Zisa Chapter 14
We got on the road to return home in the early afternoon today. I was still a bit worried that Mama and I had gone too far in our putting that woman in her place, but we were assured several times we hadn’t. The other old ladies told us they had to do the same or worse and not to worry about it. When we retired to our room last night, I asked Moose if he was mad at me. He told me no, and the way he made love to me told me he wasn’t. I asked Mama when we had a moment to ourselves if Carnage was mad at her or me. She grinned and said not even a little. I guess we’d see if we were ever invited back. That would be the true test if everything was okay or not.
The ride home wasn’t as lovely as the ride up. The reason was the weather changed. It was colder, and there was a chance of snow. It was a freak thing you came to expect in Kansas in April. I was bundled up with so many clothing layers that I was barely able to waddle and get on the bike. Moose was worried I’d freeze. Carnage was the same with Mama. In fact, they wanted to get one of the prospects to drive us back in a cage while they rode.
Mama and I both refused. We said if we were to be a biker’s old lady, we had to be able to tough things like this out. We weren’t going to let Mother Nature screw with our plans. This earned us high marks with the other Regulators and kisses from ours.
We stopped at the halfway mark. It was because the guys insisted we go into a gas station market and warm up. We had hot coffee and hot chocolate poured into us. I hadn’t brought gloves with me, but two of the ladies at Topeka pushed spares they had on us. I was thankful. The temperature kept dropping.
We were barely into the last hour when it started to spit snow. It wasn’t accumulating, but if the temp fell much more, it would stick to the road and make it slick. Carnage and Moose had slowed down and were going extra careful. There were still a lot of drivers on the road, so they had their work cut out for them, watching them.
I was relieved when we passed the town limit sign. We were almost home. When we got to our area, we passed Mama’s house first. She and Carnage stopped there and waved. We’d already decided to go home and spend a few hours together, and then we’d meet back at Mama’s for pizza and movies with the girls. We didn’t want them to feel completely left out of our weekend.
When Moose turned up into my driveway, I was happy to get off his bike and enter the code to open my garage door. When I drove my car, I had a remote, but I forgot to grab it when we left. While he parked, I walked to the end of my drive to get my mail that was delivered after we left yesterday. I was standing there, shuffling through the stack in my hand, when a car drawing up to the curb in front of me got my attention.
Lifting my head, I had to blink twice to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. They weren’t. Getting out of his car was Marius. He was off duty, as evidenced by his personal vehicle and the way he was dressed. He was scowling as he marched over to me. What the hell was he doing here?
“Marius, what are you doing here?” I asked.
I saw Moose coming down the driveway with a determined look. He wasn’t happy, and I couldn’t blame him. Neither was I. Marius had no reason to be here.
“Where the hell have you been, Zisa? Are you crazy?” he snapped.
“Whoa, wait a minute. What right do you have to ask me where I’ve been or to call me crazy?” I snapped right back. Moose made it to my side. He slipped his arm around me and gave me a squeeze.
“You leave town to God knows where on a death machine. You come rolling back a day later in dangerous weather. That’s not like you, Zisa. And your mom was with you. Where were the girls? It’s obvious these bikers are a bad influence on you two. I’m here to tell you that they’re not who you think they are. They’re dangerous. I want you and Shantel to stay away from them before you get hurt.”
“What right do you have to tell her anything? You’re not her brother, father, or family. Hell, you’re not even a friend,” Moose snarled.
“I have a right as someone who cares deeply for her. We’re not together right now, but it doesn’t mean I’ll let her be used or hurt.”
“You don’t let me do shit, Marius. As for caring for me deeply, that’s bullshit. If you did, you would’ve never cheated on me. And we’ll never be together again, so get that out of your head,” I snapped.
“Goddamn it, just listen to me! They’re part of a motorcycle gang. Do you know what men like them do? They steal, sell drugs, beat and kill people, and force them into prostitution and human slavery, to name a few. They probably work for the cartels running their drugs. You can’t want yourself, your mom, or your nieces around men like them. This one and the other might’ve snaked out of an arrest the other day, but I’ll prove they’re dirty. They got lucky that Silva thought they were clean. If you pay enough money, you can buy fake IDs that are good enough to fool even the cops. I can guarantee you his name isn’t Arman Kinsley. Look at him. He screams convict.” His face was becoming redder the more he talked.
