Chapter 15
Sean
Chapter Fifteen
Motherfucking son of a goddamn bitch.
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. My Catholic grandmothers are doing cartwheels in their graves at my blasphemy. But holy fuck this hurts. This hurts more than the time Maks Kutsenko shot me for punching Bogdan after that shitwad tried to knife Dillan. This hurts more than the time Jorge Diaz shot me after I shot him. I didn’t have a reason other than he pisses me the fuck off, and I didn’t feel like looking at him. Mom said I got what I deserved for that one.
My throat burns as I come round, but the pain in my back and ribs threatens to make me pass out all over again.
Shite balls. Mom and Da are going to be so pissed. At least it wasn’t Mom’s carpet I bled on this time. She hates the smell of that carpet cleaner she insists upon using. It takes weeks to go away. If she’d just use the stuff our guys use when?—
“Sean.”
I didn’t imagine that, did I?
“Lina?”
“Yes, nounours. What are you saying about carpet cleaner? I don’t understand.”
I said that out loud?
“Lina! Lina!”
I struggle to get my eyes open. I need to find her. I need to hold her. Did they shoot her too?
“Shh, nounours. I’m right here. I thought you were already awake. Shh.”
My eyes finally pry open as a cool hand strokes my forehead. She’s leaning over me, and I have the most glorious view down her dress.
“You have the most sensational bre?—”
Her hand covers my mouth as I reach for her. I hear laughter, and I realize we’re not alone. She straightens, and I see Cormac and Seamus.
“Feck off. Way to ruin the dream I was waking up to. Go away and let me say hello to my girlfriend properly.”
“Sean, they?—”
“They’ll be the next ones shot. Go away.”
Their laughter trails them to the door. When I’m certain we’re alone, my left arm—the one I can lift—wraps around Lina and tugs her to me. She scrambles not to land on me, but I only tighten my grip.
“Kiss.”
The fight goes out of her, and she presses her lips to mine. I probably should have brushed my teeth first.
Clearly, my thoughts aren’t entirely focused coming out of the anesthesia. But nothing feels better than having her pressed against me, her mouth opening to welcome me into it. It’s only when she shifts a couple times I realize the moveable bedrail must be cutting her in half. I let go and pull back, but she clutches my hospital gown and keeps me from ending the kiss. It’s only a few seconds more, but it makes me feel superhuman.
“I shouldn’t want to fuck a man who was unconscious five minutes ago.”
I laugh, but the pain in my side shoots into my chest and down my hip. Fucking hell. What hit me? A fucking cannonball?
“I’m awake now. If you’re in the mood…” I waggle my eyebrows at her.
“It’s nice to see you in such good spirits. The meds must be working.”
“If they are, I hate thinking what it would be like without them.”
“Are you in pain?” She pulls away and looks toward the door.
“I’m uncomfortable, but I’ll survive. You don’t look injured. Did you get hurt?”
“No. You protected me.”
“Always, little one.” I’ve never meant three words more in my life.
She lowers the bedrail and kisses me again.
“I thought you were going to die protecting me, Sean. There was so much blood.”
“But I didn’t.”
“Thank God. They had to remove your spleen. The bullet didn’t hit your lung, so you’re incredibly lucky. The doctor said she’ll probably discharge you in a day or two, but it’ll be a few weeks before you’re back to your old self.”
We’ll see about that.
“I’m serious, Sean. A few weeks at least. Whatever you’re thinking about can wait, or you can let someone else deal with it. You need to rest.”
“Will you play doctor with me once we’re home?”
Home? Do I mean New York? Boston? It seems natural to think of us being together somewhere, but I have no clue where that is.
“Only if my patient listens to me.”
“I’ll listen to you moan.” I tug at the front of her dress and peer down it again. I groan.
Her hand brushes over my cock. She adds a little pressure, and I’m ready to maul her. But she stands up and pulls her arm away.
“Behave, and I might kiss it better.”
“I’ll be the best patient ever.”
I hold my good arm out to her again. She perches on the edge, careful of my wires and tubes. I run my hand up her leg from calf to thigh. Then I move to her wrist and slide my hand as far as I can reach, which is just above her elbow.
“You look okay, cailín. Are you really all right? Did I hurt you when I landed on you?”
She hesitates, and I try to sit up. Fuck.
“Shh. Stay still. I have a couple of bruises, but I’m alive. You almost?—”
She swallows, and I can tell the dam is at bursting. I grimace as I push myself over to make room for her beside me. I pat the mattress. She shakes her head. I hook my finger in the top of her dress and tug.
