Chapter 22
“Are you sure I’m not crazy for wanting to go?” Gem blinks against the brush of her mascara.
“No, I think it’s a great idea!”
Charlotte, the girl from the winning couple on “Love Lodge”, made a separate group chat for the ladies. They’re anticipating being pitted against one another during the reunion, so they wanted to have a good-vibes-only dinner of their own beforehand, which Gem’s currently getting ready for. It’s the first time in the two weeks since the news came in that I’ve seen her actually excited about something that isn’t my stand-up gigs. Maybe “excited” is a bit of a stretch. She’s terrified, but she’s interested, and I’ll celebrate that.
Not once has she let us work out a strategy to keep her off the show or find a way for her to come out on top if she really has no choice. That’s what I’m hoping tonight will be good for. I know there’s a contract, but contracts always have loopholes. Don’t they? I wish I understood why she’s lying down and letting it happen when I know she’s got a fight in her.
She gives her all to the kids, even extending her reach to do home visits after her favourite pair of girls were discharged due to their conditions improving significantly, but once that tiara comes off, she disappears into herself, spending the rest of her day and night playing “The Sims”. I saw a TikTok recently about how playing that game is a trauma response, and I wholeheartedly believe it now. But if that’s her escape, I’m gonna keep hyping up her creations and asking her to show me all the little quirks of the world she’s making.
“I know I’ve not exactly sung their praises, but I’m starting to think we were all so caught up in our own things, both during and after filming, that we never really got to know each other, and they’re the only people who actually get it, you know? Not that you?—”
“I know what you mean.”
“And if they’re all brave enough to go out, then I should be too, right?”
“I think you’re brave to even consider it. And if you change your mind at the last second, no one’s gonna hold it against you.”
She goes quiet, and I know she’s disagreeing with me. It was hard enough for her to voice her fears of going to London and ask them to go somewhere more low-key. It took no convincing at all for them to decide to go to Brighton. Partly because they’re probably not as bad as we thought they were, but I think mostly because Gem’s the one they all want to see. Until the reunion announcement, they’d had no contact with her since the show, and by now, they’ve seen the number the editing team did on her. They know who she really is, and I’m hoping they’ll confirm what I’ve been reminding her of all this time: they’ve got her back.
“Did anyone reply about giving you a ride?” Gem’s mom was meant to be driving her, but her car broke down a few days ago and has to stay in the shop over the weekend.
“Yeah. Luckily, there’s a spare seat in the posh people carrier they’ve hired.”
“Great. Remember, I haven’t got a gig tonight, so Jack and I are here to keep you company if you do decide to stay in.”
“Thanks.” She packs her makeup away and then goes to stand in front of her mirror, taking a deep breath as she looks herself over. “I’m going. I’m definitely going.”
“Good job, Princess. Proud of you.”
8 p.m.
Having a good time x
No one hates me :)
9 p.m.
Told them all about you xx
11 p.m.
Wrapping up, will call you when I’m home x
The call comes in a few minutes after her last message.
“That was quick.” My smile drops instantly and panic floods my senses as she appears on my screen. She looks terrified, and she’s crying her eyes out. “Baby, what happened? Where are you?”
“There were paps waiting for us outside. They must have followed Charlotte here. Or someone saw us and posted about it. I don’t know.” Her bottom lip trembles, and she sniffs. From the slight echo, I work out she must be hiding in the bathroom.
“Are the girls still with you?”
She shakes her head. “They all rushed to the car, but I panicked and ran back inside. I was too scared we’d be followed to my house if I got in, but now I’m—” She keeps breathing in sharply again and again, and she can’t seem to stop to release all the air.
“Deep breaths, Gem. I’ve got you, okay? Out… In… Good. And another one.” She does as I say. “That’s great. Keep going. You’re so tough, Gem. We’ll get through this together, I promise.” She finds some tissue and blows her nose.“Is there anyone at the restaurant who can help you? Can they call you a cab?”
“I don’t want to…” She looks up, double-checking she’s alone, and then lowers her voice. “I can’t be sure they’re not the ones who…” She takes a jagged breath.
Shit.
“Okay, we’ll just wait it out. The paps will get bored eventually. They might not even know you went back inside.”
Five minutes later, once she’s steadied her breathing, she bravely decides to dial a cab, and I wait nervously until she calls me back.
“They haven’t got anything for over an hour. I shouldn’t have relied on the girls to give me a lift. I should have been more organised and booked this when Mum’s car—” She’s spiralling again.
“Then we wait till it arrives, okay? Rather we lose some time and get you back safe than?—”
The bathroom door swings open, and Gem tenses as she snaps her head in the direction of whoever’s come in.
