Chapter 6 – Ryker
RYKER
Nothing I’ve experienced in my life is as painful as this moment…staring up at my brother’s home, with his new Brotherhood, their wife, and their child. Because there is no doubt now. I have no place in this world with Grey.
“I’m sorry, man,” Blaise says.
The phoenix man was kind enough to take me here. And even though I usually find his kind irritating, I don’t now. I’m just grateful that he knew where to find my brother, so I could see the truth for myself.
“Can’t you just go in and tell him—“
“No,” I say, and I know the word is the truth.
“If I go in, it will change everything. My brother will try to find a place for me in his new life, because that’s who he is.
He would never turn his back on me. But I can’t wedge myself into their Brotherhood.
I can’t try to convince their mate to love me or their child to see me as her father too.
That would hurt Grey. And I can’t do that to him.
Not when I know how much he must have suffered after my death. He can’t lose me twice.”
Blaise puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. “I always thought you gargoyles had too many rules. That you were obsessed with honor and doing the right thing. I was right, but it’s actually not as annoying as I would have thought.”
I turn away from the scene of my brother and his family sitting down to breakfast and look at the phoenix. Does he know how much I’m hurting right now? Could he possibly imagine what it feels like to lose the only family he has?
And as I stare at his golden eyes, I see his amusement fall away. And it’s clear it was all an act. In his eyes, I sense that he sees my pain and feels it too.
“What will you do now?”
I look away from him. Should I tell him my plans?
“There are gargoyles that have bonded with phoenixes,” he says slowly.
“We’re more accepting than your kind. We travel together in our flocks, and we search for fun.
Unlike you guys, we never have those long slumbers of yours, but we live long lives, and we learn how to enjoy them. You could come with me—”
“I can’t,” I tell him.
Blaise drops his hand from my shoulder. “I figured, but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”
“It’s not you…”
“No need to lie to spare my feelings.” He laughs and steps back, then tumbles over a rock behind him and falls on his back. “Shit!” he shouts.
I move forward to offer him my hand, but freeze.
Something smells delicious. So overwhelmingly good that it’s like my brain has overloaded.
Blaise lifts his ankle. A line of blood begins to slide from the shallow wound.
A hunger I’ve never felt before comes over me. My teeth ache and my head pounds. Suddenly, all I want to do is lick that line of blood from off his flesh.
I feel myself leaning forward, and I spring back, wiping at my mouth and looking anywhere but at him.
“What’s wrong?” the phoenix asks.
“I have to go. I can’t be around you.”
“I said I get it.” His voice is tense. “If my own people don’t want me, I sure as hell don’t expect a gargoyle to.”
“It’s not that,” I say again, but I can’t bring myself to look at him.
If I do, I’ll attack.
I hear him rise. “You’re welcome for the help. I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.”
“Thank you,” I say, gritting my aching teeth together.
“And, buddy, I know you don’t want my advice, but take it from me. Whatever you chase in life, you’ll find. So don’t chase revenge, chase happiness.”
I don’t say that he sounds just like I’d expect a phoenix to. I don’t say anything at all.
When I hear him fly away, and enough time passes, I look back and see his shape far off in the sky. Then I turn to my brother’s home. Not only can’t I disturb his life because I don’t have a place in it, but I’m dangerous to him and everyone around me.
Whatever that monster did to me, it’s taken more than just my life. It’s changed me.
I’m going to find her. And she better be able to fix this.
But either way, she’s dead.
She took my life. So I’ll take hers.