Chapter Fourteen
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Annalena shaded her eyes , squinting into sunshine. Her heart was in her mouth yet she felt a mix of awe and pride as she watched Benedikt climb the rockface.
The sheer rockface.
When she’d said as much he’d laughed and assured her there were plenty of hand and footholds on the cliff.
Nevertheless nerves nibbled her stomach. If anything happened to him…
A few short weeks ago she’d have thought it a solution to her problems to hear the new King had died. Now the thought made her shudder. Ten days after their wedding and so much had changed.
She’d changed and her feelings about Benedikt too.
With a final surge of flexing, impressive strength, he pulled himself over the cliff top. Then he stood, waving at her. He didn’t even seem to be breathing heavily. Whereas her heart hammered and her breathing was shallow.
She waved back, smiling as he grinned. The breeze riffled his hair and he looked carefree and young, not the severe man she’d met in Prinzenberg.
She dropped her hand as he stepped out of sight to explore before walking down the steep but navigable slope beyond the rockface.
Annalena turned and sank onto the blanket where they’d lunched.
Each day they made love, hiked, and talked about everything and nothing. She told him about her fieldwork and her fascination with lichens and mosses. He talked of his time in the US and some of his climbing adventures.
She found herself ever more drawn to Benedikt. Even the word husband didn’t faze her now.
It wasn’t his looks. It was his essence, that charisma she’d always felt. His character. Far from being callous and unsympathetic, he was a man of compassion and deep humanity. A man who attracted her in ways that had nothing to do with sex.
Though the sex was phenomenal. Just thinking about their sex life made her toes curl.
Even his occasional retreat into thoughtful silence didn’t seem negative now.
Before, she’d imagined his every reaction a response to her, imagining him judging and finding her wanting.
Now she saw a man who’d faced his own problems. Yes, he brooded occasionally but didn’t she too sometimes?
Usually she kept her own counsel, working through problems alone rather than turning to others.
Once in a while she’d share concerns with Oma.
Who did Benedikt share with? Matthias?
To her delight he’d begun sharing with her.
He’d been open when they’d discussed his plans for the state, his reforms and snags blocking his way. Yesterday, picnicking by a mountain tarn, he’d mentioned problems in a local tender process and asked her opinion.
It had felt the most natural thing to thrash out the issues with him.
That was when she’d realised he already knew about her work, not only as a botanist. She’d done her share of contract negotiations.
The centre where she’d worked, initially funded by an endowment from her grandparents, was at the forefront of research into Alpine plants.
That research was leading to potential new medications.
Would she be able to continue her scientific work part-time? It seemed unlikely. She couldn’t imagine life without it. She sighed. Was that the lot of all royals, putting their personal lives aside?
Annalena lay back on the rug and closed her eyes, wondering what dreams Benedikt might have set aside.
She was drowsing when a deep voice murmured, ‘Sleeping beauty, I presume?’
Lips brushed hers, brushed and clung. She raised a hand to stroke Benedikt’s lean cheek and thick hair. He smelt of mountain sunshine and tasted tantalisingly masculine. She sighed against his mouth as her body softened.
Would she ever get enough of him? Their sexual connection was amazing but it wasn’t the whole of what she felt. Her link to him grew stronger with each hour yet she still had so much to learn about him.
Benedikt pulled back, expression unreadable with the sunlight behind his head. ‘That was a big sigh. What were you thinking about?’
About how big my feelings are for you. About how I’ve begun to yearn for more.
Yearning was dangerous. He’d been clear in what he could offer—partnership based on duty with lovemaking to soften the edges.
Because it was lovemaking, she realised, at least on her part.
She mightn’t actually be in love but she wasn’t as heart whole as she’d once been. The realisation made her tremble.
‘I was wondering about you, actually.’
‘What exactly?’
She wished she could see his face clearly. ‘What you’d do if you weren’t King. What were your dreams? And,’ she hurried on, ‘you said your family saved you from your father and yourself—’
‘And you want to understand.’ His voice held an edge she couldn’t decipher. Not anger but something hard. So she was surprised when he said, ‘I know I owe you more. You’ve shared so much with me.’
Abruptly he moved away and Annalena was about to protest when she realised he was just leaning across to the picnic basket. ‘Would you like to share an apple?’
She nodded, watching as he took a paring knife, neatly coring and segmenting the fruit.
