CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER NINE
Y OU CAN ’ T USE sex to shut me up every time you don’t like something I say.
The indictment reverberated through his head long after another explosively sublime sex marathon had left them blissed out. The culprit of his restless mind was passed out beside him, her sex-tousled hair half obscuring her face. Even as he resented her pointed words, he was gently pushing back her hair so he could stare at her. To attempt to figure out how...why everything she did affected him so viscerally.
He’d stopped trying to convince himself it was because of her father.
Willow was very much her own person with a complex ability to delve into his psyche that left hollowed-out spaces within him he wasn’t keen to peer into.
But she’d forced him to face a few. His own father’s decisions, for instance. She’d dug up Jario’s previously muted resentment for his father’s naivety and blind trust in his business partner; made him accept that his father wasn’t entirely blameless. That perhaps the anger Jario carried was partially misplaced.
That he’d been entirely too quick to pick up on her suggestion to suspend vengeance in order to get some peace?
Question was: How long was he prepared to tolerate this? Especially after overhearing enough of her phone call with her father and knowing, even now, she refused to take a stance against him. That continued to slash at a place deep inside he didn’t want to examine. And even as another, far too reasonable, voice questioned why he, Jario, was owed her loyalty when he would’ve probably done the same in her shoes, and not turned on his own father, no matter what.
She arched into his touch in her sleep and his breath stalled, a flare of something he was loath to label panic wedging in his chest at the thought that she might never side with him. That he would lose...this.
He could deliver the coup de grace he’d been savouring for years now to Chatterton Financial and be done with it. Watch it burn to useless ash as a final homage to his father so he could move on with his life.
But if he did, would he find peace then...or be left with a purposeless existence propped up with hollow billions? If... when she left, would his nightmares return? Join forces with the phobia that kept him wandering from sea to sea?
His brain rebelled at completing that desolate picture.
She’d flatly refused to burn the bridge between herself and her father. Any further push from him might trigger her immediate departure from his yacht and his bed.
But did he even deserve to have her stay?
Merciless rejection clenched his belly. He surged upright and planted his feet on the polished floor, eager for the calming hum to soothe him.
It was quite ridiculous how much he resented her leaving. But perhaps it was a good thing. Even before her arrival, hadn’t there been times when he’d wondered if he’d dragged out this revenge for far too long?
Was it time to draw a line under this?
Digging deeper inside himself past the point of resistance, he reached beneath his pain and brought up the image of his father. The times they’d played catch in the front yard of his family home. The subtle ways his parent had approached a know-it-all teenager and attempted to guide him the best way a father could.
Be your own man, no matter what influence anyone tries to impose on you .
It doesn’t matter how you succeed, but do it in a way you can be proud of.
Family is everything, mijo, but I’ll be proud of you no matter what you do with your life.
That last one had often caught him on the raw. But more so now since Willow had shone a spotlight on him. Would his often even-tempered father be proud of him avenging their shattered family to the exclusion of all else barring his stratospherically successful company?
Would his father be disappointed that he’d never sustained a relationship past a few months? That he hadn’t been able to set foot in their home in over a decade?
That the thought of becoming a father himself drew acid bile to his throat and doused him in horror? That the notion of experiencing even a fraction of what they’d endured but with him as the role of a father desperate to save his son, would’ve driven him to insanity so it was better not to go there at all?
Questions careened around his thoughts until he raked shaky fingers through his hair, gripping tight in the hopes of the pain shutting them off. And it disturbed him deeply that for once, perhaps when he needed it most, he couldn’t hear his father’s clear response in his head the way he had so many times.
All he heard was... Honour your father with happy memories... All you have to do is listen to it...
With a growl he wrapped his arms around her, squeezed his eyes shut, even though he knew sleep would fight him as hard tonight as every night. He didn’t care. She was here, and until he was done with her, he would take the balm she offered—
‘No. No. Dios mio. No!’
