45. Killian
KILLIAN
Killian endured the fire burning his lungs as he screamed, begging the gods to relieve him from the building pressure in his head, and the pain in his chest. Tears streamed down his face as his heart shattered once more.
Years of picking up the pieces and gluing them back together had all come undone.
Just like that.
“Killian!”
Familiar, strong hands wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him from the tucked position he held himself in. Killian thrashed, not wanting of a gentle, kind touch.
“Get the fuck off me!” he sobbed. “I said get the fuck off of me.” But those hands never let go. They never let go.
Killian glanced upon Riggs' face, his brother’s eyes burning with pity.
It was the same look when Killian told him how he had lost his family.
Shredded to pieces.
Bunching his hands in the warm sand, he squeezed tightly, embracing pain as pebbles dug deep into his palms. He whipped his gaze toward Esemeray, his chest heaving. “What did she do?”
Esemeray sat on Storm, trembling, pressing her hands against her stomach as if she was restraining herself. Her braided hair swayed in the wind, shining like moonlight reflecting off the dark sea.
“Brother,” Riggs kneeled, brows bunching as he asked, “are you hurt?”
Without meeting Riggs' stare, Killian snapped, “Not physically.” Esemeray’s eyes pierced his with so much agony and hurt it was as if she’d witnessed everything he had. I need confirmation. Another tear slipped down his cheek. “Stay here. I need to talk to her.” Killian stood, wiping his eyes dry.
“B-but?—”
“Stay. Here,” Killian demanded. His boots sank into the loose sand as he approached her. He was certain whatever happened had to do with her.
But why?
Because he stared at her? Looked at her the wrong way?
Was that how easy it was to make her lose control?
Out of all his memories with his wife, she chose the last day Layalara was alive. The last day he had felt his son kick against his palm before the God of Death took them both.
Killian bared his teeth, his body barely containing his rage.
Esemeray blinked, her breathing uneven as she mumbled, “I-I don’t know what happened.” She trembled, her eyes brimming with tears.
Killian’s jaw ticked.
Esemeray stammered, her eyes burning with terror and something like a warning. “D-don’t come any cl-closer.”
Killian didn’t care, nothing scared him anymore. He wasn’t going to develop a fear now—not with her. “What. Did. You. Do?”
Esemeray paled. “I saw a woman, and…and I saw…you.”
“How?” Killian seethed. “How did you do that?”
Surprise warped her features as she gripped her braid, her tone laced with uncertainty. “I do not know.” Her throat bobbed. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, princess. You simply made me see something I wasn’t prepared for.” But Killian was hurt. Stabbed in the heart, left to bleed out.
“I didn’t mean it.” Esemeray’s lip wobbled. “I promise I didn’t mean it.”
“Are you a dream walker?” Killian pressed, his hands bunching into a fist.
“A dream walker?” Esemeray’s brows dipped. “I am as confused as you.”
“What are you?” Killian raged, his heart hammering. “First the shadows? Now this?”
Esemeray flinched, her pale legs exposed, and trembling around Storm.
Unable to contain his temper, Killian pointed to her and bellowed, “My brother is not safe around you! Do you hear me?”
She blinked.
“Are you listening to me?” Killian took a step closer. “Are you deaf?”
Esemeray threw her arm over her face, and said with a broken sob, “I am an abomination.”
Killian controlled his breathing, his chest tightening.
Why do they always cry?
She wept harder. “I do not wish to cause any more damage. I will leave.” Esemeray flung herself off Storm, yanking the tunic past her thighs, her knuckles whitening. “I shall say my goodbyes, and I will be gone.” She walked toward Riggs, her feet dragging in the sand.
“Stop.” Killian warned. If she tells Riggs about Layalara…
For fuck’s sake. Killian would rather not talk about it, talk about her.
Esemeray continued trudging through the dunes.
“Esemeray…” Killian chased after her, gripping her shoulder. “Stop.” He threw his palm out toward Riggs. “Stay, I got it handled.”
Riggs didn’t listen, not as he increased his speed, sand lifting behind him.
Godsdammit.
Esemeray thrashed away from Killian’s grasp, facing Riggs. “There is nothing more I can say. I am lost. I am an abomination. I am nothing.”
