CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER THREE
Reigna looked around the hallowed walls of Brown Memorial Baptist Church. The service had been going on for an hour, and she’d refused to look directly at Ace’s casket the entire time she’d been there.
This place had always been filled with joy and exuberance as people, including the Devereaux family, had worshipped and communed in both brotherly love and their faith.
Funerals were no exception to this. They were celebrations of life, home-going services where those that remained worked through their grief with uplifting songs that told of going up yonder to be with their creator, and spiritual dances that seemed to electrify everyone in attendance.
Inside this sacred place, even in pain, the masses could find momentary joy.
Reigna tried her hardest to remember that. To remember those memories where love and joy flowed so easily from Ace to her and to her sister. To sing along with the choir in joy as the church jubilantly celebrated Ace’s life and contributions to this community. To not let the grief welling up inside her smother her.
She sat bookended between Jasiri and Regina on the long wooden pew. Her cousin Stephan sat in the same position on the other side of the pew with his husband Carter holding him up on one side and their daughter Naveah stroking his large hand with her small one on the other.
What she wouldn’t give to have what those two men shared, a family, a built-in comforter for when the world was on your shoulders. Would she have had that by now if she’d accepted Jasiri’s proposal? Would he have been her shelter in this tumultuous storm?
She knew what the comfort of a loved one felt like. Her entire childhood, Ace had been that person. Her mind traveled back to the day her sister, their father, and Reigna moved into the beautiful brownstone house around the corner from the Devereaux Manor mansion Ace resided in.
Her father and mother’s divorce was finalized, and Ace allowed her father Johnathan to move in with his eight-year-old twin daughters.
Regina, of course, had found a way to bury her pain in her schoolwork. Reigna, on the other hand, could hardly function with this new existence she was being forced to live. She could still remember sitting on the bench by the back windows, looking out into the concrete backyard of their new Brooklyn home when the warm voice of her favorite uncle had surrounded her.
“Hey, little one. Why so sad?”
Reigna hadn’t been able to bring herself to turn around. At least if she kept her eyes fixed on the cold concrete, no one could see her tears.
Her young mind hadn’t been able to articulate all the big feelings she was experiencing, so she’d shrugged her shoulders, then turned to her great-uncle and said, “Because we don’t have a family anymore. Mommy’s gone and Daddy’s at work all the time. It’s just people Daddy hired to take care of us.”
Those words had ushered in another round of jagged crying, but this time, instead of leaving her crying alone, Ace had wrapped her up in his arms and said, “As long as you have me, you’ll have family, little one.”
He must’ve seen the doubt creeping into her little furrowed brow because he’d pulled back to make sure she could see the sincerity in his eyes.
“I promise I’ll come see about you and your sister regularly. We’ll make as many happy memories as you can stand in this place.”
Her tears had stopped as his words fostered hope to bloom inside of her.
“You promise, Uncle Ace?”
“I sure do, baby. But I need you to make me a promise too.”
Hungry for the attention and affection of a father figure, Reigna had nodded.
“First, I need you to dry your tears. Because when I come to see my girls, all I wanna see is them happy.”
Reigna had quickly wiped her face with the backs of her hands and did her best to hold a shaky smile in place.
“Second…” His eyes had sparkled with the love and joy only an elder could manage to muster for the younger generations in their family. “I need you to promise me that when you’re all grown-up, you will pour joy and laughter into this house too, so the next generation of Devereauxs can be happy.”
Reigna hadn’t understood what that meant, really. She hadn’t exactly been sure how she was gonna put joy and laughter into a bag and then pour it all over this fancy new house Uncle Ace let them live in. But she figured that must be something she could learn how to do as a grown-up, right?
She’d nodded enthusiastically, ready to promise this man anything, including her favorite Kenya and Kiana dolls, if it meant having someone who cared about her because of her and not because they were getting paid to.
He had smiled down at her, calming every insecurity that had been sewn inside of her by her parents.
“Do we have a deal, little one?”
She’d tilted her head as she looked up at him before speaking again.
“Almost.”
Ace had chuckled, his shoulders shaking as his laughter filled the room. She hadn’t been quite sure what he was laughing at, she’d just known that she wanted to hear more of it. Because she didn’t feel so alone when the grown-ups around her laughed.
