Chapter Nine #3
“Your mother couldn’t do anything?” he asked.
“She tried, but she was still working for Aunt Ursula, who went to that school herself. She hadn’t left home until she was twelve, mind you, but she couldn’t change His Lordship’s mind. She was the one who insisted he pay for my schooling.”
“How was it?” He already knew it had been awful. Nothing in her demeanor suggested she had good memories of her time there.
“Strict, but that doesn’t bother me. I like to know the rules and follow them.
There were girls who knew who I was, though.
They picked on me for it. No one else wanted to be my friend for fear they’d catch the same.
” She was scraping her spoon in her bowl, searching for the last vestiges of yogurt, pretending she wasn’t still affected by the years of bullying.
“I learned to prepare for what I was going into. Were they going to steal my towel while I was in the shower or knock my lunch to the floor? I was always told to ignore it and it would go away, but it never did. So I keep an eye on what storms might be on the horizon.” She nodded at her phone.
His stomach ached for a lonely, neglected little girl. He turned in his chair and said, “Come here.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m perfectly fine. Giselle is mad that she’s going bankrupt and wants to blame me for it.
She says the photos from last night only show that I have poor taste, but the most-liked comment is, ‘I’d have that man’s baby.
’ Apparently, my taste in some things is excellent. ” She smiled smugly at him.
She wouldn’t allow him to comfort her and that stung more deeply than he expected. It told him how unsafe she felt when she was vulnerable, even with him.
“Speaking of which…” She turned over her phone to look at the time. “We should leave.”
The scan. Right.
This appointment was something that had been on his calendar, but not as anything more significant than a place he needed to be. Not until they were in the elevator to the clinic and he realized how tense Jade was.
“Are you worried?” Should he be?
“I’ve consumed my weight in water and have to hold it. What do you think?”
“Oh.” He bit back his amusement and relaxed.
A few minutes later, he was called into a dim room where Jade was already on the bed. The roundness of her freckled belly was exposed and glistening with gel. Her specialist, an ob-gyn, was performing the scan herself.
“The sex isn’t always obvious,” the doctor warned. “But would you like to know?”
“Jade doesn’t like surprises.” He met her gaze in a small acknowledgment that he had heard her this morning. “You can tell us.”
She nodded. “Yes, please.”
They were both mesmerized by the grayscale shape that appeared on the screen with its distinct nose and five fingers and perfect little footprint.
Something invisible hit him. A force as big as an explosion of the sun.
How? Why? he wondered dazedly. He had already known that Jade was carrying a baby inside her body. His baby.
But suddenly he saw a person. A helpless baby. A vulnerable child who would look to him for protection and guidance. And love.
“Heart, lungs, kidneys… Everything looks good,” the doctor murmured. “Ah. And this is very obviously a penis.”
That’s when Luca realized he had subconsciously anticipated a girl. Not a preference exactly, but he had mentally planned for a small echo of his baby sister. A chance to give a version of Jade the kinder, safer, more affectionate childhood she should have had.
A son, though? Perhaps it was sexist, but it turned a mirror on to himself. It set an even heavier weight of responsibility on him around building character that he wasn’t sure he could live up to. Was he not already becoming as flawed as his own father?
“Luca?” Jade’s hand found his. She was studying his expression in the glow of the screen, frowning at whatever she was seeing. Or not seeing.
“I’m surprised. I was convinced we were having a girl.” He brushed off his shock to lean down and kiss her forehead. “I’m glad everything is normal.”
Nothing was normal. His whole world had spun in a new direction. He was scrambling to recover his equilibrium.
Why? It was just a baby. The sex didn’t matter.
Their helpless infant would need him as much as he needed his mother.
There was already a part of Luca that could feel his child tucked against his chest. Protective hackles were rising in him like a dense forest of thorns, though, one that would surround and shield this family he was building.
How far would he go to do that, though?
I know what you do, Luca had said to his father that last day. How can you work for people like that? Criminals. Brutal, larcenous, drug-dealing criminals.
You don’t know what you’ll do for someone you love.
I would never do that, he’d said, repelled by what he’d learned. Disgusted. Ashamed.
Nonna had interrupted them, wearing a canny look as she asked what they were arguing about.
He doesn’t want to attend his sister’s recital, his father had lied. To Nonna.
It was the lie Luca had told ever since. So had Nonna. She’d said it when a pair of tough-looking men had come to the house the day before the funeral.
Why wasn’t he with them? one asked, staring hard at Luca.
He didn’t want to watch his sister dance.
Luca had seen a version of his father in those men that he couldn’t stomach. That life his father had chosen had gotten his family killed. The agony of that knowledge had been trapped inside him like a scream.
You’ll need money, one of the men said to Luca. Do you want a job?
We can’t stay here, Nonna had said before Luca could reply. Too many memories. And Luca needs to stay in school. Let me put my family to rest, then we’ll pack and leave.
Luca had never asked why they had to move. He didn’t have to.