MARLOW
I wait in the parking lot, but fifteen minutes have already passed, and Fenn Drax still doesn’t show up. I feel uneasy. We were supposed to go to the trail leading to the hot springs near Rainbow Springs, but it looks like the plans have changed.
I stand there for another half hour, because who knows, maybe someone pulled him aside for a conversation or a procedure. After a while, though, I realize we won't be opening champagne beneath the rainbow waterfalls today.
I’m feeling pretty shitty. I’ve been left hanging so many times back in the day when I’d set up dates and alphas wouldn’t show up, and I hate being back in that situation.
Whether I want it or not, memories force their way into my brain.
Being seen with another alpha was a big issue for my dating prospects, and a lot of them would suddenly get cold feet.
"I thought about it and… it’s not going to work."
That’s the kind of text I’ve gotten plenty of times.
"You’re very attractive. If you want something casual, we can do that, but nothing more."
Even though I know it can’t be the case, my tendency for self-torment naturally kicks in, as I head back to the facility, watched by the guards and the beta receptionist.
But I’m not someone who gives up easily, especially when I care, so once I get down to the level where the participants live, I turn into the corridor leading to Fenn’s room. I’m going to get to the bottom of this.
Before I get there, I notice Wilhelm passing by, pushing a cart with a series of samples.
After a week of recovery, the orderly is back on duty, but he usually avoids me like a rabid rat.
There is a noticeable patch of bald hair on the back of his head, where his skin was cut almost to his skull after Fenn attacked him. It’s almost healed by now, but I doubt he has forgotten. His glare says it all.
"You’re going to Red Mug?" he throws at me even though I didn’t speak to him.
"None of your business," I snap back.
"Still as pleasant as ever. Meanwhile, you’re in for an unpleasant surprise. The mutant is currently busy with a nice alpha assigned to him by Dr. Lomax."
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I bristle immediately.
"Oh yes." Wilhelm stops, leans against the cart, and crosses his arms as if he’s happy to deliver the message. His nasty face stretches into a wide grin.
"Dr. Lomax is getting tired of the lack of results in this program. Four months have passed, and they’re still stuck at triggering the pre-heat phase. That's it. So Dr. Lomax decided he needed to see with his own eyes what it looks like when Drax actually has sex with another person in real time."
I clench my fists. "You’re only saying this to get under my skin. I know you’re looking for revenge…"
"What revenge? I’m just telling you how it is."
He stares at me with such blatant insolence in his eyes that it practically makes me shake. A moment later, though, his expression shifts slightly, and his nostrils flare.
Suddenly, he takes a deep breath.
"What are those cosmetics you’re using now? Really strange. Are you pretending to be a pregnant omega? That’s next-level stupid."
"Fuck off. I’ll find out everything from Drax myself," I growl, even though my heart is racing.
But Wilhelm doesn’t stop.
"Seriously… you smell like a pregnant omega. What is that deodorant? Kinda like the real thing. I know that scent well. My brother had a son in the fall. His whole house reeked like vanilla cookies."
I just snort in disgust, because what he’s rambling about is absurd.
"Leave me alone, idiot. I’m not falling for your stupid jokes."
I move away and start to leave, but Wilhelm calls after me.
"They’re in Laboratory 7F, on the opposite side of this level, two right turns and one left. If you don’t believe me, see for yourself."
I first go to Fenn’s door and knock, but no one opens.
Feeling slightly frantic, I go back to my room. Rupert isn’t there. Recently we’ve been carefully avoiding each other, and he spends most of his time in Caspian’s staff room, of course together with Juan.
I take my clothes off. I don’t know the layout of the facility well yet, but even if I have to spend hours in those damn ventilation ducts, I’ll find him and figure out what’s going on.
After shifting, I jump into the vent. I’ll really have to push myself to get there; at least that’s what I expect, but it turns out to be strangely easy, because I know exactly which direction to go. It’s intuitive, like I have a map drawn inside me. I can simply tell where Fenn is. How strange…
I take the right corridor, then the next branching path, and I know I’m getting closer and closer.
Something builds up inside me, a fear, strange and suffocating, almost painful in my chest.
Finally I’m there.
I find the correct grates. I have a view of a huge laboratory hall with rows of different devices and a massive chamber in the middle, somewhat resembling a CT scanner but much larger.
I immediately spot the thin figure of Dr. Lomax standing at a control station, in front of a huge monitor showing several feeds, including the inside of the chamber in different filters, probably from various sensors scanning it.
