, and I buried my face into his neck, stealing all his reassuring strength.
I hadn’t had a panic attack like that since…
forever. Not since I was cornered in that damn kitchen.
My counselor, the one that Eli had demanded I go to, called it panic, and we talked our way through everything.
That it wasn’t my fault, that I could be the man I was and expect to get respect from people.
I believed her, but it didn’t mean that every so often the anxiety wouldn’t sneak up on me.
“Start from the beginning.”
“I never meant to tell you to stop touching me or showing everyone that you want to be with me.”
“Showing people I love you,” he corrected.
“That.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“What else is going on? Is there a problem at work? Can I help? Am I causing issues for you—”
“No. Jesus. It’s just… Ten will be at the barbecue today.”
“Well, yeah, it’s Brady’s event. But you have to agree that even though he’s a superstar, he’s a nice guy, not a man who flashes his celebrity—”
“I’ve never actually met him.”
He eased me away from him and frowned down at me. “How have you managed that? He’s always visiting Boston.”
“I couldn’t face him, and I know it’s stupid.”
“Wait, is this about what happened with Aarni?”
“Mostly, yeah. I’ve avoided going anywhere that I might see Ten. It’s a thing, is all. Me being stupid.”
Now that I was calmer I took the closest chair, and I gestured for Xander to sit as well, which he did without argument.
He was in a Rebels cutoff T-shirt, his hair unconstrained by gel, his face smooth of stubble and all I wanted to do was tell him that I’d never seen a man so perfect for me.
His smile was gorgeous. His heart was big, and I loved him so much.
“You’re not being stupid,” Xander defended.
“I want to walk in holding your hand because I am so proud of us, of being in love with you. Okay? That is the easy part of this.”
“Okay, but—”
“But also, I’m all messed up in my head because I want to talk to Ten, and I want his brothers to know how sorry I am that Aarni was even in a position to hurt their brother.
And it has to be today because it’s important to me that I’m part of your life for real.
With Eli, I could avoid events. I was just the little brother, but with you, I want to be by your side, as your lover, and one day maybe your husband, your family when we have kids, so it’s important that way I can go to any of the Boston events you want me to. ”
Xander’s mouth fell open, and I felt as if I’d dropped a bomb on him that he hadn’t been expecting. Maybe I shouldn’t have announced marriage and kids in such a blasé way. I’ve fucked this up.
“I’d love that,” he said before I could say anything else. “Marriage I mean, and kids, one day. With you.”
“You would?” I didn’t mean to sound surprised, and I loved the way he chuckled.
“Always.”
He reached out to take my hand and then tugged me over to straddle his lap on the huge chair, and I sank into his hold. “And I’ll be right by your side when you talk to the Rowes if you want me to.”
I kissed him with every molecule of love I had in my body. “I love you, Xan. So much that it hurts.”
He waggled an eyebrow. “You want me to kiss it better?”
Which is how we spent way too long in bed and ended up being horribly late to the barbecue.
We parked next to a low-slung Ferrari with the plate Dun1, and I patted the hood gently as we walked by.
Dunny sure knew his cars and the limited edition scarlet beauty was just an example of the five or six others I knew he owned.
He called them his babies, and Eli once told me he was sure the collection would grow until Dunny didn’t live in a house but on a cot in the corner of a huge garage.
In fact, there were a lot of fancy cars parked in the wide courtyard outside Brady Rowe’s place, and all I could think was that if a car thief got past the security gates, they would have a field day.
“Okay?” Xander asked as we walked down the side of the house, following the shouts and laughter of people enjoying the day.
I slipped my hand in his and went up on tiptoes to kiss him. “Yep.”
When we rounded the corner we entered into chaos, a hundred people spread out around the huge gardens, some in the pool, kids of all ages in groups dotted around, and I could name each Rebels player that had made it to the event.
Dunny was the easiest one to spot. He was weightlifting two small children, much to their delight, and had an audience of adoring moms watching him.
Whatever event we went to, it would always be Dunny entertaining the kids.
Brady spotted us, charging over with intent.
“Guys, you made it!” He pulled Xander into an awkward sideways hug considering his sling and then did the same to me as well.
Not once did I let go of Xander’s hand, and it felt like the best statement I’d ever made in my entire life.
Eli was there next, grumping about how late we were, but when I spotted Becca sitting with some of the other guys, I thumped him hard. Because that is what brothers did.
I didn’t see Ten anywhere, but I could see his husband Jared, who was deep in conversation with one of the Rebels’ coaches.
In fact, I couldn’t spot Jamie Rowe either, and when I saw Brady heading for a stand of trees about ten minutes after we arrived, I guessed maybe he was heading to where his brothers would be.
Now might be the right time to find them together.
Rip off the Band-Aid in one go. Xander and Eli were doing something by the pool, and I know Xan said he wanted to be with me, but there was a part of me that just wanted to handle this myself.
I picked up a can of soda from the big tub of ice then casually sauntered along the path at the edge of the property, the sounds of the party diminishing the further I got. I was almost to the trees when I heard someone curse loudly. Enough to stop me in my tracks.
“Bastard owner can’t do that!” I wasn’t sure who spoke, but it was Brady who replied. I could tell that by the strong Boston accent he had, and because I’d heard him speak in many interviews that Becca forced me to watch.
“I’ve only got a year left on this contract and even injured I’m worth something now if they trade me, not to mention the team cleared the cap space that my ten million a year salary clears.
The Rebels need new blood, lower paid, new guys, and that’s the way hockey is.
We all know that.” Brady was so patient, but whoever the first person was just cursed again.
“Nick Sinclair is an asshole.”
“Calling the Rebels team owner names isn’t helping, Jamie,” a third voice said with added sarcasm.
So Brady and Jamie Rowe were there, which meant maybe that third voice was Ten. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but this was a heated debate.
“Brady’s given his entire career to Boston, and Nick the fuck Sinclair thinks it’s a good idea to trade him out, fuck’s sake, Ten, show some emotion.”
“I am showing emotion,” Ten snapped. “I’m as pissed as you are but shoving all of this shit at Brady isn’t helping at all.”
“Fuck, Ten. Why worry about our brother when you’re sat okay in Harrisburg.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”