“You gotta promise that you’re never gonna leave us like Mommy and Daddy.”
He’d grabbed her to him, hugging her so tight she’d thought he might squeeze the air out of her like a balloon.
“I’ll always be here for my babies as long as they need me. I’ll fight the good Lord himself if he tries to take me before you’re ready.”
The feel of Jasiri’s arm sliding across the back of the pew pulled her from her living memory, tearing away the one reprieve from the pain of Ace’s loss since she’d learned of his passing.
“Are you holding up okay? Would you like me to have one of my men bring you a bottle of water?”
His voice in her ear and the inevitable way he had to lean into her in her current position felt like relief and warmth, and pain and sorrow all at the same time. If he were anyone else offering her this small kindness, she would’ve graciously accepted. But Jasiri wasn’t anyone else. He was the man who was blackmailing her to keep the one piece of Ace she had left.
For that reason alone, she wouldn’t be weak in front of him, not for any reason. Not even to grieve Ace.
“No, thank you.” She managed to whisper those words, even as the thicket of emotion from glimpsing the black lacquered casket at the front of the church that held her beloved uncle’s earthly form.
“I just need to get through the rest of this service, and I’ll be fine.”
His knowing gaze said he didn’t believe a word of what she’d just said. But he nodded in acknowledgment, keeping whatever he was thinking behind those warm brown eyes that seemed to call to her.
“Reigna, it’s okay to not be okay tonight.”
His words sounded so sincere. She couldn’t shake the feeling, though, that this was all an act. Yes, he’d held Ace in great esteem, but was that regard enough to have him put down his battlements for a time just to comfort her?
She refused to risk it and make a fool of herself yet again when it came to this man that was sitting all too close for her comfort.
Between the renewed ache covering her heart after her mind had brought her to the present and the anger Jasiri’s mere presence invoked, those same mix of confused emotions that filled her up when she was eight seemed to resurface with a vengeance.
Her thoughts clattered around her head, and her chest tightened making it difficult to breathe.
“I bet you’d love that.” Her teeth were clenched, and her mouth was flat. She was leaning into him while the choir sang the upbeat “When We All Get to Heaven” and, with the hand-clapping that accompanied them, no one could hear her but Jasiri.
“Wouldn’t you? To see me broken and weak?” She struggled to take a deep breath before she spoke again. “I won’t give you the satisfaction.”
She returned her vision to the front of the church and watched as the choir, all decked out in white robes, began to sway to the slower transition notes the organist played. As the choir sang the heartfelt lyrics of “Order My Steps in Your Word,” Reigna could feel what little resolve she’d managed to hold on to splinter as her chest tightened and her heart began to beat like a loud drum in her chest.
Not now. Oh, God, not now. Not in front of all these people, not in front of Jasiri.
She held her hand to her chest, trying to anchor herself in the moment and not the overwhelming grief suffocating her or the icy panic she could feel tightening her muscles and spiraling up her spine.
She stood up quickly. When her sister stood with her, she shook her head. Yes, they were twins. But this, these moments where her body and mind refused to work in harmony, Reigna wouldn’t allow even the one she’d shared a womb with to witness her like this.
Her body trembled with fear, and as much as she told her legs to move, they refused to listen.
She grabbed the back of the pew, hoping to borrow its strength to keep herself upright.
“Reigna?”
Jasiri’s voice broke through the raucous noise ringing in her head, disrupting her tumultuous thoughts.
She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Something flashed across his eyes that she couldn’t recognize. Was it fear, panic, concern? She didn’t know. Her own senses were overstimulated, making it hard for her to make sense of the world around her.
She closed her eyes, taking in a slow shaky breath and fighting to push all the racket out of her head. Goodness, she was so angry. She was angry at Jasiri for putting her in this position. She was angry at Ace for leaving her. But most of all, she was furious at herself for forfeiting this round to Jasiri so easily.
She tried so hard to be quiet. To not draw attention to herself, to be strong in her pain, to bind the ache that demanded to be set free. She didn’t want to let the enemy sitting next to her see her so destroyed.