“Marius, I’m going to say this, then I want you to leave. I know who Moose is. And nothing you just said describes his club. I have no doubts about his honesty. As for Mama, Imani, and Milan, they couldn’t be safer. Not only does Moose look out for them, but so does Carnage. He’s the president of Moose’s club. And he’s claimed Mama as his old lady, just like Moose has claimed me. He’s not going anywhere. I suggest you drop it or go get medical help for that mental illness you seem to have developed. Now, go away, or I’ll have to report you for trespassing.”
I wasn’t expecting him to grab me and try to jerk me away from Moose. I yelped in surprise. Moose let out a roar and lunged at him. Somehow, I got between them. I knew if Moose hit him, Marius would have him arrested.
“Stop, baby, don’t. It’s what he wants. He’s baiting you, so you’ll hit him. Marius, let go of me.” I took my phone out of my jacket, hit the video, and then the record button. I aimed it at the hand on my arm, then panned up to show his face.
“Officer Marius Cooper has placed hands on me without my consent and refused to remove them. My name is—”
He dropped my arm like it was on fire. He was glowering at me. “Turn that damn thing off,” he snapped.
“No. This is my proof that you are harassing me and trespassing. You’ve been asked to leave more than once. You’re trying to instigate a fight with my man. We’ve been through for three years, Marius. I thought you finally gave up, but now you’re back. You harassed Moose and Carnage by pulling them over when they didn’t do anything wrong. You came to my house barely a minute after I got home. To do that, you had to be nearby watching for my return. This is stalker behavior. If you don’t quit, I’m going to your boss,” I threatened.
“I’m only trying to protect you. I care about you, Zisa. And this man is dangerous.”
“I’ve heard enough. Goodbye,” I said before taking Moose’s arm and walking away. I thought for a moment I might have to drag my big guy, but thankfully, he came with me, although he was reluctant and tense.
I noticed Moose kept an eye on Marius until we were inside the garage, and the door was almost shut. Once that happened, he relaxed a tad and got our bags out of his saddlebags before escorting me inside. He locked the door behind us.
“Bae, would you mind taking these to the bedroom and start unpacking? I’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”
“Arman, don’t go back out there.”
“I’m not. I swear.”
Trusting his word, I took them and went to my bedroom. As I sorted the dirty clothes from everything else, I wondered what Moose was doing and why Marius had suddenly flipped into an obsessive and stalkerish creep.
By the time I was done with everything, he still hadn’t joined me, so I went to find him. I found him in the kitchen, pacing and talking on his phone.
“Pres, I won’t have it. Just wanted to let you know to watch out. He was clearly waiting for her to come back. Something has triggered him. I don’t trust him, and you shouldn’t. I hate to cut this short, but I’ve gotta call Maestro and get him to work. I’ll let you know what he finds out. We’ll see you in a bit.”
As he disconnected, I had to say something. “What did Carnage have to say? And why are you calling Maestro?”
He swung around to face me. There was concern and determination on his face. “Sorry, that took longer than I expected. All done?”
“Yes, I’m all done. Don’t try to divert me. What did Carnage say, and why call Maestro?”
“Come sit with me,” he asked.
I let him lead me to the couch, which was only steps away in my small house. He brought me down to sit right next to him. We were slightly angled to be able to see each other better.
“First, I called Carnage to warn him about what just happened. I don’t trust Marius not to be watching them or causing issues. Carnage had a few questions about his tone and attitude. As for why I’m calling Maestro, it’s simple. I want him to dig into Marius and find out if there’s anything dirty or shameful he’s hiding.”
“And if there is? What then?” I asked, even though I knew the answer.
“Zisa, you need to know something about me, my whole club. We’re not angels, but we don’t go around stealing anything or selling drugs and guns. We sure as hell don’t traffic or prostitute people. However, I won’t lie and say we’ve never issued someone a beatdown or worse in order to protect ourselves, our loved ones, and innocents. And it’s something we’ll never stop doing. We try words and other things first, but if the person or persons keep coming at us, we respond with greater force. I need you to know this. To know the kind of man I am. If Maestro discovers something we can use to get Marius to back off and leave you and the rest of us alone for good, I’ll use it. Depending on what Maestro finds will dictate what we’ll do.”
“We? Do you mean the entire club will get involved? And give me examples of different things you might have to do.”
“Bae, please, don’t ask me that,” he pleaded.
“I have to know, Arman.”
