Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Cormac
“ Hola .”
I don’t know who Santi is when I see Joey’s phone screen just before she answers the call. I can’t hear the person on the other end.
“ Estoy ocupada en este momento … No. Esto es más importante … Porque no quiero .” I’m busy at the moment…No. This is more important…Because I don’t want to.
Does she know I speak fluent Spanish? I could assume by the man’s name that he’s a Spanish speaker too, and that’s why she’s speaking that and not English. But maybe she thinks I won’t understand.
“ Ma?ana .”
What’s happening tomorrow?
She gazes up at me and shoots me an apologetic smile.
“Brother.”
She mouths it and points to her phone before she rolls her eyes. There’s something about the way she’s downplaying this. He wants something she doesn’t.
“ Hablaré contigo sobre esto ma?ana. Necesito irme .” I'll talk to you about this tomorrow. I need to go.
I listen as she finishes up the call and puts her phone back on the table. I remain quiet and just offer her a smile. But when she offers nothing to me, I can’t help asking before it gets awkward.
“Is everything all right?”
“Yeah. That was just my brother, Santiago, but it wasn’t anything important. I can talk to him tomorrow.”
“Is there somewhere else you need to be tonight or something else you need to do?”
I pray she says no, and I think she will from what I heard. But I also feel like I should offer her a way out if she needs it.
“No, absolutely not. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here with you. And it’s not anything important. He wanted me to stop by to look at some new furniture he bought. He’s proud of his new living room set, but it’s hardly something I need to do at this time of night.”
“Is he worried about where you are?”
Did she tell him she’s entering a D/s relationship with a mobster? She wasn’t alone with her phone at any point between when we met at McGinty’s and when we got to the club. Did she go there on purpose to find me?
My mind whirls with suspiciousness ingrained in me practically since birth. However, I have no reason to question her, and the last time I did, I nearly fucked it all up. Once bitten, twice shy, so I won’t make the same mistake again. I’ve been cautious about that all evening.
“No, he just wants to brag, and he knows I don’t always go to bed early. So, he thought he’d try to catch me, see if he could get me to come over. He was going to bribe me with my favorite sopa .”
“He thinks soup would get you to go over at nearly one in the morning.”
“Yeah, well, he’s not always very time conscious. He may not have even realized how late it was.”
“Do you do that often? Do you go out to his place, wherever that is, in the middle of the night?”
“No, Cormac, I don’t. Usually at this time, I’m tucked away at home, even if I’m not asleep. I’m not out prowling the city in the wee hours of the morning.”
I shoot her a scowl that tells her I don’t appreciate her being flippant. Her gaze drops, and she places her hands in her lap.
“I’m sorry. I just know my brother, and no, it’s not that big a deal. But I get you’re trying to watch out for me.”
“I am, and I’ve already told you I want guards for you. If I’m concerned about you during the day, don’t you think finding out you go out on your own in the middle of the night in New York would bother me?”
“I suppose so.”
“You suppose? Joey, come on.”
“I know, but Cormac, you’ve got to realize this is a new relationship for us. There’re plenty of things I’ve been doing on my own since well before I met you. And it’s not that I don’t respect your wishes and your concern, but it’s going to take me a moment to adjust to making them as high a priority as I want them to be.”
“So, what do you want, Joey? Do you want to continue our D/s dynamic and add in being more of a romantic couple? What would that look like to you?”
“I think I want both. I mean, I know I want both, but I think...”
“What do you want? What do you need?”
She hesitates as she considers her explanation.
“I think you’re a man who thrives off control, and I think most of the time you have it, but not always. And when you don’t, it gets to you even if you don’t show it.”
She stumbles a little over some of her words, but I won’t deny she’s right, so I nod.
“I also have a stressful job that often leaves me feeling powerless to help families the way I’d like. That frustrates me with little emotional outlet. If I won’t have control over something, then I’d rather it be because I chose to give it up, rather than feeling like someone took it from me or I never had it.”
“That makes sense.”
“I want to date and do the same things a regular couple would as they get to know each other, but I want more out of our D/s dynamic than just one night a week and part of the weekend.”
“What are you suggesting?”
She hesitates again as she looks at her lap, and then sweeps her gaze around my living room before finally looking at me.”
