Chapter 2
Quill
It feels like I’m losing her a second time.
Only this time, there’s no anger to make it bearable.
Only overwhelming, crippling guilt, as I stare at the girl who’d once made life worth living.
“Please,” I say again, hating the way my voice sounds.
So desperate. So needy. But there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make it okay.
I’m ready to remain for all eternity at her feet.
To keep begging her forgiveness without ever stopping.
Haven’t I been doing that for the past hour?
What more can I do? Just tell me, and I’ll do it. I’ll do anything.
“Piper,” I groan, once more prostrating myself before her, resting my head against her thigh, thankful she’s allowing me that at least. “Please. I need you so much, Piper. Please.”
She doesn’t answer, her head turned away, a tiny hiccup telling me that she’s still crying. Maybe, just maybe there’s hope.
There’s got to be.
But I’m seeing the girl I need more than oxygen itself distance herself from me. I’m losing her. Fuck, I’m losing her.
No. I can’t be. I need to hold on to her. I need to make her see. Force her to forgive me.
How? How can you force forgiveness out of a person? How can you do that? There must be a way.
My mind is going crazy, trying to look for one solution after another. But there’s none. It’s impossible. She could never forgive me. Not after all the pain I caused her.
There isn’t any way.
Maybe she can’t forgive me, but that doesn’t mean I’ll allow her to walk away. She’s mine. I could no sooner stand to lose a limb. In fact, it would be a lot easier to lose a limb. Nothing could compare to the mind-numbing pain of her ripping herself free of me.
My brain starts to run through crazy scenarios. I could… tie her up with duct tape. Chain her to me. Keep her in a locked cage.
Vaguely, I’m aware all three of those solutions are psychotic. Piper is right. Tragen is right. Dad is right. Mom was right too, when she told Dad I scared her, and she didn’t want to spend one more second in the house with me.
I’m nothing but a fucked-up psychopath, and I’ve lost the only two people I ever loved.
And I’ve hurt her. I let her go when she needed me most, and I called her the worst names on Earth. Ever since then, I’ve made it my mission to make her suffer. She would have suffered enough without me. But I must have made life unbearable for her.
She has every right to leave. Any sane person would.
Only I know she’s not sane. And I sure as fuck am not.
I won’t let her go. I won’t. But how the fuck do you hold onto someone who wants nothing to do with you?
Force? Yes, I will use force if I have to. I don’t want to. But I will if…
If she doesn’t look at me right fucking now.
I pull myself up, tearing my head away from her thigh. She’s staring determinedly at the other wall as I wrap a hand around her arm to…
I’m not sure what.
And I never find out, because the door opens at that very moment.
At once, Piper’s sitting up, all thoughts of pain gone, I guess, as she scurries to the far wall, holding her knees to her chest as if trying to protect herself.
She doesn’t need to protect herself. I’m here. Doesn’t she know that?
I pull myself up, standing in front of her, ready to kill whoever just entered.
My gun is still lying several feet away, but I don’t need a gun. I’d kill a man with my bare fists to protect her. I’d do anything.
Logan Colt doesn’t look like he’s got murder on his mind, though, as he faces us, looking very clearly annoyed.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re still here?”
He looks even more annoyed as he takes in the gaping hole to my right, but he doesn’t comment on it, just glares at me, his arms crossed.
Admittedly, Logan Colt has been the last person on my mind.
Even when I broke into his apartment, the last person I was thinking of was him.
My thirst for vengeance was entirely focused on her, my mind spiraling with more anger than I’d ever felt before.
I didn’t spare a thought for him either when I aimed my gun at her head, knowing even then, as I stared into her fucked-up green-blue eyes, that no matter how much she made me suffer, there was nothing she could do to make me pull the trigger.
And I sure as fuck wasn’t thinking of Logan Colt when she stammered out the words that changed everything.
“What the fuck are you still doing here?” hisses Logan.
I shrug, but the glare I give him would be enough to make anyone else shit their pants. He doesn’t look affected, though.
“You really have no sense of self-preservation, do you?” he lashes out.
He slams the door shut behind him, and walks toward us.
I feel Piper wobbling up to a standing position.
Probably with the intention of putting on some stupid show of bravery.
The kind of stupid bravery she sometimes makes a show of, like when she breaks into Devil Tower just to push my buttons.
Right now, she’s probably preparing to unleash a flow of words onto the unsuspecting Logan Colt, with the sole purpose of riling me up.
I see right through her. Because at the same time, she’s edging back to the wall, and I can sense that she’s terrified. I also have enough experience with this kind of situation to know that as of right now, Logan Colt has no plan to hurt either of us. For whatever reason.
