Chapter Eleven #2
‘When we first met, you said that you believed in the sanctity of marriage. I didn’t,’ he said, shaking his head.
‘I didn’t understand what marriage was. I didn’t see how it could be anything other than a transaction.
And when the terms weren’t met, the marriage ended.
That’s what happened for my birth parents and my adoptive parents.
‘I just didn’t know it could be otherwise.
I didn’t know what it meant to work towards someone else’s happiness without fear of them not wanting to do the same for you.
I believed that love was a debt to be paid, and I didn’t even know how to begin to pay for Ivy’s love,’ he admitted with deep pain.
‘And, as Ms Quell rightly recognised, I didn’t see that marriage takes a million small things each day. Choices, commitments, actions.’
He turned to Ms Quell and smiled wryly. ‘Ivy doesn’t have one particular skincare brand,’ he said, finally answering the question she’d asked back in their second assessment.
‘I didn’t ask her, but I’m pretty sure it’s because she buys only what she needs when she needs it and when it is most cost-effective.
She uses cleanser, toner, eye cream and skin cream.
She’s terrible at using sun cream, but she is English so that’s probably just because she’s not used to it.
‘For perfume, she prefers earthy scents to floral ones, partly because floral scents are too sweet for her, and anything that connects to a memory for her is the one that she will choose first. Deep down, she wants to dress in bright, beautiful colours, but doesn’t feel that she could do so here in England.
When she does dress in bright, beautiful colours, Your Honour,’ he said, briefly turning back to Judge Carmondy, ‘it is a sight to behold, I assure you.
‘Oh, and Ms Quell, Ivy hates coffee and I will spend the rest of my life not understanding this.’
Antonio turned back to Judge Carmondy. ‘You told me I promised to love, protect and honour this woman. I did promise those things and I failed to do any of them, spectacularly, and I will never forgive myself for this,’ he admitted truthfully.
He would regret for ever not returning the hospital’s call that day. He would regret for ever not taking the call she’d made following that. He would regret for ever forsaking the vow he’d made.
Whatever his motivation behind the marriage had been, he should have stayed true to that vow.
He’d thought—na?vely and incorrectly—that his duty had been done when he’d paid her for her hand in marriage.
But he’d been wrong. He had learned from that mistake, but at a cost to Ivy that was unforgivable.
Oddio , he wanted to look at her so much, but he couldn’t. Not yet.
‘In the last two weeks I spent with Ivy McKellen, I learned that she’s a far better person than I am.
She is strong, and wilful, even in the face of a more powerful force—like me,’ he said without a hint of irony, ‘or the accident that almost stole the future she had imagined for herself, or the parents that abandoned her with a younger sibling to care for, or the husband who abandoned her for his own self-interest.
‘She experienced all of those things and is still someone who puts others first. The library where she works, the brother who needed her and the husband who didn’t deserve her.
I love the way she thinks about others but I wish she’d think about herself even half as much.
I love the way she moves through the world with a fierce determination and, despite many setbacks, she is hopeful and optimistic.
I admire her. And I love her. And, should she let me, I will tell her every day how wonderful she is, how much she is loved, and I will protect her and prioritise her always ,’ he added as his heart beat ferociously in his chest.
‘It is up to her whether she chooses to accept the love that I willingly and freely give to her. But I want her to know that, whatever happens, there is a house in her name with a bank account to cover bills, expenses and whatever is needed to run that house for the rest of her life. She should know that. There is even paperwork,’ he said ruefully but sincerely.
Because no matter what happened between them, he wanted— needed —her to have security and safety and permanence in her life.
‘Well, Ms McKellen?’ The judge asked. ‘Do you accept this man’s love?’
For the first time since entering the court, Antonio allowed himself to risk a glance in her direction. She was looking straight at him, her eyes glistening. He dared to believe, to hope…
Ivy’s heart pounded in her chest, stunned by all that Antonio had said. He loved her? Admired her? Those things seemed incredible to her when she felt exactly the same for him.
Was she dreaming? All this couldn’t really be for her, could it?
Simon beckoned her to him so that he could whisper in her ear.
‘You don’t have to say yes. I’ve looked over the documents.
The house is all set up. And even if you sell it, the account is for you, so it comes with you if you buy a new house.
It is important to Mr Gallo that you understand this and you don’t feel pressured.
He also said—’ he paused, as if trying to remember the correct words ‘—this is not a gift, or a trade, or a purchase,’ Simon quoted. ‘Does that make sense to you?’
