Chapter Five #2
My mouth claims hers again before the jealousy can eat me alive.
Her laugh is a broken gasp. ‘Wanting isn’t the same as trusting,’ she mutters between our crushed lips.
I swallow the words with another kiss, harder this time, deeper, tongues clashing until I’m dizzy from her taste. My hand tangles in her hair, tilting her head back, exposing more of her throat to my mouth. I suck lightly at the hollow there and her moan nearly undoes me.
I mutter against her skin, half-feral, half-mocking, ‘I should lock you in my suite until you admit it.’
‘Try it,’ she pants, dragging my lower lip between her teeth, nipping hard enough to make me wince, then rejoice in the slight sting. ‘See what happens.’
God, she drives me insane. She makes me want to burn down every rule I’ve ever set for myself.
I tear my mouth from hers, breathing hard, forehead pressed to hers. My chest heaves, my cock straining against her belly, and still I force the words out. ‘I will not do this with you when I’m still annoyed with you. Tell me why you went to London.’
Her eyes flare, defiance sparking even as her lips are swollen from my kisses. ‘No.’ Her voice is iron wrapped in silk. ‘As much as you believe you’re entitled to it, I don’t owe you any explanation.’
I grit my teeth as my thumb strokes absently at the corner of her mouth, fighting the need to kiss her again.
‘You want lunch with me. Or dinner. Or a discussion about our project—ask and I’ll answer. But this?’ She shoves lightly at my chest, breaking the hold. ‘This, you don’t get.’
‘You know I can find out.’ I snap my fingers in her face, watch her eye my digits before she meets my gaze. ‘Just like that, don’t you?’ And I’m close enough to see that look again, wariness mixed with the barest hint of panic.
It doesn’t satisfy me, at all. For the first time in my life the notion of winning at all costs is unsavoury. I want Tessa Rockson to divulge her thoughts of her own accord.
And I want to roar my frustration when, before my very eyes, she gathers the corners of her composure. And lifts that princess-like…no, that queenly chin. ‘Just like you can’t stop me, I can’t stop you from doing whatever your dark heart desires.’
I step closer again, brace my hands on either side of her head. Aware that I’m caging her in. While also aware she has more than a handful of ways to evade me should she so choose. That she doesn’t…thrills me. More than it should.
‘True enough. So answer me this then. Tell me what you would’ve said if I’d texted you back. If I’d called and you’d picked up four years ago.’
Tessa
My very traitorous heart skips a beat when it should’ve stayed steady and uncaring. And it’s that betrayal that lends vicious barbs to my next words. ‘Is it torturing you, Theo? Not knowing? Do you regret ghosting me now?’
His nostrils flare and a muscle ticks in his jaw. I don’t need to look down to see, feel, the thickness of his length pressing into my stomach, mocking his very noble decision to pull back.
A fact that disarms, irritates and frustrates me in equal measure.
It’s not nearly enough suffering for him but, damn it I’m not a sadist so as much as I want to be, so I take no joy in it.
‘Would it please you if I said yes? That I’m a man who requires minimal sleep but I’ve found myself achieving even less than that in the last few nights and you’re culpable for the fact I’m in this state?’
A stark admission that shouldn’t tug at things in my chest and yet, it does. ‘No, it won’t.’
His eyes don’t flash with triumph.
Maybe it’s a perfected skill, not showing his hand before he’s won. But the words to mollify and enlighten trip to the very edge of my tongue. Before I pause. Think of myself, instead. Because, ultimately, shouldn’t that be my priority since it’s no one else’s?
Didn’t I, deeply heartbroken and without support, pick myself up after being dragged through hell? I’m grateful for the momentary pause when the right course of action reasserts itself. Reminds me that I’m still on my own, in charge of my destiny.
I meant it when I said Theo Biney had lost the right to know about the baby I lost or the harrowing circumstances that followed. And looking around me, at the beauty of the night and the opulence of my surroundings, I go one better and decide not to spoil it by digging up heart-shredding memories.
I’ve done that way too many times.
And while the path I chose instead feels equally as volatile, with pitfalls and possible disappointment at every other step but also with the potential for hope and joy, I choose not to end this day with heartache.
So sucking in a deep breath, I don’t stop myself from blurting out the words that come next.
‘What would you have said if I’d told you I wanted…’ I pause, because somehow uttering the words ‘wanted you back’ feels riddled with far too much craving, so I settle for a less untamed ‘…more?’
Flames ignite in his eyes and burn all the way through me, pooling in my core with such ferocity I’m stunned I’m still upright.
