Chapter 13
Day 156 of trying to seduce Tom.
All right, fine. It’s only been two weeks since Eliza’s sleepover, but there has been zero sex. We almost did it, but then Jack walked in just as I reached for the condom.We should have been in my room. We should have pulled the curtain across the bunk for privacy. But we got caught up in the moment and it was all happening without much logic or thought. I appreciate that no one has brought it up since. Though it’s not as if Jack hasn’t witnessed us fooling around before.
Jesus Christ, what is this boat doing to me?
Then my period struck me down, taking me out of action for what felt like the longest five days of my life. There was a moment I thought we might do it anyway, but even though Tom defines himself as a feminist and said he isn’t scared of a little blood, and even though I know I shouldn’t have hang-ups about period sex, for my first time, I didn’t want anything getting in the way of our fun. That said, we’re really good at dry-humping now.
Tom’s one condition of us seeing each other is that Jack doesn’t get left out, so we’ve been (very carefully) alternating rooms and inviting him along to whatever we’re up to – which also helps alleviate my brother’s concerns that anything more is going on. I don’t think we have him entirely fooled, but he hasn’t dished out any more warnings.
I’m glad Oscar got me to stay, because leaving would put me back at square one. Right now, one person in the Caribbean thinks they saw a lookalike. That’s nothing on the amount of people who would actually recognise me back home. And if I went home, I wouldn’t have the hundreds of scrapbook-worthy photos Tom’s captured of the two of us.
Jack’s trapped in the kids’ club, so Tom and I are going out to “film content” today, and I’ve managed to track down the perfect spot for us. It’s a bit of a trek to get to, but it’ll be so worth it.
“Whoa.”
Tom’s mesmerised as he takes in what looks like the moon pool out of “H2O” – a TV show about mermaids I watched (and forced Oscar to watch) as a kid. Despite us being in a cave, there’s nothing dark and gloomy about the space. Light pours in from a circular hole above us and reflects off the teal pool, making it look like it’s littered with diamonds. It’s as though we’re inside a volcano of water.
“Yeah,” I agree in awe. “Okay, so go stand by the water and take your shirt off, then you’re gonna go to unbutton your shorts, notice me, hit me with that cute little smile of yours, and swipe the camera away.”
Tom laughs. “Straight down to business, huh?”
“And what comes after business?” I cock a meaningful eyebrow at him. The word “pleasure” floats around in the air unspoken.
He gets into position comically fast. “Is right here okay?”
“Absolutely.”
We get it on the first try because we’re basically a professional team now. He even survived doing the upload alone this week while I was on port-manning duty. Of course, I prepped what I could and talked him through everything beforehand, but that’s a pretty big deal for Tom.
He looks over my shoulder as we review the footage, and I inhale his chocolatey scent. “We good?”
“I’d say so.”
“Great!” He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck before turning me around to steal my lips. His fingers skim the hem of my dress before lifting it up and over my head. “Fair is fair.” He loses himself for a moment but then pulls back with confusion. “Why aren’t you wearing a swimsuit?”
“I had a better idea.” I smirk and step away, reaching my fingers behind me to undo my bra.
“Gem!” He casts a glance over his shoulder as I throw it onto one of the large rocks beside us.
“Chill. Our ship doesn’t do excursions out here.” Though they really should. Lucky for us, we have this little pocket of paradise completely to ourselves. “I checked.”
His shoulders drop, relaxing enough to admire me. I’m still waiting for the novelty to wear off, but I hope it never does, because each time I strip for him, he reacts like it’s the first time he’s ever seen a naked woman. Completely starstruck.
I hook my thumbs into my knickers, tug them down my legs, and throw them onto the rock too. “Have you ever been skinny-dipping?” I ask.
He shakes his head. “Have you?”
“I grew up by the sea – what do you think?” I walk away with a smile, heading down the short sandbank until the surprisingly warm water laps against my feet. I turn back to him. “Are you just going to stand there all day?”
