Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Raven
I gripped the edge of the sink and watched the water run clear in the basin. Moments before, the white marble had been stained red. I turned the water off and stared up at my now clean face in the mirror.
I’d scrubbed the demon’s blood from my body furiously, the task the only thing on my mind. Since that was finished, I was left with nothing to do now except try to tame the monster that stared back at me.
Closing my eyes, I slowed my breathing and focused on calming my pulse.
Ryan’s tear-stained face floated behind my eyelids.
A mix of emotions flooded me as I replayed the events.
Hurt slashed my chest that he was the son and nephew of my attackers.
Unease rested in my stomach that he’d hired a private investigator.
The strongest emotion of all was the devastation wrapped around my heart as I heard him say he loved me over and over in my mind.
He likely didn’t love me anymore. I’d killed his father.
No matter if he hated him or not, he couldn’t love the person who killed one of his parents.
I didn’t regret it, though. I enjoyed every fucking second.
Killing him had lifted a weight from my shoulders that had been there for fourteen years, and I’d known if this day ever came I would be happy.
I just didn’t expect the anguish that came along with it.
I was never going to hurt Ryan. I loved him, and I knew he didn’t fall for me solely to fuck with his father.
His actions had proved he didn’t know about me before.
Still, I had to convince everyone I was going to do it, including myself.
It was the only way I could attempt to get us out of the situation, even though it was going to cost me the only man I’d ever loved.
Sighing, I looked in the mirror for an undetermined amount of time before leaving the restroom.
Walking back into the vampire den that was the reception space, I spotted Ryan sitting on a chair in the darkened room.
His head was in his hands, and he didn’t look up as I walked past what used to be the glass door scattered everywhere.
Glass crunched as I moved across the room and stood in front of him. “Nice job with destroying my door.” I rested my hand on his shoulder and he didn’t move. Anxiety laced through my body at my poor attempt at humor. “Ryan,” I muttered. “Ryan, are you all right? Are you hurt?”
When he finally raised his eyes to mine, they were damp with emotion. He studied me for what could have been hours. “What now?” he asked.
I blew out a heavy breath, looking back to the shattered door. “I’ll call the police. You’ll have to stay and give a statement.”
He nodded his head and stared off in the distance at nothing as I walked back to my office for my phone.
I knew better than to push him. He was going to need time to process everything just like I was going to.
Once I reached the doorway, I looked at the dead man that had haunted me for years.
He’d helped create the man I loved. What a fucked-up way the universe came back to bite me in the ass.
Hours passed as the police, coroner, and investigators did their jobs.
They released Ryan a few hours in, but I was stuck there until nearly three in the morning answering their questions.
I had to go to the police station the next day with the security camera footage and answer even more questions.
By the time I walked into the garage, I was dead on my feet.
A small part of me expected Ryan to be waiting in his car parked beside mine, but when I pushed open the door to the parking garage he wasn’t.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. The woman he was fucking killed his father. Why would he be anywhere near me?
The foreboding feeling I used to get in the garage wasn’t there.
I immediately knew I wasn’t being watched anymore.
As I got into my car, a knife of misery dipped in relief twisted in my gut, slashing apart everything inside me.
Relief that I was hopefully safe from the devil himself, and I didn’t have to wonder if he was coming for me anymore.
Misery because the man I wanted to come after me never would again.
I cried. I cried for everything I had gained and lost, but mostly I cried for the woman who would never have to worry about that man again.
I cried for Ryan’s mother. No matter how terrible she was; there had to be abuse there.
I cried for Ryan, not only because I might not ever hear from him again, but because he was also rid of his demon father.
I believed the things he told me about him, even though Ryan hadn’t been completely honest with me.
When I stopped crying enough to see out the windshield, I started the car. Backing out of my spot, I wiped my eyes and drove toward my lonely apartment.
A week. It had been over a week since I killed my sort-of boyfriend’s father who assaulted me when I was eighteen.
I had to close the office and get everyone on remote work for the clean-up and new door installation.
I was sure they weren’t complaining, but being at home all the time was driving me insane.
I glanced at the clock and decided five thirty was fine to call it a day, especially on a Friday. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get the fuck out of the apartment. Before I shut down my computer, I clicked open a new tab and pulled up Ryan’s socials.
Still nothing. He hadn’t posted anything since before Halloween. I missed him, but at this point, I just wanted to make sure he was all right. It wouldn’t hurt if I drove by his apartment right? Just to see if he was there.
I changed from my lounge clothes and grabbed my keys from the counter.
Not giving myself time to question my decision, I grabbed the knob and pulled the door open.
Ryan stood on the other side dressed in his usual hoodie and jeans.
My brain glitched at seeing him, and when he looked at me, my heart almost stopped.
Minutes passed before I regained composure. “This is straight out of a romance novel.” I laughed.
His face was anything but humored. It was the most serious I’d seen him. My smile fell, and I realized he was probably here to tell me he never wanted to see me again. I didn’t blame him for needing closure. I dropped my gaze to the floor, afraid for him to speak.
“Raven,” he choked, and in an instant I was in his arms and his face was a breath in front of mine. His brown eyes were brimstone, and I was so surprised I didn’t know what to say.
He brushed a strand of hair away from my face and brought his lips so close I could feel his breath. “Are you going to say the safe word?” he asked.
Safe word? A light bulb flicked on in my brain. This was him asking permission. He was asking me if I wanted him to stop. A sob tore from my throat as I crashed my lips to his, claiming his mouth so thoroughly that we were the same soul.
