Chapter 11 Indigo
ELEVEN
INDIGO
I’d invited Riven up to my place because I didn’t want him to leave. But now that he was here, I was unsure what to say. I was exhausted, and if I had a choice, I’d collapse into bed with him beside me.
“I’ve been reading what Antonia gave me.” I shuffled the books on the coffee table. “Trying to understand.”
“Right.” Riven looked so out of place perched on an ottoman. I was so used to seeing him striding through the snow or explaining the history of the mountains and the lodge.
Okay, so he wasn’t going to help. This was on me, which was how it had to be because I’d left, saying I needed to think and understand the shifter world.
“It doesn’t create something that doesn’t already exist.” That was what I’d learned. I wasn’t being pushed into something I objected to. The link to him was part of me, just as the instinct to mate me was in his DNA.
“What is it like when we’re apart?” I asked.
“Like a constant ache. A pull toward you that never eases.” He rested his arms on his knees.
I’d been experiencing the same symptoms, though a wave of queasiness interrupted what I was about to say. That had been happening on and off and was due to me stressing over the trial.
“Are you all right?” Riven held out his hands to steady me. “You’re very pale.”
“Gee, thanks.” I took a deep breath. “It’s stress or stomach flu, but nothing to worry about.”
He glanced toward the kitchen. “Have you eaten today?”
Had I? I tried to remember. “Coffee this morning and a piece of dry toast.” The thought of food made my stomach roil again.
“You should eat.” He strode into my kitchen. “I can make you something.”
How many times had Riven said the same thing when we shared a cabin? “You don't have to.”
“I want to.” He checked the fridge and the cupboards. “Where do you keep your groceries?”
“There are cans of soup in the cabinet above the stove. And crackers somewhere.”
Riven rummaged through my kitchen. I watched from the couch, comforted by him taking charge but also suffering from another wave of nausea.
“Are you sure you're alright?” Riven glanced over his shoulder. “You don’t look well.”
“I’m just tired.” I leaned back on the sofa and closed my eyes. “It’s been a long couple of days.”
“This might help settle your stomach.” His voice was close by, and I opened my eyes. He was standing beside me with a glass of what I guessed was ginger ale.
“Thanks. I didn't know I had any of that.”
“You didn't. I found ginger tea and mixed it with some soda water.” He moved back to the kitchen. “Old pack remedy.”
The concoction soothed and eased the queasiness.
“The soup will be ready in a few minutes.” He opened my refrigerator again. “Do you always eat like this? No wonder you're tired and weak.”
“I've been busy with the trial.” I hauled myself up. “And I usually order in.”
He tutted, saying I had to look after myself.
I did, and I would, but I was grateful he was doing it.
“You don’t mind me eating something I brought with me, do you?” He pulled a package from his backpack and unwrapped it. “It’s dried venison.”
“That's…” My voice trailed off as the scent hit me, and my stomach growled. I licked my lips at the enticing aroma.
He raised a brow. “Hungry after all?”
“No, I don’t… but maybe.” I'd never liked dried meat. But now, saliva pooled in my mouth.
“Do you want some?” Riven picked up the saucepan containing the soup.
The broth I’d eaten countless times smelled gross, and another wave of nausea hit me.
I returned to the couch, and he placed a tray on the coffee table with soup, crackers, and his dried meat.
Pushing the bowl toward me, he instructed me to eat.
But the smell made my stomach turn, and I pushed it away.
Riven bit off a piece of venison. I stared at the dried meat as if I was in a desert and I’d spotted an oasis.
He offered me some, insisting it was a good source of protein.
Before I could stop myself, I grabbed a piece and bit into it.
The taste exploded across my tongue. It tasted of heaven, and I pictured the mountains and trails we’d walked with our hands brushing against one another
“Oh my gods.” I shoved the rest of it in my mouth “That's... why does that taste so good?”
He didn’t respond but sat beside me and placed his nose at the base of my throat. Gods, was he going to bite me? But he inhaled before pulling away.
“What are you doing?” I couldn’t read his expression. Had I offended him by shoving the dried meat down my throat?
“There are tales in our history that talk of omegas who develop a taste for dried venison.” Riven stared at the remaining venison. “How long have you been experiencing nausea?”