“Let me hold you, Lina. I need to feel for myself that you’re okay. I need to make this okay.”
She nods as a tear slides down her cheek. She’s the perfect size to fit beside me. She rests her head on my shoulder as I kiss her forehead. She inhales and relaxes against me.
“How long was I unconscious?”
“Since yesterday.”
I glance up at the clock then out the window. “Twenty-four hours?”
“About twenty-nine.”
“Have you been here the entire time?”
“Of course.”
She tries to sit up, sounding insulted. I hold her against me.
“Thank you for being here even if I didn’t know it.”
“Both of your cousins tried to convince me to let them take me back to Jesse’s to sleep. They’re very polite. I was not. I’m pretty certain they google translated a few of the phrases. Neither offered a second time.”
I laugh, but it makes my entire body hurt again.
“Stay still, nounours.”
“You’d never believe they’re the shy ones in the family.”
We lie together in companionable silence for a couple minutes.
“Sean, we don’t know who did this. Your brothers are here too. Shane, Finn, Seamus, and Cormac have taken turns being our guards in here and in the hallway. Apparently, your brothers had a massive argument with your mom about her coming here. Your dad’s pretty pissed too. But their brothers and sisters convinced them to let the guys here guard you. That if they came here, and this is about you, then they’re just adding to the targets.”
“In other words, my mom was ready to go on a holy tear, shooting first and asking questions second. And it took everything my dad could think of to keep her from coming up here to check on me, then decide how to handle this on her own. She’s a little overprotective at times.”
She grins. “You don’t say. I don’t speak Irish, so I didn’t understand most of the call Seamus and Cormac made. But there was a woman with very strong opinions on the other end. She sounds fantastic.”
“Only one woman?” I think I’m a little insulted.
“I heard others in the background. Why?”
“Because if my mom were coming here, her sisters would come too. Which would mean my dad and uncles.”
“That’s what they meant about adding to the targets. I didn’t quite get how your parents coming here would make it that much worse. But it wouldn’t be just them. It would be six more people.”
“Exactly. My dad and uncles have lighter red hair than me. Closer to strawberry blond—at least, that’s what they call it when we all know it’s pale carrots. My mom and aunts have deep, russet hair. Pure fire in the sunshine. Like mythical Celtic goddesses with the tempers to match. Wicked senses of humor. Best hugs in the world. And vengeful as the day is long if you come near their sons or nephews. If this was your brother, I almost feel badly for him if my mom finds out. But he knows her reputation. That should have been deterrent enough.”
“Reputation?”
“I’m an O’Rourke on both sides. My maternal and paternal families haven’t been closely related in like ten generations. But every generation has had enough sons to carry on the name. The boss before my cousin Dillan was my mom’s cousin. The one before that was her older brother. The one before that was her dad. She’s married to a mobster. Both her sisters are married to mobsters. Three sisters married three brothers. All three of her sons are mobsters. All three of her nephews are mobsters. I know your family is the mob on both sides, but I can tell you weren’t raised the same as my mom and aunts. I don’t think they can remember a day in their lives that wasn’t somehow touched by violence. It takes a lot of resolve to survive that. If that wasn’t enough, neither her father nor brother were easy men to live with. Uncle Donovan was an arsehole by nature and by choice. He obeyed my grandfather, but he feared his sisters. My mom has always been the ringleader. If she wanted to put a hit on someone, there’s not a man in our branch who wouldn’t obey. People outside New York know that.”
My mom did put a hit on someone. My brothers, cousins, and I aren’t supposed to know this, but we do. Uncle Donovan tried to get Shane, Seamus, Cormac, and me into something younger than our moms and dads agreed to. With three sons, my mom wasn’t having it. Finn was already well into the thick of his training, and so was Dillan.
When Uncle Donovan tried to force us one day after school, my mom made sure he understood how far her reach extended. The man she picked is still alive, but he was in the ICU for three months. She called off the hit, but she made sure the guy stayed away from us because he answered to her, not Uncle Donovan. She made sure her brother understood he wasn’t above his sisters’ law. They were the only ones who had the power to make him back down. He hated taking on one of them. He’d come out of his office like a whipped dog when all three sisters were done with him.
“I don’t know much because I know not to ask. The guys say they don’t know who did this. I believe them. I think at least one of them would tell me if they knew for certain it was Ewan.”