The problem, however, was that she was destroyed. She was wrecked.
She tried to take another breath, but her lungs seized, and then she knew she’d either have to swallow her pride or die where should stood.
And wouldn’t that be the story running through the gossip rags? Heiress and Great-niece of the Brooklyn Mogul Ace Devereaux Collapses Dead at His Funeral.
She locked eyes with Jasiri, and he stood immediately. He asked no questions. He wrapped a strong arm around her waist that made her feel anchored and safe.
Before she could grab on to his arm like the lifeline it was, she felt herself being lifted.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered in her ear and the tightness in her chest seemed to ease just a bit. “Just hold on.”
She buried her face in his chest, hoping to preserve even a sliver of her dignity. But her traitorous heart just wouldn’t let her hold it all in.
By the time she felt solid wood beneath her again, her body was a trembling mess and her fight for air was making her dizzy.
She felt a familiar hand at the center of chest pressing hard enough that she focused on it but not hard enough to bring harm.
“Breathe with me, Reigna.”
Jasiri placed one of her hands atop his on her chest and took her remaining hand and cradled it against his chest.
“Let’s do it together. Slow, deep breath in.”
He began calmly, and she tried her best to follow.
“Slow, deep breath out.”
Again, she tried to follow him. She tried to close her eyes and the panic began to strengthen like a powerful storm out on the water.
“Eyes on me, Reigna. Eyes on me.”
He’d said those words before. Usually when she was so blissed out from their lovemaking that she could hardly see straight. He would utter those words, demanding she be present for every moment of pleasure they gave to each other.
She obediently opened her eyes and continued to follow his commands to take slow, deep breaths in and out.
When her head stopped spinning and his strong features came into sharpened view, she looked around to find them in the near-empty vestibule where he had her huddled in a corner while his security team stood by the entrances and windows. He knelt before her, pulling a silk black handkerchief from his front pocket and tentatively handed it to her.
“Reigna.” He said her name with such care, as if it were something delicate he needed to protect. “I know that you despise me, hate me even for what I’m making you do.”
He wasn’t wrong; there was no denying it.
“But tonight, let us call a ceasefire to our personal battle. For tonight and tomorrow, while you must bear your grief publicly, just let it go. Let me pay my respects to a great man by helping you carry this burden.”
She trembled with the need to both fight and acquiesce simultaneously. How she ached to let him take this away from her, even for a second.
She shook her head. “Jasiri, I…”
He cupped her cheek, softly stroking the wet skin beneath his thumb, and in this moment of despair, it felt like a life raft.
“Just for tonight and tomorrow, Reigna. Just for tonight and tomorrow. When these services end, you can go right back to hating me… I promise.”
The soft timbre of his voice had her nodding, and before her next tear could fall, he sat beside her, pulling her into his warm embrace, and she let go just like she had all those years ago when Ace had comforted her in an almost identical way.
She knew she would come to regret this. She knew her momentary weakness would cost her in the end. But for tonight and tomorrow, she would use the shoulder he was offering and just let go.
As he held her tightly against him as her body shook with hurt, a small voice whispered in her ear.
Maybe he’s not the devil incarnate. Maybe there’s a tiny bit of the old Jasiri still in there somewhere.
* * *
Jasiri watched Reigna as she circulated through the room tending to guests and family at Ace’s repast. He’d been at her side for both the private and public services, and he’d done what any loving fiancé would do for the woman he loved in her time of need.
But he didn’t love Reigna, not anymore.
This fact made it even harder for him to understand why it was so easy for him to slip back into his old role as her protector, her rock.
In their time together, he’d seen Reigna angry, happy, passionate, and so many other loud emotions that she never tried to hide. But in that sanctuary, he had seen absolute panic in her eyes.
How had he not known? They’d been so close. Shouldn’t he have known if this was a problem for her before? Or was this just grief-induced? Had the funeral and the pressure Jasiri was placing on her just been too much?
He reconciled his warring thoughts by telling himself he was just doing what any other human being would do. Although his position in life sometimes meant he had to be calculating, he wasn’t heartless. He didn’t revel in her pain. Well, he reveled in annoying her and getting under her skin. Call him juvenile, but her frustration with him, especially when he outmaneuvered her, it felt glorious. He was a petty prince, so sue him.