‘Jario! Wake up. Jario, you’re—’
The moment he realised what was going on, that he’d fallen asleep despite thinking he wouldn’t, he jackknifed from bed, dislodging her head off his sweat-slicked shoulder. His frantic eyes searched his upturned hands for blood.
His father’s blood. Flowing freely from his bullet wound as he died in his arms.
There was nothing to see, of course. It all remained locked in his head, ready to spring loose the moment he closed his eyes.
‘Go back to sleep.’ He cringed at the raw rasp in his voice, the result of tormented screams he didn’t want to discuss.
‘How can I? Jario, you sounded so...distressed.’ Worry drenched her words, seeped into his tortured soul. A soft hand rested on his shoulder. ‘Are you sure you’re all ri—’
He twisted towards her, ready to shut her down. The bitter words dried in his throat. Sympathy blazed from her eyes, the same emotion he’d claimed he didn’t need, and wrapped around him unbidden, warm and powerful enough to leach the resistance from his bones.
He wanted...he wanted...
He needed —
Jerking to his feet he stormed towards the bedroom door.
‘Where are you going?’
He was deeply disconcerted by the thoughts and yearnings weighing him down, foiling his plans to escape his own bedroom, stopping him at the door. ‘I think we both know by now how this works. Go back to sleep, Willow.’
He firmed his gut against the hurt that slashed across her face. She had no right to be hurt by anything he did. He was the wronged one here. He was the one who needed—
Dios mio , enough!
A few dozen rounds with his punch bag should wear the demons out. Or...as a last resort, another marathon bout of steamy sex. And the way she looked, sitting up in the middle of his sex-rumpled bed, with her sex-tousled hair and those rose-pink lips swollen from his kisses—
With a muffled growl he slammed the door, shutting off the thought.
If the demons and this new witch he’d willingly brought into his bed were going to plague him, they could do so while he made himself a few hundred million.
Half an hour at his desk was enough to prove his concentration was shot to pieces. Another ten minutes confirmed Chatterton Financial’s decline had stagnated since he hadn’t devoted energy to it recently. After confirming the affected staff had been secured jobs in his own organisation, Jario clicked on the next email.
The email from the director of the facility where his mother lived these days threatened to tip him over the edge. It reminded him that in some ways, he was also failing the much-loved remaining parent he only now saw twice a year. Guilt bit into him as he replied before leaving his desk to seek some semblance of peace from the calming blue ocean, his head buzzing with enough discordant thoughts to fell a lesser man.
But the paramount one he couldn’t rid himself of was the one that clamoured for Willow Chatterton.
So he wasn’t entirely surprised when she appeared in his doorway just after sunrise, conjured up by the force of his thoughts. Resigned to how the mere sight of her excited and rejuvenated him, he braced his shoulder against the glass window and simply stared at her.
She didn’t rush to fill the silence, another annoyingly endearing trait most women of his acquaintance lacked. She copied his stance, tucking her hands behind her back and resting her shoulders against the doorjamb. But she went one better and drew up one foot, hardening his shaft just from one glimpse of her shapely leg. Heat pummelled him at seeing her in his T-shirt, the hem skimming the tops of her thighs.
Here he was caught in a riptide of am I doing the right thing? and a dangerous desire that would distress his remaining parent, yet he couldn’t stop hungering for Willow.
She radiated power she either didn’t know she possessed or was cleverly wielding, combined with wary attitude. It was intoxicating to watch the many facets of her character and he was caught in its spell.
‘I’m tempted to take you to task for what you said before you left me alone in bed, but I’m unwilling to ruin that perfect sunrise with a fight.’
Jario was unprepared for another punch of sensation, this one skirting the rim of disquiet. ‘You think me a monster?’
Wary eyes flitted to the stunning horizon before returning to his. ‘I think you’re a determined man who can’t be easily swayed from the path he’s set himself, even if that path leads to an abyss.’
