Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Friday morning dawned clear and bright, perfect flying weather. Hunter arrived at the airfield at 0900, his stomach tight with anticipation. This was it—the final hurdle before the review board. An actual flight with his CO, Colonel Sullivan, observing and testing not just his skills but his psychological readiness to return to duty.
"Good morning, Captain," Sullivan greeted him on the tarmac. "Ready to get back in the saddle?"
"Yes, sir."
Sullivan gestured to the AH-1Z Viper helicopter waiting on the pad. "She's fueled up and ready to go. Maintenance checked her out this morning—she's in perfect condition."
Hunter's gaze moved over the aircraft, taking in the sleek lines, the efficient design, the same type of helicopter he'd flown the night of the crash. Sullivan clearly wanted to make sure he could handle the memories.
"Pre-flight checklist is complete," Sullivan continued. "You'll be pilot in command. I'll be monitoring and occasionally directing the exercise. Lieutenant Danson will be your copilot today."
A young woman in a flight suit approached, offering him a crisp salute. "Lieutenant Maria Danson, sir. Looking forward to flying with you, Captain Kane."
Hunter returned the salute. "Likewise, Lieutenant."
As the lieutenant moved toward the helicopter to prepare for the flight, Sullivan said, "Danson is one of our best new pilots. Graduated top of her class last year. Reminds me a bit of you when you were coming up. She's meticulous and highly skilled."
Hunter nodded, happy to hear that, but it felt strange to be the veteran now, flying with someone who had no doubt heard about his crash, who might be wondering if he was still reliable.
"The flight plan is straightforward," Sullivan continued. "Standard patrol route, then some tactical maneuvers at the designated training area. I want to see how you handle the aircraft, how you communicate with your copilot, and how you respond to any challenges I might throw your way."
"Understood, sir."
"One more thing, Kane." Sullivan's expression grew serious. "I know what today means to you. Don't overthink it. Just fly the damn helicopter."
"Yes, sir."
Minutes later, Hunter sat in the pilot's seat, completing his pre-flight checks. Everything felt simultaneously foreign and intimately familiar—the vibration of the engine, the smell of hydraulic fluid, the weight of the helmet on his head. His hands moved to the controls, the touch of them like greeting an old friend. He could do this.
He radioed the tower, following standard communication protocol. Then he took off. As they ascended, the base spread out beneath them, the Pacific Ocean just ahead. For the next hour, he guided the helicopter along the patrol route, acclimating to the aircraft's responses, rebuilding the intuitive connection between pilot and machine. Lieutenant Danson proved to be a capable copilot, anticipating his needs and maintaining clear communication.
As they entered the designated training area—a remote section of the base used for tactical exercises—Sullivan's voice came over the comms, instructing him to demonstrate tactical maneuvering. He took the helicopter through a series of complex maneuvers—low-level flight, rapid ascents and descents, tight turns that pressed them against their harnesses.
Then Sullivan asked him to make a humanitarian drop, with heavy fire expected from the ridge to his three o'clock. His heart hammered against his ribs as he knew that Sullivan wanted him to experience the same circumstances as the night of the crash. Only that night, there had been no heavy fire expected. If there had been, he would have acted differently.
As his tension increased, he heard Gary's voice in his head. You didn't do anything wrong then, and you're not doing anything wrong now. Just fly the way you know how to fly.
His tension eased. Gary was right. He just needed to do what he'd done a thousand times before.
"Simulated hostile fire from the ridge," Sullivan announced. "Evasive action."
He banked hard, dropping altitude, his body moving on instinct honed by years of training. The maneuver was textbook perfect and so was the rest of the exercise. When it was over, he returned to base, the landing precise and controlled. After exiting the helicopter, he thanked Lieutenant Danson and then turned to Colonel Sullivan.
"Good job, Kane," Sullivan said. "I'll send my report to the review board. Good luck."
"Thank you, sir."
Sullivan's two simple words were apparently all he was going to get, but it didn't really matter, because he knew he'd executed all commands correctly and with confidence.
Now, the board would decide his fate. He couldn't imagine they wouldn't clear him for duty. He'd passed every test, and he knew he was ready, both physically and mentally. But whatever happened, it was going to change his life in a significant way.
Emmalyn got off work on Friday afternoon, feeling like she was living through the longest week of her life. Hunter had texted her that his flight went well, and she'd been happy to hear that, but she knew the final hurdle was this afternoon when he went before the review board. It certainly seemed like Hunter would be released for active duty, which meant he'd be leaving. But she didn't know where he'd go or how soon.