“I want to submit twenty-four seven, Cormac.”
She bites her bottom lip and looks majorly uncomfortable. I tug her lip free and press a gentle kiss to it as I cup her jaw.
“I’d like that too, as long as you’re not suggesting TPE.”
I have no interest in total power exchange with Joey. I might want her to submit, but I don’t want her subservient. I don’t want her to feel like she has no voice, and I want us to slip in and out of the dynamic whenever we need or want to, even if we plan to keep our Dom/sub dynamic daily.
“I don’t want that either. I’m not ready to give up that much control. I don’t know that I ever would be.”
“That’s fine, Joey, because I will never ask for it. I don’t want that.”
“Good. So, what do you think it would look like, sir?”
“No, not yet, Joey. We’re equals while we decide what we want.”
The look of relief on her face makes me smile.
“Well, little one, I appreciate you want to start as we plan to continue, but not yet.”
“All right. I’d like that one night a week and most of the weekend together. I’d like that night and part of the weekend to be time for us to scene, but I don’t want…”
She bites her lip again, and I can’t tell if she’s truly nervous or simply hasn’t thought all of this through and is sharing her ideas as they come to her.
“Do you want nights where it’s just a regular date, where maybe a Monday night we go out to dinner and a movie, or a Thursday we cook at home and play board games?”
She grins. “If you’re willing to take me on in Monopoly, I will absolutely hold you to that, but yes, that’s what I’d like. A mix between the two.”
“Do you want me to call and check on you each day?”
“Yeah, I would like that a lot. I enjoy talking to you, but we haven’t gotten to do much of that.”
“You know you can call me anytime you want to check in as well. You don’t have to wait.”
“Thank you, sir. I mean, Cormac.”
She lets out a nervous laugh, and I stroke her back.
“Have you had these kinds of conversations with your past Doms?”
“Sort of, but I’ve never been in a twenty-four seven, and I’ve never been in a romantic relationship with my Dom, either. This is all new to me.”
“It’s the same for me. My previous relationships were never romantic, and they weren’t twenty-four seven. My subs were free to do as they wanted when we weren’t together, as long as they were monogamous. And most were.”
Fucking Deirdre. That was a fun thing to discover at the end. Joey’s eyebrows shoot up practically to her hairline.
“So, she really could be pregnant?”
“Maybe. I don’t know, and I truly don’t care. All she wanted to do was cause problems between us, and I’m not interested in that. She can do as she pleases.”
“Okay. It’s good to know.”
“If this is twenty-four seven, Joey, no more panties, and you wear skirts or dresses when you’re with me. When I want to fuck you, I will. When I want your mouth on my cock, that’s exactly what I’ll get.”
She’s pushed my sweatshirt’s sleeves up to her elbows, and I see the goosebumps rise on her skin.
“That sounds good to me.”
She practically whispers her response. Even though we’re still conversing as equals, we’re slipping into our roles.
“When you’re here, you will either be naked, or you will only wear a bra or negligee. If I see you in panties, I will take every pair you have and destroy them. Then I will punish your fine little arse for disobeying me.”
“Yes, Cormac.”
“I don’t know your wardrobe yet to pick out clothes for you. That doesn’t really interest me. I trust you to wear what’s appropriate. Besides, I’d prefer to be surprised whenever I see you. But I expect you to be punctual whenever we agree to get together, that you obey my men just as you would obey me, and that you share your location with me.”
“That’s fair. I mean, if I’m with your men, they would know anyway. But you’re entitled to that.”
“I am, but it’s not because I’m your Dom. In case anything should happen to you, I can’t protect you if I don’t know where you are. What do you want from me, Joey?”
“I want to keep feeling safe with you. I know that’s sort of unrealistic. But when I’m with you, in the same place, I’ve never felt safer. I want to always feel that way when I’m with you.”
“I’ll always strive to make you feel that way. Do you want me to place limitations on who you can see and when you can go out, how late you can go out?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure yet.”
I study her for a moment before my head tilts a little, and I consider the conversation I heard her having with her brother.
“Do you wish you’d had me as an excuse for why you couldn’t do what Santiago wanted? I mean, even if you didn’t tell him somebody wouldn’t allow you to go out, did you want to know I wouldn’t allow it?”
She nods. “But I think I already did.”
