Chapter 5
Waking up in Tom’s arms is the best thing to happen to me in a long time.
In the week following our secret sleepover, I assume the tension between us will fizzle out – on his end anyway – or that he’ll decide he doesn’t need my help anymore and we’ll drift apart, but that’s not the case at all. As an added bonus, he doesn’t bring up my mysterious past again. I hope that’s out of respect and not because he’s satiated his curiosity by getting Eliza to break her promise to me and Oscar not to tell a soul.
Some days, I feel like I could come out and tell him and it’d be okay. But I don’t let myself act on the impulse. He didn’t see me on my pedestal, and he didn’t see me fall from it, and I’d like to keep it that way.
My watch vibrates, signalling my shift on the surf simulator is over, so I wrap up the last session, but I don’t hurry to grab my towel and pack up. When I got here a month ago, I would have jumped at the chance to finish for the day and disappear off to my cabin, but the new me doesn’t want to pass up the opportunity to be outside and watch the sun set while I’m doing something I love.
Thrill-seeking Megan is at it again…
I’m allowed to surf as much as I’d like on this shift whenever there aren’t guests booked in, because it drums up interest and subsequently makes the company money. So, instead of shutting everything down, I hop on a board and ride the artificial waves to my heart’s content.
Fake waves. Fake life.
I would marvel at the symbolism of that if it didn’t fuel the tiny voice in the back of my head saying, “Everyone was right – maybe I am a fraud after all.”
Even though coming here was my only option – if I don’t count never leaving the house again, which Mum, Nan, and Oscar said wasn’t an option – I’m surprised by how much I’m enjoying it now. There are definitely parts that still aren’t my thing, but this moment right here, the wind in my hair, the water skimming my legs, it helps me to forget all the not-so-good bits.
“You make it look so easy!”
I smile. He helps me to forget about those bits too. I look over to see Tom watching me with the biggest grin on his face.
“Because it is.” I reach out my hand in invitation even though he’s too far away to touch. “Come have a go.”
“No, thanks. I’ve tried and failed before,” he shouts over the noise of the waves.
“But you haven’t had me as a teacher.” I can see his resolve waning. “It’d be good content…” I suggest tunefully.
He takes a second more to mull it over, then he gives in. “Fine, but only if you hold my hand.”
“If I have to.” I pretend it’s a chore.
He lets himself into the now closed area at the bottom of the simulator and strips his top off, causing me to almost wipe out. I just about manage not to embarrass myself as I come to a stop.
“The camera’s not rolling yet.” I make fun of him, and the smirk that earns me is phenomenal.
“Hey, not all of us have those fancy rash guards you jocks have.”
“Rash vests.” Another day, another funny Americanism I get to laugh about with him.
He sets his phone up to record on one of the viewing benches and takes the board from me.
I’ve told Tom I don’t want to be in his videos, and he’s never asked me why or tried to convince me otherwise, which I appreciate. But this is the first time I’ve been in front of the camera, and I’m nervous he’ll use a shot where I can be recognised, which would cause the floodgates of hell to open. I make a mental note to check his videos carefully the next time we go to upload them.
I brief Tom the same way I would brief anyone else, explaining the basics about balance, what to feel for, and how to avoid serious injury in the highly likely event he falls over. He’s brave and reckless, and he wants nothing more than to show off, but that isn’t enough to make his first attempt a success. Nor his second. Yet, like the eternal optimist he is, he blindly backs himself despite having none of the ability to achieve the results, and I have to admire him for his willingness to keep trying, especially when each of his falls would make anyone else give up and blame the machine for not working properly.
The second he manages to stay on unaided by me for more than three seconds, he screams in celebration while I cheer him on from the sidelines. Once I’m certain he’s steady on his feet, I step away and pick up his phone to get some better footage of him.
Ugh, he’s so fit.
I tear my eyes off the screen to get a look at him in the flesh. Tanned, ripped, and beaming with glee.
“I’m a natural!” His confidence is intoxicating. Unfortunately, his triumph lasts for all of ten seconds before disaster strikes. “Hey, Megan, check this out!”
“Check wha?—?”
“Spin move!”
“Tom, no!” I yell, but my warning comes too late.
He sticks out his elbows and flings the top half of his body behind him, expecting to do a 360, but what he doesn’t realise is, by not leading with his feet and keeping his knees bent, the board can only betray him and knock him off. The strong current sweeps him up to the top of the slope, and he’s pummelled by waves as he tries to recover from his awkward landing.