At the chamber entrance stands, who else, Fenn Drax.
In front of him stands an alpha.
The alpha is naked… and hard.
I hear Fenn say to him:
"Are you ready?"
The alpha nods.
And then they both enter the chamber, whose central point is a fairly wide bed. Fuck!
I turn away abruptly, my throat tightening. I can’t watch this, I can't!
So it’s true, what that bastard said. Fenn has no other option, but that doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking, or tear me into pieces any less, because once again in my life it’s the same.
Everyone I ever pinned my hopes on ends up kicking me aside, sleeping with someone else, choosing a different boyfriend.
I can’t stand it.
With a choking feeling in my chest, I run away from there. I don’t want to watch him give that alpha what he gave me and what I thought was something special.
I don’t even know how I get back to my room, because everything is spinning in my head, and even in my cat form my eyes are getting wet.
I jump out of the grate and shift into human form, but right then I hear the sound of a shower. Has Rupert already come back?
I quickly pull my clothes on just in time as Rupert walks into the room.
"Oh, I didn’t know you were back," he says, and then an awkward silence falls.
The storm inside me surges, tosses me around, tears at me, and then it suddenly spills out of me: a decision made in emotion, but strangely fierce, because I’m at my limit.
"Yes. I’m back. I have bad news. I’m leaving this program.
" Even saying those words makes me choke, my throat tightening.
"I know we had a deal, but something happened—" I cut off, fighting hard so my voice doesn’t falter. I don’t want to share it with him, not with that asshole. My jaw is shut tight.
Rupert steps closer.
"I know you hate me, but I can see it. You’re shaking all over."
Well, I’m boiling inside, for sure. A true blizzard is raging inside me, and it takes a lot of effort not to let it spill out.
"It just didn’t work out between me and Fenn. I’m getting out of here."
I say shortly, clenching my fists so hard my nails break through the skin and draw blood. The pain clears my head a bit. I steady myself and move toward the closet to start packing.
"Wait, there’s something I wanted to tell you since yesterday."
"What is it?" I growl.
I only speak to Rupert like this, through a growl, but something in his face, some pleading, some urgent request for me to listen, makes me stop.
"Marlow, your scent has changed. I could sense it subtly yesterday evening. And today I’m certain, I smell vanilla. I think you’re pregnant."
I let out an angry snort.
"That’s impossible. Fenn had a vasectomy. He can’t have children."
A silence falls. A deep, terrifying silence as certain facts start connecting in my head.
I blink and the blood literally drains from my face.
I almost stagger; my folded clothes slip from my hands and fall to the ground.
Because there’s still one fucking way I could have gotten pregnant… Fenn did what he did with the others and simply opened the pathway, activated my gonads, and I…
I raise my hands to my face, feeling tears start to run down my cheeks, press my fingers to my temples, and force out a broken voice.
"You son of a bitch! You came all over me, on my hole… something must have gotten in there, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck…!"
I feel everything spinning in front of my eyes. I start collapsing to the ground, and I only feel Rupert’s arms around me, keeping me from hitting the hard floor.
I fade into darkness.
◆◆◆
I open my eyes at the sound of a sudden sneeze that erupts right beside me.
I’m in a laboratory, but a different one, not the one where Fenn is. I’m lying on a treatment bed, and above me, Dr. Lee’s face is leaning in.
"Relax, Marlow. It’s all right now…"
"Did that bastard get me pregnant?!" I blurt out, because that thought comes back immediately, not giving me even a second of relief after losing consciousness. My blood pressure spikes instantly.
"We’ll find out right now. I’ll take your blood, and we’ll do an ultrasound, although it’s still very early at this stage. We might be able to see a gestational sac…"
"A gesta—" I can’t finish it. I just can’t. I can’t believe this.
Why does Fate hate me like this?
Why did Fate make Blue Lowen save me three months ago after my suicide attempt? Just so it could mock me now? So it could do the worst possible fucking thing to me:
…get me pregnant by my rapist…
Dr. Lee doesn’t say anything. He clearly isn’t someone suited to being a psychologist or therapist.
Instead, with methodical precision, he draws blood from my trembling arm. It’s a miracle he even manages to hit the vein. Then he puts the sample into the analyzer machine and takes out the ultrasound probe.
"At this very early stage, a rectal ultrasound will be better."
I don’t protest. I pull down my pants, and he inserts the lubricated probe into me.