chapter twenty-six
ROLLING OVER ONTO MY SIDE with a groan, I squint at the strong sunlight. Didn’t I fall asleep inside a cave? I blink at the clear blue sky above.
“Thank Briah, she’s waking!” a female voice says. It’s the same one I was running from.
I let out another groan. Is it truly possible for one person to have this amount of bad luck?
“La?na, it’s me. Seniia.” She squats down in front of me, concern on her face. Her powder-pink hair is matted with dust, and her blue-green eyes are filled with worry.
“We were so sure we had lost you, but then, thank the gods, Gray finally managed to track you.” She gestures toward the large wolf curled up at Vilder’s feet. Vilder gives me a curt nod and a small smile.
“I’m sorry we were so late,” he says. “But Gray says your scent is hard to track. That it’s . . . slippery, somehow.” He cocks his head at me. “And now that I’m close to you, I have to agree with her.”
Gray perks her ears at the mention of being right, and Vilder gives her a rub.
“You were burning up with fever when we found you,” Seniia says. “I’ve never been so scared in my life. We thought we had lost you again, and . . .” She grabs ahold of me and pulls me in for a tight embrace.
“For the good of all, Seniia, let the poor woman get a breath in before you throw yourself at her,” Vilder says, but I can tell he’s relieved as well.
She turns toward him. “Oh, shut up already, will you? How is it that you barely talk, but when you do, it makes me want to chop your head off?”
“Yes, how is that?” His small smile grows wider when she glares at him.
“You know how worried I was,” she says to him. “And my healing—my healing—was barely enough. If we had found her just one bell later . . .” She trails off, but it’s clear from the context what she’s saying: I would have been dead.
“And the gods forbid that I die,” I grumble, releasing myself from her embrace, “because then you would have failed your mission to bring me back to the Arc.” I don’t bother hiding my disdain.
They both stare at me in bewilderment.
“Why would you say that?” Seniia says, genuine confusion etched on her face. Then understanding seems to dawn on her, and her expression turns from confusion to hurt in a heartbeat. “You think we are here to betray you?”
Vilder studies my face, his brows knitting together.
“He said you were going to Anam’gate,” she says, looking toward Vilder, then at me. “And that he was a fool for letting you go alone.”
My heart leaps at the opportunity to trust them, while my mind screams for me to be more careful. How many have I trusted only to be betrayed by them? Em, Llyr, Reü . . . Shouldn’t I have learned my lesson by now? Still, the tears running down Seniia’s cheeks are undeniably real.
“I was,” Vilder says. “I felt like I had sent my little sister off on her own. It never should have happened.” He gives me an apologetic smile.
I scrub my eyes with the back of my hand, wiping away tears I hadn’t even noticed were there.
My gaze catches on my left hand—the pinkie finger whole and unmarred.
“Hey, you’re not that much older than me,” I say, smiling through my tears.
“I’ll be twenty-one as well in just a couple weeks.
I don’t know the exact date. Humans don’t keep track like that, but it’s in the early fall. ”
“You will?” The smile is instantly back on Seniia’s face. “That’s wonderful! We’ll have to celebrate you”—she searches our surroundings—“with a piece of grilled flutterhare and some fresh mountain water.”
We all laugh, and just like that, things are as they have always been between us. Then I notice the horses. All three of them.
“Maeve!” I cry, scrambling to my feet. “Where did you find her?”
“I would rather say that she found us,” Vilder says. “She was running full speed when we first saw her but stopped once she recognized our horses.”
“If it hadn’t been such a rural area, I doubt she would still have been roaming free,” Seniia adds.
“But please tell us, What happened?” She sits back, crossing her legs.
“I mean, you were nearly dead, La?na.” Her eyes are wide as she looks at me.
“I didn’t lie when I said I barely”—she holds up her hand, her pointer finger almost touching her thumb, showing how close I was to dying—“managed to save you. Thank Briah the moons were back in the sky, or I wouldn’t have stood a chance. ”
Vilder throws a glance at me over his shoulder as he stokes the fire.
“That wound was vicious,” he says. “It almost looked like godsbane . . .” He studies my face closely as he comes to sit next to us.
“But only Casimir has access to godsbane, that I’m aware of, and he hasn’t been seen in centuries. ”
Seniia nods her agreement. “That is true. I’ve only ever seen drawings of godsbane wounds, but it fits the description perfectly.