Jario resented her for the verdict that struck a cold chill in his veins. Because hadn’t he caught chilling glimpses of that very abyss as the years passed? He gritted his teeth as the inner yes grew louder.
Dios mio , what the hell was she doing to him? That she would so easily bat away the power that only moments ago sent a wave of unease through him further riled him. ‘Unlike you to admit defeat so easily, no?’
Jario refused to admit he welcomed, no craved, the glare she sent him. Was he so far gone that he would pick a fight simply to step away from emotions he didn’t want to confront? The repeated yes made his gut clench as her eyes sparked indignation at him.
‘You want me to tell you what I truly think?’
‘Can I stop you?’ he replied, all the while thrilling to her fire. Letting it warm him in places that had long known only grief and cold desolation.
She dropped her foot and glided across the floor towards him, and he was at once enthralled and mildly terrified of her allure.
Because it was now beyond just allure?
‘You’ve delayed seeking retribution because deep down, you’re searching for another way.’
Forced laughter seared his throat with acid...and unwanted truth? He swatted the thought away. ‘I’m beginning to think you’re the sort who believe they can will a thought into being.’
‘I think we’re called optimists. And we’re not as rare or as ridiculous a species as you’d like to think,’ she replied.
‘Maybe not, but against those who have their feet firmly planted in reality, you’ll lose every time,’ he said softly, almost pityingly.
She stopped in front of him, contemplating him with a far too probing stare ‘Will I? I’m almost tempted to bet against that.’
One eyebrow arched. ‘Almost?’
‘Almost,’ she echoed firmly. ‘And I probably would if this were a game. But it isn’t, and you...’ She paused, took a breath. ‘I can’t help but wonder what your father would think—’
‘Don’t you dare.’
She shivered at the chilled warning. ‘Why not? Because it’s sacred? I know it is. But I also suspect that hasn’t stopped you from wondering. Has it?’ She dared to say it anyway.
He pushed away from the window and stalked back to his desk before he did something unthinkable and exposing, like pull her into his arms and bury his frustrations and unease within her welcoming flesh. Even as much as he wanted her, he knew that would be admitting his weakness to them both. ‘I don’t know whether to be stunned at your recklessness or commend you for the spine your father lacks.’
‘Thank you, I think. And hate me if you want, but we both know all this is coming to a head. You’re standing at your own crossroads, Jario. You need to decide which path you—’
‘Enough.’
The word seethed between them with jagged warning and determination.
And one look at him confirmed this wasn’t the right time. Between their unresolved situation from last night and waking up to the tortured sounds he made in his nightmares, his formidable defences were up.
She, too, needed several moments to work out why her heart continued to twist, bend and take flight with the ebb and flow of his emotions. She’d lain awake after he’d left the bedroom, anguished for him and terrified for herself at the depth of her feelings. At the suspicion that it was too late to step off the slippery slope of giving more than her body and empathy to the man who’d suffered so much.
That everything since that morning she’d stepped into his office had always been destined to end here, with her heart far more invested than she’d intended.
So she backed away from his desk, ignoring the deep clamour to do the opposite and step closer.
His head snapped her way as she took another step, and, right there, lurking within the sardonic gleam in his eyes, was a sliver of uncertainty. Perhaps even apprehension.
His lips parted. She expected another verbal tussle. Perhaps an order for her to stay put. It was breakfast time after all, and she doubted he’d lost the urge to feed her. But those control-wrecking lips that had explored her body so thoroughly last night thinned.
‘I’ll see you later...’ She cringed at the hint of a question and plea trailing her statement.
He didn’t respond, just stared hard.
Squaring her shoulders in false bravado, she left his office. Showered and dressed twenty minutes later in her denim shorts and the T-shirt she’d snagged from his room—because apparently, she was a glutton for punishment and couldn’t resist having something of Jario’s with her even when they were locked in battle. After another ten minutes online buying tickets to the first decent sightseeing tour she came across, she took her first step onto land since boarding the La Venganza .