Killian sucked on a tooth. Why does she keep saying that?
Perhaps she was right. There was something off about her.
Something dark. Something otherworldly—from a place that didn’t belong in Razareth.
Cursed like the lands of Shadow Realm and Wraithwood.
He had heard of shifters, had heard of dream walkers, but what came out of her… something was indeed wrong.
She was unpredictable and unsafe.
The princess needs to fly away. Today. And preferably, now.
Riggs approached, breathing heavy. “Esemeray…”
She wiped at her eyes, falling into Riggs' arms. Killian’s jaw clenched.
“What did you say?” Riggs held Esemeray, staring daggers into Killian’s eyes.
Killian viciously shook his head, his hands bunching. “She is unhinged, brother.” Killian’s voice rose, his throat burning from the low octave. “I do not want her around you.”
“I need to…” Esemeray wailed, and said with a shaky breath, “Leave… I must?—”
“No,” Riggs said, jaw tight. “It’s not safe.”
Esemeray cried, sobbing uncontrollably. “I am dangerous. I am not safe to be around.”
Killian clenched his jaw. Pathetic.
Riggs met Killian’s gaze with a fire of his own, his voice a lethal calm, “Apologize.”
“I will do no such thing.” Killian pointed a scolding finger. “You know exactly what she is.”
“And what is that, Killian?” Riggs rasped, his cheeks reddening with each second under the blaring sun.
Killian jerked his chin toward Esemeray. “She will tell you. She only said it ten fucking times. What was that now? An abomination?”
He hadn’t seen Riggs' fist coming, not as his knuckles slammed hard into his face. Right in the eye that was already bruised. Killian’s back hit the sand, oxygen depleting from his lungs.
“Motherfucker.” Standing, Killian dusted the sand off his clothing, rolling up his sleeves. If Esemeray wasn’t clung to Riggs like a bug, he’d punch Riggs in the fucking nose.
“Call her that one more time?—”
“What, Riggs?” Killian held his fists up, ready to block Riggs' next blow. “C’mon, hit me.”
“Stop!” Riggs yelled. “I am not going to hit you again.” His nostrils flared. “She is not leaving and that is final. Fuck, Killian!” Riggs lowered his voice. “I refuse to let her go. If you want her gone, consider me gone.”
This. Motherfucker.
Killian’s throat worked, his anger surging through his veins. “As long as she is around, none of us are safe. Did you not hear a word out of my mouth last night?” He shouldn’t be surprised. Riggs never listened. Never cared. Too stubborn to see danger right in front of his godsdamned eyes.
“There’s your answer then.” Riggs turned, walking away without another word, Esemeray following, saying something to him, her brows bunching.
Killian’s breath faltered.
Wait.
“You are not leaving, Riggs!” Killian rushed after them. “No way in fucking hell?—”
Riggs turned around enraged. “What even happened?” He looked between Esemeray and Killian, searching both their faces for answers.
“First you fell off your fucking horse.” Riggs paused, his eyes widening.
“Oh, wait. Let me guess, did you pop an extra Goolie this morning? Feeling woozy brother?” Riggs bared his teeth.
“Fuck you, Riggs,” Killian muttered, turning around, and gripping the bridge of his nose, attempting to calm himself down with slow breaths.
He fixed his gaze ahead, staring at the moving sand, creeping like starving eels.
He couldn’t believe this. Couldn’t believe how incredibly stupid his brother was being over a fucking?—
Calm down. I need to calm down. Need to relax.
Esemeray’s delicate, too soft voice cut through his tension. “Killian, I am sorry for?—”
Releasing a calming breath, Killian faced her, setting his ego aside. “No, I am sorry. I was wrong for how I reacted.” He couldn’t tell Riggs what he saw. Couldn’t bring himself to talk about Layalara.
Not now.
“Not good enough,” Riggs warned.
“Oh, give me a break…” Killian mumbled. “I don’t want you to go, princess,” he said with a heavy sigh. Riggs glared, holding her tighter. Killian tried again, forcing an empathic smile. “I am sorry… Please forgive me.”
He’d deal with the bullshit—to keep Riggs from doing something stupid, he’d do anything.
Esemeray’s chest rose and fell at a fast rate, her cheeks turning scarlet. “I don’t understand.”
