50. Princess Esemeray
PRINCESS ESEMERAY
Esemeray attempted to shift, but a heavy weight sank into her skull instead.
She knew there were wards around the temple.
She could feel them pressed along her skin, clinging like humidity—similar to how the necklace made her feel, minus the burning.
She continued to try anyway, her mind fogging with every attempt.
Inhaling a deep breath, she accepted there was no way to escape the brutal stabbing deep in her chest.
Holding back her tears, Esemeray raced for her room. I need to hold it together until—her heart stopped at the sight of the two women waiting outside her door.
Slowing her steps, she sucked in as much air as her lungs would allow. Both women reached for the handles, opening the double wide doors. They stepped to the side as Esemeray brushed past them, but unfortunately for her, they followed her inside.
Entering the cool, brightly lit space, she leaned against the clay wall and sobbed, clawing at the fabric surrounding her. She pulled and pulled, hoping the buttons would break off.
“I cannot breathe. I cannot breathe,” Esemeray gasped for air, yanking at the thick fabric around her neck, desperate for relief.
One of the women spoke, her accent almost too thick to understand, “Stop.” The other reached for Esemeray, holding her wrists down.
“Relax, girl,” the other woman said. She carefully removed the veil and began undoing the buttons along her side one by one.
Esemeray took another long, deep breath, but the building pressure behind her eyes grew with every exhale, the tears rolling faster. Uncaring of how she appeared, she held down her scream as Kohen’s voice sounded in her head.
When do you plan on marrying my daughter?
Nausea swirled in her gut, begging for an escape. The woman removing her robe halted, standing quickly as the door flung open.
Esemeray didn’t care to look who entered, not as she watched her tears splash against the mosaic tiles.
She didn’t know what was being said as the women were shouting.
Then a deep male voice, the last voice she wanted to hear, spoke, his tone full of ire.
He snapped three syllables in the Rhabari tongue, forcing the women to flee.
Esemeray was too hurt to care, too tired to see what was happening, too numb to move.
The door slammed closed, and locks clicked into place.
“Em.”
Her eyes shuttered closed, her body collapsing under the weight of her pain. She bunched her trembling hands in the material surrounding her body, refusing to look at him. She didn’t want to talk to him. She wanted him to leave.
“Look at me.”
“No,” she forced out a whisper.
“Fuck, Esemeray, look at me.” She didn’t dare. Riggs sighed, the sound burning a hole through her chest. “Please,” Riggs pleaded, “I am begging you.”
Esemeray clenched her jaw. “I do not wish to look at you…or speak to you for that matter.”
Heavy silence stretched between them, so silent she could hear her own heart pounding.
“Esemeray, It’s not what it?—”
“Leave!” Esemeray screamed, pointing a finger toward the door, not bothering to meet his eyes. “Now!”
“Godsdammit, I’m not leaving,” Riggs said, his tone thick with emotion. “I will stand here until the sun rises.”
Still, she didn’t look.
“Fuck, Em. It is going to take Kohen’s guards to pry me out of here. I am not leaving.” He paused. “Please…” His voice cracked, breaking with each word. “Look at me.”
Slowly, Esemeray tore her gaze from the floor, and met his eyes. Her heart stung. Once comforting, and now heavy with betrayal. “Leave my room. Do not make me ask you again,” she said, her voice raw.
He took a step closer, his breath faltering. “Em…I’m so sorry. It’s not what it looked like.”
When do you plan on marrying my daughter?
“Not what it looks like?” Something low and deep and full of pain stabbed her in the stomach.
She couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, her gut twisting in ways that could not be undone.
She turned toward the bright-colored tapestry across the room and tried to steady her breathing—tried but failed.
Riggs moved closer, his voice rough. “Esemeray, let me explain…please.”
She didn’t have the energy to object. Didn’t have the energy to speak to him. Her shoulders curled into herself.
Riggs' hand brushed against her back. “Don’t—” She wept, scooting away. “Touch me.”
He brushed her once more.
Bastard.
Turning to face him, Esemeray’s breath hitched as his hand slid up to wipe her tears away. His eyes were full of regret. “Esemeray, I am not going to marry her.”