Why was he asking? My symptoms were irrelevant to us. I thought back, counting the days. “I don't know. Before the trial. Maybe a week ago or more?”
“Before you left Moonridge Lodge.” It wasn't a question. “And the nausea, is it worse in the morning?”
Why did it matter when I experienced… No. Was he saying… ? It couldn’t be. That wasn’t right. How? Oh gods. “That's not possible.”
“Why not? I could draw you a diagram.” He smirked.
I slapped his arm. “You think I'm pregnant.” Pregnant? I was stressed. That had to be it.
“You're an omega,” he pointed out. “And I’m an alpha.”
“I'm not pregnant. I'm recovering from a trial, and today my boss threatened me in open court.” That was enough to make anyone’s belly squirmy.
Riven got up, saying he could go to the nearest pharmacy and get a test, and I jumped up too.
There was no point because I wasn’t pregnant. But as I denied it, I ran my mind over my symptoms. The fatigue along with the nausea and being grossed out by food I enjoyed. And my body was different. Not bloated or achy, just different.
“Oh my gods.” I collapsed onto the couch. “This can't be happening.” I clutched his hand as I gulped air into my lungs. Riven breathed with me until I’d stopped hyperventilating.
I might be carrying a baby.
He traced the lines on my palm. “If you are pregnant, we'll figure it out together.”
I’d pushed him away, thinking my future was predetermined, but now I was faced with something I couldn’t avoid.
My mind raced as I traipsed around the small living room.
Pregnant. Perhaps with a shifter baby. A baby that might be part wolf, or all wolf, growing inside me right now.
Thank gods Riven was here. I couldn’t imagine finding out I was carrying his baby and being alone.
“If, and this is a big if, I am pregnant, will the baby be…?”
“A shifter? Probably. From everything I’ve read, that’s the most likely outcome.” He went on to say that we wouldn’t know for sure until our child reached puberty.
Our child. A baby we made. I grabbed my coat ‘cause I had to find out for certain. “Pharmacy now.”
“There are shifter clinics in the city. We could go there.”
That might be the better option, but how would they receive me?
Riven assured me there’d be no judgment, though I recalled how his uncle had scrutinized me whenever we met.
But taking some deep breaths, I gave him the okay to make a call while pressing a hand to my stomach.
A baby. A new life created from our bond, growing inside me even though I'd run from the truth of what we were to one another.
“My darling.” He kneeled before me so we were on the same level. “This is overwhelming for you. Maybe terrifying. But whatever the test shows, you're not alone.” He kissed my brow.
But I pushed past him into the bathroom and threw up. When I was done, I rinsed my mouth and stared at my pale reflection in the mirror. I could do this if Riven was at my side.
Shifters existed and mate bonds were real. And Riven Morris, alpha wolf and future pack leader, was part of my life. I adored this man who could grow a tail and get furry. But I hadn’t told him that, and he deserved to hear the words.
“Ready to go?”
“Mmmm, but before we do, I want to say something.”
“Okay.”
I couldn’t imagine what he was thinking, maybe fearing what I had to tell him. “I love you, and whatever that test shows, we have a lot to figure out.” I placed my hands on his chest. “But I no longer want to be parted from you.”
His face lit up. “I love you too.” He pecked my lips, and I was pleased I’d rinsed with mouthwash. “You no longer have a job.” He peered outside at the flashing lights of a police car. “Would you consider coming home…” He cleared his throat. “Coming back with me where I can pamper you?”
That was a huge step, but I couldn’t be apart from him. Though my jailed boss had threatened me and it was unlikely he’d follow through, it would be good to leave the city behind.
Piecemeal work wouldn’t be hard to get, and I could rent out my place.
One of my college friends was looking for somewhere to live.
There might not be coffee shops on every corner and takeout was…
well, it came from the lodge kitchen to the cabin, so that was better than the city. And the views were impeccable.
“One question. If I’m pregnant, will your pack look on me as an outsider or interloper?” I recalled all those eyes on me.
“No. You’re my fated mate. A mate is held in high esteem, even more than any allegiance to the Alpha. But I will need to mark you.”