“Oh, I didn’t think anyone was in here. I’m so sorry, but we’re closing.”
“Are they still out there?” Gem asks.
“Doesn’t look like it.”
Trepidation is written all over her face as she accepts her fate.
“Wait – how are you getting home?” I ask, trying not to let my fear show. “The cab?—”
“It’s only a ten-minute walk.” She downplays it, and I know it’s only because she doesn’t want to inconvenience the staff.
“It’s late.”
“If they’ve gone, I’ll be fine.” I wish she were the diva the show made her out to be so she’d demand to stay until she could get a ride home.
“Excuse me, is there a staff entrance she can leave through in case they haven’t gone?” I speak up for her.
I don’t see the worker, but my voice must confuse her, as she takes a second to answer. “Sure.”
“People care way less about me than I think they do,” Gem mutters under her breath as she squares her shoulders and follows the girl.
Someone calls out to the person helping her. “Yeah?” she replies. “Coming! It’s just through there. Careful – the door’s quite heavy. Get home safe.”
Gem thanks her and keeps her phone close as she leaves. A door clunks open and slams shut behind her, and she wastes no time in heading down the street. Then I hear someone call out her name, and the next thing I know, Gem’s surrounded by flashing lights and the sound of camera shutters clicking. She snaps her head in different directions, taking in what seems like chaos.
“Talk to me.” My throat is so tight with emotion it hurts.
“They’re everywhere,” she whispers.
“Run, Gem!” I cry, because she’s frozen in place like a rabbit caught in headlights.
I can’t focus on how scared I am for her right now – I have to get her to safety. She pushes through the crowd and hurries away, but the noises don’t get any quieter.
“Hey! It’s Gemma from ‘Love Lodge’!” someone yells so loud I’m sure the whole town hears.
She glances back briefly and then sadness returns to her face. “They’re filming me, Tom. I don’t know what to do.” The fear in her voice is agony.
“Are there any bars around you? Do they have security?”
She doesn’t answer, but she keeps walking, only looking forward now.
“Choose whichever path is well-lit. Especially where there’s likely to be CCTV.” I feel so helpless, but I have to keep it together. “I’m gonna screen-record too, okay?” I want that thought to comfort her, not alert her to the fact this could get worse and she might need the evidence later. I quickly swipe down on my phone and begin recording.
“Fucking slag!” another voice bellows, and then there’s jeering and whistling, and suddenly other people start shouting at her too.
She keeps jogging as best as she can in heels, not retaliating to any of the awful things people are screaming at her. To the people laughing at her. It’s as if her hate comments have grown legs and become sentient.
“Everyone fucking hates you!”
“Kill yourself, you ugly bitch!”
“Dress up all you want – everyone knows you’re scum.”
“I love you, baby. Keep looking for someone to help you.” I should be that person.
“This is for Pete!”
Gem flinches, and glass shatters on the ground nearby. They didn’t. She stops running as she panics and tries to step over it. Then a sob wracks her body.
“Are you hurt?” I ask, but she doesn’t reply.
“Look –it’s the psycho from the telly,” some asshole who’s clearly drunk says as if talking to someone else. His voice is closer than the others.
Gem shields her face. “Please leave me alone,” she begs. Then, all of a sudden, she whips around. “Hey! Get off me!”
He grabbed her.
Everything’s shaking, so I can’t see what’s happening clearly, but I can tell she’s desperately trying to tug herself out of his grip. While he films her.
“Get your hands off her!” I scream, but it makes no difference. “Self-defence, Gem! You can hurt him! Don’t stop fighting. Don’t give up!” I want to burn the world for her. “I’m filming you, asshole! Let her fucking go!”
She yelps in pain, and then there’s a new male voice. Deep and threatening.
“If you ever get bored of sticking your fingers down your throat, I’ve got something else for you to gag on.”
Jack and Mom burst into my room, but I don’t answer their torrent of questions. I can’t take my eyes off the screen. I can’t leave Gem even for a second. There’s a scuffle, and she shrieks as her phone clatters to the ground, and quickly they both stand beside me to see what’s happening for themselves.
There’s a thud, and a few wisps of her hair brush her screen. “Gem!”
She’s on the ground. She’s on the fucking ground!
Terror has completely consumed me. My face is wet, and Mom holds me tight to keep me from crumbling as the struggle continues.
“Tire them out. Pull their hair. Dig your nails in for evidence. Aim for the eyes and the crotch,” Jack instructs her, but a few seconds later, the men curse and run off.
She grabs her phone and pulls it into her chest as though she’s curled up in a ball. “Tom…” My name sounds painful for her to say. Like she’s winded.
