chapter twenty-two #2
“My parents are both olams, master storytellers—the greatest to have existed since the Darkening. Their level of skill when listening to the wind is almost unheard of. When I was born under a full Celestial Moon, I instantly became a huge disappointment to them. I was moonborn. I would wield elēn, become a C’elēn one day.
My home would be in Caelēn, not Arià. I would rely on magic and not the arts.
So they decided to put a brace on me and train me.
Never mind that there was no way I could listen to the wind while wearing a brace, they could still fill my head with knowledge.
It was better than the shame they would face if it was known that the two greatest singers in the Western Plains had birthed a moonborn.
So, I wore it every day of my life, never really knowing what it did to me.
They raised me in a way that led me to believe it was normal: the way I had to obey them, the way I could not leave the island of Arià.
Then, right before I turned twenty-one, Gray showed up, first once, then her visits became more frequent .
. .” He lets out a low, humorless laugh. “I lived in a gilded cage.”
My eyes have grown wider with each word, and now I can only stare at him in silence.
No wonder he hates the brace as much as I do.
No wonder he doesn’t want to bond anyone.
No wonder he understands my need for freedom.
Recalling what Reü said about those with bonded wolves, I feel a sickening lurch in my stomach.
Is he willing to die to keep that freedom?
I want to ask, but this is neither the time nor the place.
Besides, there is another question more prominent.
“How?” My voice is barely a whisper. I clear my throat. “How are you here now? I thought only the one who placed the brace on you or the one who wields the mother piece holds the power to take it off.”
He stares out into the distance for some time, a troubled look on his face, and it’s clear he’s wrestling with whether to share what’s on his mind. With a glance toward Calix, he decides not to. I can see it in his eyes before he opens his mouth to speak.
“Another time,” he says. “When you are back from your expedition to Anam’gate.” There’s a hint of sadness in the half smile he offers. We’re both aware we’ll most likely never meet again, but I decide to play along.
“I’ll keep you to it,” I say with a half smile of my own.
He pulls me into an unexpected hug. “Don’t you go and die on me, La?na. Promise me you will find the freedom you seek and go live your life.”
I wipe my teary eyes. When did this turn so emotional?
“I promise,” I say to him. “If you could do it, so can I.”
AS I RACE BACK TO my room, guilt gnaws at me for not trusting Seniia and Vilder with my plans.
They’ve been so candid and trusting, revealing parts of themselves to me that they’ve likely confided in few others, and it makes this separation all the more painful.
I pause, hand hovering over the doorknob.
Am I in the wrong for not trusting them?
No. I give the door a determined push. I can’t—I simply can’t.
Not with this. There is not a single reason for them to value my life—a random human they picked up along the way—over the greater good of Reā.
Heart pounding, I rush through my spacious quarters, snatching my worn satchel from under the bed.
Whatever their opinion is, I am done being manipulated.
This war is not my battle to fight. Void, I’m not even Reān.
Why should I be the one to suffer? Maybe they should try sacrificing one of their own instead.
I throw open my wardrobe doors. If Vilder’s estimates are accurate, and I’m pretty sure they are, I don’t have much time to spare.
With Lo’Ana yesterday, that leaves me exactly one moon to get to Anam’gate before the Mi’Awal moons reaches their peak.
Fifty-four days. What should I bring for such extensive travel?
There will be no Seniia or Vilder to provide for me this time around.
Forgoing skirts, I decide on thicker black leggings and tunics.
This will also make riding easier. I stuff three sets into my bag, then pull one back out.
I can’t take too much. Two, in addition to the one I’m wearing, will have to be enough.
Besides, if anyone sees me, they’ll no doubt be suspicious if I’m carrying too much.
Despite the gravity of the situation, I chuckle as I think about Seniia and all her bags. At least I can do better than that.
Seeing a pair of sturdy boots I haven’t worn so far, I pull them on and lace them all the way to below my knees. Then I throw my felt cloak around my shoulders. Caelēn may be temperate, but Chì is north, and fall, even winter, will have arrived by the time I make it there. If I make it.
Hanging my satchel across my shoulders, I pray no one will notice the unnecessary amount of clothes I’m wearing. As a human, I’m ignored at the best of times, and I can only hope today will be no different.
Pushing any thoughts of failure out of my mind, I grab the small bag of crystal chips Llyr provided me with.