I kissed him with everything I had in my being, and he kissed me back with the same intensity.
His hands came up to grip my face before he slid one around to the back of my neck, holding me firmly in place.
I balled my fist in the gray cotton of his hoodie as he scoured my mouth with his tongue like he was staking claim to every inch.
He pulled back, and I stared into his eyes, searching for the words he had yet to speak. His thumb brushed my cheek, and before I knew it, I was wrapped in the tightest hug I’d ever had. I didn’t dare to hope because I wasn’t sure what any of it meant.
Once he loosened his arms, he took my hand and guided me to the balcony. He plucked a blanket from the sofa as he pulled open the french door. Outside, he wrapped the blanket around my shoulders against the light breeze and we sat opposite each other.
He looked out over the buildings below, toward the few downtown skyscrapers the city had. I didn’t know how to say sorry for killing his father. That wasn’t a typical thing people had to apologize for. So instead I said, “I’ve missed you,” as a tear slid from the corner of my eye.
He didn’t look at me. “Raven, I…I know you won’t forgive my violations of your boundaries and privacy easily, but—”
My head snapped up from where my gaze was resting on my hands in my lap. “What?” I interjected.
Ryan continued, his eyes still fixed on the horizon. “My father wasn’t lying. I did hire a private investigator to look into your past.”
“Ryan…” I began.
He held up his hand. “No, let me finish. The night I texted you as Zander, you thought I was following you. It wasn’t me watching you. It had to have been Dad, or someone he paid.”
I sat in silence, watching his jaw clench as he spoke.
“After getting to know you more that night I had to see you. I’d only seen the photo on your website and couldn’t wait any longer.
I’d been thinking about you from the moment I heard your voice.
So I found your address and watched your apartment.
You went to the market, and I followed you.
I noticed you were spooked over something.
Maybe you sensed me, but I still couldn’t get rid of the uneasy feeling that something else was going on.
By then, a part of me had become a bit obsessed. ”
“A bit?” I scoffed, a hint of laughter in my voice.
He smirked. “Maybe more than a bit. So after that, I contacted Dad’s guy.
I wanted to know everything about you, but more than that, I wanted to make sure you were safe.
I’m guessing that’s what tipped Dad off, even though Rick didn’t break confidence and tell him what I was doing.
Dad had eyes everywhere, even on his PI. ”
Ryan finally looked over to me. “But that’s not all, Raven.
I had a friend tap into your security systems. I watched you for weeks after you told me you were assaulted and one of them was still out there.
But more so because I was crazy for you.
Here’s the shitty part, though.” His demeanor changed from apologetic to determined as he pierced me with his stare.
“I would do it again. I don’t regret it for a single fucking minute because all of it led me to being there when he came back. ”
“Earlier that day, Rick called me and sent over all the files he had uncovered—the police files, but also files about Dad following you. The police records were all I got through before I saw a man, who turned out to be my piece of shit father, walk into your office on the security feed. I drove as fast as I could to you, to save you from whatever was happening, but you didn’t need saving.
It turned out you were the one that saved me. ”
Tears were openly streaming down my face. “Ryan, I don’t fault you for any of that. Everything I said in front of him was to protect you.”
“Exactly my point,” he gestured. “You saved me then, but you’ve been saving me from the beginning.
You saved me from an isolated future. You saved me from living in his shadow.
As long as he existed in the world, I would have hidden myself because I never lived up to what he thought I should be.
Most importantly you taught me that I’m capable of love and worthy of it too after never really having it before. I love you, Raven.”
I leaped from the chair and crashed into his lap, straddling his thighs. This kiss was different. This kiss was two souls becoming one as I held his face and he wrapped his arms around me.
When I pulled back, he was crying, too. “And I love you, Ryan. I won’t apologize for what happened or what I did.
The fucked-up thing is that I liked it. The monster inside me enjoyed taking them both out of this world.
That’s what I’ve fought for years after the attack all those years ago.
But you showed me things too. You showed me there’s more to life than work and living for everyone else.
I need to live for myself and what I want, too.
What I want more than my business, more than success, more than anything is you. I want you.”
He smiled the brightest grin I’d ever seen on his lips as I wiped his tears with my thumbs.
“I want you, too. I want to wake up to you, make you breakfast, do life with you.” His voice changed to sexy Zander.
“I want to make you scream when I bury myself inside you. I want to hear both of my names on your lips as you lose yourself beneath my touch. I want to give you control and make every desire you have come true as you turn me into a whimpering mess at your feet. Every single day, I want that.”
Heat flushed my body at his perfect words. I loved him, and he loved me. He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose.
“So your birth name is Leah?” he asked.
I nodded. “I wanted a fresh start after everything happened, and I didn’t want any of my past tied to my future. So I changed my name. You aren’t the only one with more than one moniker even though I left one of mine in the past.”
He smirked. “Eh, Raven fits you better.”
I squealed as he scooped me up into his arms and stood, setting me on my feet. As he led me through the apartment to the bedroom, I couldn’t help but tease him. “You know you did that all wrong, right?”
“Did what wrong?”
I laughed. “Haven’t you learned anything from narrating romance novels? They normally talk first before he kisses her. You kissed me as soon as you got here.”
He pushed me onto the bed, undoing his belt with one hand and tearing it from the loops. “Baby, we’ve never been normal. We’ll make our own fucked-up romance novel.”