“Well, you were right to think that. There’s no way in hell I would have agreed to it unless I was going with you. I don’t know that you’re ready for me to meet your brother yet.”
Something sparks in her gaze akin to fear. It’s gone in a flash. If I didn’t know what that looked like, I wouldn’t see it. I’ve caused it in enough men to recognize it with ease. I want to know why she would fear her brother for even a moment. Yet if I push too hard on that, it’ll derail this conversation. Then I won’t have any chance of finding out what’s going on.
“I won’t police your coming and going, but you will ask me for permission if your schedule deviates from the norm. What else do you want or need from me, little one?”
“This. What we’re doing right now. What you keep offering me. The affection. I didn’t realize how much I wanted it until you started giving it to me. I didn’t think it was missing from my life, but I guess it has been.”
“I offer that openly and freely, regardless of our dynamic. Whether we’re dating or we’re in some type of power exchange. It’s genuine.”
I kiss the top of her temple when I finish speaking as though to punctuate the sentiment.
“I know it is, and that’s why it’s so special to me. Can we play it by ear for the rest of the stuff and talk about it as it comes up?”
“Of course. Joey, do you want a contract for all of this?”
“I don’t know because I’ve never mixed romance and submission together. I don’t know what that would look like. Should we?”
“I don’t know either. I don’t think we need it. If either of us changes our minds and thinks we do, then we can revisit it. Does that work for you?”
She considers that for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, completely. Is there more that you feel like we need to talk about tonight?”
“Not that I can think of. You?”
“No, I’ve enjoyed tonight, and I can’t remember a better night than this in a long, long time.”
“Same, little one. You ready to go to bed?”
I scoop her into my arms and carry her through to my bedroom. I playfully toss her onto the mattress as I land on top of her, always careful not to press my entire weight on her. We dissolve into a fit of laughter. We tease each other with little pecks here and there until our lips brush. Then everything changes.
The kiss deepens immediately, and we’re back to needing each other as though neither of us has had a meal in a week. We strip each other and stretch out on the bed. I love touching her petal-soft skin, but not just with my fingertips. It puckers her nipples, and she arches her back into it. I grab a condom from the bedside table. When we kiss again, I roll us so I’m on my back, and she straddles me. Together, we position her over my cock until she can slide down on it.
“ Cailín , that is beyond a doubt equally satisfying as coming inside you, and nothing tops that.”
“I agree. If only I could hold on to that sensation all day.”
We move together, and this is completely vanilla. We’re equals in this. I’m not trying to exert my will or decide exactly how things go.
I want her to touch me how she wants and move how she wants. I haven’t had vanilla sex in years. Just like she hadn’t realized how much she missed the affection until I offered it to her, I didn’t know I was missing a different type of intimacy.
I don’t think I was, or that I needed it until meeting Joey. But if this goes away, it will devastate me.
It’s been three weeks since Joey spent the night at my place for the first time. We’ve spent Wednesday nights scening at the club. She comes over on Friday evenings and stays until midday Sunday. I’ve had my normal work during the week. Some of it more unsavory than others, but we’ve also had regular dates.
The first Monday, we went out for dinner at one of Finn’s restaurants, and then to a movie before spending the night at her place. The following Thursday, we stayed in and made dinner together here before playing board games. It wound up being a tie in Monopoly—or rather—a stalemate. There wasn’t a clear winner, and we’d already played for hours.
I beat her at checkers, but she beat me at chess, which made her laugh when she took my king, and her queen was left. We went out for happy hour with my brother and his wife on Tuesday of this week. None of my family is giving me shite about her, but I know they’re thinking it.
It was pointless to deny it, so I’ve already confessed I had a nickname for her almost as soon as we met. The knowing looks I got from my brother and cousins made me roll my eyes. I knew I was a goner from the start.
We’re at my place now on Friday, and we’ve both just gotten here from work. However, I had a conversation with one of her guards today that didn’t leave me in a good mood. I’ll give her time to tell me what happened before I ask questions.
The moment she arrives at my condo, she knows to go straight into the bedroom and strip down to her bra and whatever lingerie she brought or camisole she’s wearing. Tonight’s the first night I’m not supervising to make sure she isn’t wearing panties.
She hasn’t yet, not on our nights when we scene and not on our regular dates. I’m staying in the living room to calm down.