Then I realise that while his upper half is levered away from me, somehow his thick thigh has found its way back between my legs. That Theo is all but holding me up, while grinding against that hot and needy place.
‘I would’ve had you on the next plane out to wherever I was. And we would’ve picked up where we left off.’
I bite back a very un-feminist whimper as more questions trip onto my tongue.
I manage to stop myself just in time. Because this feels like a dangerous game of shoulda, coulda, woulda.
And I don’t have time for that. Right? I shake my head when the beginnings of doubt surface, but the motion is also made to dispel the sensual haze attempting to suffocate me.
Except, the maestro of sensual domination, sensing my weakening, drops even lower, snags my gaze in a titanium hold. Making me drown in a sea of sexy cocoa brown.
‘Do you?’ he croons, voice all velvet temptation. ‘Do you want me back, princess?’
My throat closes. Every instinct screams yes, but the word lodges in my throat, lethal if spoken. So I buy time. ‘Why do you call me that?’
His mouth curves, wicked and knowing. ‘The way you move. Chin lifted, shoulders squared. As if the world ought to bow and scrape. It’s regal and sexy as hell.’ His eyes darken. ‘Or maybe I should call you queen instead?’
Heat flushes up my neck, unwanted, disorienting.
Turned on beyond comprehension.
‘But don’t change the subject, Tessa.’ His voice drops an octave, weighty and cutting straight through me.
To the heart pounding too fast. To the yearning surging like mini-tsunamis, deceptive but dangerous if I dare underestimate them for a single moment.
‘Answer me. Would you have said yes—knowing what you know now? That infidelity will never feature in my liaisons?’
The admission hangs there, raw and unguarded, another crack in his formidable demeanour. My chest squeezes tight at the truth shining through, at the vulnerability he’s letting me see, even if only for a breath.
I bite down on my lip. ‘I’m not giving you an answer. The past is the past.’
Like Giles and the many chances I gave him, only to be shattered time and again by his betrayal.
Like the grating reminder that if Theo had really wanted me as badly as he claims, there were a dozen ways he could’ve reached out to me.
He didn’t. Remember that.
His jaw ticks, but his gaze doesn’t falter. ‘Then let’s drag this out of the past. To here. Right now. You know I want you. Will you deny you want me?’
I should. God help me, I should. But the words refuse to form. I’m silent and that silence damns me.
A glint flickers in his eyes, sharp as flint. ‘I see the answer in your eyes. But since I won’t put words in your mouth, here’s another question. What’s stopping you indulging one more time?’
My laugh is brittle. ‘Because mixing business with pleasure is a disaster waiting to happen.’
‘Maybe,’ he says, mouth grazing dangerously close to mine while keeping it completely out of reach.
Cranking up the yearning I know in my bones is merely a path to ruin.
‘But I see it—you’re stronger now than you were four years ago.
Strong enough to walk away if you want. Not that I intend to make it easy for you. ’
I swallow, throat dry. ‘I can see through your pandering and flattery, Theo.’
‘Good.’ He leans closer, lips brushing the air between us. ‘Then let’s stop the words and games. Take what you want, Tessa. Again. I dare you.’
It’s a trap.
I know it, can feel the vicious teeth waiting to close around me. And yet…my blood is humming, my breath is quickening. I know the ache of four years of silence, pain and unfinished business has hollowed me out until there’s only this need remaining.
Because, for good or ill, that text message from his lover shattered a yearning that one night with him nowhere near fulfilled.
Even after all that came after, through the bitter recrimination that still resides somewhere dark and deep inside me, I want him.
Fiercely. Foolishly. It’s wild and savage and… and…
I grab him, fist his shirt in my hands before damning words mock my weakness where this man is concerned. I yank him close. And with a heartfelt moan, I crush my mouth to his.
His groan vibrates through me, rough and triumphant, as I taste the victory I swore I wouldn’t hand him. And yet I can’t stop. No matter how many voices shriek out a warning.
Not when the truth is, I’ve wanted this more than life itself.
Theo
Her mouth is fire and I am already burning.
The kiss deepens, tongues tangling, teeth scraping, her nails digging into my chest like she intends to make me bleed. I pin her against the wall, every muscle wound tight, every nerve ending screaming for more.
‘God, Tessa…’ I mutter against her lips, dragging them open, drinking her in like a man starved. ‘Four years and you still taste like adrenaline straight into my veins.’
She gasps, tries to shove me, but her hands clutch me close instead, betraying her.