” She bites her bottom lip. “For a god, a knife dipped in godsbane is only fatal through the heart, but for a human . . . It should have killed you almost instantly.” She looks at me.
“Did it happen right before we found you?”
They both stare at me now, awaiting my explanation, and I have no idea where to start.
A million different thoughts run through my mind.
Why am I still alive? If it’s as fatal as she says, it must have something to do with the wound being inflicted upon me while in a dream state.
Before I can sort through my thoughts enough to say anything remotely useful, however, Seniia interrupts me.
“And Void! Why did you place a brace on yourself, La?na?” Seniia’s voice is incredulous.
At the mention of the brace, I touch my left forearm, only now realizing that it’s gone.
Vilder pulls the brace and mother piece out of his pocket, and I scramble away, nearly landing in the fire.
He raises his hands, palms toward me in a peaceful gesture. “Relax. We will not put it on you.” He places the two pieces on the ground in front of me, then backs away. “I must admit it was clever though,” Vilder says once I hold both pieces safely in my own hands.
“Clever? It almost cost La?na her life!”
“True. But in addition to blocking anyone from using magic on you, it also hides your energetic imprint from anyone searching for you.”
“Well, we experienced that firsthand.” The frustration is evident in Seniia’s voice.
I click the brace back on. Hopefully no more healing will be needed for a while. I trace the cold metal with my finger. How long was I without it? If the umbra find me, kill them . . . I push the chilling thought away before it can take root.
“I am curious though . . . How did you get ahold of both a brace and its mother piece?” Vilder’s russet gaze bores into mine.
“In addition, of course, to the question you have yet to answer: How did you end up with a wound that was so clearly caused by godsbane?” Leaning back against a boulder, he crosses his arms, and Seniia drops down next to him.
Even Gray lifts her head, perking her ears as if she wants an answer too.
I hold his gaze for a long time, then look to Seniia. How much of their futures have they sacrificed to come be with me? I let out a shaky breath. No more secrets, I decide. Not with these two.
And so, I tell them everything, leaving out only the intimate dreams I have about Astēr. Those are mine alone.
“WE DO NOT ACCEPT A gift from a Reān outside of our anam’caeur or close family,” Vilder says. “Reü took advantage of your ignorance.”
“He deserved to die,” Seniia says with a shrug, causing me and Vilder to give her bewildered looks. Seniia doesn’t even carry a dagger, only her staff and boline—a ritual knife. That being said, I’ve seen her in combat practice with her staff, and I know she could take a life with it if she wanted.
“What?” She glances between us. “I know as a healer I’m not supposed to wish ill upon anyone, but I mean it. It’s what you get for betraying a friend.”
“I doubt he ever saw me as a friend,” I say. “But I get your point.”
“Well, that just proves how much of an idiot he was.” Seniia grins at me, and I can’t help but laugh despite the fact that we’re talking about someone I killed.
“Don’t forget that he decided to join the Void.
” Vilder twists in his saddle to meet my gaze, and Gray lets out a low growl at the mention.
“I knew he was a weak coward, but that was low even for him.” His face hardens.
“Can’t believe he managed to hide being a halfling all these years though.
And to believe the keeper himself aided that bastard when he knows the risk.
” He shakes his head. “This is exactly why they’re forbidden—weak will, easy to corrupt. Honestly, you did the world a favor.”
“But do you ever get used to it?” I whisper, my shoulders slumping despite their encouraging words.
“I can’t help but keep thinking that it makes me no better than them.
” The minister, the umbra, Reü . . . I know I’ve taken down several umbra, and although the umbra were human at some point, it never felt like this.
It’s been well over a week, and I still struggle to keep my food down whenever I think about it.
It’s not so much the fact that I killed him as it is the way I did it.
You stabbed him in the back, you coward.
“No,” Vilder says. “You don’t.” He pulls up beside me. “But remember that your action most certainly has saved many others. Sometimes one has to go for the many to live.”
I stare out into the distance, studying the snow-covered tundra. “Shouldn’t that apply to my life as well?”
“Absolutely not,” Seniia says.
“No.” Vilder gives me as sharp look. “Besides, we don’t know that for sure.”
Except that Cyra all but stated as much.
He leans over to give my hand a reassuring squeeze. “I know what you’re thinking, but there are too many missing factors.”