Phone down. Run. Get his head out of the water. Big brown eyes gaze into mine. He’s conscious. Breathe. Check for signs of concussion as I was taught to do during training. Scan his body for any limbs bending the wrong way or bones sticking out. No blood.
“I’m good, Princess.”
“You’re okay?” I keep cradling his head as if he could still go limp on me any second. Did he just call me Princess?
“I’m okay.”
Relief kicks in, and the sound of his laughter eases all the stress coursing through my veins, making me laugh too.
“You have to admit, that woulda been awesome if I’d pulled it off.”
We giggle harder, both of us replaying the moment over and over in our heads, until there are tears in our eyes and my stomach hurts. I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this.
“What were you thinking? This isn’t an immersive ‘Jackass’ experience!”
He points his fingers at me like a tipsy person trying to get their point across. “You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.”
“No!” I tell him off playfully. “You could have really hurt yourself. I was terrified you had!”
“Sorry.” He pinches his lips together and glances to the side the same way my dog, Tilly, does when she’s in trouble. “Do you still fancy me?” That word sounds so funny in his accent. “I don’t think my ego could take it if you didn’t.”
A smile breaks out on my face. “I still fancy you, Knoxville.”
Neither of us can look away, and the mood turns heated fast. His eyes drop to my lips first, and then my gaze does the same.
“Not here, Princess. We’ll lose our jobs.”
I study the way his bare chest rises and falls. “Yeah,” I agree wistfully.
He subconsciously grazes his bottom lip with his teeth. “Wanna go back to yours and pretend to make content?”
I swallow and try to deepen my now shallow breaths. “Yes, please.”
Standing up, I give him a helping hand back to his feet. He takes a few tense steps, shaking off any aches, but then he stops, and I worry again that maybe he did hurt himself.
“I should’ve known you’d be at the centre of a laughing fit.”
I look up to find my brother smiling at Tom. Then he peers over at me. Has he been here this whole time? There’s nothing sinister in his smile, but panic rises in me nonetheless as my brain whirrs with thoughts of how to downplay the situation. He couldn’t have heard us over the water… Could he?
I power down the machine while Tom dries off.
“Manage to make it up this time?” Oscar asks him.
“Yep, for, like, five minutes!”
“More like one.” I correct him jovially before I hear what that sounds like and cringe at myself.
Oscar makes no move to go, so Tom heads off, unfortunately, leaving me with the cockblock of the century.
“I know I should have shut the sim down earlier, but I was having fun and?—”
“I don’t have a problem with you sticking around for a bit. You weren’t doing anything wrong.”
“So why does it feel like you’re about to tell me off?”
“I’m not.” Oscar relaxes his posture. “You doing okay? I haven’t seen you as much this week.”
I can’t blame him for checking in on me. I didn’t exactly have a great time settling in, but I’m fine now. He should know that.
“All good. Just been busy.”
“Mm-hmm…” He bobs his head, and his mouth twists a little. “It’s good to hear you laughing again.”
Ever since the show, I’ve developed a sixth sense for people mincing their words, and right now, my radar is going haywire.
“Oscar.” I level my stare. “You clearly have something to say, so say it.”
He hesitates, but he knows I need him to be honest. “Be careful, okay?”
I don’t reply, because playing dumb would only make me a hypocrite. But I also refuse to confirm his suspicions.
“I know him. He’s not… I don’t want him to hurt you, that’s all. He won’t mean to, but he will. I’ve been through it with Eliza once before, and I don’t need to go through it with you too.”
“I’m only helping him with his social media – which you asked me to do, I might add.”
“I know, and I’m really grateful you’re helping out my friend, but?—”
His friend. Not mine.
“—I feel like I’m watching history repeat itself for…a number of reasons.”
He’s scared I’ll give someone the power to destroy me again. And as much as I hate to admit it, he might be onto something, because my feelings for Tom are already quite intense. And even though being wrong about Tom can’t ruin me on the same scale as “Love Lodge” did, it could ruin the one place I’m safe. And I need this ship. I need it more than I need someone I’ve only known for a few weeks.
My brother tried to warn me about the risks of going onto what ended up being one of the nation’s most popular new dating shows, and here he is, trying to warn me again now. I ignored him before and I lost everything.
“I’ll be careful.”