But even his pettiness had its limits. There was no way he could sit next to her, immovable as stone, and watch her crumble under the weight of her pain. Besides, his mother would’ve had his hide if he had. There was no way a son of hers would be anything but a gentleman in that situation. Not if he knew what was good for him.
“Jasiri.”
At the sound of his name, he turned to find Regina Devereaux coming toward him. His protection detail was all around the room, blending in with the other mourners but giving him just enough space to interact with others. He tipped his head to the head of his security, and the man moved seamlessly, letting Regina slip through.
“Regina, I’m sorry for your loss.”
Regina took a steadying breath, gently smoothing the sleek hair she had pulled into a severe bun.
Jasiri had never had trouble telling the two sisters apart. Yes, they were identical down to the placement of their beauty marks right above their lip. But to him, Regina’s cool logic and Reigna’s fire and passion had always distinguished one woman from the other.
“Thanks, Jasiri. I really appreciate you coming. Especially considering all that’s going on between you and my sister right now.”
“So you know about our arrangement?”
Regina scoffed as if his question were the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard.
“Of course I know about it. She’s my twin. We don’t keep secrets from each other.”
The corners of his mouth curled into a genuine smile. He’d missed Regina’s no-nonsense attitude. Unlike most of the people Jasiri had to engage with in his official capacity, Regina never pulled any punches. What you saw was most definitely what you got. You never had to worry about where you stood with her. She would tell you.
“I guess this is the point where you voice your disapproval.”
She folded her arms across her chest and leveled her gaze at him.
“The only thing I disapprove of is the way you went about enlisting her help. You didn’t have to threaten her with the thing she needs most…especially now.”
“I had no choice, Regina. My father’s life depends on her agreement.”
“I understand that.” He could see a glimpse of pain cascade over her face, but before he could acknowledge it, it was gone. Where Reigna wore her pain outwardly, Regina kept everything inside. He almost felt sorry for her in that moment.
“After losing the man who was a father figure to us, I understand your fear of losing your father. I would’ve moved heaven and earth to keep Ace here if I could’ve.”
She dipped her head for a moment before clearing her throat and continuing.
“If I understand your plight, Reigna does too. You didn’t have to blackmail her. She would’ve done it because it’s the right thing to do. She would never want anyone else to bear this pain like we are. All you had to do was ask.”
He glanced over to where Reigna was standing, needing to know where she was in the room.
“I did ask, and she refused.”
Regina shook her head matter-of-factly.
“No, you demanded. Just because you phrased that demand as a request doesn’t mean it was one.”
She had him there. In his defense, he was the next ruler of a nation. The ability to command had been drilled into him from his childhood.
“You’ve always been a decent man who treated my sister well. Make sure that remains the case when you take her to your homeland.”
She plastered a broad smile on her face before she picked an imaginary piece of lint off his lapel.
“Because I might be too pretty to go to jail for busting a diplomat’s head to the white meat. But if you hurt my sister, there’s not a military or government official alive that will keep me off you.”
She said it in jest, but Jasiri believed every word she spoke. Knowing how determined and capable the Devereaux sisters were, he was certain she could get away with it too.
“I know Reigna hurt you by turning down your proposal. But if you spend less time digging into your pride and more time talking to her instead, I think this little deal the two of you have could be beneficial to you both in ways neither of you have considered.”
Regina gave him a reassuring smile before she stepped away from him, leaving him to realize how much he’d missed out on in having her as a sister-in-law.
Was she right? Could he really have avoided this tension if he’d just genuinely asked for Reigna’s help?
It was too late to worry about that now. The die was cast, and there was just too much to lose to risk it to chance. But perhaps Regina was right. Perhaps he could relax his manner around her. Make things less formal and rigid between them.
At just that moment, Reigna’s cold gaze met his from across the room, and her disapproving glare halted any idea he had of relaxing his demeanor around her. Reigna was a woman out for blood, and he’d be damned if it was his father’s that spilled as a result of his inability to make Reigna live up to her end of their unorthodox bargain.
“All right, then.” He tipped his head toward her. “I guess the truce is off.”