He kicks off his flip-flops, removes his shorts, and stands there in his boxers watching me wade in until I let the water take me. It’s shallow enough to stand in, but I choose to tread water while waiting for him to make a decision. He looks back the way we came once more, sucks in a sharp breath, and removes his boxers, chucking everything somewhere in the vague vicinity of my things. He holds his hand over himself as he walks towards me – not because he’s gone shy, but because otherwise a specific part of him would be pointing right at me.
We circle one another, grinning like teenagers in love, because maybe we are. In love, I mean. Or maybe I am, at least. How can I expect him to be in love when he doesn’t even know who I am? This feeling has an expiry date, I just know it. But right now, I’m going to make the most of it before it’s too late.
We quietly enjoy the liberation of the moment, slowly gravitating closer and closer until we can’t hold off any longer. Tom reaches for me and pulls me against his naked body for a kiss. We find the ground with the tips of our toes, the water coming up to our shoulders, and lose ourselves in each other.
“Jesus, Gem,” he sighs against my lips.
I beam up at him, enjoying how the fractured light shines on his face. “I want it to be here. Now. With you.”
Meaning changes his features, a quiet smile on his mouth. “You brought a condom?”
I nod, and my teeth sink into my bottom lip as nerves take over me suddenly.
“Okay,” he says, and he doesn’t try to talk me out of it this time, because I think he knows I’m sure now. “We can’t do it in the water though.”
I frown. That’s kind of the romantic bit.
“Unfortunately, water is the opposite of a lubricant. But we can lay a towel down up there.” He looks back towards the sandbank. “Make a comfy little spot.”
I feel stupid for not knowing that, but I don’t let it ruin the moment. I take a second to reimagine the fantasy I’ve been playing over and over in my head for the past few weeks. Yeah, that still makes my heart do all kinds of things. I still want it.
“Okay.”
“You wanna swim a little longer?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I can wait.” My voice cracks with the admission.
He rubs his nose against mine and kisses me deeply, then he takes my hand and walks us out of the water. He gets our towels out of the bag I packed, and we both dry off in weighted silence.
He keeps checking the entrance. “Are you positive this is safe?”
“I’m positive.”
A bird chooses that exact moment to scream in the distance, raising both of our alarms, but no one who could have spooked it appears, so we relax again. He takes his towel and lays it down on the firm sand, then he takes mine and lays it on top of his to pad out our makeshift bed, while I retrieve the condom from the small, zipped pocket inside my bag.
Giving his spot an approving nod, he beckons me over and lays me down, leaning over me as he kisses me softly. He strokes my hair and looks into my eyes. “You’re so special to me, Princess. And so goddamn beautiful.”
My heart feels like it’s being squeezed, but deep down, guilt tampers with this moment. Right then I decide I’m going to toughen up and tell him who I am after this. No more secrets – he deserves to know the truth. And while I might have doubted it in my lower moments, part of me is confident he’ll stick beside me.
He takes the condom packet out of my fingers and slips it between the towels before kissing his way down my body.
“I’m covered in saltwater,” I protest, letting him know I don’t expect him to be subjected to that.
He looks up at me seriously. “You could be covered in that awful smoothie and I’d still want to taste you.”
He kisses my stomach, continuing his trail down my body, and when his mouth seals my core I succumb to the feeling, threading my fingers into his curls. He laps me gently, like he’s making out with my pussy, and all the tension and unwanted thoughts float away. Once I’m wet enough, he slips a finger inside of me, dragging it in and out slowly. I sigh and squirm with pleasure as his tongue flickers on my clit and his fingertips touch me exactly where I need him. I cry out with my release, my hands tugging at his hair, because I’m scared if I let go, he’ll disappear. When the rush subsides, he kisses the inside of my thigh with the most satisfied smile I’ve ever seen.
“I want you so bad, Tom.” I paw for him to come back up to me, and he does.
“Me too, baby.” He plants a long kiss on my lips.
He looks back at the entrance to the cave as if he’s expecting something to appear.
“If you’re worried—” I begin.