He waited a handful of seconds before he answered. “Yes, the entire club might get involved. If something includes the club members as a whole, it’s labeled club business. That isn’t usually discussed with the old ladies. It’s to protect you, not because we’re worried you’ll object or blab it. As for the kinds of things we might do. Making a verbal threat to beat someone or reveal their dirty laundry. It may be to reveal stuff to a loved one, like if the person was cheating, or to report them to law enforcement. If it’s exposing them to the law, it’s because they’re doing something that’s illegal and needs to be stopped. You know, like those things he accused us of doing. An actual beating and so on might be best.”
He paused to let what he said sink in. As I thought of it, I knew what I had to ask. “Arman, I want you to look me in the eyes and answer this. I need you to be truthful with me. Have you ever killed someone?”
He waited a couple of beats before he answered. “Zisa, I have never harmed an innocent in such a way. It goes against my values.”
“And if they weren’t innocent?”
He didn’t answer. He just stared at me.
“Answer me!” I was beginning to feel faint and maybe a tad hysterical.
“I did answer. That’s all I’ll say about the topic.”
I was about to demand again when it dawned on me. He wasn’t confirming in words because that would put him at risk. Did he think I’d tell on him or record this conversation?
“I’m not recording you!” I snapped.
“I didn’t say you were. I need to call Maestro. Let me go make my call, and then I’ll be back, and we can talk more if you want. I don’t want to delay in getting him started.” His whole demeanor had changed. He was closed off.
Before I could agree or not, he stood and walked to the door of my backyard. He unlocked the door and walked outside, closing it behind him. I got up and went to the window. He walked to the end of my yard. I guess he didn’t trust me not to eavesdrop. My heart was pounding. What was he telling Maestro that he didn’t want me to hear? He’d basically admitted he’d killed before. What could be worse than that?
As he paced the yard, I made a decision. I hurried to my bedroom. I took my cell phone to the bathroom and locked the door. I sent a text to my mama.
Me: Need to talk. Please. Go somewhere private. Don’t tell C.
I sat on the toilet lid, chewing my thumb as I waited for her to answer. It took a couple of minutes.
Mama: Are you alright?
Me: I don’t know. Hurry. No C.
Mama: Give me a minute, and then I’ll call you.
By the time she called me, I’d bounced my leg numb. I answered after one ring.
“Dear Lord, what’s the matter?” was how she greeted me.
“I need to talk to you about Moose, Carnage, and their club. Did he tell you that Moose called and that Marius stopped here?”
“He did. I don’t know what that man is thinking.”
“Did he tell you they were having Maestro, who’s their computer guy, investigate Marius to see if they can dig up dirt on him?”
“Yes, he said they were trying to find if there was something they could use to make him stay away. Why’re you so upset by that?”
“I’m not really upset about that. It’s what else Moose said when I questioned him that I’m scared of. It was what they’d do to make Marius stop. If threatening to reveal stuff he doesn’t want to be known or anything that could land him in jail doesn’t work, they’d go further. He might get a beating or, worse, killed.”
“Killed? If Moose said that, surely he only meant it in jest,” she said soothingly.
“No, he didn’t. When I asked if he’d ever killed anyone, he said he’d never kill someone innocent. He wouldn’t say anything when I asked about someone who wasn’t innocent. And then he told me they don’t talk about this stuff with the old ladies, only members. It’s to protect us, and it’s what they call club business. Mama, what if we’re wrong about them?” I asked, panicking.
She was quiet, and I knew she was thinking about what I had said. I felt sick. Had I fallen for a man who’d arbitrarily kill someone if he thought they deserved it? Were there criteria the person had to meet to warrant death? Or was it up to the whims of the Regulators? And why not have the police handle them?
“Honey child, I haven’t talked to Carnage about this. Before you freak out and do something crazy, I think the four of us need to sit and talk. Where’s Moose?”
“Outside on the phone to Maestro. He went out there, so I couldn’t hear him. I’m scared.” I was trying not to cry, but she heard it in my voice.
“That’s it. I’m coming over. Milan and Imani are still out with Loulou. They’re not going to be back for a couple more hours, according to the text I got. I’ll get Carnage and bring him, too. We need to talk this out.”
I took a deep breath before I answered her. “Okay, I’ll be here. Should I tell him you’re coming or let it be a surprise?”
“Tell him. If he asks why, tell him something came up and we need to talk. Hang on, honey. I’ll be there as fast as I can.”
“Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you too, more than my life.”
“More than my life,” I whispered before she disconnected.
I sat there, lost in my head, for a few minutes until a hard knock on the bathroom door caught me by surprise. I screamed when I heard it.
“Zisa, are you alright!?” Moose yelled. He was rattling the door handle.