She'd tried to put distance between them and cool things off but not seeing him was worse than seeing him. So, did she go all in and see him for as long as she could and not worry about the heartbreak that was coming? Or did she end it now, cut her losses, and convince herself it would only be worse if they kept getting together?
Or was there another option?
As she got into her car, she received a text from Hunter that his meeting with the review board had been delayed until four. She sighed, feeling bad there was still no news. The waiting had to be even worse for Hunter. His original meeting had been scheduled for two.
She sent him a text wishing him luck.
With time to kill, she decided to stop by her aunt's place and see her mom before going home. Maybe they could take her mind off Hunter for a while.
When she arrived, she found them baking in the kitchen. The sight of them smiling and laughing in a flurry of flour, with smells of chocolate and vanilla radiating through the house, brought back memories from a lifetime ago. She'd never thought she had any memories from before the cult, but this felt very familiar.
"What is going on?" she asked.
"We're making cookies to drop off at a women's shelter where Linda volunteers," her mom replied. "I haven't made cookies in years."
She knew that because sugar and desserts had been frowned upon at Haven. "They smell good."
"First batch is almost ready," Linda said, peering through the oven window. "These are chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, your grandmother's recipe."
She smiled to herself, thinking those were her favorite cookies to make, the ones she'd made the day she'd met Olivia and invited Hunter into her apartment. She hadn't even realized that it was her early childhood love of those cookies that had led her to make them over the years. Her subconscious had clung to some happy feelings from the first five years of her life.
"Those are my favorite," she said, sliding onto a stool at the kitchen counter. "You two look…happy."
Her mother and aunt looked at each other and smiled.
"We are," her mom said. "What about you?"
"Yes, you don't look quite as happy as we feel," her aunt added as they both gave her speculative looks.
"I'm just tired. Long week."
"It's Hunter, isn't it?" Linda asked.
"Don't pry," her mom admonished her sister.
"It's the only way to find out anything," Linda countered. "So…"
She sighed. "Hunter has his final meeting with the review board today, and it got pushed back. The waiting is driving me crazy. I'm sure it's making him crazy, too. The board will decide his future, and whatever they decide will change the course of his life in one direction or another. I want him to pass. I want him to get what he wants, but I think if he does, that's the end of whatever has been happening with us."
"Why does it have to be the end?" her mother asked. "You could go with him."
Her aunt frowned. "Maybe she doesn't want to change her whole life for a man."
Her mom didn't look pleased with the pointed reference. "It's not the same as what I did, Linda. Emmalyn can still have her life, be a teacher, do everything she wants to do, and stay close to Hunter." She paused. "If that's what you want."
"I do want to see where things could go," she admitted. "But the idea of giving up the life I've built here for the unknown, for a man who might be deployed for six months or more—that's scary."
"I wouldn't do it," Linda said. "But then, my track record with men is obviously not that good." She took the cookies out of the oven and placed the cookie sheet on the counter to cool. "After seeing your mom give up everything, I went the opposite direction. I had a list in my head about what I was willing to do for love, and it wasn't very long. I probably missed out on some good relationships because of my rigidity, my unwillingness to put my trust in someone else, to put everything on the line for love." Linda paused. "You shouldn't follow either of us, Emmalyn. What we did, the way we thought, is how we ended up here together making cookies, not a man in sight."
"That's true," her mother said with an agreeable smile. "We are not good examples of women who have figured out a way to have a healthy, loving relationship and a true partner. I was so desperate for love; I was willing to do anything to get it. And I gave up more than twenty years of my life being brainwashed into thinking I was getting what I deserved, that the life I had was the only one I was worthy of. But being in the outside world again has given me perspective, reminded me of who I was a long, long time ago."
"So, what are you going to do?" her aunt asked. "Because you're not your mother, and you're not me. You get to make your own choices, Emmalyn. And knowing how smart and thoughtful you are, I'm sure you'll make the right one."
She wasn't at all sure about that. Her mind raced with conflicting thoughts. Finally, she said, "I'm going to have a cookie and think about it."
The review board finally convened in a conference room at four thirty, five officers seated at a long table: four men and one woman. Their faces were professionally neutral as Hunter took his seat at the table facing them. He knew none of the officers, but there was a name placard in front of each of them, and the officer in charge appeared to be Colonel Reed, a stern-looking gray-haired man in his fifties.
"Captain Kane," Reed began, "thank you for your patience. This board has been convened to review your fitness to return to active flight duty. We've reviewed your medical records, physical evaluation results, psychological assessment, simulator performance, and flight test data. Today, we'd like to ask you a few follow-up questions before making our final determination."