“Sir?
“Come here, little one.”
We decided earlier this week tonight would be our night to scene, and tomorrow night would be our date night. We’ve slipped into our roles. She comes and sits on my lap as I fondle her tits.
“How was your day today?”
“It was fine. Long, but just work as usual. How about you, sir? How was your day?”
“The same. I had a couple of meetings and a few phone calls here and there. One that irritated me more than the others. How were your client visits?”
“Good. Unfortunately, one family isn’t doing as well as I’d like, so the mom may go back to court soon, but the kids are doing well with their father.”
That wasn’t the situation I heard about.
“Did you have to go to several schools today? Neighborhoods? Or were you mostly in Port Richmond?”
She knows I don’t look at her location services if there’s no reason to. I trust her to tell me where she’s going or where she’s been. She knows even though I can have my men report to me everything she’s done, I haven’t.
“I was mostly in Port Richmond again today, but I needed to go out to another neighborhood before I finished up my last school visit.”
“Oh yeah? How did that go? Was it a family you already know?”
“Sort of, but not very well.”
She twists to meet my stare, and I see confusion in her eyes. Then her brow furrows to confirm it.
“What’s going on, Cormac? I feel like you’re fishing for something. What is it you want me to tell you?”
“I think you know exactly what I want you to tell me. I think you’re avoiding it. So not only would I like you to tell me what happened, I’d like you to tell me why you refuse to volunteer this.”
“Because it’s not that big a deal, Cormac. It wasn’t anything that hasn’t happened before. It wasn’t anything that won’t happen again. I don’t feel like it’s worth talking about.”
“Oh, you are so very, very wrong about that, little girl. It is absolutely worth talking about, and that is exactly what we’re going to do. You are going to tell me what happened because right now I only have my men’s version of it, and it sounds pretty fecking bad.”
With a deep inhale, then a beleaguered sigh, she nods.
“I arrived while a couple was arguing over custody, and the mom wasn’t supposed to be there. It was the dad’s visitation time, and that pissed him off. She was angry because she’d gotten a call from their kid’s school saying he’d gone without lunch for a third time that week, which meant all three days their kid was with him. I tried to intervene and de-escalate the situation. I’ve had to do that with this couple before, and it’s worked in the past. But it didn’t today.”
“And?” I infuse command into that one word; my eyes narrow as my gaze sharpens.
“And the mom lost her shit on me. She tried to slap me. She pushed me, then she grabbed my hair and screamed in my face. The guy supported her and encouraged her to beat the shit out of me.”
“And why didn’t that happen?”
“Because your men stepped in.”
“Would you have been able to defend yourself if they hadn’t come?”
“Actually, yeah, Cormac. I could have and would have. I appreciate your men’s help, but I didn’t need it. I appreciate they were there, but next time, unless I’m bleeding, they don’t get involved.”
“But you were bleeding. I heard she split your lip, and I can see the cut. That wasn’t just a little dribble.”
“That doesn’t count, and you know it.”
“I know somebody—male or female—laid their hands on my woman and hurt you. I know it scared you, so I’m not okay with that happening. I’m not okay with you not telling me that. And I’m not okay with you thinking my men shouldn’t intervene when that’s why I’ve given you bodyguards.”
“You didn’t give me a security detail because of my clients. You gave me a security detail because of your rivals.”
“Wasn’t it a blessing in disguise?”
“Yes, Cormac, it was. But I’ve already told you?—”
“I know you said you can defend yourself, and I’ll believe you once you show me. But you weren’t going to tell me about this, were you?”
She ducks her chin and shakes her head. “I didn’t want you to make a bigger deal out of it than it needed to be.”
“And didn’t you tell my men not to tell me?”
She cringes at that.
“I figured they probably would, but I also thought it was worth the chance, hoping they wouldn’t.”
“You thought hoping it wasn’t a big deal—” I hold up a finger. “— and me finding out you planned to keep this from me—” I hold up a second finger. “— and you tried to get my men to lie to me—” I hold up a third finger. “—wouldn’t be a problem? Joey, I am punishing you for this.”
“I know, sir.”