“And why not?” She sniffled, smacking his hand away. “You drew her.”
Riggs froze, his eyes growing wide. He blinked, clearing his throat. “Izara and I have history, yes, but I was never going to marry her.” His face paled. “Did Killian not tell you?”
Her heart stopped. “Tell me what?”
He’s playing his part.
Riggs crouched to the floor. “I made a deal with her so I can access the library. To learn about your shadows. That was it. I promise it was nothing more. I do not want her. I do not care about her?—”
“She kissed you.” Burning tears ran down her face. “And you let her touch you.”
Distraught rippled across Riggs' features. “Izara repulses me. It did not mean anything.”
“Yet, you still let it happen.” Esemeray shoved at his chest, pounding her fists against him, not caring he was injured. “Leave me be. I do not wish to speak to you any longer.”
Riggs gripped her wrists, halting her. “I am not leaving you like this.”
Esemeray scoffed. “Do me a favor, and let me go,” she said through clenched teeth, attempting to yank out of his hold, but his grip only tightened.
“I will not let go.” Tears lined his eyes, his voice cracking. “I will never let go of you.” His throat worked. “I’d never intentionally hurt you. Ever.”
Breathing heavy, she flicked her gaze to the whitening of his knuckles, to the redness spreading around her arm. In a blink, his fingers uncurled from around her wrists.
“Tell me what I can do to fix this?” Riggs' lip wobbled.
“Marry her, and leave me be. That is what you can do.”
“I will not marry her.” Riggs' jaw clenched. “I will never marry her.”
“Well you should.” Esemeray’s chest rose and fell at a rapid speed. “Because I hate you. I hate—” She choked. “I hate you.” Her chest heaved. The second she said the words, she regretted it.
Riggs stilled, trembling away as he stood. “You hate me?”
She was too stubborn to say anything else, too stubborn to answer him, so she just looked away, and attempted to steady her breathing before she said something else she regretted.
“Well, that’s unfortunate,” Riggs said, his voice cracking with every syllable.
Her heart stung with the sorrow in his voice.
She faced him with watery eyes.
Riggs reached for the door with slouched shoulders. Before he turned the knob, he murmured, “I suppose I deserve to be hated.” Tears slid down his face, and he wiped them away faster than she could process.
Her breath caught.
Riggs halted, dropping his hand. “But, I’d hate myself even more if I walked out of here without you knowing the truth.” He approached her once more. An emotion Esemeray dare not name softened his face. “I’d never marry her, because I am already in love with someone else.”
Everything quieted.
The pounding in Esemeray’s ears eased, her rage dissipating, even her shadows seemed to recoil deep within herself. “I?—”
Riggs' lips trembled. “Em, my heart only beats for you.”
Frozen, unable to speak, Esemeray simply blinked.
“Esemeray, I love you.” Riggs fell to the floor, stroking her cheek. “I’m in love with you.”
Never once had she felt a whirlwind of emotions like this. One moment she was sobbing, her gut twisting in betrayal, and the next she was staring into Riggs' eyes, his voice flooding her mind, encaptivating every part of her.
Esemeray, I love you… I’m in love with you.
Riggs slid his other hand up, gently fisting the back of her hair as he searched her eyes.
“From the moment I saw you standing on that dais, you have haunted me.” His brows furrowed.
“Esemeray, if you don’t feel the same, I will have to learn to accept that, but I am never going to stop loving you?—”
She silenced him with a kiss. “I do.” Resting her forehead against his, Esemeray murmured, “I love you.”
Riggs took a deep, savoring breath. “Let me get you off the floor.” A sad smile split his face as he scooped her in his arms and carried her to the bed.
He laid her down as if she were the most delicate being in the world, pressing a gentle kiss on her cheek as if he was not deserving of her lips. More tears slid down his face as he forced a wobbly smile. “I am truly sorry.”
She knew that he was. Knew guilt was at his door, eating him alive. Esemeray swept her finger across his cheek, catching his tears. “I know you are.”
“What can I do?”
“Do not break my heart.”
The column of Riggs' throat worked. “I would rather carve my heart out than to ever break yours.”