I remain quiet. I don’t know what to say or ask since I assumed it was him the moment I saw the reflection off a scope. It was a moment’s flash of light, but I recognized it immediately.
“Justin called several times while we were getting you here and while you were in surgery. He left one message. I spoke to him once. He wants me to go to Montreal. Whatever happened in Baltimore, Ewan knows about it. Justin feared I’d get caught in the middle when Ewan comes after you. I don’t know if your family’s done anything to Ewan. If they have, and this is Ewan, he’s not nearly done.”
“You could have gone with Justin. He could have gotten you home safely. Or do you think he would have turned you over to Ewan?”
“He would have gotten me to Montreal, though I wouldn’t put it past him to give me to Ewan if my brother demanded it. But I told Cormac and Seamus to kill him if he tries to take me from you. They know I’m serious.”
“Lina!”
“I am. I’m not leaving here until you’re discharged. Once I’m certain you’re somewhere safe, I’ll go if you tell me to. But no one is taking me from you. I’ll listen to your family’s advice and wishes. But if the command to leave comes from anyone but them, they’ll die before they succeed.”
“As though you didn’t have me hard as a fecking plank earlier. The things you say, little girl. You know how to turn me on.”
She laughs, and I kiss her forehead.
“If I didn’t think we’d be interrupted at any minute, I’d treat you with my kind of medicine.”
“Tell my cousins no one’s coming in here unless they want to die. Including them. Go.”
I’m serious, but she thinks I’m kidding. She laughs and shakes her head against my chest. Blue balls and a splenectomy. Only one is likely to kill me. Since I don’t have a spleen anymore, it’s not that.
“Are you scared to go with Justin?”
“A little. But mostly, I just don’t trust him. I don’t trust him not to drop me off with Ewan. I don’t trust him not to use me to get to you or help Ewan use me to get to you. I don’t trust either of them not to hurt you to hurt me.”
“You’ve mentioned Justin and Ewan. What about Colt?”
“What about Colt?” There’s an edge there that warns me to tread carefully.
“Could he be involved in this?”
“Of course. You said you know him. If you do, then you know he’s a sniper. Who do you think I believe took the shot?”
That gives me a moment’s pause. It’s true. Colt enlisted in the military right out of high school. He was already a sniper by eighteen. He didn’t run away from home. He didn’t even go in to hone his skills. He went in to make connections. Domestically and internationally. I thought that’s what he did to get in better with Rowan. I never imagined he’d do something else—like offer to marry Rowan’s daughter.
“If he did, why? Because Ewan ordered it? Or did he do it on his own like Justin went down to New York on his own?”
“I don’t know.”
“If it’s him, would it be about Baltimore or you?”
Her laugh is brittle. “If it’s about me, it’s only because he wants to make you think his balls are bigger than yours. He doesn’t give a shit about me.” She glances at my groin. “He’ll have to do a hell of a lot more to prove his are.”
“A hell of a lot more might get you killed in the process. He can think his cock, his balls, his brains, his bank account are all bigger than mine. I don’t care. I want him away from you.”
She watches me as she props herself up on her elbow. It’s a peek into the future and how she’ll feel when I give her this look because I won’t say what we both know I’m going to do. This time, it’s what she wants me to do without her having to ask.
“Lina, there is no limit to protecting you. Know that because I won’t get more specific.”
“I’ll peel the skin from his bones and make him eat it if he did this.”
She lies back down beside me and nestles closer as though she didn’t just go all Hannibal Lecter.
“Have you always been this bloodthirsty?”
“No. Not even remotely. I don’t know why I feel the way I do. I’ve been trying to sort it out, and I’m still confused. I don’t understand the cause, but the outcome is I’m as committed to protecting you as you are to protecting me.”
“Do you hate him that much?” Please don’t let that be the reason.
“I don’t hate Colt or Ewan. I trust neither of them. I resent both of them. Hate is more emotion than I want to give them. At least, until today. I don’t think about Colt most of the time. But I am bitter when I do. I’m bitter when I see him because he’s not sorry about what he did.”
I wonder if she’ll tell me one day. She doesn’t seem inclined to do that today. Even if she were, there’s a knock on the door. She jumps off the bed like the sheets scalded her. She straightens her dress, which I realized isn’t the one she wore yesterday. Someone brought her fresh clothes.
“Mr. O’Rourke?” A middle-aged woman walks around the privacy curtain wearing scrubs and her lab coat. “I’m Dr. Garland.”