It did. It absolutely did. She nodded, realising that, whatever her answer, Antonio was willing to protect her and give her the security she’d always wanted. He was prioritising her, over his own wants and needs.
She felt Simon’s eyes on her, the judge’s gaze, too.
And this time, when she looked back at Antonio, she finally found him looking at her.
She saw it then. All of it. He was a man who had made concealing his emotions an art form, who had hidden his wants and needs behind trades and payoffs, but everything had been laid at her feet.
His love, his promise, his vows. She didn’t need a piece of paper to tell her that, to make her his, or him hers. She didn’t need a ring or a celebration, a party or even a house—she had him. And he was her world.
‘I do, Your Honour,’ she said as tears rolled down her cheeks, turning back to Antonio in time to see him grip the table in white-knuckled relief.
The judge sighed, though for a heartbeat Ivy thought that he might have been just a little pleased. ‘Then I suppose I declare you husband and wife. Again . Now, please kiss your bride and never return to this court,’ he commanded.
Antonio made his way past a ridiculous number of chairs to reach her.
‘Oh, and Mr Gallo? I will be fining you seven thousand pounds for wasting the court’s time.’
‘Yes, Your Honour,’ he said without complaint.
‘Case dismissed!’
By the time Antonio reached her she was a little unsteady on her feet, but the moment his hands held hers, the moment he wrapped her in his arms, she felt grounded, protected, safe .
His lips found hers and it was heaven. Antonio’s kiss, at first half frantic, soon gentled to one of reverence and it was the most perfect thing, until the judge banged his gavel and told them to clear out of the court before he could fine Antonio for ‘lewd conduct’.
Antonio led her out into the hallway, where she caught a glimpse of Simon looking rather pleased with the outcome before Antonio kissed her again.
‘Antonio,’ she whispered against his lips.
‘Again,’ he commanded without breaking the kiss.
She smiled, his mouth shifting around hers to try and capture it. ‘Antonio,’ she said again, and he relaxed against her as if all he’d needed was his name on her lips.
She loved him.
She loved him and was free in that love and it filled her and just kept filling her. There was no end to it. It was not finite. It just poured from her in waves that she would never want to stop.
‘I love you,’ she said, finally pulling back from the temptation of his lips and looking up into the deep brown eyes that had hypnotised her from the very beginning, before he looked down.
‘I don’t know if I’ll ever be worthy enough to—’
‘You don’t have to earn anything from me. Not my admiration, not my respect, not my love. These feelings for you aren’t based on your worth or your value to me,’ she said, clinging to his shirt front with a vehemence she hoped he understood.
‘I left you in that hospital.’
‘I was the one who said it was not important,’ she said sadly, realising how much he had punished himself over this.
‘I made it impossible for you to say otherwise,’ he insisted. ‘I should have come for you.’
‘What would you have done? If you’d been there at the hospital?’
‘I would have made sure you got the best medical help.’
‘I did get the best medical help. And the rest was on me.’
‘But your home…’
‘Was mine for the time I needed it,’ she said simply. ‘You? You are my home for ever ,’ she said.
He took her hand and flattened her palm against his heart, placing his own over hers, and pressed his forehead against hers, his breath shuddering out of his chest in a sigh that felt as if it had been held for years.
‘ Dio mio , I love you, and I promise to show you just how much, every single day for the rest of my life.’
Her heart soared in her chest, just one thought coming back to anchor her. ‘Antonio, what about Maria? What’s going to happen to her? And Gallo Group? Will it go to Micha?’
He swallowed. ‘I honestly don’t know. But we’ll make sure that, whatever happens, she’ll be okay,’ he said, the words another vow that Ivy felt to her bones, and one that she echoed.
She wasn’t sure how she’d be able to help, but if there was anything she could do, she’d do it.
Maria was Antonio’s family. Her family now.
She looked back up at him. ‘Yes, we will,’ she told him.
‘But what do we do now ?’ she asked in a whisper, realising that they were beginning to draw attention, wrapped up in each other in the middle of the court corridor.
He finally released her but held out his arm for her to take and began to lead them out of the courthouse.
‘How do you feel about children?’ Antonio asked as if he were inviting her out for dinner.
Simon spluttered behind them.
‘Four,’ Ivy replied easily and instinctively.
‘Oh, at least,’ Antonio replied with a smile on his face that stole her breath.
This was her husband. The man she had married six years ago for all the wrong reasons, but who had returned to her to show her the true power of love.