“I think today freaked you out way more than you want to admit. I think that kind of loss of control really bothers you. A punishment from me gives you back that balance. The control you give up by allowing me to punish you is something you actually have control over. As contradictory as that may sound, I think it’s why you didn’t volunteer it. You had to have known I already found out.”
“Yes, sir. I think it was. At least partially. Or maybe in the back of my mind that was it, but I wasn’t thinking about that specifically. Maybe I just knew that’s what I needed.”
“Maybe it was. What do you think your punishment should look like?”
“Well, at least a spanking.”
“Of course, that’s a given. What else?”
“Orgasm denial?”
“That’s also a given. What else?”
It’s obvious she’s racking her brain as she tries to figure out what I believe is the right answer.
“Orgasm denial for me, but not for you. That you get off even if I don’t.”
“That’s right, little one. And how do you think that should happen?”
“In my ass?”
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes, sir.
“Then you’re going to blow me.”
She cringes when she realizes her error. As much as I would love to fuck her in the arse and come right there, I won’t indulge any of her requests right now, even if they’re made knowing she believes she’s offering me something I’d want.
“When’s the punishment going to start, sir?”
“I’ll leave that up to you. Before or after dinner?”
“I’d rather do it right now, sir.”
“Do you just want to get it over with?”
“No, not like the way you make it sound, but I don’t want to keep feeling this anxious all evening.”
It tempts me to deny that request for the same reason I won’t fuck her in the arse. However, this is the first time I’m giving her a true punishment, and I don’t want to distress her too much.
“All right, little one. Let’s go in the spare bedroom.”
We walk into my guest bedroom because I don’t want either of us to associate what I’m quickly coming to think of as our bedroom as a place of punishment rather than pleasure.
“Strip all the way and kneel beside the bed.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I’ll get what I need.”
The first night she came over here after the night we entered this relationship, we sat together and ordered just about every toy and implement we could think of that might even remotely interest or tempt us. We have an entire collection of them in a bin at the foot of my closet. We certainly have more than what fits in my bedside table drawer. We have some of our favorites there and a box of condoms.
When I’ve gathered the things I want, I head into my guest bedroom. She’s obeyed me perfectly and is kneeling with her wrists crossed behind her back, her chin dropped, and her eyes down. She makes such a beautiful picture.
I know how lucky I am, not just to have her as a sub, but to have her in my life. I think of her as my girlfriend, but we haven’t defined the relationship completely.
I show her the earplugs before I step behind her. She offered a few days ago to try out both a blindfold and earplugs, but she grew too nervous. I asked her to explain what bothers her about it and if she knew why.
I’ve rarely felt like she’s keeping things from me, despite the reason for her punishment tonight. But there are things about her past she doesn’t openly share with me. I don’t love that, but I’m a hypocrite to expect her to share more of herself than I can share about my childhood.
We’ve spent hours talking to each other on the phone on nights when we aren’t together. It’s turned into more than just a nightly check-in. I call her during the day simply because I want to hear her voice. So even though I’m her Dom, I’m also a guy totally into her.
On nights we’re apart, we video call to just talk about any and everything. Our travels and the things we want in life. What we see retirement looking like. We’re both careful not to allude to being a couple or that we’re specifically in each other’s life that much further down the road.
I bind her hands with Shibari rope, then wrap it around her in a complex set of loops to create a harness that makes her tits stick out beautifully. I know how much she enjoys nipple clamps, but because of that, I won’t give them to her today. She’ll have to live without, and that’s its own form of denial and punishment.
When she glances down at her chest, then turns her head slightly toward me, I know she wants to ask for them or why I’m not using them, but she knows better.
“Snap your fingers.”
“Yes, sir.”
She snaps both hands, confident she can let me know if she needs me to stop. I place the ball gag in her mouth. With both earplugs in place and her facing away from the mirror, I move on silent feet to stand by the door. I’m directly behind her, so her peripheral vision won’t allow her to see me. I keep an eye on my watch as a minute ticks by. I creep forward, making sure she can’t hear me and doesn’t sense me.
She’s unprepared for how stealthily I move when I bring the crop down over her shoulder onto her right breast. I pull back and switch hands, bringing it down onto the left far faster than she expected. She yelps with the pain. Even though I know it hurts, I also know she enjoys this. As long as I keep the fine balance between pain and pleasure, then I know I can offer her what she needs.