A quick peek inside shows at least ten of the valuable selenite chips and several more of the less valuable opal and emerald chips.
I’ve so far learned that selenite is the currency native to Elēnia, while emerald and opal chips are native to the realms of Riverii and E’Ilden, respectively.
Tightening the strings of the small purse, I hang it around my neck. You can never be too careful.
My stomach lets out a low rumble. Food. I’ll need food. I grab several handfuls of nuts and dried fruits from a tray, then wrap the rest of my breakfast in a cloth. They serve me enough for at least five people, so this will last me a couple days if I’m careful.
Scanning the room for anything left behind, my gaze lands upon my collection of daggers. I sheate three regular daggers in addition to the shadowshard. I flip it around in my hands, its tingle now familiar.
There’s a knock on the door, and I freeze as it cracks open.
“Are you there, Miss La?na?” Vy calls through the crack.
I swear under my breath. Why now, of all times?
“Just a moment, Vy,” I call back. “Let me put on a tunic.” I hurriedly stuff my bag and cloak inside the closet and push the doors shut. “You can come in now.”
They give me the same deep bow upon seeing me as they always do, and I give them what I hope is a relaxed smile while leaning casually against my closet.
“You were hungry today,” they comment as they take in the empty tray. Their brow furrows. “And did I forget to refill your bowls of fruits and nuts this morning?”
Most of Vilder’s colorful vocabulary flies through my mind.
“Yes?” It comes out as a question. Is this the best I can do?
Their gaze lingers on my boots a little too long. “You are acting quite unusual this morning, miss. Is everything all right?”
“Perfectly fine.” I press my lips together in what I hope is a pleasant smile.
They walk toward where I stand, guarding my closet. “Please move, miss. I am here to see if any of your clothes need mending or ironing.”
Clever. “No need,” I say a little too quickly. “Everything’s great.”
Their eyes narrow. “I am only following orders, miss. Now please move so I can do my job.”
There’s no way they will not see my satchel the moment they open the wardrobe doors, and their loyalty lies with Llyr, which means they will report my actions.
Void. Seizing the dagger from my thigh, I lunge forward and strike them hard on the temple with the hilt. They collapse like a sack of grain.
I stare down at their limp body. Now what?
Cracking the door open, I peek outside. The hallway is empty.
Grabbing Vy under their arms, I drag them down the hall and leave them inside an empty room. Why do unconscious people have to be so darn heavy? I drop them behind the canopy bed, then snatch the room key from the bedside table and lock the room from the outside. They’ll survive.
Back in my own quarters, I race across the room and retrieve my cloak and satchel, praying Vy stays unconscious for a long time.
Flinging open the closet doors, I grab my bag.
One last glance across the room reveals something atop my bedspread.
A sketchbook and pencils. I frown. Were those there earlier?
Opening the pencil box, I gasp at the vibrant array of colors—unlike anything I’ve ever seen.
And there’s ink and a quill . . . The soft leather-bound sketchbook contains hundreds of blank pages.
Lifting it to my nose, I inhale its scent, a sigh escaping my lips.
As I set it down, a small note flutters out.
May you find your fairy-tale ending.
Tears prick my eyes, blurring my vision. It must be from Vilder.
Swallowing the lump forming in my throat, I tuck the gift into my bag and hurry out the door.
Heart pounding, I screech to a halt at the sight of Llyr down the hall. I’m just about to turn when he calls my name.
I swear under my breath. Now he wants to interact?
He strides toward me, taking in my wool cape and satchel. His gaze stops at my sturdy knee-high boots. He raises his bushy brows. “Going somewhere, La?na?”
“I . . . am going for a ride.”
He tilts his head. “It is a bit early in the year for wool.”
“You know what, you are probably right. I’ll leave this in my room.” Clutching my satchel, I turn in the direction of my chambers, staying far from his reach. One touch and I’ll forget Anam'gate entirely.
“La?na?”
A surge of tension tightens my muscles. Perhaps I’m destined to never escape. Destined to die. Folding my features into a neutral expression, I glance over my shoulder. “Yes?”
“Every day I told myself it was for the greater good, but every day you made it harder. But Reā . . . the Void . . .”
I lift my chin. “Maybe I have decided that I am worth saving too.”