I extend my arm out of habit, but my IV tugs. I drop my arm, and she nods. I hold out my left hand, palm up. Lina doesn’t hesitate to take it and stand by me. It’s not like I’m expecting news that I’m terminal. I don’t like distance between us. Physical or emotional right now. I want her to know that we’re an us as far as I’m concerned.
“Hello, Doctor.”
“You got very lucky yesterday. The bullet nicked your spleen and ruptured it. That’s why your girlfriend and cousins saw so much blood. But the injury wasn’t as severe as it could have been, or I’m certain they feared. If you’re able to handle moving around tomorrow and pass some other tests, I’ll discharge you. That said, it’ll be at least two weeks before you should try to return to your normal activities.”
Her gaze darts from me to Lina and back. She doesn’t need to spell it out.
“That might be what kills me.”
Lina gasps, and the doctor looks away.
“Um, just how limited should those activities be, Doctor?” Lina’s cheeks are rosier than Santa’s.
She looks at me when she answers. “Nothing strenuous that could rupture your internal stitches. Too much movement will strain the muscles around the wound in your abdomen, and you have bruising you can’t see. Go slowly. See what you can tolerate or explore other types of intimacy.”
Lina looks like her neck to her roots is ablaze. It makes me wonder what she’s envisioning. I want the doc to go, so we can continue our conversation and add this topic to it.
“We’ll remember that. So, if I can do everything you expect by tomorrow, I can go home?”
“That’s the plan. You’re young, and in excellent health, so there’s no reason to think you won’t make a full recovery. Hopefully, the police catch the men who put you in the middle of their fight. You’re lucky it wasn’t anything more serious.”
I don’t react besides nodding and smiling. Lina’s fingers curl around mine a little tighter. The doctor says her goodbyes with a promise to check on me midmorning. I want out now. No one comes to a hospital to get better. How can you when they wake you every three hours to take your vitals? For fuck’s sake, if the machine’s alarm isn’t going off, then I’m fine. I’m alive until it tells you otherwise. Let me fucking sleep. I was better off unconscious.
When I look up at Lina, I know that’s not true. I’m definitely way better off seeing her and touching her.
“We’ve been in here alone a long time. You might have kicked Seamus and Cormac out, but at least they saw you awake. Your brothers must be ready to lose their minds.”
I release a beleaguered sigh. “I give Shane five words before it’s about him.”
She lets go of my hand and walks to the door. I hear her murmur something, then my brothers are there. Finn casts an assessing gaze over me. Ever the big brother—when he wants to be. He’s careful when he hugs me. I don’t miss the sigh of relief. We speak at the same time.
“Mo chúram.” It means my family, but its literal translation is my responsibility.
It’s something my family’s said for as long as I’ve heard stories about the past. It’s a reminder that we are family, and without family, we are nothing. It’s each of our responsibility to preserve that.
Finn flicks my ear because we can’t be sentimental for too long. It’s not mobster manly. Shane sighs. Here it comes.
“That was my suit you ruined.”
I ignore him and look at Lina. “Three.”
She snickers and covers her mouth with her hand. I was generous, saying it would take my twin five words to make it about him. When he shoots me the same grin I have, I roll my eyes and flick him off.
“If you weren’t on your death bed…” Shane flicks me off in return.
We never swear at, to, or about one another. But an obscene hand gesture here and there never goes amiss.
He practically chokes me when he hugs me. I use my one good arm to return his hug. He doesn’t let go when I ease my hold.
“Don’t fecking do that again. We arrived together. We leave together.”
That’s something just between us. We’ve been saying it since we were in middle school when kids would try to exclude one or the other of us. We said it in high school when our rivals tried to flex and draw us apart in fights. Whoever heard it usually wound up with a broken nose and broken collar bone. Those were our preferred injuries to dole out. Matching to the core.
“I’ll get you a new suit. Jeez. It looked better on me, anyway.”
“Be glad we have company.” He smiles at Lina, and she doesn’t know what the fuck to make of our family. Mair and Ally went through the same thing. Apparently, we’re shockingly normal. Who knew?
I look at Lina, then Cormac and Seamus. She knows them now, and I know she trusts them. I don’t want to send her away because she’ll know why I’m excluding her. I don’t want her where I can’t see for myself that she’s safe. Realizing I was out of it for twenty-nine hours makes me want to vomit because that was twenty-nine hours I wasn’t aware of her safety. I know my cousins and brothers were, but I left her vulnerable. At least, that’s how I feel.
