Chapter 15
Albuquerque, New Mexico
A,
The show tonight was on fucking fire. We haven’t hit that tight of a set since our first show of this leg. Everyone was locked in. Ari pounded the drums like his life depended on it, Riley and Luke’s riffs hit harder than ever, and I was just…I don’t know how to explain it…alive?
When everything flows like that, when the crowd roars back and gives you everything they’ve got, it’s almost as good as sex.
Hell, maybe better. My body becomes electrified.
There’s this untapped energy that bursts out of me, making me feel weightless, like I could fly if I just leaned into it hard enough.
I’ve read so many memoirs from washed-up hair bands that describe the same thing.
I used to think it sounded cheesy as hell—“the high of the stage,“ “the invincibility of the crowd,” blah, blah, blah. But they weren’t lying. When the music and the energy blend together just right, it’s like lightning surging through your veins.
And lately, the screaming I’ve been throwing into the set is amping our sound to the next level.
We’re slowly leaning more into metal even if our first album was closer to pop punk.
I think I like that direction. I want more screaming on the next album, heavier guitars, and Ari beating the shit out of the drums like we’re exorcising something.
There’s something healing in falling to my knees and holding nothing back while the rest of the band fucking shreds around me.
The crowd eats that shit up, and if I’m lucky, it exhausts me enough to actually sleep afterward.
It’s taking more out of me than I expected, though. Screaming like that night after night is shredding my vocal cords. I can feel it. But it’s worth it. If it kills my voice…so be it.
Wicked Smile has always been good, but our sound’s maturing with every album. It’s getting darker. I don’t know if that’s because of the band or because of—
Ari came in and threw me off. We’re in a hotel tonight with a day off tomorrow. We’re going to a bar down the street. VIP room is all ours. You’d be disappointed in this decision…but I walked away so I could stop disappointing you.
I’m sorry,
Jay