The snaps of camera shutters become prominent again, and I’m almost grateful for them. They’re likely the only things that stopped those men from torturing her further. She doesn’t bother to call out for help. She keeps herself small and still as she cries quietly, lying on the concrete while the paps swarm her.
“I’m here, Gem. I’m here. Tell me you’re okay. Please be okay.” My voice cracks.
She mumbles to herself, and I can only make out parts of it over the mob. “This is all my fault. I asked for this. I wanted this.”
“Don’t give up, Gem. Don’t let them win. Take off your heels and run if you can. You’re faster than all of them.”
She either can’t hear me or can’t find the strength to fight anymore, and it feels like my heart’s being ripped out of my chest. I know the only thing I can do now is be with her and wait for this to end.
“Oi! Get back!”
There’s shouting as a woman steps in to defend her. Then another voice, this time a man’s, as he also attempts to defuse the crowd. It takes a minute or so, but the noise dies down. Gem remains where she is though.
“You okay, love?”
Gem lifts her head, and I catch a glimpse of a black-and-silver uniform looming over her.
“Do you have any injuries?”
“I just want to go home.” Her eyes have glossed over, and she’s shaking like a leaf.
“Have you had much to drink tonight?”
You can’t be serious.
Gem simply stares at the woman a little longer, and there must be a moment of recognition, because her tone changes.
“Are you able to stand up? We can get you back.”
I don’t relax yet. The paps may have gone, but I can still hear a rowdy mob of people nearby. I watch Gem follow the officer until they come to a stop by a fluorescent blue, yellow, and white police car.
“Tom,” she whimpers.
“I’m still here, Princess.”
She climbs into the back seat and I’m able to breathe a little easier. She’s safe. But she looks so small and scared.
“You’ll be home soon.”
The other officer gets into the car and the engine starts up, but then there’s a bright light on her face, moving her attention to the window. The way her phone’s angled allows me to make out the sea of phones pointing at her from outside.
And dread drowns us both.
I thought bad things were supposed to come in threes, but Gem’s about to take her fourth hit with no sign of her luck improving anytime soon. After images of her sitting in the back of a police car made headlines over the weekend, along with the videos circulating online that made her look like she was having some kind of episode, HR emailed her to set up a meeting for later today.
We haven’t ended our call since that night, and I’m never going to. I cancelled the gigs I had lined up for this week and quickly acclimated to UK time, because I can’t bear the thought of there being a moment when Gem’s awake and I’m not with her, nor am I in the mood to cheer up anyone besides her. I’m not sure what’s around the corner, so I’m clinging onto her as tight as I can.
She’s currently in her pyjamas, wrapped in blankets, at her computer playing “The Sims”, and if the bags under her pink eyes and the almost continuous stream of tears aren’t enough of a tell of how bad things are, she’s deactivated my favourite mod, so now none of the NPCs start spontaneously sixty-nineing anymore. She’s basically playing so she can exist somewhere else. Hell, even I’m thinking about downloading the game, because if she’s about to be fired, I’ll go from seeing her all day every day for six months at a time to a few weeks at a time every six months, and I need a reality where we never have to be apart. And definitely one where there’s always a chance to spontaneously sixty-nine. I’m prepared to make long-distance work. In my head, there’s no other option. We’re it. She’s the girl I’m gonna marry someday. But, understandably, Gem’s current ability for optimism is non-existent.
She’s in the bathroom freshening up for her meeting when her mom comes in to bring her another green tea. “Hi, Tom,” she says with a soft smile.
“Hey, Mama Harvs.” We both share a look of exhaustion.
“Did you manage to get some sleep last night?”
I shrug and say, “A little,” because I know that’s what she needs to hear. But the real answer is not a wink. Each time I dozed off, I jolted awake in a panic, remembering everything from Friday night. Then I’d recall the moment Gem got ready for bed and examined herself in the mirror, discovering the finger-shaped bruises forming on her arms from where those creeps grabbed her, and the cuts on her face and down her right side from where she fell on the ground. Anger burns like acid inside me at the memory.
“Do you think it would help if I flew over there?”
The second she was safely home with her mom I started checking flights. Jack left on Sunday, but even if he’d stayed longer, he’d have supported me flying out there too. Hell, he was ready to come with me.
“That’s a lovely idea, but I can’t encourage that, for your mum’s sake. I know how precious these few weeks are.”
I nod, accepting her polite refusal and deciding not to mention Mom already approved the idea. She’s in a good place now, and no doubt excited to get her house back after having us boys around for so long. Not to mention she’d do anything for her future daughter-in-law.
“Thank you for being here for her.”
I smile back, but I don’t need to be thanked. Gem needs me. And I need to be hers.