“Understand I don’t want you to go.” Killian bit the inside of his cheek. “You belong here, with us.” He stared out to the expanse. “Not out there.”
“But it is dangerous.” She pointed to her chest. “I am dangerous.”
“We will deal with the danger.” Killian looped his thumbs through his belt, knowing saying this would work. “Can you do something for me?”
“What?” She sniffled.
“Dry your tears,” Killian said calmly, “and take a breath.”
His most cherished calm down method he used on his wife—and it worked like a charm. Every. Single. Time.
She obeyed, palming her cheeks, and rubbing her eyes. “Why do you care?”
“I’d rather not see a woman cry,” Killian answered, his heart swelling.
Riggs stared at him, the ire in his eyes dissipating.
By that look, Riggs knew exactly why he had said it.
Killian told him enough. The last memories of their mother was her withering away, one tear at a time.
The last three months of pregnancy with Rigsby, she had cried every day.
No matter how many times Killian had brought her flowers, offered hugs, or made her tea, nothing seemed to help.
His father called it hormones. Said it was part of the pregnancy.
Killian shifted on his feet, waiting for Esemeray to relax. For his brother to relax.
With the back of her hand, she wiped her nose. “I need answers about myself, about Elora.” Her voice cracked. “The best thing for me is to leave and find out who I am.”
She’s absolutely right.
Killian didn’t miss the single tear slipping down Riggs' face, or how quickly he wiped it away. His stomach tightened. “Princess, you were clearly misguided through life, and for that, I should have been more patient with you.” He didn’t let his true emotions show as he said, “You don’t need to leave. ”
She nodded, her lips trembling. “I wish—” Her eyes shimmered, tear drops beading in the corners like gems. “I wish I had Elora, and then maybe I’d know what’s wrong with me.”
Dark strands danced over Riggs' forehead as he glanced out to the expanse with a clenched jaw as if he couldn’t bear to hear anymore.
“There is nothing wrong with you,” Killian said, placing his hand above his heart. Honestly, it wasn’t her fault. There were too many unknowns to blame the poor girl for her shortcomings.
She cried even harder, sobbing in Riggs' chest. His brother’s hand roamed up and down her back in rhythmic strokes, her loose hair tangling between his fingers. Riggs kissed the top of her head. “It’s okay…”
Oh, boy. Killian glanced at his boots covered in sand, and took another calming breath. I need to fix this. I need to make things right. “Esemeray, look at me.”
It took her merely three minutes to finally meet his eyes. Killian offered a smile. “If you cry anymore, I’ll start crying, and we don’t want that.” A soft chuckle. “I’ve always been told I look hideous when I cry.”
Esemeray let out a sobbed laugh, stepping out of Riggs' hold. “That can’t be true.”
“Do you want to find out?” Killian said, drooping his eyes like a puppy for dramatics.
Riggs glanced toward River, pointing at Killian’s mare who was dashing across the sand, the crate wobbling with every gallop. “River’s running off.”
Fuck. Something spooked him.
“Go get him,” Killian demanded, “I’m still apologizing.” Truthfully he needed a moment alone with the princess. He wasn’t worried. River always did this. He’d come back around.
Riggs swept Esemeray’s hair back, and kissed her forehead before he took off after River. Killian’s chest expanded. He had never seen Riggs care for a woman—not like this.
Esemeray watched Riggs, silent for a moment before she faced Killian and said too quietly, “Your wife… She was so beautiful.”
Eyes stinging, Killian inhaled a calming breath before he said, “Can we keep the vision between us? I do not wish to think—or talk about Layalara. It’s far too painful.”
Without hesitation, she agreed.
He wiped his slick palms on his pants, and took a deep breath before extending his hand. “Truce?”
She sniffled as he gripped her hand. “Truce.” Her gaze lingered on their hands for a moment, the air ripe with possibility, before she glued her hand to her side. “For the record, I am truly sorry.”
Killian nodded. “We’re good. Just don’t go wandering in my mind anymore.”
Esemeray wrapped her arms around waist, and headed back to Storm.
Killian ran toward Riggs and shouted, “C’mon, Rigsby! Let’s go.” Killian glanced over his shoulder, Esemeray’s tension still rattling the air around her.
He could only hope she kept her word.