He frowned as if in concentration, but his expression transformed into a teasing smile as he held a segment to her lips until she opened and took a bite, tasting crisp sweetness.
Satisfaction flared in those golden-brown eyes and, she’d swear, sensual interest. But for once Benedikt didn’t pursue that. He put the knife away then leaned back, propped on one elbow, munching.
‘What would I do if I weren’t King? Easy. Focus on my business. I thought I had years left to pursue my own commercial interests.’
‘Tell me about them.’
He offered her another bite of apple. ‘I began in media and advertising. That’s where my grandfather made his fortune.
I still have some investments there in North America, but my main interest became IT.
Software development, cyber security, a range of areas.
I finance start-up companies. I suppose I’m drawn to the industry’s creativeness. But I dabble in other things too.’
‘You have a nose for business.’
He shrugged as if unwilling to accept praise. Most men she knew loved accolades but Benedikt wasn’t most men.
‘So, you’d devote yourself to business.’
That boyish grin returned and her heart pattered faster. ‘I’d make time for mountaineering. And skiing.’
‘I love skiing.’
‘This winter, we’ll go together.’
He leaned across and he offered her another piece of apple. She took a bite, watching him watch her, and felt a febrile thread of arousal run through her body. But she wouldn’t let herself be distracted… Yet.
‘I’d like that.’ She imagined them speeding down the slopes, blood pumping from the exertion and exhilaration. Afterwards, alone in their chalet… ‘But was business your dream when you were young?’
The shadow crossed his features. ‘The only dream I had then was getting away from my father. You know what sort of man he was. He treated his family no better. He didn’t care about anyone but himself.’
Benedikt paused, looking into the distance. What did he see? She was sure it wasn’t the beauty of the Alpine scene.
‘He destroyed my mother.’
The words were shocking for their matter-of-factness. Annalena had hoped he’d let her in, sharing details of his life, yet his frankness surprised.
‘For reasons I never understood she cared about him. Their marriage was a convenient one but she loved him at least in the beginning. He took that love and twisted it into a weapon.’
Annalena sat up, covering Benedikt’s hand with hers.
He gave her a tight smile. ‘As for me, I was a necessary evil. He wanted an heir and insisted I do him proud yet he took every opportunity to alienate me. I think he resented the fact I’d eventually inherit.
He didn’t want to share power with anyone.
Usually he’d ignore or belittle me, but other times he’d micromanage my life and he was never satisfied. ’
‘Oh, Benedikt! That’s awful.’ She’d been an orphan yet she’d known love and support.
‘It’s okay. I’m okay. I had my mother, when she was well enough, and I had her father, my grandfather. He was the role model who saved me.’
Benedikt squeezed her hand, darkened eyes snaring hers.
‘You said your family saved you from yourself.’
After a moment he nodded. ‘He and my mother. They showed me another way to live. Taught me to think of people other than myself.’
He huffed a laugh that didn’t sound like amusement.
‘My father insisted I spend my early years in the palace. Much as I learned to fear and loathe him, I also learned his ways. By the time he grew bored with being a father and let me travel to the States each summer, his poison had infected me. I was a sullen, selfish kid focused on myself, on getting what I wanted and, of course, keeping out of my father’s way. ’
His self-hatred astonished her and she leaned closer. ‘You were only a child.’
Benedikt hitched those broad shoulders. ‘A child raised by a cruel, narcissistic man. Being away from him, learning about kindness and decency, was like discovering a whole new world. I began to believe maybe I could find a place for myself in that world.
‘My family had a lot of patience. They persevered through the bad behaviour, the acting out, the time in my late teens when I decided that despite everything I’d learned, selfish hedonism was the way to go.’
He looked down at her hand clutching his. ‘With their help I fought not to be like my father, even if sometimes I feel his darkness inside.’
Benedikt’s words pierced her. ‘You’re not like him. How can you think it?’ He raised a quizzical eyebrow but said nothing. ‘You’re dismantling everything bad he created in this country. You and Matthias.’
And now she was too. She felt an uprush of pride at the thought of helping that endeavour.
Finally he inclined his head, his mouth twisting as he lifted his hand to stroke her jaw. ‘You’re so earnest on my behalf. Thank you, sweetheart. After the way I corralled you into marriage that’s kind of you.’