“Sorry. This al fresco situation is new to me, that’s all. And I want you to be comfortable.”
“I’m comfortable with you.”
He smiles, and I notice the moment he makes the decision he’s been mulling over. He gets the condom and sits back on his knees to put it on. My breaths become shallow with excitement as I try to take in this moment before it turns into a memory. A really, really special one.
He wets his fingers and rubs them over the condom, then once again to ensure it’s slick enough, and then he leans back over me. “Have you used toys before?”
I shake my head.
“Tampons?”
I raise an eyebrow. “Are we really going to talk about tampons right now?”
“Sorry, sorry. It’s because if you haven’t, I read that breathing out should help you relax.”
He did research. Of course he did – he’s Tom.
I smile. “Okay, I can do that.”
He rubs the tip down my wet folds, making my body quiver with anticipation, then he ever so gently presses in the slightest bit. Oh. Oh. Ow. Breathe out. That’s…not. Ow!
Tom hasn’t moved an inch, and he’s watching me like a hawk. “Talk to me, Gem.”
“It stings. Should it sting?”
“Um, I don’t know. I’ve never been someone’s first before.” He pulls back, wetting the condom some more. “Want to try again?”
I nod quickly. “Yes.”
He comes in close, and I breathe out again, but the sharp stinging makes me hiss in a breath.
“Baby,” he sighs, with worry on his brow. “I think the water won’t have helped.”
“But I’m wet.”
“You might just not be wet enough. I don’t suppose you’ve got some lube in that magic bag of yours?”
I shake my head. Oh no. I’m doing it wrong. We haven’t even done it and I’m doing it wrong. I got into that stupid water not knowing what would happen, and I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined everything. My eyes join in on the stinging party and I blink hard, not letting my stress show. I want him. I want us to do itso badly.
“Gem, I promise you this will happen. But not today. Not like this. I really don’t want to make you wait longer, but I want you to be relaxed, and we can’t do that here.”
“But I really want this. I want you.”
“Me too, but I’m so scared of hurting you. And if I’m totally honest, I can’t relax here either. I’m tense too.”
Sadness and relief hit me all at once. A tear falls down my cheek, and I wipe it away quickly, hoping he didn’t see it, but I know he did. Guilt swallows me again. I didn’t think about him having an issue with this before I brought him here. I didn’t check in properly, because he’s the pro out of the two of us, but I should have done.
“I’m so sorr?—”
“Don’t you dare say that word. You’re allowed to change your mind.”
I kiss him hard. “Maybe we’ll go back and I can suck you off or something?”
He blinks slowly as he processes my offer. “Why would you do that?”
“Because you’re all…” I point to his still hard appendage. “And you’ll get blue balls.”
He giggles and shakes his head. “That’s a very kind offer, Princess, but I’m pretty sure blue balls are a myth invented by the patriarchy. And even if they aren’t, that’d be my problem to deal with. Consider this my contribution to levelling out the orgasm gap.”
We sit up, waiting for one of us to decide what’s happening now, and, unsurprisingly, it’s Tom who comes up with a plan.
“So we could get back in the water, have a swim, or we could go find somewhere to get ice cream.”
This boy has changed so much about me, because the thought of walking down the beach, with one hand in his and the other holding an ice-cream cone, fills me with pure joy.
“Ice cream.”
We get dressed, pack up, and take one last glance around the cave. At what this place almost meant for us. What if the opportunity never comes up again?
“I still fancy you.” Tom interrupts my thoughts. “In case you were overthinking it. I still want you. This doesn’t set us back. It just wasn’t the right time.”
I pull him in for a kiss, his words meaning so much to me, then I take his hand tightly and we head out. “Told you I’d make you cave,” I mumble smugly. You’ve got to take the little wins when you can.
He snickers and then groans. “I don’t know what’s worse – the fact you made a cave pun or that I like a woman who makes puns.”
We laugh, and he tucks me under his arm, both of us carrying on like we didn’t try and fail epically at having sex today. Yeah, nothing could ruin us. I’m certain of it.
Not even my secret.