She half wished his security guard would’ve stopped her. And how pathetic was that?
They’d returned to Benoa Harbour between last night and this morning, and the tuk-tuk she’d arranged awaited her on the pier. The chatty driver snagged her attention for all of five minutes before she was back to thinking about Jario.
A minute later her phone buzzed in her pocket. Her heart lurching when she realised it was a video call. She answered, suspecting the caller even though the number was unfamiliar.
Even on-screen Jario’s gaze probed deep. Or maybe it was the ocean-blue T-shirt he wore. ‘You left the yacht?’
Was that faint concern her imagination? ‘I need to clear my head.’
His gaze searched every inch of her face. ‘Because of me?’
She shrugged. ‘What do you think?’
A handful of seconds ticked by. ‘Where are you going?’
‘On my way to tour Ubud. First stop, something artsy, I think.’ Her attempt at cheeriness half succeeded.
His eyes narrowed and he leaned in closer. ‘Who are you with? And what’s that contraption you’re in?’
She turned the camera. ‘In a tuk-tuk with a very knowledgeable tour guide.’ She summoned a smile for the driver, who flashed a white-toothed grin of appreciation. ‘Now, if you’re done with the third degree, I’d like to get back to my sightseeing.’
‘When will you be back?’
‘Why?’
His nostrils flared. ‘We’ll finish what you started.’
Her heart jumped. ‘Now you want to talk?’
His blue eyes grew hooded. ‘I’m willing to hear you out,’ he compromised grudgingly.
As wins went it was more than she’d expected. But she wasn’t going to gloat just yet. About to respond, a wide yawn took her by surprise.
Jario’s eyes sharpened. ‘I kept you awake for most of the night, Willow. You’re operating on limited sleep.’ His low, deep and sensual voice drew shivers over her body, and her face heated even as she searched his gaze to see if he was referring to the sex or the nightmares that had eventually woken him up. Wondered if he finally wanted to talk about it.
‘I’ll survive,’ she murmured.
A moped horn blared as it zipped past, making her jump. His jaw tightened. ‘Going off gallivanting without adequate rest isn’t wise, cara .’
‘You operate on little sleep most of the time. Are you foolish?’
The smallest flash of vulnerability flitted across his face. Had she not witnessed his indomitability she wouldn’t have noticed the fleeting absence of it. ‘It’s not entirely out of choice, as you well know.’
That brought a deeper pang that snatched at her breath. But there was also a sizeable chunk of peevishness she knew was entirely derived from his rejection. ‘I’m not coming back,’ she said. And then just because not defining that response left her insides hollow, she added, ‘Just yet. But you can join me,’ she offered before she could think better of it.
He looked surprised. After a moment, he nodded. ‘I’d like that. Gracias .’
Willow smiled. ‘Before you thank me, I have conditions.’
‘More questions?’
‘Volunteered information.’
Another stare-off occurred, during which her driver navigated bustling streets heaving with colourful stalls and fruit sellers with exotic fruit that probably would’ve made her mouth water had she not been caught in the more powerful vortex of Jario’s stare.
‘Very well.’
The low rumbled response, only registering because she’d been staring at his mouth, sent another shock wave through her.
Her knee-jerk inclination was to dig into the thorny subject of what he saw in his nightmares, but she suspected it would receive a frosty reception. So she chose a different one.
‘Why the yacht? Why not a reclusive private island where no one will bother you if that’s what you want?’
‘Seventy percent of the planet’s surface is covered by water. Some would argue I’m getting the better end of the deal by making the oceans and seas my playground.’
She would’ve laughed off his flippancy if she didn’t believe there was deeper meaning behind him being out here, living on his floating palace and never going ashore. Something significant to his restlessness and his inability to sleep through the night.
She remained silent, watching a muscle ripple in his jaw.