“I’m fine. You scared me. I’ll be out in a minute,” I called back.
Not knowing what to do, I flushed the toilet to make it sound like I was using it, then I turned on the water. I splashed some on my face before shutting it off. Drying off, I picked up my phone and walked slowly to the door. Right before I opened it, I took several deep, calming breaths and plastered a smile on my face. Unlocking it and then swinging the door open. I walked out. I gave him a passing glance as I went to the closet.
“Are you sure you’re alright?” I heard the concern in his voice.
“Just had a scare. Oh, I almost forgot. Mama and Carnage are coming over because something came up that we need to talk about. She said they’d be here any minute.”
“What things? When did you talk to her?”
“She called me while I was in the bathroom. I told her about Marius. She said Carnage told her what you said. The girls are still out with their friend Loulou. Oh, wait, is that a bike, I hear? That must be them.”
“I’ll go let them in.”
“I’ll be right there,” I said.
He gave me a concerned glance before walking out. As soon as he was gone, I opened the box I was after and took out what I needed. Securing it, I went out to the living room. I was right. It was them. When they came in, I saw Carnage and Moose exchanging a look. Mama came straight to me. She gave me a hug.
“Do you want to tell us what the hell is going on? One minute we’re relaxing, and the next, Shantel is telling me we need to get our asses over here right away,” Carnage growled as he dropped onto a kitchen chair. However, he pulled one out for Mama first. Moose had pulled out two—one for him and one for me. Mama and I joined them and sat. It placed the guys on one side and us on the other. Moose slowly took the last one.
“Zisa, what’s this about?”
“It’s about my daughter being more or less told that you kill people, Moose, that the whole club does. And her calling me, freaking out and thinking she made a mistake, that we both did. Have we?” Mama asked, point blank.
Both men exchanged looks again. Carnage was the one to speak. “Listen, Shan, things aren’t simple in a club, and they can be confusing. I don’t know what Moose said that confused her, but I know he didn’t come out and tell Zisa we kill people. I think we should talk about this separately as a couple. If she and Moose are having issues, they need to settle them.” He gave her a placating smile.
“Craig Neumann, don’t you dare treat me like an idiot. The fact you two are giving each other those speaking glances and then saying that tells me she didn’t misunderstand shit. So unless you’re ready to pack your shit, leave, and never darken our doorsteps again, you’d better start talking. And if what we hear is vague, full of lies, or not satisfactory, we’re through,” she said steely.
“Babe, this is a big misunderstanding,” Moose said as he reached to take my hand on the table. I moved it out of reach.
“No, it’s not. And if you say that bullshit is club business, this is the last time you’ll see or speak to me,” I warned.
This time, they gave each other what I thought were worried looks. Good.
“Tell me exactly what was said,” Carnage demanded of Moose. He ran them through it. I was impressed that he didn’t leave anything out. When he was done, Carnage sighed.
“I wish we’d talked to them together. It might not have come to this. Ask what you want to know. But know this: don’t think you can use the threat of leaving any time you don’t like something, or it’s truly club business, and we can’t tell you. I won’t be led around like I have a ring through my nose,” Carnage warned Mama.
“We won’t because that remark right there tells me you’re only willing to share parts of your life with me. And those parts are the ones you decide are to be shared. I don’t need this crap. My ex was the master of that. If all I wanted was companionship and sex, I could get that here easily from a score of men. In fact, that sounds much simpler,” she said.
As she finished, Mama came to her feet as if she was going to walk out. Carnage came bounding to his so fast that his chair tipped over. I’d automatically stood when she did. Moose was out of his seat and around the table, grabbing my hands before I could walk off. Mama and Carnage started arguing. I wasn’t able to pay attention to what was being said because Moose was talking to me.
“Please, sit. Don’t walk away. I don’t want only a half-life with you, Zisa. I want it all. Club business isn’t a huge deal.”
“So we can have aspects of our lives we don’t share with each other. You have club business, and I can have something similar. Is what you’re saying?” Before he had a chance to answer, I kept going. “Well then, I know exactly what’ll be in my club business folder.”
“What?”
“Marius and other men.”
“What the fuck do you mean, Marius and other men? What about them?” he asked testily. Carnage and Mama’s voices were growing louder.
“Simply that anything they say or do will be kept from you. If they want to follow me, talk to me, proposition me, or if I suddenly get a crazy idea to run off with one, it’s my business.”
“Like hell, you will!” he shouted.
