Chapter 7
Ava
I wake up to the sound of someone shuffling around my kitchen, and at first I panic, but then I remember Skylar spent the night.
Oh God.
I pull the covers up over my face like it will stop the embarrassment from reaching me.
I asked my best friend to show me how to pleasure a woman.
I said it was because I wanted to be prepared for the dating scene, but the truth of the matter is, I was feeling bold and a little reckless, so I wanted to test the waters with her.
I want to know how to make her come. I want to know if she likes it hard or slow. Does she like to be teased and edged? Or does she get impatient and want to come immediately?
Great. Now I’m going to have to walk out there horny.
Drunk Ava was just echoing the thoughts Sober Ava refuses to voice out loud, but I know we’ll need to address it, and it’s going to be awkward as hell.
I roll out of bed and brush my teeth before tossing my hair in a messy bun and changing into a comfy blue lounge set.
The smell of bacon and eggs greets me as I open the door. Skylar is humming along to whatever music she has in her headphones.
She’s zoned out, swaying her ample hips gently to the beat, and I’m mesmerized by it. She’s wearing skin tight, black leggings and a cropped sweatshirt. Every time she moves the spatula, her shirt rides up and shows off a sliver of her soft skin.
Unsure how to proceed without scaring her, I knock on the wall loudly, which still startles her, and she nearly drops the spatula.
“Jesus, Aves, you scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry. I didn’t know how else to approach you. I’m just glad you didn’t throw the spatula at me.”
Skylar chuckles. “I would have thrown the hot pan at an intruder. Good thing my hand wasn’t on it.”
“Whatever you’re making smells delicious.”
Skylar shrugs off my compliment. “It’s just scrambled eggs with bacon and cheese. Nothing fancy.”
I hum. “Well, considering my breakfast is usually yogurt with granola or Zoe’s uneaten pancakes, this is a gourmet meal.”
I watch her profile as Sky’s lips tip down in a frown. “You have to eat more than that, Aves. How are you functioning on such a small amount of food? Do I need to come over every morning to make sure you eat a proper breakfast?”
Thoughts of waking up to Skylar cooking breakfast while I get the kids ready for the day flash through my mind. She’d have us all full and satisfied every morning, I just know it.
But it’s not feasible, nor is it plausible.
I laugh like she made a joke, even though I don’t think she was one hundred percent kidding.
Which only makes her frown deepen.
“I’m fine, Sky,” I assure her. “But thank you for the offer.”
Skylar gives me a bitch, be so for real look, and I try to give her my best reassuring smile. At least she doesn’t seem ready to run for the hills after what I asked her last night. Maybe we can ignore it happened and move on with our friendship.
Skylar dishes up two plates of fluffy eggs mixed with crispy bacon bits and gooey cheese, a side of cinnamon sugar toast, and a big cup of iced coffee made just how I like it.
“I should have figured you were gay when you refused to drink hot coffee, even in a blizzard,” Skylar mumbles around a bite of her breakfast.
“Are you stereotyping me?” I tease.
“Hell yeah, I am. Now that I know, things are starting to piece together. Your desire for a septum piercing, your love of the color purple, and the flannels. God, Aves. The cuffed jeans, too! How did I not know?”
I bite my lip to stifle another laugh. “I don’t know, Sky. But considering I’ve been in heteronormative relationships the entire time you’ve known me, and I didn’t even know I’m into women until after the divorce, it makes sense you wouldn’t have known.”
Skylar waves off my logical explanation and shrugs. “I guess.”
We eat in silence for a few more minutes, and it isn’t awkward like I thought, thank God.
Once our plates are empty, I take them to the dishwasher, and Skylar helps me clean the pans she used before wiping down the counter.
I’m taking the final few sips of my coffee when Skylar finally breaks the silence, “So, about last night.”
I choke on the liquid in my mouth and fall into a coughing fit.
Skylar is suddenly right next to me, rubbing a soothing hand down my back and handing me a glass of water. I shake my head and push it away, more liquid is not what I need right now.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to almost kill you.”
“It’s okay,” I rasp as the coughing finally dies down.
“Let’s try this again. Are you okay if we talk about what you asked me last night? Because I’ve been awake most of the night trying to figure out what you meant and what it means for us, and I don’t want to just… ignore it.”
I love Sky’s no-bullshit attitude, and I should have expected she wouldn’t simply sweep it under the rug, but I was hoping she would.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything to you. I was tipsy and horny, and you were there, and it seemed like a good idea.”
Sky’s face falls at the implication I would have said it to anyone if they had been here, so I rush to correct my statement.
“Not like that! Not because you were there. But because you were there.” Oh God, now it sounds like I have feelings for her. “Because I trust you more than anyone, and you have experience with women. Who better to teach me than someone I trust implicitly?”
Jesus Christ, talk about word vomit.
Skylar’s staring at me with an unreadable expression, and it kills me not knowing exactly what she’s thinking right now.
“Ava, you’re my best friend,” she says slowly, and I don’t think I’m going to like what she says next.
“Which is why I don’t think getting… physical is a good idea for our friendship.
It would blur the lines, and feelings could get involved, and someone could get hurt.
I don’t want to lose you over something like this. ”
I’m nodding, even though I don’t agree. Feelings are already involved, at least on my part. I think the only one really at risk is me.
“What if we agree to one night—no strings—and we don’t talk about it or let it affect our friendship after?”
Why am I pushing this? Skylar’s clearly made up her mind.
She’s probably not even remotely attracted to me.
Oof. The thought stings more than I want it to. But it makes sense. I’ve never seen Sky with a brunette, and most of the women she’s been with are more masc presenting than I am. Maybe that’s what she’s into, and I can’t fault her for it.
“Actually, you’re right. It is a terrible idea.
I shouldn’t have brought it up. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, and I definitely don’t want you to feel obligated to do something you don’t want to do.
I’ll just have to watch porn or read some articles or…
wing it if I ever get that far. I have a pussy, so it can’t be too hard to figure out, right?
” I let out a forced laugh to try and ease the tension, but Skylar’s frown deepens again.
I can’t bring myself to look at her, so I stride out of the kitchen to get some space and start looking for something to do with my hands.
Dammit. Why is everything so clean? I could grab a sock and clean the blinds…
I settle on refolding the blanket on the couch, making sure the edges line up perfectly before placing it directly in the center of the cushions.
“Ava, sit down, and look at me, please,” Skylar commands gently as she enters the room.
I take a deep breath before I do as she says, sitting on the opposite end of the couch and finally looking at her. Her lips are pinched in a thin line, and a furrow wrinkles her forehead. Her perfectly shaped eyebrows are drawn in, and her eyes search my face.
“Is there another reason you want me to show you what it’s like being with a woman? Or is it just because I have experience?” she asks, and a war of emotions rages inside me.
Do I tell her the reason I want her is because I want her? Do I tell her she’s the reason I realized I was into women? Do I confess that over the past two years, the platonic friendship I’ve felt for her since high school has morphed into a romantic, aching love so deep I feel it in my marrow?
Those are feelings I’ve only ever discussed with my therapist, and I’ve never been completely honest with her. I can’t bring myself to confess my deepest feelings because bringing those to the surface would feel like cutting myself open, only to have someone pour alcohol on the wound.
If I speak them out loud then they become real, and if they’re real then I could get hurt. Skylar would have even more power over me and would be able to crumble my heart to dust with one rejection.
No, I can’t tell her the real reason. The feelings I have for her will have to stay locked in a box and buried because there’s too much to lose if they surface.