He nodded, feeling confident he could handle whatever they asked. The series of challenges he'd recently completed had made him realize he was ready to return to active duty. Whatever doubts he'd had about his ability to complete the tests were now gone. While the testing had been rigorous and extreme, it had actually helped him complete his recovery.
The first few questions were relatively easy, as Reed went over the results of his physical tests. Then he turned it over to Major Davis, a woman with short brown hair and sharp eyes, who wanted to know more about his mental state, whether he suffered from flashbacks or intrusive memories, how he might handle them if they occurred in the future, how he could be sure that he wouldn't freeze if faced with a situation similar to the one he'd experienced.
He answered with firm certainty that while he couldn't predict the future, and his memories would always be with him, he was confident that the past would not interfere with his ability to do his job.
The other three officers took turns asking their own questions, none of which he had trouble answering because he'd done the work required to get to this moment.
Finally, Colonel Reed said, "Is there anything you'd like to say, Captain, before we give you our decision?"
He thought about that question for a moment, then said, "I've been a Marine and a pilot for my entire adult life. I know exactly what the job entails, and I believe I am more than capable of doing it. Every experience in life teaches us something. This one was difficult because of my injuries and also because I lost a very good friend. Having to rebuild my body and my mental state was a challenge, but I believe I was successful in meeting that challenge. Whatever you decide here today won't change that." He paused. "While I sometimes railed against the tests I had to complete before this meeting, I appreciate the fact that the Corps has not only had my best interests at heart but also the interests of those I would serve with. I'm glad that this decision will come only after rigorous investigation."
"Thank you, Captain," Reed said. "The board will deliberate and render its decision. Please wait outside."
He stood, saluted, and exited the room.
As the door closed behind him, he took a deep breath. He'd done his best. It was out of his hands. All he could do was wait.
The waiting was killing her. Emmalyn got home around five and spent a half hour tidying up her kitchen. Then she sat down at the kitchen table and tried to work on a lesson plan for next week. By six, she abandoned any pretense of work and moved to the window.
The courtyard below was quiet, no one in the pool or sitting at one of the tables, nothing to distract her from the dozens of questions running through her mind: What if the board hadn't cleared Hunter? He'd be devastated by that decision after how hard he'd worked. The thought made her stomach clench. Hunter's identity was so deeply intertwined with being a pilot and serving in the Marine Corps. To be told he was no longer good enough would be so difficult for him to handle.
On the other hand, what if they did clear him? What if Hunter was already making arrangements to report to his new unit, to pack up his life here and move on? How on earth was she going to say goodbye to him? He'd become her whole world. She got up thinking about him and went to bed thinking about him. She'd never imagined she could have such intense feelings about anyone.
In fact, she'd made a point of never giving her heart so completely, so recklessly, because she didn't want to get hurt. But he'd broken through her defenses, and it was too late to do anything about that.
Her heart quickened as she saw him enter the courtyard from the parking lot. He was wearing his uniform, another reminder that they were probably headed in different directions. She held her breath as he moved toward the stairs instead of his apartment. Turning away from the window, her heart pounding against her chest, she waited for his knock, and when it came, she drew in a breath and opened the door.
Her first thought was that he was even more handsome in his uniform. Her second thought was that his expression was completely unreadable. Was he happy? Angry? Resolved? She couldn't quite tell.
"Well?" she asked impatiently.
A smile finally spread across his face. "They cleared me for active duty."
"Oh, Hunter, I'm so happy for you." She ran into his arms, and he buried his head in her hair as they embraced for a long minute. Then she stepped back, trying to keep the smile on her face, even though her heart felt like it was about to break. "You must be relieved. You worked so hard to get back."
"I have a lot of feelings about it," he said as he moved into her apartment and shut the door.
"Did they say where you'll be assigned?"
"It looks likely that I'll be assigned to Cherry Point, North Carolina, with possible deployment to Southeast Asia within six months."
"Oh, wow," she murmured. "That's a big change."
"It is," he admitted.
"How long would you be deployed for?"
"Impossible to say, and everything could change."
"It's a lot of uncertainty to live with, isn't it?"
"It can be. It never bothered me before because I didn't care about having roots. My family was the team I was serving with." He drew in a breath. "But it feels different now, and that's because of you, Em, because of this damn group of incredible people you introduced me to."
"And Olivia and Bree," she said quietly.
"Them, too," he admitted. "But it's you I don't want to say goodbye to."
Her heart twisted painfully. "I don't want to say goodbye, either." She cleared her throat, wondering if she was really going to say what she was about to say. "I've been thinking, Hunter."
"About…"
She hesitated, then said, "How would you feel about me moving to North Carolina, spending whatever time we might have together before you get deployed?"