The orange block in my diary looms over me. There’s some kind of Blind Date thing going on tonight for the crew, and I can think of a million other things I’d rather do than watch people flirt with each other for entertainment. Like eat glass. I told Oscar it would be too distressing, and to be fair, he didn’t put up a fight when I mentioned skipping it. But…Eliza’s going, which means Tom probably is too, and seeing him will make all the discomfort worth it.
I’ve barely seen him these past few days. Not properly. Whenever I’ve managed to track him down, he’s either been rushing off somewhere or in the middle of an activity. Where possible, I’ve filmed a quick clip of him in action, but I still haven’t had the chance to AirDrop anything over. It’s probably a good thing we haven’t had any moments alone given what I promised Oscar. But I do miss his company. And tonight would be safe enough, right? That’s the only thought that gets me changed and out the door.
I arrive at the crew bar to find Oscar and Eliza at a table with some other entertainment hosts. The two of them look surprised to see me, but they make space for me to join them.
“You sure you want to be here?” Oscar asks.
I nod, and he goes up to get me a drink. I’ve told him a million times I can get my own, but when the bar’s busy like this, he never lets me.
Up on the small platform at the front of the room, a glittery partition wall divides the stage. Three chairs on one side and one on the other, behind another glittery partition wall. I spot a pair of heels peeking out at the bottom, so the poor girl must already be back there.
Frankie Valli’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” comes on through the speakers, and the lights dim over the audience while colourful hues brighten the stage. The crew activities manager, Grace, jumps onto the platform and welcomes everyone to the show before inviting up “the three most eligible bachelors on the ship”. My heart sinks as Tom steps up onto the platform and takes his seat at the end of the row.
Why’s he taking part in this? I thought?—
I got it wrong.
This is exactly what Oscar warned me would happen, and yet I’m still surprised.
I turn to him and Eliza in the hope that by the time I look back at the stage, I’ll discover it’s not Tom at all, and it’s actually because I’m so freakishly consumed by him that I’ve seen him in the face of someone else. I catch them shooting each other worried glances, and then they both cast their eyes over to me but quickly turn their attention back to the show.
Grace goes down the line of guys and asks them all questions about themselves. There’s Gus, a security guard who’s built like a brick wall and keeps a stern face throughout the mini-interview, and Matt, who, unfortunately for me, was my mentor when I first joined the ship. He’s the most annoying person I’ve ever met, and as of recently, that’s really bloody saying something. A proper lad’s lad, he lives to get as drunk as he’s allowed to in the bar, boasts about his conquests each morning, and always talks over me. How he got picked for this, I have no idea, because even if he was the last man on earth, I still wouldn’t describe him as “eligible”.
There’s a deep thumping in my chest when it’s Tom’s turn.
“Tom! Good to see you up here.”
“Happy to be here.”
Ouch.
He’s in his showman mood – I recognise it from seeing him in action around the ship. He’s still the life of the party when he’s not working, but it’s a different kind of energy.
Why is he performing?
“We couldn’t not invite one of the sexiest guys on the ship up here, could we, folks?” Cheers go off around the room. “So tell us a bit about yourself, for those who haven’t had the pleasure of your company yet.” Her tone drips with suggestion.
“I’m Tom, part of the entertainment team. I spend most of my time trying to?—”
“Top shagger!” a girl heckles from the crowd, and other whistles and noises of agreement go off around the room, causing my cheeks to heat up. How do I expect to stand out on a ship literally full of other women he’s liked at one point or another? Is this what he does – has little flings and then disappears on them?
Despite that thought, something protective overcomes me as he laughs nervously and looks up at the ceiling, trying to shut out the noise until it dies down. He looks about as uncomfortable as I feel.
“I think our lucky lady is going to have a tough time picking only one of you tonight. Shall we meet her?” Grace addresses the crowd.
Music plays again and the front partition wall is rolled away, revealing a beautiful girl to the audience only. She’s short, with long dark hair and olive skin, enviable curves, and a big smile. Everything about her is elegant and preened.
“Carmen! What a treat we’ve got in store for you tonight. As you could hear, the boys are very excited to meet you, so why don’t you go ahead and introduce yourself?”
“Hi, I’m Carmen, and I’m a guest services specialist from Puerto Rico!”
There’s a big holler from the guest services staff and the other Puerto Ricans in the bar.
“And how would you describe your dream man?”
