Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
GAbrIEL
Kabiel’s wings flex as I approach, a clear protective sign, which means that whatever was said between him and Rue is enough to put him on the defensive.
I hold out the bowl. “You should eat.”
“Set it to one side and say what you came to say.”
“I didn’t come to say anything. I came to listen.”
“I have nothing to say to you, Gabriel. It’s obvious you feel that you can fill the void that Shem’s death has left in her life.”
A wave of disgust washes over me. “The fact that you think in that way is the very reason Rue will hold you at arm’s length. Rue isn’t a prize to be won or a battle to be fought. She’s a woman who’s grieving. What she needs the most are friends.”
“Friends that sleep in the same bed as her.”
“If need be.”
“And you want nothing from her?”
“I want her to be happy. To be safe. To heal. And once those things happen, then I will think about all the other things I may want.”
He’s silent for the longest time. “I wish I was as noble as that.”
“You can only be yourself, Kabiel. But if you care for her, then you’ll find the strength to put her needs before your own, especially now.”
He lets out a bark of laughter. “Easy for you to say with your perfect skin and perfect smile. But me…Look at me. I’m a fucking monster, the kind that makes her shudder in revulsion despite what she claims.” His words tip into a growl of frustration, then silence for several frustrated beats.
“I’ve been lost for so long, hungering only for celestial light and flesh that this… this new hunger is tearing me apart.”
He speaks of hunger and want, but I doubt he knows what it is he truly craves. “The hunger for what exactly? For Rue’s love and affection or for what Shem had?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is it Rue that you want or are you craving how her loving you could make you feel like less of a monster?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“Then you must step back and take the time to find out. Rue’s heart is bruised and battered enough. She’s lost one male she loves and will soon lose another. I won’t allow anyone to play with her emotions. Not now. Not ever.”
“You were willing to hand her into my care when you thought you were dying.”
“If I had died, you wouldn’t be up here procrastinating. The full weight of responsibility would be on your shoulders. Everything would be different, and you know it.”
His eyes narrow. “You think you’re the only one whose feelings for Rue are real?”
“No, Kabiel. But I do think your feelings haven’t been tested enough for you to know what they mean. But the time will come, and you’ll know for certain.”
I put my hand on the wheel. “Eat now. I’ll hold the wheel steady.”
He locks gazes with me for a second before inclining his head and relinquishing the helm to me.
He eats, and I look out at the rapidly darkening sky. I’m here for a reason. Brought back by Rue calling my true name, into a body healed by the Morningstar power for a reason, because no matter what anyone thinks, that power should not have healed my body. Not even with the bond in place.
Lucifer allowed it to heal me.
She changed the rules.
She wants me watching over Rue. Which confirms that even though Rue may not be bonded to me, she is mine to protect, body and soul. Not just because of my vow to Shem, but because Lucifer herself wills it.
Yes, Lucifer wants Rue alive for now, but what happens when Rue’s served her purpose?
I must be ready to protect her, and I’ll need Kabiel on my side to help me.
KABIEL
Guilt is an emotion alien to me. Even before my devolution, guilt remained elusive. But I feel it now.
Gabriel’s words resonate in my head.
Am I coveting Rue or what she represents?
Shame heats my blood when I recall the many nights I watched her sleep. Wanting. Wishing it was me pressed against her body and not Shem.
Wishing it was my body she caressed with such tenderness, not his.
Is it Rue that I crave, or the acceptance she represents?
To feel wanted again.
To feel loved.
To feel…humanity’s touch.
Yes, I’ve missed that. Missed walking among humans and being accepted. Loved. Wanted. That was the beauty of my watcher life. The beauty of not being a monster.
Is that all Rue represents to me?
A gust of wind hits the sails, and I grip the wheel tighter, holding it steady. The world ahead blurs.
Is that fog?
Yes. Thick, soupy fog.
My gut tightens in warning.
“Kabiel!” Kokabel shouts from the bow. “I think we should drop the sails.”
“Do it!”
He and Yomiel scramble to bring the sails down as we move ever closer to the ominous fog.
I grab the rope attached to the helm and tie off the wheel to hold it in place before leaping onto the deck to help them.
We’re almost done, and the ship is slowing.
But then the night is filled with song.
I want to listen.
I must listen.