Chapter 23 – Cerberus
CERBERUS
The pain is like nothing I’ve experienced in my life. Even when the sunrises, slightly illuminating my hovel beneath the tree, I can’t will myself to move.
It’s strange, this pain. I try to think of what it was like to be pulled apart by the Soulless, and I know somehow that the darkness of the tunnels and the injuries they gave me were worse, and yet, I could get back up then, after a time. I wanted to get back up.
Now I don’t.
I could die here and give thanks for it.
My entire chest aches, and tears rain from my eyes in quiet moments. Soren, Draven, and Kage have done what my father and his minions never could. They’ve broken me.
I think about the moments we spent together. I think of the laughter, the conversations, and my night in their arms. These gargoyles truly are the monster hunters of legend. They never once gave away their hatred for me. They never once hinted that they would betray me like this.
Every moment was a perfectly constructed act.
And I was the idiot who didn’t see through them.
“You thought they liked you,” I say, then wince as my ribs throb.
I can’t believe I’d somehow thought they saw me as more than just a hellhound. More than just a monster or the worthless child of a god.
Two days pass. My body slowly knits itself back together, but I heal slower than ever before.
No matter the cold or the pain, I find I have no desire to go on. I imagine the tales of immortals who turned to trees, plants, or the wind when their heart was broken, and I wish that some kind god would have pity on me and do the same.
But it never happens. I’m still just me. A broken shell of a monster.
As the evening light begins to descend, my hellhound’s whimpering cuts through my numbness. I feel her inside me, and I realize for the first time how frightened she is of my mood. Of my thoughts. Of my unwillingness to fight for my life.
And that’s what finally makes me sit up, crawl out of the hovel, and search for water and food.
I won’t let her take over. I won’t let her bear the pain of my mistake. But I also won’t condemn her.
Even though by now the gargoyles have probably already reported to my father that I’ve been broken, that I’ll be easily caught. Leaving my hiding place this weak is foolish beyond words.
But it’s also foolish to be lying in a pool of self-pity until I’m too weak to even lift myself out of my hiding place. My hound and I need water and substance. And we need to start healing if we ever plan to escape the gargoyles and my father.
It takes little to find the river and drink my fill. But when I’m done, I feel considerably better. The search for food proves harder. I know how to ferret out food in the dark tunnels of the Underworld. In my human skin, in this forest, it’s not so easy.
And then I stumble upon it.
Against a tree is a bag, and within it I smell food. My hellhound leaps within me, but I keep her in check. Instead, I search the area, suspecting yet another trap.
But when I see nothing of concern, I inch forward and snag it, dragging it to another location before opening it. Inside, I discover some of my clothes, food, and water bottles.
An instinct to throw it boils within me. This can be from no one but them.
And yet, I want these things. I need these things.
Tossing the bag onto my back, I stand. A slight movement draws my eyes. A gargoyle lands from the sky. He drops onto a sturdy branch and watches me. His eyes are wide, and I refuse to consider why Soren looks so worried.
Turning, I run. Racing and racing. But every time I glance back, he remains in place, watching me without acting.
I circle and take illogical paths to avoid leading the gargoyles back to my hiding place.
But when I’m sure they aren’t following me, I at last slide into the hole, concealed by bushes, that has become my temporary home.
Beneath the earth, I unzip the bag. Each item in it I sniff carefully, trying to scent any poisons, but everything smells as I’d expect it to.
So I drain a bottle of water, eat a bag of beef jerky, and pull on the baggy shirt and sweatpants that were inside the bag. But when I pull out the blanket, a paper comes fluttering out.
With trembling hands, I snag it and open it carefully.
Cerce,
Hade tasked us with returning his hound. We never knew it was you. We know you can never trust us again or forgive us, but please come home. Let someone help you heal. Find somewhere warm and safe. Please. No matter the consequences to us, we will never hurt you again.
I stare at the note. Do they think I’m a fool?
Folding it gently, I set it down beside me. Then I lean back against the dirt wall, feeling unbelievably tired.
Is it possible Hades tricked them? I feel my lip curl. Just like it’s possible the sun will rise each morning. But do I believe three gargoyles didn’t know they were attacking a monster?
I’d have to be a complete idiot to think otherwise.
And my heart is that stupid, because it’s urging me to believe them.
Fortunately for it, I’m never listening to my heart again.
The second I’m well enough to make a long journey, I’m shifting into my hellhound form and racing through the woods as far as I can before I come to another town I can disappear in for a while.
And the gargoyles?
I hope one day they’ll be nothing but a distant memory of a mistake.
Because I want to forget them so desperately it hurts. I want to forget how soft their touch could be, and the way they looked at me. But more than anything, I want to forget what it felt like to be around people who made me feel safe and loved.
Safety… love… both are things that no monster can ever have.
Especially not me.