“Oh, you know, kind and caring, good manners, emotionally intelligent, good sense of humour...” She lists the traits off, her natural inflection sounding almost like a song.
So he just has to be a decent human being then? Ugh, the bar for men is so low.
I choose to focus on that injustice rather than the fact Tom is all of those things and more and, of her three options, he’s obviously going to win the date with her.
“Really going for personality over looks there, Carmen.”
“If I was all about the looks, I’d be the wrong woman for this game. But it wouldn’t hurt if he was handsome too…” A smirk plays on her lips, and the crowd eggs her on.
“There it is! Good stuff. Now, you’ve prepared some questions for the boys to help you decide, haven’t you?” Grace gestures to the cards in Carmen’s hand.
She waves the cards in the air. “I sure have!”
“Then let’s not keep them waiting any longer. Hit us with your first question!”
“Okay, so in my job, I have to be patient and polite no matter what, because ‘the customer is always right’ even when they are very, very wrong…” She gives the audience a cheeky side-eye, which gets her some laughs.
Of course she’s funny too. Tom’s going to love that. In fact, he does – he’s already laughing.
“How would you help me let off steam after a long, frustrating day?”
“We’ll go to single man number one first. Gus, fire away.”
He considers his answer briefly. “We have a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to harassment of a staff member, and so I’d take no issue with confronting or even detaining anyone found to be doing so.” A dark grin cracks his stern exterior. “And I’ll let you watch.”
“Wow, okay. Matt, can you beat that answer?”
Needing no time at all, he immediately shows the room exactly who he is. “If you kept your little uniform on, I’d let you do anything you wanted to me. I’ve got a pretty active job, but I don’t tire easily. You have a bad day, I’ll give you a good night.”
Grace’s eyebrows shoot up as Carmen’s mouth hangs open a little, though she doesn’t look horrified.
“Moving quickly on… Single man number three, Tom, how would you help Carmen let off steam?”
“Stress is a silent killer, but laughter is the best medicine. So consider me your own private dispensary, because I will stop at nothing to put a smile on your face.”
The crowd cheers for him as they did for the other two, but he gets extra support in the form of shrieks and whoops from his ex-lovers.
“Hold up. Tom, are you saying you could save her life?”
“I mean, if the shoe fits…” Already proving his point, he effortlessly amuses the audience.
“All right, Carmen, so we’ve got ‘The Purge’, ‘Indecent Proposal’, and ‘Whose Line Is It Anyway?’ Think one of those is a bit of you?”
“Oh, absolutely!”
“Excellent! Why don’t you go ahead and hit us with your next question?”
Carmen looks down at the second card in her hand and reads from it. “My love language is words of affirmation, so I like compliments, love letters, being told what a good girl I am…”
People wolf-whistle as she flaunts her seductive smirk once again. She’s so confident and sexy, and I’m about as sensual as a worm. I know I’m attractive, but I don’t have the same kind of allure as she does. Tom probably figured it out and that’s why he gave up on me.
“What’s your love language, and how do you like to use it?”
Shocking absolutely no one, Matt’s is physical touch and Gus’s is acts of service. Tom’s turns out to be quality time, and while he doesn’t make that sound dirty, everyone else around him does.
“And finally, Carmen, please can we get your third question for the guys?”
“You know what I’m looking for in a man – what are you looking for in a woman?”
Matt essentially wants anything with a pulse, Gus wants a rule-breaker to keep him busy, and Tom wants someone he can take home to his mum.
Funny, dedicated, and family-oriented. He’s the whole package. It’s not because I can’t have him that I want him so much; he is quite literally my dream man.
“Now, Carmen, based on all the answers you’ve been given, which guy are you leaning towards?”
She covers her face with her cards. “Ahh, I have no idea!”
“It’s going to be tough to pick, huh? You know, what might make your decision a little easier is if we narrow down your options from three to two.” The colourful lights suddenly change to bright white on the guys, and tense music plays. “Gorgeous Carmen, out of our three mystery men, who isn’t floating your boat?”
Carmen winces as she tries to decide, the crowd adding to her panic as they shout out different names for her to pick.
“I’m so sorry, but Tom.”
Everyone makes noises of sympathy and support for Tom while I make the most of being able to breathe again. He’s invited past the partition wall to meet Carmen. She gives him a hug, and he’s applauded as he steps off the stage to Céline Dion’s version of “All By Myself”.
It’s a good thing he can take a joke. That would’ve mortified me.