But Piper doesn’t know that, and her body is tense as she stands behind me, her mouth probably open as she tries and fails to speak. Her hot breath against my neck tells me so.
I take a few steps backward, taking advantage of her fear to press my body against hers, letting out a shuddering sigh as her slim arms wrap themselves around my chest.
Am I going to have to keep this girl terrified from now on just so she’ll let me near her?
I don’t want to, but I will if I have to.
My skin against hers seems to give her enough bravado to tell Logan, “So, when are you going to kill us, asshole?”
I know she’s trying to freak me out, but right now, in spite of everything, I’m finding her chirpy little voice, slightly breaking under the strain of her fear, absolutely adorable.
My little Piper is in there somewhere, under the layers of her pain, and I’m going to find her and draw her out, and make her mine again.
Logan seems to find it just as cute as me, and I start to wonder which of his body parts I should slice off first as I turn a murderous glare at him.
Again, he doesn’t seem the least bit nervous. He merely shrugs then walks over to where the gun is lying on the floor. At once, I feel Piper inhale a sharp breath.
“Please… please don’t,” she stammers as he lifts it up. “Please don’t kill him.”
Don’t kill him.
Even after all the pain I’ve put her through, my cricket isn’t begging for her life, but for mine.
It’s all I can do not to turn around and plant a kiss on her.
But if I do, she’ll realize she’s not in real danger.
Something is definitely seriously wrong with me for keeping her in this prolonged state of fear, just so she’ll leave her arms around me.
Fuck me.
I can’t hate myself anymore than I do right now anyway. My hands reach backward to press her to me, and she lets out a gasp, nearly crushed between my back and the wall.
Good. That way, she can’t move and leave me.
I wasn’t worried about Logan picking up the gun. But I’m still surprised when he walks toward me and hands it over. I stare at him, then at it, in confusion.
“Take her to the address,” he insists. “Stay there with her.”
“Why?” chirps up Piper again. “So you can kill us there?”
I smile at her new show of bravado. Also at her absolute lack of detective skills. You’d think someone who spent their life reading mystery stories would be a little better at putting two and two together.
“As I’m sure your friend realizes,” comments Logan smoothly, “if I wanted to kill you, you’d already be dead.
” He takes a step closer to us. “Especially since we’re at Devil Tower, which is my prime killing ground.
No, I don’t want to kill you. Though I can think of several others who do.
” He gets even closer and whispers, “I’m trying to protect you, you silly girl. ”
I feel Piper relax behind me, and withdraw her arms from my chest. I want to kill this asshole for being so reassuring.
“Get it together,” adds Logan in a stern voice.
“I’ve heard you’re Tragen’s best soldier, Quill, and you’re my only shot at getting Piper out of this jam.
Don’t let her out of your sight. And stop squabbling, the two of you.
Unless you’d each like a bullet to the head.
Quill, there’s a car waiting for you downstairs.
A black jeep. I’ve disabled the cameras, but it won’t last much longer, so you’d better get going. ”
“I have my bike,” I mutter.
Logan sighs like I’m the world’s biggest idiot. “They’d recognize it in a minute. Anyway, you’re not going to drive cross-country on a fucking bike.”
“Cross… cross-country?”
“Didn’t you fucking look at the address? You’re going to Oregon.”
My eyes widen as I grab the card from my pocket and look at the address for the first time. “Oregon… as in the state? In a car?”
“An airplane would be too easy to track,” he shrugs. “Besides, it’ll be scenic. Further instructions are in the car. Now get the fuck out of here.”
“Why are you helping us?” suddenly squeaks out my cricket from behind me.
“Do you know that expression, Piper?” he asks severely. “Curiosity killed the cat. If I were you, I’d spend more time doing what you’re told, and less time asking questions. Especially because you are the worst detective I’ve ever met.”
Then he turns his glare back to me. I’m still reeling from the fact that this asshole that I don’t exactly trust, to put it mildly, expects me to drive from the East Coast all the way to motherfucking Oregon, without even telling me why, or what awaits us there.
“It’s a forty-hour drive, which should give you more than enough time to work through your bullshit,” he scowls. “So stop whining, soldier, and start thanking me.”
Piper gulps behind me, then opens her mouth again, probably to ask yet another question. I whip around and press a hand to her mouth.
I’ve gone from wanting to kill Logan to wanting to kiss him, because he’s just given me the solution to holding onto Piper.
A forty-hour road trip.
“We’ll go to your address,” I promise. “And don’t worry. I won’t let her out of my sight.”