His brows shot up in surprise. "Seriously, Em? You would move for me?"
"Maybe I'm being too presumptuous. Maybe you wouldn't even want me there. But I just hate the idea of ending whatever this is."
"You'd be giving up your life. Your job. Your friends." He shook his head in amazement. "How could you do that? Why would you do that?"
It was a good question, one that had been rolling around in her head for the last several days. "I've never felt this way before, Hunter. It's probably way too fast to say this, but I'm falling in love with you. I can't imagine not seeing you again, not being with you."
"It's a huge move, Em."
"I know, and I'm scared about it," she admitted. "You know my past. That roots and friends are important to me. That I would never want to act like my mother did and throw my whole life away for a man. But this isn't the same thing. In fact, she told me it wasn't even close to the same thing. You're not in a cult. You're not asking me to give up anything. And I can come and go as I please. If I don't like it, if we don't work out, I can leave."
"You talked to your mom about this?" he asked in surprise.
"Not exactly. She offered up some unsolicited advice when I told her you might be leaving."
"What else did she say?"
"That she wasn't someone whose advice I should take."
He smiled at that. "Well, it sounds like she was trying to help you."
"She was, but I don't need her help. I can make my own decisions." She took a breath. "What do you think, Hunter? Have I overstepped? Is this all too much too soon?"
He shook his head. "It's not too much too soon. But I don't want you to give up your life for me."
"I'd prefer to think of it as changing my life to incorporate someone I care very much about."
"I care about you, too, Em. Too much to see you sacrifice your life for me."
"What's the alternative? I can't imagine long distance working."
He shook his head. "I can't either. Plus, I don't want to spend time away from you. If we're going to do this, I want to do it right, Em. Which is why…I'm going to resign my commission."
Now she was the one who was shocked. "What? Can you even do that?"
"Yes, I can."
"But you worked so hard to get cleared for duty. It's all you've wanted. You told me how much your career means to you." She couldn't believe he would give up his career for her.
"It used to mean everything. It doesn’t anymore, and I didn't truly realize that until I was cleared. Maybe I just needed to get over all those hurdles, to know that I could do it again if I wanted to, in order to realize that my dreams have changed. I don't want a career that prevents me from having love, from having a family, from having you."
"I just said I'll move. We'll be together. You can keep serving."
"I don't want to live a part-time life with you. I don't want to worry about you when I'm gone or have you worrying about me not coming back to you. I grew up watching my parents wrestle with their relationship and my dad's career. I saw Gary in agony because he couldn't be there when Olivia was born. I saw Bree destroyed after Gary's death. I always avoided relationships because I didn't want to juggle love and service. I still don't."
"But being in the military is who you are."
"It's what I do—it's what I did," he corrected. "I still want to fly, but I don't have to do that for the Corps."
"Would that really be enough for you?" she asked doubtfully.
"Yes. Until today, I hadn't flown in seven months. I hadn't served in seven months. And the life I found here, especially in the last two weeks, is the one I want to live." He smiled. "As long as you don't try to put me back in the friend zone."
"That never really worked anyway."
He put his hands on her waist as he gazed deep into her eyes. "I'm not falling in love with you, Em—I am in love with you. And I love you even more for offering to change your entire life for me. I never imagined anyone would do that for me."
"I never imagined anyone would do that for me," she echoed, slipping her arms loosely around him. "You do look really handsome in a uniform, though."
"But better without, right?"
She laughed at his teasing smile. "Definitely. So, you're going to stay? We're going to do this?" She still couldn't quite believe it. "Or am I dreaming?"
"You're not dreaming. And I won't change my mind, Em. I am making my choice, and I choose you."
Her eyes blurred with tears, because he knew her so well. He knew how much she needed someone to choose her, to stay with her. "Are you really that sure? It's very fast, Hunter. We don't know each other that well."
"We know the important things, Em. The rest we'll figure out."
"What if you quit your career and things don't work out? You'd have regrets."
"I wouldn't have regrets," he said firmly. "I've followed my head and not my heart my entire life. It's time I switched that up, and whatever happens, I'm okay with it. I want to take the risk. You're too important to me not to do that."
His words made her love him even more. "Okay."
"Okay?" he echoed with a grin. "You're in?"
"I'm in."
"Do you want to go to dinner now?"
She moved in closer, thinking all she wanted was to show him how much she loved him. "I'm not interested in food right now. Maybe later."
"Later," he promised. "We have all the time in the world."
Then his mouth covered hers, and she kissed him with all her heart. Their painful pasts were behind them. There was nothing but blue skies ahead.