“Or what? Will you kill them? Or maybe you’ll kill me.”
His mouth dropped open. He stared at me in utter shock.
“No one is killing either of you! Jesus Christ, you two have lost your minds. I must’ve been mental taking an old lady,” Carnage muttered.
“Not any more mental than I was to take on a man. Easily solved, though. Abracadabra, it’s been reversed. I’m not your old lady, and you’re not my old man. Zisa, you do the same, and we’ll be done,” Mama said with an unconcerned smile.
I knew what she was doing. She was pushing Carnage, and God help me. I was about to do it to Moose. They didn’t want to be honest with us, then screw them. No matter how much I loved him, I’d never accept being second or third place in his life and having secrets. If we had kids, where would that leave them? Fourth?
“Don’t fucking say it,” Moose ordered.
Mama and I both backed up. Carnage was furious if his red face was any indication.
“Over my dead body, are we over!” Carnage shouted.
“Dead bodies were what we were discussing or trying to. Do you kill people?” Mama shouted back.
Carnage’s fist came down on the table so hard I was afraid it might break. “Yes, we fucking kill people! There. Are you happy? We kill motherfuckers who harm us and our families. We kill those bastards who harm the innocent and get away with it. They destroy lives and leave destruction all along their paths. And we do it gladly.”
His admission stunned us both. I felt sick. My mama didn’t appear much better. I stumbled backward. All I saw was Moose lunging toward me. Carnage was coming at Mama. I reacted without thinking. Grabbing her arm, I tugged her with me, taking her away from them. At the same time, I reached under my shirt at the base of my spine and yanked out what I got from the closet. It was a nine-millimeter handgun. When the men saw it, they froze.
“Stay back,” I warned them. I was fighting to hold my hand still. Letting go of her, I wrapped my other hand around the grip. This was the proper way to hold and shoot one anyway.
“Zisa, be careful with that,” Carnage said softly.
“I know how to shoot. Believe me, if it goes off, it’s because I meant it. We’re ending this. Moose, go get your things. You and Carnage can…you know what, never mind. We’ll mail your stuff to you. You need to walk out the door, get on your bikes and go. I promise we won’t say a word to anyone, not even the cops. We’ll treat this as if we never heard it. Just please don’t hurt my family,” I whispered.
My mind was whirling, and it was hard to think. The only thing I could concentrate on was making sure no one harmed Mama and the girls. What happened to me didn’t matter. I was the one to bring them into our lives.
“Mama, go take my car and go home. Get the girls and stay in the house. I’ll handle this. It’s my fault.”
“Azisa Adams, you calm down and give me that gun,” she demanded.
“Zisa, no one is gonna hurt you or your family,” Carnage assured me.
“Baby, God, please put it down. I’d never hurt you, and neither would the club,” Moose pleaded. It almost seemed as if he had tears in his eyes.
“Why not? I’m not innocent anymore. I pulled a gun on you. You kill people for that,” I sobbed.
“We wouldn’t!” Moose said louder. I jumped and stumbled back another step.
“Here’s what we need to do. Moose and I have more explaining to do. It’s clear that we can’t do it when we’re so emotional. You need time to calm down and think about what I said. I swear on my cut that we’re not going to harm any of you. And we’re not the monsters you’re imagining we are. Why don’t Moose and I go to the hotel? You two talk tonight, and then we’ll come over in the morning after the girls go to school so we can talk,” Carnage added kindly.
Wanting them out of the house, I nodded my head. Moose got my attention next. “Bae, I want you to think. Remember everything I’ve said and done. And I need you to know I’d die to protect you. Please, just don’t call the police.”
“We won’t. I promise,” Mama answered for me.
Slowly, the men backed up. They didn’t stop until they were at the door and had it unlocked. Right before they left, both men spoke again.
“Shantel, don’t forget. I love you,” Carnage told her.
“Zisa, you know I love you, too,” Moose added.
Neither of us responded. The click of the door made me burst into tears, but I didn’t put away my gun until I had the door locked. I heard bikes starting. As they roared off, I collapsed on the floor in a ball and began to bawl. Mama took the gun away from me. I curled up and wished I could just disappear. I finally found someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with, someone with whom I fell in love, and it seemed he turned out to be a monster.
Mama sat down next to me, awkwardly put her arms around me, and tried to rock me as she murmured comforting words, but I couldn’t absorb them. My insides were being torn to shreds. Instead, I lay there crying, screaming, and pounding the floor. I didn’t know how she could be so calm.