‘Also... I needed something else. The moment I stepped onto this boat it felt like home. As for security, it wasn’t the problem. I’d made sure of that.’ The dark promise in his voice left little doubt he meant that. ‘And because I found solid ground beneath my feet...intolerable.’
Sorrow dredged through her belly. ‘But don’t you miss...’ She trailed off when nothing came to mind. At least nothing this man couldn’t attain for himself despite the unique way he’d chosen to live his life.
‘Yes?’ He eased back in his chair. ‘What could I possibly miss that I can’t have? You’d be surprised how eager people are to grant even the most outlandish requests when there’s money involved.’
‘So that’s it? You throw money at people, they bring you things on your yacht and that’s living for you?’
His amusement vanished, his features morphing into iron and ice. ‘I live by no one’s definition of what life should be. I’ve taken what was thrust on me and bent it to my power and will. That’s more than most people will achieve, including your father.’
She hesitated a beat before exhaling. ‘I don’t disagree. As for my father, his sins are his. The next step is up to him. And I’m all for living your life how you want...if it makes you happy.’
Disappointment clouded his vision and Willow was shocked that it was the emotion that most seared her. ‘This so-called happiness may be your gold standard. It’s not mine.’ He flatly dismissed her words. ‘And your father well knows it’s not just the mistakes you make that count but how you fix them.’
Since she didn’t disagree, she kept silent. His nostrils flared once, then he looked beyond her shoulder to the art museum she’d entered. For the next ten minutes, they pretended to explore colourful Balinese art while they both gathered themselves.
‘Why do you push so hard for this, Willow?’ he muttered at length.
That emotion that lingered at the edges of her relationship with her father pushed harder at her. Maybe it was a good thing they weren’t in the same room. It made her confession easier.
‘There’s another reason I came to find you.’
His gaze sharpened. ‘Sí?’
She found a quiet corner of the museum and leaned against a cool wall. ‘I’ve accepted the violin position with Mondia. The symphony travels all over the world. I could’ve stayed with another orchestra in Los Angeles, but I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to cut ties.’
He inhaled sharply. ‘And now you know?’
Her heart screamed her answer. ‘It’s time to live my life on my terms.’
Piercing eyes narrowed. ‘I hear traces of guilt. You feel guilty for wanting to live your life, for achieving the goal you’ve dreamed of since you were a child, the dream you found solace in while contending with a self-serving father?’
‘Wow, don’t hold back, please.’ Her snark was demolished by her aching heart, despite her soul reassuring her she’d done the right thing. That perhaps even seeing Jario’s battle with goodness versus vengeance had shown her which path to finally choose.
‘Look at me, Willow.’
After a beat, she met his fiercely blazing gaze. It burned right through to her soul.
‘Your talent is entirely your own. No one else’s. This is who you were born to be. So ditch the guilt and own it completely.’
Her eyes searched his. Felt that aggressive bolstering she’d missed from her absentee mother and indifferent father. Support Jario had shown her in his own unique way since she’d stepped on board, even though it’d been mostly couched in gruffness or brusque impatience.
‘Why do you try so hard to convince everyone you don’t care?’
He stiffened. ‘This isn’t about me.’
‘Sure, it is. There you are, convincing me to not lose sight of what makes me happy, while you’re actively blocking your own. You realise you have no choice but to accept my advice now, right?’
One brow arched. ‘How do you intend to enforce that?’
She shrugged. ‘I’m not sure. All I know is it’ll be tough as hell. So...finish telling me why you’re on a yacht?’ she urged softly.
He sat back, his deep voice tingling right down to her toes as he continued. ‘It didn’t happen immediately after I returned home, which felt even worse. For a while everything felt...numb but normal. Enclosed spaces triggering unwanted memories I could understand. At first, I didn’t understand why the scent of trees and soil, exhaust smoke, riled me. But then, walking on solid ground, knowing my father was buried somewhere beneath my feet became...impossible. I thought it was just being in the house I grew up in. Knowing he would never walk through the doors again. I couldn’t live there, not with my father not being there.’ His mouth twisted. ‘But I didn’t need to worry about that for long. Foster care dealt with that problem.’