I look at the clock again. “I bet the cafeteria is still open. Could you smuggle me something good? I love Jell-O, but I guarantee whatever they bring me won’t be nearly substantial enough. Cormac or Seamus will go with you. Pick what you want for yourself. Their treat.”
“How long do you need? Thirty minutes? An hour?” She says it without rancor.
“Let’s start with thirty. I don’t think I’ll last longer than that.”
“You’ve been awake a while. Do you need another dose of pain meds?”
For once, my brothers and cousins don’t give me shite as the baby of the family. They step away to talk amongst themselves. She glances at them before focusing on me again.
“Lina, they know thirty minutes without knowing exactly where you are is my limit until we settle this. They know I’ll get out of this bed and look for you.”
“You will not.”
That stops their conversation, and they don’t bother disguising their interest. Finn laughs. I flick him off.
“Be nice to your brother. He flew out here for you.”
That just makes them all guffaw.
“Feck off.”
“I’ll give her Thea’s and Mair’s numbers.” I glare at Finn when he makes the offer.
“Sean?”
I take her hand and smile. “You remind us of Finn’s wife and our cousin Dillan’s wife. I think you’ll like them. I’m certain they’ll like you.”
“You are?”
“Yeah. You don’t hesitate to tell my little brother off. His spoiled arse needs some boundaries.” Finn crosses his arms.
“There can only be one favorite. Too bad it’s never been you.”
“Cause it’s always been me.” Shane butts in, and Finn and I both flick him off. He’s not even remotely selfish or self-involved. We know our roles in situations like this and what helps us get through this shite. A sense of humor helps when it feels like your funny bone is the only one not broken.
“Would anyone like us to bring something back?” Lina looks around the group.
We laugh again. She’s totally lost. I take pity.
“Since I said it’s one of our cousins’ treats, it’s open season. You’ll need a wagon to get it all up here. None of us are exactly skimping on meals, so it’s always nice when it’s someone else paying.” I wink.
She nods before she leans over to kiss my cheek. Her brow furrows, and I can tell she really doesn’t want to go.
“I’ll be all right. Would you feel better if two of the guys go with you?”
“No. Absolutely not. I don’t like taking one of your guards away, let alone two. Can’t I just wait in the hall? You can see me if you open the curtain.”
She’s whispering to me, and once again, the guys give us space by talking amongst themselves.
“No. That leaves you too vulnerable. More vulnerable than me. I don’t like the idea of you being gone more than thirty minutes. You alone somewhere—even right outside in the hallway—will make me come out of my skin. I hate sending you away, cailín.”
“I know, and I totally get why. But you’re not the only one not okay with being apart for long. I’ll give you thirty minutes, but I don’t think I can do more.”
“Out.”
The guys glance at me before they leave without a word. I open my arms—well, arm—to her. She shakes her head but sits on the edge.
“I won’t fall apart. At least, not in front of you. I don’t need you comforting me when you’re the one injured. I know your brothers and cousins can protect you. I can’t get past the feeling this happened because of me. I don’t want someone finding you when they’re?—”
“Finish that sentence with what I know you’re going to say, and I will make your sweet little arse burn so badly you won’t sit for a week. Don’t you dare tell me you’d rather be the target. I will lose my shite faster than anyone in my family has ever seen. I’m the patient one. But they will tell you that pushed too far, I have the worst temper of all of us.”
“If they come looking for me but only find you, they will kill you. If they find me, then they’ll just take me.”
“We both know that isn’t true. You know they wouldn’t settle for leaving me alive. And you know for fecking sure I’m not letting anyone take you.”
“Then I should go.”
“Go where? To Jesse’s? To Montreal? You know I won’t agree to that without two of the guys with you. At least two of them. That leaves all of us more vulnerable if we separate. If you want out of this, then I will negotiate with your grandfather to get you home safely.”
“This—if you mean someone trying to murder you, then yes, I want out of this. I want you out of it too. If you mean us, then you’re sending me away. I’m not walking away.”
We stare at each other, our tempers threatening to spike. We want the same thing, and neither of us will back down. I take her hand.
“Give me thirty minutes with the guys. That’s as long as either of us can manage. Come back, and I’ll tell you what I can. I’ll listen to your thoughts, and I’ll try my best to compromise. Then we’ll watch TV together until it’s time to go to bed. You’ll sleep next to me.”
“Good thing I’m skinny.”
“Good thing you’re the perfect size.”
We exchange a quick kiss, then she walks to the door. I hear Seamus offer to take her to the cafeteria, then the others walk in.