She inhaled sharply. ‘You went into foster care?’
‘Sí.’ The word was hard-edged with rough memories.
She frowned, then realised she didn’t have definitive knowledge about his mother. ‘You mentioned your mother before. Is she...?’
‘Alive? Yes.’
‘Where is she?’
‘Are you sure you want to know?’
Swallowing, she nodded, the hand gripping her phone shaking. With every sinew in her body, she wished she were back on the yacht, within touching distance while he relived these memories. But she also suspected that the distance helped this closed-off, tormented man, whom she suspected she had deep feelings for, in opening up. For that, she would endure the wrench of being separated from him.
‘In the weeks of our captivity, she slowly lost her mind. She never fully recovered. Now she’s in a full-time mental health facility that moonlights as a fancy resort. She takes six different medications just to keep her balanced. She’s allowed to visit me occasionally under supervision.’
The words, chiselled from ice and mired in deep bitterness sent waves of desolation through her.
‘The kidnappers...were they ever brought to justice?’
His eyes grew colder, bleaker. Until she felt as if she was looking into an unforgiving abyss. ‘Trust me, those responsible have paid the price.’
‘What does that mean?’
He tilted his head. ‘What do you think it means?’ he returned almost conversationally, except for the deadly blade of retribution very much present in his voice.
‘That you have closure there, at least?’
The whites of his teeth flashed in a smile so devastatingly gorgeous and deadly, she didn’t know which her body was reacting to as it swung from hot to cold and back again. But then the smile slowly disappeared, his eyes turning sombre and introspective. ‘I’ve kept my word. I haven’t instigated anything against your father in almost two weeks.’
‘But let me guess, that all changes if I say something wrong, right?’
‘You’ve said and done many wrong things, cara ,’ he rasped. ‘You challenge and infuriate me more often than should be allowed.’
Her heart gave a wild leap. ‘But you allow it because...?’
‘My first full night of peaceful sleep was found with you,’ he admitted gruffly. And while she was gasping at the raw admission, he added, ‘I’m interested in testing a few more of your theories.’
She had drifted towards the entrance of the museum as they spoke, a part of her mourning not giving the breathtaking art the attention they deserved. But this was more important. Far more profound. ‘Jario...’
‘When will you be back?’ he asked gruffly. ‘I’ll have lunch waiting for you.’
‘My driver assures me Ubud’s street pancakes are an experience not to miss.’
His jaw clenched. ‘You have no idea what’s in them. Do not risk another allergic reaction. The chef will have pancakes ready for you if that’s what you crave.’
What she craved was the impossible. What she craved was for his occasional droplets of possessive care and attention to turn into a torrent that drenched her. For his patent desire to turn into explosive need that would embrace every longing for fulfilment for both of them.
‘Willow.’ Her name was another rumble, a deeper one this time.
‘Hmm?’
His lips pursed at her distracted response. ‘You’re testing me.’
‘Am I?’
‘Security can be there in twenty minutes,’ he coaxed thickly.
She looked around her. ‘Bali is beautiful. It’ll be a shame to miss this opportunity.’ She met his gaze. ‘And you don’t need me, do you?’
He opened his mouth, then hesitated. ‘I need to feed you. Because you’re hungry.’
It was nowhere near sufficient but still her belly flipped and her heart jolted with enough emotion to make her breath stall. Regardless, she forced herself to shake her head.
‘I’ll get my own lunch, thanks. See you in a few hours.’
She ended the call with shaking fingers.
And as she’d feared, after hours of exploring sights and sounds and food, as she made her way back to La Venganza , she remained terrified that she would find it near impossible to walk away from Jario when the time inevitably came.